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Just a Girl

12

"Mina. Come in here, please."

Although he was in the next room, his tone was soft and low, as if he'd been standing beside her. He'd called her to the living room with the same words numerous times by now, and she was almost always apprehensive. So often, it seemed she'd done something wrong and he'd recite instructions with soft patience while she stood before his easy chair in whatever state of dress she happened to be in. Lately, he'd taken to calling on her late at night, like now, as she was wearing the sleeveless, cotton T shirt she'd taken to sleep in from his dresser drawer, and speaking to her in that calm, gravely voice that was comforting and unnerving all at once.

But tonight, she was quite certain she'd done nothing to need correcting. At least not outside the secret confines of her bed...in the dark of the latest hours of the night...hiding herself away from the world under soft, billowy sheets in what had been his guest room before he gave it over to her.

The blousy shirt scraped softly across her thickening nipples as she downed the last of her water. Braless underneath, the sheer weight of her breasts felt like a rebellion against her too slender body. At times like this, they would betray her at the sound of his call, flushing with heated blood as she thought of standing before him, his eyes carelessly roaming while he spoke of things that mattered to him. As if she mattered.

Sometimes tears would form in her eyes and she would blink them away before presenting herself. Clearly, he already knew what a flawed, unfinished thing she was, but he didn't need to know where the tender spots were. It was bad enough the sound of his call left her with this odd sensation inside of crumpling and blossoming all at once while a sweetly tortuous ache fired deep in the pit of her soul.

"Coming, Mister," she finally called back, setting her empty glass on the counter.

But she didn't go right away. She stood a moment longer in the dark kitchen with pale shafts of moonlight streaming in the window and wavering across her body. The tile floor was cool on her bare feet, a relief from the brushfire gathering just below the surface of her skin.

She lifted the bottom of his shirt and slipped the other hand underneath, letting her fingers graze the soft-rough bumps of her nipples. The pressure of her hand felt good, urging her to rub harder, until she indulged brief, agonizing twists of her stiffening nubs.

"Mina?"

She nearly jumped out of her skin, and almost expected to find him suddenly standing in the room, discovering her in the act of tweezing her own nipples. But no. He was still in the dimly lit living room, relaxing in his favorite chair.

"Coming, Mister."

Her voice sounded thin and birdlike. She reluctantly pulled her hand out from under the shirt and turned to go. As she entered the living room, she was thankful for the dim lighting as the shirt was wide open around her neck and arms, while underneath she was wearing a very plain pair of white, cotton panties.

He was mostly in shadow as he sat calmly, wearing the clinging boxer briefs and T-shirt he usually wore in the late hours before turning in himself.

"Yes, Mister?" she said as she stopped in front of his chair. "Did you want something?"

"Just you, Mina. I'd like very much to look at you a moment or two."

"But Mister, you see me all the time," she replied. She lowered her head. Even in the shadows, there was something different and more intent about his gaze.

"Just seeing you and looking at you are different things. I want to...notice you."

Mina stood looking at the floor. She saw his bare feet against the carpet. His bare shins. Time stretched beyond itself as she felt his eyes touch her, running over the exposed portions of her slim legs. She was painfully aware of the vicious jut of her oversized breasts and the conspicuous dents of her nipples. The lips of her smooth shaven pussy began to thicken and ache as much as her nipples. If it went on this way, she was mortified to think he would catch the scent of her arousal.

Then he told her to take off her shift and she looked back up.

"But, Mister...I'm...I...don't look right..."

He blew a slow breath. "Mina, how long have you been living in my house now?"

"I guess about three months."

He nodded, knit his brow and pinched his bottom lip with his thumb and index finger. She waited, not knowing which direction he was going to turn.

"In that time, have you ever felt unwanted or unwelcome?"

The hand he'd been pinching his lip with lowered onto his upper thigh, conspicuously close to the bulge in his briefs.

"No."

"Do you feel like this is your home now?"

"I dunno."

"Okay. Fair enough. These things take time. I guess you've been through a lot in your twenty years."

"Guess so, Mister."

"Does our situation here strike you as being at all...unique?"

"Very much."

