Becoming Who I Am Ch. 02

I'm sitting in the kitchen of my childhood home, still thinking of Jenny, the girl with whom I had first explored my sexuality. With all these memories playing through my head, I had been pretty turned on when I sat down, and sitting here sipping some water I feel my cock, still half swollen, cradled in silk.

I lean back in my chair and slip the fingers of my right hand into my pants, feeling the silky smoothness of my freshly shaved skin. I rest two fingers on the top of my cock and feel a surge of arousal pass through me. I'm feeling sexy and horny.

I can hear my sister Sarah moving around upstairs. I still recognize the creak of every floorboard in this house, so I can tell she is walking between the bathroom and her bedroom. She had gone upstairs as soon as she got home, so I had no idea just what she was up to. My mind returned to memories of Jenny.

After our night of passionate oral sex she and I became lovers. We hung out together for the rest of our senior year, learning a lot about sex together. One particularly sweet memory is of Valentines Day that winter. I'm normally not real big on this day, since I see it largely as a profit-making occasion for florists and Hallmark. But Jenny and I were in love, so we planned to do something special together.

It fell on a Friday that year, and we had set things up so we could actually spend the night together for the first time. Jenny's Mom was out of town on a business trip, so we had her house all to ourselves. I told my parents I was staying at a friend's house, and they didn't ask to know anything more. I was, after all, already 18.

We went out to dinner at a good Italian restaurant where a couple of Jenny's friends worked waiting tables. The food was excellent - we both had ravioli stuffed with crab and topped by an Alfredo sauce, and a green salad with balsamic vinegar. One of her friends was able to slip us each a glass of white wine, so I was sure to leave a nice tip for her. We skipped dessert and were in high spirits as we headed back to Jenny's house.

Jenny had a DVD of Fellini's film La Dolce Vita, so we set ourselves up to watch that in her mom's family room. I had some green bud with me, so we loaded Jenny's bong with ice and smoked out before starting the film.

That's when I pulled out my surprise: a bottle of Chardonnay I had scored from a friend. I poured us each a glass as we settled in on the couch. It was sweet, but not too sweet, and we both got a good buzz on while watching the movie.

Jenny had been studying European film in an English class, so as the movie played she pointed out some of the important elements that critics and scholars have made a big deal of. It's a fairly surreal movie, with a plot that is difficult to follow, if it can even be called a plot. Still it is enjoyable, and it held our interest to the end.

I poured the last of the wine into our glasses as Jenny loaded up the bong for us. We had a nice conversation about the film. My impression was that the main character played by Marcello Mastroianni was a total asshole who showed little or no concern for the people around him, especially the women with whom he interacted. Jenny had a more sympathetic view of him, seeing him as an innocent lover of beauty lost in an uptight world restrained by traditional morals.

"He's symbolic of a lust for life," she said. "He epitomizes the human spirit, longing to be free but held back by stupid social mores." "Maybe so," I responded, "but he could be nicer about it. I mean, he treats women like total objects, in the world only to be made use of by him."

"Did it ever cross your mind that sometimes a girl wants to be treated that way, Chumleigh?" That was one of Jenny's nicknames for me. "I mean," she continued, "he loves women for their inherent beauty, as valuable in themselves for the pleasures their company brings into his world."

"Right," I said. "As objects." "No," she replied. "That's only the patriarchy speaking through you. You're the one who is not allowing the women any autonomy, since you're treating them as if they need your manly protection from the wolves. Sometimes a girl might want to be objectified by a lover. "

At that I leaned over and kissed Jenny. "Did you say wolves," I asked her in a funny German accent. "Don't worry, my pretty. I'll protect you." Jenny laughed, but with a smirk that told me she was not done with the argument. She leaned against me on the couch, and we continued kissing.

We continued our talk as we made out. Jenny started talking about packets of beauty, about her desire to send little bubbles of joy my way, messages of love, wrapped up in lust. It didn't make a whole lot of sense to me, at least not at the time. All the while I was nuzzling her neck, planting small short kisses along it, occasionally taking her earlobe between my teeth and giving it a gentle tug.

