Minecraft: Real Life Edition Ch. 01

The two huddled together in the roughly build cabin in the woods. Their first day in this new world, it was all they'd had time to build. Just outside they could hear the creepers, a whole pack of them roaming about. A single torch flickered above them on the wall, but it wasn't enough. Sooner or later something was going to spawn on the far side of the cabin. If it was a zombie or a spider then the two of them might, "might" be able to kill it. If it was another creeper... they were both dead. They'd found enough coal to make a whole bundle of torches but, like a woman, she'd dropped all but one of them running for the cabin when the creepers first showed up. He looked down at the stick in his hands. It was just short of completely useless now. She had a wooden axe but it was almost completely used up. One or two hits and it would shatter to pieces. He glanced through his inventory. Not much. If he just had a few blocks of cobblestone he could make a sword on the workbench.

"What are we going to do?" she asked hopelessly beside him.

There was just one chance, one thing he could do.

"I know you don't know this about me... but if I concentrate... I can shoot lightening," he said.

"You- what? How?" she stammered.

"That isn't important right now. What is important is: how many blocks of wool did you get from that sheep that wandered by earlier?" he said.

"Wool blocks? How could that possibly matter?" she asked.

"Please, it's our only chance!" he said, holding her face in his hands looking sternly into her eyes.

"Just three," she said, searching her own inventory.

"Good! Just enough. Give them to me, hurry," he said.

He took the tree blocks from her and then began beating on the wooden floor beneath them. When he'd pulled three blocks of wood up he took it all over to the crafting bench.

"Lets see... Three wool... Three wood... There!" he said and held up a tiny bed when he was done.

He took and trew it to the ground. Immediately a full-sized, red blanketed bed popped into existence.

"Come on, we've got to hurry," he said.

"Hurry? What? We cannot sleep now, there are monsters nearby!" she screamed.

"Baby, I don't aim to sleep," he said.

"What? Here? NOW?" she exclaimed.

"It's the only way. I can only do it then... from my...," he mumbled.

"What?" she asked.

"I can ejaculate lightening!" he said.

"Are you serious?" she asked, skeptically.

Just then a zombie began beating on the door. Wood splintered and hinges creaked under the assault. They didn't have much time.

"Do you want to take the chance or do you want you're brains eaten?" he said.

"Okay," she finally relented and threw herself into the bed with him.

"Oh yeah, you're a dirty girl, aren't you," he said.

"Seriously! There are creepers and zombies and who knows what else out there, and you're worried about foreplay?" she exclaimed.

"What? Foreplay is very important," he said.

The door crunched and cracked and deep moans could be heard just outside.

"...Point well taken," he said.

A FEW MINUTES LATER

"Oh yeah! Oh yeah! Oh baby!" he screamed.

Suddenly the door flew apart, splinters showering them both as the larger chunks clattered to the ground.

"Rrrrrr," the zombie bellowed.

It was followed by two others and there were more outside, just waiting for there chance.

"Oh baby! Oh!" and with that he shoved her off of the bed.

;font-size:10pt"> A great bolt of electricity burst forth from his mighty loins, striking the nearest zombie and burning it to ash. A second later another bolt hit the next zombie, arcing from it to the third, frying both of them in their tracks.

"Quickly, a little help here," he shouted to his companion.

"What do you want me to do?" she asked.

"You know!" he said, pointing at his 'crafting tool'.

Just then a creeper came shuffling in, its four feet tapping across the wooden floor.

"Now!" he screamed.

On her knees, she wrapped one arm around his back and took hold of his divine weapon with the other. She jerked and another bolt, and then another and another crossed the distance between the combatants. It hissed with each strike until blackened and stumbling, it exploded upon the third electrical strike. They were just far enough away to escape loosing all of their HP. Still, they were both savaged by the blast and half of the cabin was destroyed. All around, zombies and skeleton archers were moving in from among the trees.

"Creeper!" she screamed, taking hold again.

She pumped it like a shotgun and fired, this time letting loose a great stream of electricity. The powerful bolt struck the creeper dead center and he could have sworn that he saw its head explode just before the rest of it did. The blast took out a pair of skeletons nearby, too.

"Fully charged," he declared, waving her away now.

He spun this way and that, tossing both bolts and great balls of lightening. Sometimes they would hit and arc from one monster to another and sometimes to another still. From atop the now burning trees descended great black spiders to press the assault. With a mighty war-cry his companion threw her wooden axe at the nearest one. Being an axe made entirely out of wood, it bounced off, having no discernable effect whatsoever.

"It was a very good try," he offered, whirling to give the eight legged freak of taste of his electrical spooge.

The spider crisped up and fell over. The rest instinctively began to move back, their red eyes glaring at him from the shadows as they crept back into the woods.

"I- I think that's all of them...," she exclaimed, breathlessly.

"I think so, too," he agreed.

Just over the horizon a great square sun slowly rose, casting its warm glow across the land.

"Baby," she said, snuggling up to his shoulder as they watched it climb higher and higher into the sky.

"Yeah?" he said.

"Would you like to do me in the butt?"