"Me too. But I like that."

"Me too, all told."

She was beginning to fear he'd given up on the idea of getting her to expose herself. The soothing patience of his languid baritone made her nipples feel like they were about to burst into flame. She wanted him to see. Everything. She wanted to be scrutinized in a way she'd never wanted before, but she would never bring herself to say so. She would never peel off that shirt without being told.

She had to be wanted as much as she wanted.

Even now, as he gazed at the suggestion of her unruly shape under the billowy garment, a kind of transformation was brewing in her cells. She was turning into some new kind of creature, yet she still felt small and unfinished under his stare.

His hand moved onto the cotton-wrapped bulge between his thighs, cupping, absent-minded fondling. She wondered if his desire to see her was as great as hers to see him.

"Don't you think there's a reason you came here instead of going to your mother's?" he posed. "Three blocks away and she still doesn't know you're back. What would she think about you moving in with a man you only met once...coming out of her bedroom in the middle of the night?"

Mina flashed back on the night. She'd been sitting on the living room sofa, the television on without sound, when he came down the stairs. She knew there'd been another man up there with them in her mother's room. He seemed calm for someone walking out of a party that was still going on. His face had registered surprise when he spotted her, and they stared at each other a long moment in the light of the TV. He'd walked in and taken a seat on the other end of the sofa without a word.

They'd talked. She could smell her mother all over him.

"Guess she'd just assume a lot of stuff that isn't true. Like always."

"I suppose anyone would. Still kind of wondering that myself."

"Like I wonder why you took me in? I mean, at first I figured you probably wanted to fuck me, but you would've tried before now."

"You're a virgin, Mina. That's...delicate."

Her body went stiff and her face burned with shame. "How...could you know?"

"I wasn't completely sure. Until now."

She couldn't remember when the virginity she'd clung to so hard had begun to feel like a burdensome curse. She'd resisted with all her might becoming the promiscuous cliché her mother was, yet she'd had all manner of objects and toys inside her pussy. The fingers and tongue of that girl out west during her brief time muling heroin across the Mexican border. Anything and everything to fan the rage in her cells but a man's cock.

She waited for the tremors in her soul to subside.

"Mister? Do you think it's true that girls become their mothers?"

Deep, patient breath. "I think the realities of being alive can't be passed off with bumper sticker slogans."

A few shreds of peace filtered through her spirit while the burn in her nipples and clit flared.

"Mister...I only have my panties underneath."

A low, raspy sigh rose out of his throat. "Good. Show me."

She grabbed the bottom of the shirt and lifted it over her head. His eyes were on the throbbing nipples tipping the unruly globes of her breasts. She wanted to please him...to know he admired her the way he admired women like her mother, but it seemed impossible he could ever think she was that kind of beautiful.

Her eyes fell to the floor as she let the bunched up shift fall out of her hand.

"You're a beautiful girl, Mina. More than you realize."

"Thank you." She said it so softly she was pretty sure he hadn't heard her.

"It's a dangerous game to start comparing ourselves with other people," he said. "There's always someone bigger, better, faster, stronger...whatever. But you should know this...you're much more beautiful than your mother ever was on her best day. She just...tries too hard."

He couldn't be serious, but she wanted to believe he was. Now her breath was becoming strained.

"Take off your panties," he urged softly.

She was painfully aware of his gaze rolling over the treacherous geography of her breasts, but the thought of him seeing the shaven pout of her pussy was terrifying in a way that made her lips feel thick and sodden.

"Go ahead. Show me."

As much as she wanted to plead with him not to make her reveal the pussy she couldn't imagine anyone thinking beautiful, she wanted just as much to peel them off and demolish him. She wanted to eradicate whatever dim memories of her mother were left in his mind and blot them out with ripe, vivid images of herself. She wasn't her mother. She never would be.

She was nothing but herself - a tiny thing floating in the shapeless muck of a broken world.

With trembling hands, she took hold of the waistband of her simple panties and started to push them down. Once she got them to her ankles and straightened back up to step out of them, her heart was pounding.

He heaved a long, raspy sigh. "Mina...geezus..."