Jenny was dressed that night in a very sexy skirt, lightweight material with a nice floral print pattern. She had on white stockings, and a nice silk blouse, open at the neck. The whole time we had been at the restaurant I had been looking at her cleavage, thinking of her breasts, of the way they feel in my hands when she is on top of me and I'm fondling her. I had thought of the way her nipples swell and become hard like pebbles, erect but still soft and fleshy. I thought of the way she softly moans when I roll her nipples between my thumb and forefinger.

Now here on the couch as we kissed I unbuttoned the top two buttons of her blouse, and I traced my fingers along the lacey edge of her bra. I drew my fingertips along the top of her breasts, feeling every bit of her skin that was exposed, trying to raise some desire in her while our lips were locked in a long slow kiss. I sometimes think that we too easily pass over the erotic potential of touch by not letting our fingers linger on our skin. There's a hidden depth involved in touch, a depth that the surface of our skin opens up but leaves unexplored unless prompted to pause.

I dropped my right hand down to Jenny's lap, placing my palm under the hem of her skirt, on the inside of her thigh. Jenny's head rolled back as I did this and I started kissing her neck again. "I want to share everything with you, Chris," she was saying. "We can be epistolary lovers, forever, no matter what happens."

"Mhhmm..." I hummed in agreement as my hand began a slow but steady progress up her thigh, under her skirt. I was really enjoying the feel of her stockings as my fingers danced and snaked their slow way up toward her crotch. I was taking my time, wanting to extend our foreplay, treating her arousal like a ball I was pushing up a hill, sometimes letting it slip back just a little bit, but catching it and returning to the inexorable upward path. I continued nipping at her ears.

Jenny shifted and spread her legs a little wider, allowing my fingers a bit more room to move as they massaged her inner thigh. There was no friction, since her stockings made her leg feel smooth as glass. But then I felt her skin, and I realized then that her stockings were thigh-highs, not pantyhose. Just the thought of this sexy outfit fed my own growing arousal, and my lips found hers again as my fingers began so slowly caress the soft flesh exposed just below her pussy.

I had a feeling that Jenny was getting pretty turned on. But I carefully avoided any direct contact with her pussy. I wanted to tease her into ecstasy tonight, raise her arousal slowly without touching the most sensitive parts of her body, at least not yet. I would let my fingers lightly brush against the fabric of her panties, but I didn't even try to slip inside of them.

Jenny began to rock her hips up and down. My tongue had found its way into her mouth and was playfully dancing around. She began to moan and she tried to push her pussy against my hand, even raising her hips off of the couch and thrusting them upwards, as if she were trying to fuck the air.

But I deliberately avoided directly touching her there. I kept on kissing her, but my hand withdrew from between her legs. I held my fingers firmly against her nylon-clad thigh as I moved them down towards her knee. She groaned a little with frustration. Finally my lips broke away from hers. I looked straight into her eyes and said "time for some water, sweetheart. The cotton has got a hold of my mouth."

Jenny giggled and stretched her arms upwards as I stood up, trying to keep me close to her. "I know what you mean," she said. "I'll see you in the kitchen, darling," I said as I turned and walked slowly away from her. I headed to the sink, got myself some water, and then drew a glass for Jenny, which I offered to her as soon as she came into the brightly lit room.

"Thanks," she said as she reached back to the light switch by the door, clicking it downward and turning off the ceiling light. This left the room lit only by the bulb above the stove. Happy with the softer light, I leaned back against the counter and opened my arms, calling Jenny to me. She took another sip of water and set her glass down as she moved into my embrace. I held her close and we just stood there hugging for a minute or two.

"What was that about upholstery?" I asked. Jenny leaned her head back and looked at me with a puzzled look on her face. "Epistolary, silly!" she said with mock exasperation. "You know, letter writing? You might have read about it in a history book. Jeez, some guys don't know nothing."

As she said this Jenny reached up and took my face in her hands. She kissed me firmly, letting her tongue dance lightly between my lips, and she rolled her hips against mine. I think she could feel my hard-on, which had not diminished one bit since I had gotten up from the couch. The moan I felt humming through her mouth as she pressed against me confirmed my suspicion.

