Consent Ch. 11

(1) Please, please...erotica is in the minds of writers and readers. One man's erotica is not necessarily another's.

(2) This is for cross dressers, fetishists, and those that might love BDSM, and it is fiction. There are sometimes no boundaries on where one can go in fiction, so, you trolls out there, this is just an exploration of where a couple of twisted minds can end up. Forget logic. Just flow with the story.

(3) I have taken another leap ahead in time in this transformational story, and I thought it would be fun to see if Jackie's changes could remain independent of Johanna's, or if the changes somehow created some sort of bond between them. Perhaps a new reality might form from the fantasy of it all?

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Jackie wondered if she would ever get accustomed to having breasts. Recently she was told by the doctor that she could go without a bra if she wanted to, as everything had healed and was in the proper place, and today she decided to do it, at least for a little while. She marvelled at their jiggle and bounce, at how they pulled on her chest wall when they did so. At first she was mesmerized by it, even aroused by it, but then she felt some discomfort, like they would tear away from her muscles. They were rather large, and the bounce made her want to hold herself differently, pushing her shoulders inward, and it was both unattractive and unhelpful. The experiment's conclusion was that it hurt to go without a bra, and she was disappointed. That disappointment was ironic, since her cross dressing fetish and wanting to wear a bra were what got her to this point in the first place.

The bra-less experiment was over and she slipped a new pink underwire support bra with a cleavage revealing "vee" into place. Her cleavage was pronounced, and the support meant that the weight of them was now transferred to her shoulders, where a deep crease had started to develop. She couldn't win; breasts this large were not comfortable. When she was a man, she had no idea what it was like carrying these things, and in many ways her large breasts were obstructions to everyday activities which were already hindered by the always present high heels and corsets. All of these things appeared to be invented for the sole purpose of making a female weak and vulnerable. To be attractive to others, females had a tendency to become captive to vanity.

Now Jackie was in the same boat. The discomfort of wearing supporting bras had become reality, and it was nothing at all like the fantasy was before. The biggest difference now was that there really was no escape any more. She couldn't just get up in the morning, like when she was a cross dressing man, and decide whether or not to wear a bra today. She had to wear one now. This was her life.

And many things about being a woman became clear to Jackie over the days, weeks and months of being female. Many clothing items were a form of bondage in their own right, hook-and-eye closures in hard-to-reach places, blouses that buttoned up the back, and tight dresses that zipped up the back to the nape of the neck.

But the worst of all, was having to carry a purse. The only reason women's clothes might have a pocket, apparently, was for decoration, not for putting things in. So, a purse was as vital to a woman's existence as the clothing itself was.

It was mid-June now and the days were warm, at least when it wasn't raining. Johanna was in Calgary doing some shopping today, and Jackie had been instructed to clean the windows facing the mountains. With the winter and spring grit removed, the view was now clear and she stared wistfully at the majesty of them, still snow covered in the highest reaches. The creek behind the house was brimming full with both rain and meltwater, and in fact had flooded some low places to give the impression of permanent small lakes and ponds. There was no wind, and the scene contained numerous perfect reflections in the morning light.

She opened the patio door and stepped out into the cool misty air. Her hairless skin reacted instantly and her nipples hardened underneath the French Maid's dress, making the bra feel tighter, but stimulating as well. It wasn't necessary to go to all the effort of concealing her penis under the fluffiness of this dress, and the cool air travelled up underneath the crinoline and cooled her panties and derriere. Her penis shrunk as her nipples grew.

Almost seven months. That's how long Johanna had owned her, and it had been the happiest seven months of her life for the most part. But she hadn't left the house yet, not even once, and she wondered what it would be like to re-enter the real world as a female, having exited it as a male, and whether the world would accept her or not. It made her lonely, just thinking about it. This was one thing she needed to discuss with Johanna, to see if she would allow her to maybe go shopping with her or out to dinner, anything to get out. Maybe she could do the grocery shopping...something.

Since February though, Johanna had been different, softer and gentler at times, but also extremely dominant and impatient with her at others. There had been many incidents when she had been punished for miniscule failings, such as leaving a dirty bra out on a bed, or wearing too much makeup. And the punishments had been severe, not like the beating Gwen had given her months ago, but harsh in other ways, usually comprised of isolation techniques, such as sensory deprivation discipline hoods, or days in bondage in her old cell, fed only by silent keepers, usually "inmates" themselves. At those times she was also forbidden to speak. Why? There didn't seem to be any real reason for these punishments, other than to put her in her place, to keep her off balance and alert.

She felt uneasy, as if she had offended Johanna in some way, and wondered if she intended to sell her to some other mistress or master. Maybe she was bored with her already? She didn't know, and it scared her.

It was ever since she had the breast implant surgery that something had changed in the relationship. There was something strained between them, but it was an odd stress, almost like trying to keep a north and south magnet apart at close range. Fatigue seemed to set in for Johanna whenever they were together, even when Jackie tried to touch her...especially when she tried to touch her, actually. She would enter a room and sit beside her, and within moments Johanna would be up and either gone, or doing something to keep busy in the room. The avoidance was puzzling.

But then occasionally Jackie would catch Johanna staring at her calmly with a slight smile on her face. It was confusing, the pull and the push of it all, forever off-balance. Jackie made up her mind to bring up some grievances at lunch and risk punishment for expressing discontent. She couldn't live like this.

This fantasy life that she had consented to had degenerated into what it actually was: reality. Johanna used her for pleasure, then pushed her away. How could she ever have had that as a fantasy, she wondered? And how had she not understood the reality of it?

Johanna arrived home at about noon with a few new outfits for Jackie to try on. They greeted each other like old friends and a few minutes later Johanna ate the Kraft Dinner that Jackie had prepared. It was strange that after all these years it was still her favorite light lunch. There was ketchup on her lip and Jackie reached over with a napkin to remove it.