She felt the smile break across her face despite the jittery feeling in her body. She liked knowing he was pleased...that she herself could be...pleasing. She didn't know if she was beautiful, but she realized it was possible to feel that way even if you weren't, and that it was a feeling she could never describe to another soul.

She ventured a look between his solid thighs as his hand squeezed the full bulge in the crotch of his boxer briefs.

She'd never seen a man touch himself like that right in front of her. The notion he was doing it for her - because of her - made her skin prickle with electricity. Tingling fingers of heat nagging her smooth pussy were quickly growing impossible to ignore. He was looking at her. At her. Was her pussy the object of beauty and desire he claimed? Did he need it? Would he take it? Make her give it to him?

"Turn around," he finally said. "I want to see all of you."

Mina bit her lower lip and slowly turned around, feeling his gleaming eyes on her as she moved. She felt beyond naked - laid bare in her skin and spirit - while he openly rubbed his cock and looked over every inch of her lithe body. By the time she turned full circle to face him again, his cock had grown bigger, and the thick, round knob was poking out the leg of his boxer briefs.

His eyes moved slowly up her body to her face as he calmly pulled the leg of his briefs high on his leg, setting the length of his hard shaft free. He wrapped his hand around the shank and started stroking it up and down.

Mina gazed, fascinated. She was barely able to speak, and couldn't take her eyes off his rigid cock. Watching him move his hand up and down the thick pole had her pulsing with excitement. She wondered how he could seem so cool and calm touching his hardness as she watched him.

She realized she'd spent most of her time feeling like a prisoner inside herself, confined by the fear of her own desire, as if her existence had always been a secret from the emotional commerce of the world.

But now, as nervous as she was - even intimidated - she started to feel vindicated - that the instinct she'd felt about him the one time they'd met a year and a half before had been right - that he was the one she could trust to set her free.

No. Not that. That he was the one she could trust to guide her through the maze as she set herself free.

"Have you ever watched a man jerk off before?" he asked in a soothing tone. He might have been asking whether she preferred orange juice or water with breakfast.

"Yes, Mister. I mean..." she sighed and tried not to think about the sound of her reply. "Yes."

He smiled, continuing to stroke his tall, rigid cock while he brought his other hand to his briefs and pulled them out further to reveal full, smoothly shaved balls.

"How often?"

"Just the once."

He nodded, as if he seemed to understand something. She knew he understood things she didn't fully comprehend, but since she'd taken up residence in his house, he'd said very little beyond what was necessary. Until now.

"Did you do anything other than watch? Taste him? Touch him, at least?"

She shook her head.

"Were you tempted? Too nervous to act on your instincts?"

She shook her head again. "I just...I dunno...I guess it wasn't the time or place."

"Tell me about it. If you'd like."

She'd never imagined just talking could make her slit ache and flush with syrup, but the lilting feel of calm in his voice was making every part of her body burn. There was so much she wanted to tell him, but she was still afraid of her own thoughts and feelings. She was afraid of triggering the wrong kind of change in the way he looked at her.

He sat forward and pulled off his T-shirt, his imposing erection jutting out from his boxer briefs the whole time. Mina kept watching the way it bobbed and swayed. His thick, round dome was wet with ooze, seemingly as wet as her hungering pussy.

"It was just this guy I did some work for out west," she finally said. "He gave me some money. Wanted to just sit and watch me and my friend I had out there. This girl I...my roommate, I guess."

He gave another of those silent, understanding nods. "Come closer. Take off my shorts."

Mina's heart nearly jumped out of her heaving chest. It seemed like it took forever to move, but somehow, she realized her bare feet were taking steps closer to his chair. For a moment, she wasn't sure what to do, but he reached for her hands and placed them on the waistband of his underwear.

She was acutely aware of how close her hands were to his cock. She didn't know if she should think it enormous, but it seemed that way. Compared to Renny's, back out west, it might as well be. She couldn't take her eyes off it as she pulled down on his shorts. He lifted his ass off the chair so she could yank them lower, but it took some effort to get them over the hard pole between his legs.

When he was finally naked, her pussy felt like it was on fire. She stood gazing at his throbbing dick, feeling her puffy nipples tighten into hard knots while her slit ached and flushed.