We kissed long and slow, our love for each other flowing through our lips and amplifying itself between us in a moment of passion. I moved my hands down Jenny's back and rested them on her hips, my fingers always moving, caressing her, still pushing that ball up the hill.

My palms moved down to Jenny's ass, and I gently squeezed and fondled her as we kissed. I was still going slowly, just lightly moving my hands around her butt, pulling the fabric of her skirt up just enough that I could feel the fabric of her panties underneath (it felt like silk). But I made no attempt to get my hands inside of them. I just fondled her ass, teasing her in what I hoped was an enticing way.

I could feel Jenny's desire growing, could feel her pressing herself more fully against me. She ran her fingers through my hair as she looked up at me with lust in her eyes. In a husky voice she said, "I want you, Chris. I want you." As she said this she laid her hand on the front of my jeans, stroking the bulge made by my cock. Then she took me by the hand and led me out of the kitchen and upstairs towards her bedroom.

Once we were there, Jenny walked over to her bedside table. Rather than turning on a light she lit a candle. Then she crossed the room to her dresser and lit two more. The flames danced, casting flickering shadows on the walls and ceilings. Jenny came to me then and undid the buckle of my belt. She backed away for a second and turned around. "Will you unzip my skirt, lover?"

We proceeded to undress each other, slowly and with great care. I unzipped her skirt and gently pulled it down over her stocking-clad legs. She stepped out of it as I stood up next to her. Jenny unbuttoned my shirt and pulled it open. After licking her lips she zeroed in on my left nipple, sucking it into her mouth and between her teeth. The pressure she applied was excruciatingly erotic, and my cock, already hard, started to really strain against its confines. She kept this up for a minute or so, but then released me and pushed my shirt off over my shoulders.

Then she reached for the buttons of my jeans. I helped her at this point, since she always found it hard to undo my Levis. Once the front of my pants was open she paused and backed a step away from me. She slowly and seductively undid the rest of the buttons of her blouse, opening it so I could see her breasts enclosed within her sexy bra. She looked straight into my eyes as she undid a clasp in the front of this and then slowly drew the cups of the bra away from her body. Her nipples were swollen, looking eager to be touched, kissed, and bitten.

My hands reached toward her and pushed the straps of her bra off of her shoulders along with her blouse. I walked around her and gently tugged her sleeves over her wrists. Her blouse fell to the floor as she shook her arms free of her bra straps, leaving hers naked from the waist up.

I walked around to face her and dropped to my knees in front of her. I reached my hands up to fondle her breasts. But I was careful not to touch her nipples, only stroking my fingers gently around the perimeter of her breasts.

Jenny opened her mouth slightly and moaned as I did this. She was a vision of beauty at that moment, a woman in the midst of her pleasure. This turned me on incredibly; I felt for a moment like I was in the presence of a goddess. My hands moved lower and grasped the lacey waistband of her panties, slowly beginning to move them off of her hips.

Once again I moved as slowly as I could. I wanted her to feel worshiped, so I savored every luscious second of undressing her. As I pulled her panties lower I exposed her pussy for the first time that evening. I saw that Jenny had shaved her outer labia, and above them was a trimmed but full patch of dark hair. Inspired, I stuck out my tongue and licked her labia, lightly, from bottom to top. I repeated this three times, each pass slower than the last.

Jenny laid her hands on my shoulders, to steady herself. I completed the task of lowering her panties and she deftly stepped out of them, leaving herself naked in front of me except for her stockings, which shone like silver in the candlelight suffusing the room. Her beauty was enhanced by her arousal, standing there in front of me, her full breasts drooping slightly, with her aroused and stiff nipples pointing slightly upwards.

I stood up again, and hooked my thumbs into the waist of my jeans, pulling both them and my underwear down off of my hips. Jenny's hands were right there as my cock sprang out of its confines. She stroked it slowly and lovingly, feeling my hardness, squeezing me ever so slightly as she did. My pants were still around my knees, so I pulled away from her to finish getting out of them.

So there we were, two lovers, naked in a room lit by candles. I walked toward Jenny and pushed her towards bed, which was made up with a soft down quilt on top, into which we practically sank as we fell down next to one another. We kissed some more, neither one of us in a mood to hurry.

