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Thrice

My husband is a man. That means he's as bright as his dick allows him to be. The fact that I trained him early has a lot to do with it. Not to mention he's got three brothers. I was handed a clean slate that had only learned how to buy pads at the drug store from the girls he dated long enough to see through a period or two. Frustrating at times, for sure, but I wouldn't have had it any other way.

But at the time I introduced the three day bonding ritual we'd celebrate every month I had no idea we'd still be doing it 23 years later.

It all started when Quentin started pushing for kids. He was clearly ready. We'd only been together two years so I was pushing for starting at 32. That would give us some time to get to know each other before we dove into the family deep end.

But Quentin was persistent. Our weekends always included one of our friend's gatherings as long as there were kids present. And I loved every moment of hanging out with somebody else's kids. Those were the best kids ever. The temporary ones.

So Quentin asked if we could leave it all to fate. 32 was a nice number but he thought we could just leave things in God's hands. I had been on the pill as long as I could remember and we stopped using condoms after we moved in together. Give up the pill and roll the dice.

Honestly I wasn't that opposed to the idea. At least that's what I thought. Sometimes reality gets a little too real.

The first couple of months off of the pill Quentin gave me space. He didn't want to crowd me like he was only trying to get me pregnant. In fact he was traveling so circumstances weren't ideal.

But in that third month his travel schedule was about to loosen up. All I could think about was being knocked up and I really wasn't ready for it. I had all but assumed I'd be pregnant before the summer was over but I still wasn't sure if that's what I wanted.

And that's when we started bonding.

Against my will I was incredibly horny for Quentin one morning. Morning sex isn't really my thing so I knew it was bad. Then I realized I was ovulating.

Shit! For the next 3 days I'd be super horny and perfectly ready to get pregnant. Stupid evolution. Quentin's thighs were so warm that morning that I was soaking my panties. So before he woke up I threw my pussy on his face while I rubbed my fingers over his balls.

In true fashion, I came immediately just as he was coming to his senses. I was ready for more as he pulled my hips down to his. But I thought quickly and kept sliding until his brown dick was in my mouth. I was still horny but I wasn't putting that babymaker near my egg.

With some intense strokes he came in my mouth and we collapsed for another hour of sleep. I was snuggled so deep into him that we were one. Cheesy, I know.

The next morning brought the exact same formula. Thigh. Face. Mouth. Swallow.

"Anything you want to tell me?" Quentin asked after we came to our senses.

"Well," I said feeling guilty, but not ready to blow my cover. "I was reading online about how couples were trying things three days in a row to build a bond." I totally made that shit up on the spot but as soon as he heard it was something I read he wasn't about to argue. My man gets his news from the sports channel. If I had some psychobabble that got him morning head, he was not about to question it.

"Theory goes that doing the same repetitive thing builds a couples bond," I added, sounding as textbook as I could. "I just decided that our thing should be..." I started to explain before batting my brown eyes at him.

"Do you think we need to bond more?" he said, confusing me because I thought he'd be completely focused on the AM blowjob he was getting. Instead, my amazing husband was more concerned that I was concerned that we lacked a connection.

And like the selfish young woman I was, I responded, "Let's just try this for a few months and see what we feel."

So for 25 days out of the month we were putting this pregnancy thing in God's hands. The other three days - my mouth.

I thought that next day would be difficult to repeat, but his concern for my feelings and his thighs helped me finish off our threepeat.

And that became our thing. I told him that I would surprise him every month so he didn't need to keep track. And he didn't have time to put the puzzle together because six months later I was pregnant - three years ahead of schedule.

But my bullshit psychobabble actually worked. We only took oral sex to the climax on those three days a month. We knew it. We saved for it. We juice cleansed for it. We lived for it. We scheduled travel and work around it.

Three kids later and I was on the pill. God's hands and my mouth were no longer reputable barriers.

But I couldn't bring myself to tell Quentin that our most beloved ritual was a scam. I was pretty safe knowing that he couldn't have someone else piece together the ritual because it was too personal. He'd have to figure out a lot of lady mechanics and remember something from 20 years ago to figure it out for himself. And it was hard to feel guilty with his come on my tongue three days in a row.

And then Junior and his wife Lisa got chatty.

"No wine for me, Dad," Junior said to his father as we prepared for my homemade carrot cake. "Trying to make you some grandkids." Lisa blushed but pointed to the calendar on her phone.

Our other two sons made quick excuses to clear the table and do the dishes as their girlfriends looked on with questions of their own. Lisa grabbed Junior's hand and they smiled at each other for the next ten minutes. It was innocent enough but we were all thinking "just get a room".

I noticed that Quentin was quiet for the rest of the evening. After the boys and their significant others left I asked him what was bothering him.

"Lisa's calendar," Quentin started. "It reminded me of yours from before the boys were born."

Confession time. I looked at Quentin with my big brown eyes and hoped he could forgive me.

"I hope they bond as close as we did before they have kids," Quentin softly explained as he took a mammoth bite of his carrot cake.

My heart melted. My secret was safe. But we bonded ahead of schedule that evening.

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