Temporary Temptation

It's 2am and I'm pulling up in this driveway again. I silently ask myself if it was worth it, all the secrecy and shame, just to enjoy a few fleeting moments of happiness. To feel like this, so used and so broken now, it never is. I still want to cry, but he's made his choice. He doesn't choose me. So, I choose B. Tonight.

Slowly walking up the path, I can see his truck is there along with a vehicle I don't recognize. People. Other people. I hesitate, but reach the door on numb legs nonetheless.

I open the door and step over the squeaky threshold. B had warned me about people sleeping in the living room, but I dump my keys noisily on the kitchen table anyway. I'm bitter. Drunk people don't matter to me.

Using my phone as a flashlight, I make my way down the hall. I don't really know why I came here. I need contact. To feel wanted. That's all. And... He's there. B is always there.

Reaching for his bedroom door, that familiar vacuum-seal breeze happens when I push and my hair flies in all directions for a second. "This is the real Chamber of Secrets," I think, and bite my lips together to keep from chuckling. Or crying. I'm not sure.

I feel my way in and turn the bathroom light on, closing the door just enough to let only a sliver shine through. Turning around, I finally see his form on the bed. I take my boots and my jacket off, slide under the blankets and next to him.

Warmth. Familiar smells of fresh soap and motor oil. Smells I often subconsciously relate to sex and passion now. B. I remember he once said that the scent of mint was the trigger that made him think of me and I smile.

His snoring stops when he feels a sudden change in temperature. He opens an eye and rubs his face, smiling before he lets out a yawn.

"Hi," he says, stretching. "Did you miss me?"

I tell the truth. "Yes."

"I knew you did."

"Did you miss me? Hmm?" I pry at him.

"Yeah, I missed you."

"Yeah, right," I say with a smirk crossing my lips, "you just missed mi culo y tetas."

"No, I did miss you. I missed everything." Sighing, he adds, "I guess I didn't realize how much time we had spent together. I was kind of sad these last few months."

Awkward silence. I wasn't sad without him. I was happier than I had been in so long. Until last night, when my heart shattered at the words I read. "Goodbye," they said. "I choose her," they mocked.

Making me blink in surprise, he adds more: "Pensé que nunca volvería a verte." It takes me a moment. "I never thought I'd see you again..."

"I was hoping you wouldn't have to," I want to sob. "I was hoping he was The One and that I wouldn't need you anymore!" I want to scream. But I don't say anything. And my heart aches at his words because I don't think I'll see him ever again.

Why do I always run back to B? It's clear, he appreciates me more than he will ever say. And maybe it's better that way, because I don't have to need his validation. Once it's said and out in the open, that's when things change. "Te quiero. I love you." A poison in my mouth and ears that can never be cured and B is saving me from the pain.

He wraps his arms tightly around me and pulls me as close as he can without hurting me. It still hurts, though deeper than any physical pain can go and I let him. I need this. I just wish I were with someone else.

B breathes me in like he had so many times before and sighs, "Mmm, you smell so good." The other had said that, too. Every time we met. "You always smell good. I missed that. Maybe that most of all."

I close my eyes to keep tears from spilling as he kisses my forehead tenderly. If only for tonight, I will accept this. Right now, I belong to B once again.

"Turn off the light," he growls. "I don't want to see you sad. Ven a mí. I'll help you forget."