Mind of Straight Married Cocksucker

Summary: The 10-part philosophy of a straight cocksucker.

DISCLAIMER: This story is based on a couple years of research and conversations with straight men who are curious or are cocksuckers. Although I am female, I find a man sucking cock hot, I suppose like most men find two women hot. Thus, I thought I would, based on my many conversations with straight men (straight being a subjective term) write this rather interesting analysis inside the MIND OF THE STRAIGHT MARRIED COCKSUCKER.

DEDICATION: This is dedicated to all the straight married cocksuckers out there who have accepted who they are and also dedicated to the curious men who want to cross the line and suck a cock, but can't do so. If reality is impossible, fantasy is a great escape.

Thanks for editing this to Robert, and goamz86.

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I'm married.

Happily married, actually.

I love my wife; she is a beautiful woman.

I love my children.

I get enough sex (relatively speaking) after eighteen years of marriage (relative meaning men can never get enough sex).

My wife still sucks my cock, still gets kinky when drunk and the only constant no-no is anal sex (one time during a drunk lust-fest during our wild courtship didn't go well).

I love eating her pussy, hearing her talk dirty and feeling her squirt all over my lips, tongue and face.

Like I said, I'm happy married.

Yet...

Yet, I can't stop sucking cock.

Sucking cock is an addiction like smoking, watching porn or taking morphine.

I want to quit cold turkey. In fact, I HAVE quit cold turkey many times.

Yet, the craving to be on my knees, a hard cock, regardless of size, in my mouth, is always lingering in my subconscious.

And yet, as soon as the stranger's load is deposited in my mouth and down my throat or splattered all over my face, a rush of guilt washes over me.

I promise myself I will never do it again...yet I always do.

I also, believe it or not, have never once had my cock sucked by another guy, although the offer has been made many times. As bizarre as my logic may sound, getting blown by another guy feels like cheating, I can get a blow job from my wife. On the other hand, I don't feel like sucking cock is cheating because my wife obviously doesn't have a cock (although in many of my stroke fantasies she does, although that's a whole other discussion of my fucked up psyche).

So after that rambling opening, here is my ten step process into the mind of a straight cocksucker:

1. Placing an ad on Craigslist

On the drive, in the plane, waiting for a taxi or after checking into my hotel, I peruse Craigslist for an ad that is appealing, If I find one that intrigues me, I sent a message and start the cat and mouse game that is Craigslist.

But more times than not, I don't find an ad to my liking and I quickly place an ad and then wait with anticipation for it to go live.

Here's the ad I usually post:

Facial or swallow

Eager cocksucker looking to come to you, drop to my knees, suck your juicy cock until you cum in my mouth or on my face.

Preferably in the dark.

I'm 38, white and don't expect or want any reciprocity.

P.S.: you can call me names and treat me like a cock hungry slut if you wish

Even though I am often staying at hotels, I always make them host, discretion always guiding my strange cock obsession. Although, I can't deny I have been tempted to create an ad where I host a cum and go...my newest fantasy sucking two cocks at once or even just having a line of hard cocks to serve one after another.

2. The Highs and Lows of Responses

Once my ad goes live, usually after twenty minutes, I check my email every couple of minutes, the email created strictly for my cocksucking adventures. My handle, cumbucketcocksucker not leaving anything to the imagination.

When I check my email and there are no new responses I feel an overwhelming sense of disappointment. Conversely, when I do get a response I eagerly click on it, as excited as a child on Christmas morning.

I read the response, which can range from:

A. The lame one word response:

Hey.

Hi.

(I mean, if you are serious about getting your cock sucked at least put a little effort in. I'm am eager cocksucker, but I'm selective.)

B. The first timer's response:

I'm new to this but would like to try.

(This used to be me...but 90 percent of these don't end up happening. I have learned that WAY more men are bi-curious than society would like us to believe...unlike the societal promotion of two girls, two guys is still a forbidden taboo).

C. The desperation response:

Still looking?