I pressed my cock against her and she responded by putting both her hands around it and slowly stroking up and down with a light touch. I felt myself getting even harder, not thinking that was possible. I was holding Jenny's face in my hands as I kissed her, teasing her ears with my fingers.

After a couple of minutes I pushed on her shoulders, getting her to lie flat on the bed. I got up on my knees beside her. "Just lay still," I said. I started kissing my way down her body, taking my time of course. I made a complete circuit her neck, sometimes nipping just a little skin between my teeth, and spending time with both of her ears.

Moving down, I kissed every part of her breasts except the nipples, moving my lips in a clockwise circle around each one. Jenny arched her back while I did this, pushing her breasts up, trying, I thought, to bring her nipples close to my lips. Her soft groans told me she was longing to be touched, manhandled. I was careful not to satisfy her in this regard.

Jenny's right hand found its way between my legs, and she began playing with my balls. It was exotic, the way she fondled me. She varied both the pace and direction of her fingers, sometimes rolling one or both of my balls in her palm, sometimes gently tugging on my nut sack then caressing the inside of my thigh. At one point she laid two fingers firmly against the root of my hard cock, just behind my balls, massaging that spot for half a minute.

That made me thrust my hips forward, my cock being hungry for action. But Jenny must have noticed my teasing but not touching technique, because she was careful to not actually put her fingers on my cock. That was okay with me, since I didn't want to blow my load before my own plans for her had been realized. I wanted to push her to a peak of arousal, and then hear her moan as she tumbles down the other side.

I had kept up my attention to her breasts, and Jenny was beginning to groan as if in frustration over my teasing of her. I raised myself away from her chest, still kneeling. Looking down at her below me, I smiled and said "I love you." She smiled, rolled her head back, and spread her legs apart in front of me with her feet drawn up close to her butt. I took this as a cue and moved myself around so that I was between them, looking down at her pussy spread before me. The candlelight was golden, and the beauty of this woman offering herself to me like this will stay with me always.

I lowered my head down, placing my face right into Jenny's crotch, right up against her pussy. As I had when she was standing up, I lowered my tongue to the bottom of her slit. I placed the tip of it against her labia and slowly licked upward, coating her with my saliva. I repeated this several times, never parting her lips with my tongue, but feeling them relax and open beneath me.

On my sixth or seventh pass, I did feel her open just a bit, and I could taste just a drop of her wetness as it began to flow out of her. I lifted my head for just a moment and smiled at Jenny. Then at last I put my lips full onto her pussy, pushing my tongue inward as it parted her labia. I went from subtle gentle licking to sucking her inner lips between mine in just a few seconds.

Jenny's hips rolled up towards me in response to this, and she spread her legs wider, allowing my tongue to reach further into her. I thrust forward a couple of times, then pulled my tongue out and once again licked upward. But now her own juices were smoothing the way and my tongue ran into her hooded clit, swollen into a sharp point, almost like a miniature cock.

I swirled my tongue around this several times, hearing Jenny moan as I did so. I put my lips full over the top of her slit and twiddled her clit with my tongue. This caused her voice to deepen, and she called out my name a couple of times.

I pulled my face away from her and raised myself up on my knees once more. I put my hands around Jenny's waist and caressed my way towards her chest. When my hands reached her breasts I massaged them firmly, not in the teasing way I had been kissing them. I took both of her nipples between my fingers, pinching them as I also pulled upwards.

I could feel the tip of my cock grazing against Jenny's pussy. She was incredibly wet, and it felt like I could just slide right in. We were almost at that summit, but not quite. I put my lips over her left nipple and sucked it into my mouth, hard. It was quite thick and meaty. I took the nipple between my teeth and without biting it pulled upward, eliciting a new kind of sound from Jenny, a sort of pleasure groan that could have passed for whale song.

She had put her hands on the back of my head, and she was running her fingers through my hair as I moved my mouth to her right nipple. I pulled this up between my teeth just as I had with the left. Jenny started squirming beneath me, which brought her pussy into direct contact with my cock again. Once she felt that she started pulling me down on top of her, clearly ready to have me.