"Touch me, Mina," he said softly. "Explore me."

She leaned over and laid her hands on his ripely engorged cock. He felt amazingly hard and silky. And so hot. At first, she just ran her fingers all over his shaft and fully laden ballsac. He sighed and she wrapped both her hands around his shaft, stroking him up and down the way he'd been doing just moments ago. Finally, she lowered herself onto the floor between his feet.

He groaned with pleasure and sighed deeply. Even more precum came dripping out of his knob and ran down his shank as she rubbed it. She was aware of him watching her, and as he began stroking the side of her face, it felt as if their bodies were having a conversation.

She spent a long time rubbing and stroking him, making him groan while his flesh grew harder than she imagined a cock could become.

He suddenly reached for her wrists and stilled her hands. Then he stood up from his chair and guided her back to her feet.

His cock pressed into her body as he leaned over and kissed her. She wasn't sure what to do or think at first, but her tongue automatically swirled into his mouth, licking back at his as if it were the most natural thing in the world. Only Lianna had ever kissed her quite this way, but she had the face and lips of a girl. This was different. This was him. This was everything she needed to know.

She was afraid her pussy was going to start gushing like the bathtub faucet. Then he stopped.

"It's time," he said. "Come with me."

He took her by the hand and led her up the stairs. She followed on trembling legs. When he brought her to his room and sat her down on the bed, she felt relieved to be able to sit again.

He sat beside her, his stiff cock jutting upward as he put his arm around her.

"I feel nervous," she told him.

"I know. So do I. Even though neither of us really has reason to. When you think about it, what's the worst that could happen? You won't fall in love with me? I won't fall in love with you? And we end up just giving each other something...else."

"You make it all sound like no big deal." She felt intensely aware of their mutual nakedness. Of the heat emanating from his hard, upstanding cock. Of the throbbing waves of heat fanning out through her body from the core of her seeping pussy.

"Only as much as being alive is no big deal."

Then he guided her backward onto the bed and snugged himself beside her. Leaning over her, he looked at her face with a smile that reached his eyes but not his mouth. He started stroking her hair and cheek with the back of his hand.

"Someone should love you," he told her. "And you should love them back. You should know the catastrophe of wanting someone more than you want to breathe. When you need something...someone...that much...that's when you know beyond a doubt you're alive."

He started kissing her sweetly over her face and lips. Kisses too gentle to match what he'd just said, while at the same time he rubbed his scorching cock against the smoothness of her body. Fire broke across her skin. His large hand ran over her shoulder and across the upper swells of her breasts. He rubbed and pinched at the puffiness of her rigid nipples, and the feeling seemed to shoot straight to the aching slit between her thighs.

"Mister...oh god, Mister," she moaned breathlessly.

Then he was kissing all over her neck and throat, planting his hungry kisses lower and lower until he was kissing her unruly breasts, his lips gradually closing in on the thick puff of one nipple. He trapped the nub in his mouth and sucked, swirling his tongue around it while his hand moved down over her hip and between her legs. He massaged the insides of her smooth thighs, making her whimper and rock her hips as she wished he would put her out of her misery and touch her pussy.

Patiently kneading his fingers into the flesh of her upper thighs, he went back and forth between each of her nipples...kissing, licking, sucking hungrily at each one in turn.

"Mina, why don't you ever call me by my name?" he asked, pulling up for a momentary breath. When she didn't reply, he slipped his hand over her wet slit and went back to the nipple he was sucking with a low growl.

"Oh my god, Mister, god..."

She reached for his cock while his fingers explored her slit. She gripped his shaft tightly, without thinking, and when he started to rub the hard button at the top of her slit the entire frame of her body went tense. His fingers were so much bigger than hers or Lianna's, the girl out west. When he pressed the pad of his thumb against her clit and slipped the tip of one finger just inside her she thought her skin was exploding. He kept massaging her that way while kissing his way lower and lower on her body. God how she loved feel of those kisses on her body. Soon, his mouth was right over her mound, and when he pulled his thumb away from her clit he replaced it with his tongue.

12
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