(I only respond if the ad has been up for a while and I still haven't recieved a serious offer for some stiff meat)

D. The "you got me interested" response:

A picture of their cock

(Oddly, although I don't find men attractive, I find a hard cock to be one of the most beautiful pieces of art...no two are exactly the same in look or taste...and sorry ladies, but a cock is a lot more visually appealing than a vagina).

E. The respond immediately:

Hi cocksucker,

I'm six inches, thick and really am looking to deposit a load in that cocksucking mouth.

(The name calling and promise of being treated like the submissive cum hungry cock slut that I am always instantly gets me rock hard and desperate to make it happen ASAP)

Or

Have a nice load waiting for you. I'm seven inches and ready to explode. I can host right now.

(The word 'load' for whatever reason tantalizes me, making my mouth water. Plus, the fact he can host ASAP is appealing as once I post an ad, my focus, my obsession really, is getting a cock in my mouth).

Or

At hotel. Come on over and suck my cock. Facial or swallow: you choose.

(Hotels are always the safest place for a discreet quick encounter. They always want the same thing and very rarely has a hotel date fallen through)

3. The Journey to the Rendezvous

I get a major rush of adrenaline when I respond to an email, we negotiate a time and place and then I drive over.

The whole time my cock is raging in my pants, my mouth is watering and I have butterflies in my stomach (the strange triple feelings only happens as I drive toward and then walk to my secret rendezvous.

Like a child waiting for Christmas morning, the drive always seems excruciatingly long. Every red light, every slow driver pisses me off as I need that cock in my mouth ASAP.

I always park discreetly. At a personal residence, I park a block away and walk to the house. At a hotel, I park in a discreet spot where I can slyly go in and out without much notice.

When I walk to a house, occasionally in the light of day, and pass a woman walking her dog, an elderly couple holding hands or a couple of teenagers, I wonder if they can see past my average exterior to the reality that I'm going to suck a stranger's cock.

At a hotel, while in the elevator, do the strangers who never really look at me, following elevator etiquette, know that I'm a cocksucker and that if they put their hands on my shoulders and guided me to my knees I would suck their cock?

These strange thoughts only enhance my eagerness to walk into a stranger's house or hotel room and suck cock.

4. Meeting the Owner of the Cock

This is the one part I don't enjoy, but it's usually a necessary evil to get to the juicy cock I am craving.

I always pray that the stranger will have the room or house dark and private.

I don't want to put a face to a cock. I just want to worship that cock.

I don't want polite chit chat. I don't want to know his name (no one uses their real name on Craigslist), I don't want to know that you rarely do this, and I sure as hell don't want a beer first (although having him watch porn while I blow him is a surprisingly hot thing to do).

I simply want to drop to my knees and suck.

I don't need a friend, I need a cock in my mouth.

I don't want to have him see me or me him. When it's not dark, I am briefly self-conscious. What if he has a hidden video camera taping me? What if he recognizes me or me him? What if he takes a picture with my mouth full of dick?

Yet, those fears and insecurities are always overshadowed by the reality that I know I am seconds away from satisfying my insatiable hunger.

5. Meeting the Cock

Every time I drop to my knees it feels like the most natural thing in the world.

The brief moment where I fish out a cock from pants or underwear is equally thrilling as I await my surprise.

Is it long?

Is it short?

Is it thick?

Is he shaved?

Is it circumcised?

Is it already hard?

I LOVE, L-O-V-E all cocks. Small, big, thick, thin. Every cock unwrapped from its fabric exterior is a present I can't wait to see...it's literally the gift that keeps on giving.

When I pull it out, I always take a nice long look at the beautiful creation of God. Although I like a woman's ass, tits and legs, nothing turns me on more than a cock.

I instantly know I am going to worship God's perfect creation.

6. Becoming the Cocksucker

I start slow. Swirling my tongue around the mushroom top and then sucking it like a living lollipop.

I want to hear moans from him or instructions.

When the cock isn't yet hard, I love the feeling of it growing in my mouth. Starting soft and flaccid and then slowly growing to a stiff missile with one purpose: to launch its seed!

Sometimes I slide my tongue down the hard shaft and suck on each of the stranger's balls. If I suck one, I must suck the other, equilibrium important to me.

Occasionally, if ordered to by a more dominant man, I will lick their asshole (not something I enjoy doing, but other than offering my own ass or getting sucked myself, I obey like a good submissive.

Once I have teased him enough, I shift to straight cocksucking. I begin bobbing back and forth, or up and down if he is lying down (I prefer being on my knees as it just feels more natural, more submissive...more like the role of a true cocksucker)

The moment I begin bobbing, taking more and more of his cock with each forward bob, I can't believe how natural it feels.

I couldn't fathom not sucking cock.

I couldn't fathom not being on my knees.

It feels so natural having a cock in my mouth...like it was something I was born to do.

My goal is always to take all the cock in my mouth, not that it always happens. Some are too big; some come too fast.

Sometimes the blow jobs are excessively slobbery, especially if the stranger likes to participate in the act. The first time I was face fucked, I gagged and struggled to handle the cock pounding my mouth, yet I focused on my gag reflex and felt a chill of exhilaration at being used like a fuck toy. These blow jobs have me making crazy slobbering sounds like you hear in the porn movies.

When the stranger gets vocal, I really get turned on. Being called a cocksucker, a faggot, for some inexplicable reason excites me. I'm not a husband or a man in these situations, I'm just a cum deposit for their pleasure. Being ordered to suck on his balls or even lick his asshole (which, as I said, I don't enjoy but will do when in the heat of obedience) only enhances my submissive persona.

Other times the blow jobs are calm and clean, as I do all the work while he relaxes and just enjoys my eager mouth.

Sometimes the blow job lasts less than two minutes; sometimes it lasts half an hour (my longest blow job given was almost an hour for a man in his sixties and he never did come...which was super disappointing); but most blow jobs last approximately five minutes, give or take.

As an experienced cocksucker, I can usually tell when they are about to explode: sometimes they warn me, but usually it's the change in breathing and the stiffening of the legs that are tell-tale signs.

When that moment comes, the moment I know I am going to get the gift I was promised, the reward I have worked so hard to get, my cock always pulses in my pants, wanting attention.

7. Cum Catching

As he is about to come, I wonder if he is going to deposit his sweet seed down my throat, or coat my face with his sticky cum.

After a couple of years of cocksucking, I have learned 9 out of 10 guys shoot their cum in my mouth. So many girls or wives don't swallow, so when the offer is made it is almost always too appealing to resist.

The few who do choose to come on my face usually are more verbal and dominant. Getting a facial is a strange rush. The ultimate moment of cocksucker submission when you allow a stranger to coat your face with cum. I feel like a girl, a slutty girl, a slutty girl from a porno and it really turns me on.

I always keep the cum on my face until I return to my car or can find a bathroom, feeling a sense of giddy excitement at potentially being seen with cum all over my face. I also always take a photo of my face coated with cum when I get to my car or bathroom. (I don't know why, truthfully).

Yet, almost as submissive is allowing a stranger to cum in your mouth. Sometimes the blow job is so slobbery and wet that I don't really taste anything but my saliva when he does come. Those are the most disappointing. I want to taste the uniqueness of each stranger's cum.

Sometimes the cum just slowly pours out if his cockhead slit and I milk his cum from him.

Other times, the cum rockets out of his cock and sprays against the back of my throat.

Other times, it's a mixture of both. A first big squirt, followed by a couple more much smaller squirts.

Some guys cum buckets, filling my mouth with their seed. Other times, the load is small and makes me want more.

Every load, regardless of size, varies in taste. Sometimes the cum is almost tasteless, sometimes the cum tastes salty, sometimes the cum tastes sweet...and I love all tastes...I've become in truth a cum connoisseur...cum being my fine wine.

If I get a facial I take the cock back into my mouth to retrieve the last remnants of his cum. If he comes in my mouth I keep sucking until every last drop is extracted.

8. The Awkward Goodbye

Once his load is deposited down my throat or splattered all over my face, there is this strangeness that hits me. The task done, his cum in or on me, I want to get out of there ASAP.

I get off my knees and then usually say, "Thanks," and walk out. From there I scurry back to my car, not wanting anyone to see if I have cum all over my face, even though a part of me kinda likes the idea of people knowing I'm a cocksucker.

Only on rare occasion is there any talking and although I'm polite, I can't wait to leave. I don't want to bond with the guy attached to the cock.

Occasionally, he offers to return the favour or have me stick around for a second load, but the euphoria has expired and I'm ready for my next cocksucking adventure.

9. Shooting my Own Load

Once In the car, I usually check my phone to see if I have any other responses from my ad. If I do and the responses are intriguing, I contact them and start the process again, the original adrenaline rush instantly back...each new cocksucking adventure like the first time.

Other times, although rare, and only when I'm about to burst myself (usually when I've just served a dominant top), I get myself off by rubbing my cock through by pants and soiling my underwear. That usually takes less than a minute as I'm already super horny and ready to erupt.

But more often than not, I go back to the hotel, flip open my laptop, click on one of my favourite porn clips usually a Phoenix Marie clip (the one of her being a strong-willed feminist who is dommed by a reporter is my favourite, although watching her take two black cocks at once is super hot and a new video 'My First Sex Teacher'; where she plays a teacher with Summer Brielle as they fuck a student is also hot...both of them in full beige pantyhose). I also love Veronica Avluv getting fucked by five guys in ;'Five to One' and an old Ashley Blue scene where she is dominated completely.

I never watch gay porn. I don't want to watch a guy blowing another guy...that does nothing for me.

Yet, watching a hot chick suck cock, eat pussy, get fucked or sodomized is incredibly hot.

As porn plays on my laptop, I use my iPad to pull up the best online porn reading site, Literotica, and search for gay stories. I usually use the tag search engine to find stories about straight men, interracial gay stories, blackmail gay stories, etc...all fantasies of mine.

Yes, it's an oxymoron. I watch lesbian or heterosexual porn while reading gay porn. It does not seem to make sense at first, but in reality it does.

When I read gay stories I get drawn in and imagine myself as the straight man, the white man, or the blackmailed man (on rare occasions all three in one).

Yet, when I watch porn, I just see a guy sucking another guy and that doesn't turn me on. It, ironically, seems gay and although I love sucking cock, I strangely don't see myself as gay: I don't find men attractive, I don't want to kiss a man, I don't date a man. I just want to suck his cock, swallow his load and leave. The rationale is bizarre, and many reading this will say I'm in denial...if you suck cock you're gay...but life is never that black and white.

I pull out my fleshlight, I highly recommend Stoya (the Pirates special edition), lube my cock feverishly with astroglide and slide my cock in the nice tight plastic pussy. I start slowly, fucking the plastic cunt, as I read a story or two, while watching a hot sex scene simultaneously.

If the story is hot, I shoot my load in the fake pussy in a couple or few minutes, trying not to come until I've reached the climax of the story (pun intended).

If after a couple if stories, I'm not drawn into the plot, don't see myself as the main submissive character (good believable gay writing is hard to find) I click onto favourites (my favourite is 'The Power of Cock' by John Hamilton, although I also love 'Dad's Weakness', 'The Gaymaker', 'Gay Like Dad', and 'The Service Station'. And occasionally, I go to shemale stories like 'Shemale School', 'T-Girl University', or 'Tortured by the T-girl Tutor'.

These stories always get me over the edge and I usually shoot my wad before I'm done the first page.

Once spent, I shut off the porn, exit the web browser, pull my cock out of the traveling pussy and awkwardly walk to the washroom to clean up.

10. The Guilt Cycle

This begins the moment my balls have been emptied.

Even as I clean up, I can't believe I have sucked another stranger's cock (or strangers' cocks on that rare occasion I get two in one night...or the one time I got three).

I promise myself I will never do this again.

I think of the look on my wife's face if she ever found out I was a cocksucker.

I think of my children and what they would think if they learned I craved cock.

I think about the risk to my career.

I go to bed angry at myself for again giving in to my weakness...my lust...my sin.

I promise myself again I won't ever do it again.

Sometimes I go a month or two without craving a cock. I think I've broken the addiction.

As I deposit a load in my beautiful wife's mouth or pussy, I know this is where I should be.