"Ma'am, may I express some issues with you?" There were times still when she felt silly being formal in her addresses to Johanna. This was one of them.

Johanna looked at her suspiciously, with a touch of warning, and said, "If you wish, I guess. Are you unhappy with some things?"

"Oh no, I'm happy. Sort of. I just, I don't know, it's not like I had fantasized, that's all."

"What isn't?"

"This. This life."

Johanna raided her eyebrows and stopped eating briefly. She smiled and said, "That's because it's real. Fantasy can't be real, and reality can't be fantasy. It always happens when people have exhausted all their options in fantasy by making them real. What's left, they ask?"

Jackie nodded. "Well, I feel like you're tired of me or something."

"I do get tired of you. That's why I get rid of you for a few days. You're a toy, and sometimes when you play with a toy too much, you put it away, that's all. Then when you bring it out again, it's like it's brand new again."

Jackie's face drooped. "A toy? That's it then?"

Johanna looked astonished and said, "Of course! That's what I got you for. But I love my toys."

She smiled and reached over to gently touch Jackie's cheek.

Shock waves went through Jackie at Johanna's remark. All this, the corseting, the anal plugging, the breast implants, and she was just a toy?

Johanna continued, "Wasn't that what you wanted? To be my slave? To be my toy? You have to think back a bit and remember where you came from. You were lost and starving in your unfulfilled fantasies, and I offered you green pastures on the other side of the fence. You can't go back."

She took a sip of coffee, thinking, and added, "You can leave...but you can't go back. I suggest you think about that and come to terms with it. I saved you. You're a transsexual now, with female hormones and real breasts. Many of your changes are permanent. You know damn well you can't go back."

That proclamation didn't help Jackie's mood. Her eyes filled up and she reached inside her purse for a tissue. With an unsteady voice she said, "But I didn't know. I mean look at me. I haven't been outside for months; I've only been here, serving you and your clients. Is this all there is for me?"

Johanna became sharp toned. "Really Jackie? I showed you all the exits along the way, didn't I?"

"Yes, I thought, you know, I wanted to..."

"You thought? You wanted? I gave you ample opportunity to think about what you were doing, what I was doing to you, and what I was going to do to you. You agreed to everything. Didn't you?"

"Yes ma'am. But...I don't know, I just think...I don't know what I think I guess." Jackie hung her head, less sure of herself now. Johanna was right; it was all her fault; she had consented to everything.

"You applied for this position. I've invested an enormous amount of time and money to fulfil your fantasies, and you want more?"

"Ma'am, with all due respect, I have some needs other than the fantasies. Yes, I need you; yes, I need all this, but now that I have it, I'm just a slave. I could leave you; I know that, but I don't want to leave you...and I don't really know why. You treat me like your personal possession. I used to think that was all I needed, but now I'm not so sure."

"You ARE my personal possession. All there is for you is what I say there is. That's the way it works. You consented to it."

They both stepped back a bit and thought about this Mexican standoff.

Johanna knew what was wrong here. The newness had worn off, and the slavery routine had lost its lustre. As strong a fantasy as it had been for Jackie, the drudgery of reality had stepped in. She gazed softly at her creation and suddenly had an epiphany: she had a responsibility here for Jackie's health and wellbeing. After all, she had been changed and molded by her to be what she now was, a man transformed to a pseudo-woman. Even now, the female hormones were continuing to be administered and the changes were increasing in magnitude, many of them irreversible and more to come.

And she freely admitted to herself that she loved Jackie, but never dared to admit it to Jackie herself. Since that night when Jackie had told her she loved her, she had never responded in kind, pushing her away with sadistic punishments and isolation. The fact was that she had never met a sweeter person, male or female.

The original plan had been to create a trannie slave based on her own fantasies and then use the slave to further her business and to realize her ultimate fantasy of having sex with a she-male any time she felt like it. Jackie had answered the bell in all counts. Johanna had not. Ultimately she had been afraid to take that last step: having real, emotional sex with her. She was afraid of her feelings for her, feelings that could jeopardize the fantasy, and that would threaten everything.

While Johanna was having these thoughts, Jackie had some of her own. She had really stepped in it this time and she knew she was totally dependent upon Johanna for everything that she now was. She couldn't go back to being a man; that was clear. And yet, her femininity was completely in the hands of Johanna. It could be withdrawn, and Jackie would be in limbo. That frightened her terribly.

It seemed clear that Johanna did not love her, and never would. Jackie got exactly what had been offered to her, but she wanted more. What she couldn't tell Johanna was that she simply wanted to be loved by her. That was a contravention of the rules of slavery and ownership that she had consented to. This relationship was going nowhere, and in fact there never was an emotional relationship. That was a fantasy that could never be real.

She wanted out and she was afraid of that.

Jackie couldn't bear the thought of being free; she didn't want to be a man again. That was freedom to her, and it was hell. She didn't want to be a transsexual and alone either. She came to the reluctant conclusion that she wanted to be sold to someone else, some other mistress that might treat her with some love and respect for being so devoted to submission and servitude.

All these thoughts flew around, invisible in the air, as they had their psychological standoff. Their gazes softened with sadness, as this experiment seemed to be at an impasse.

They both tried to speak at the same time, but naturally Johanna won that contest with a sheepish smile as she said, "Okay, I have an idea."

"So do I ma'am."

"You'll hear mine first."

"Yes ma'am."

"Okay, here goes. Tell you what, tonight I'll take you to dinner at La Promenade. It's time you were brought to the public; you're such a perfect flower that should be shared to some extent. It's opening night for the new ballet across the street, so I expect there will be a lot of formal wear in the restaurant. Remember the cute sequined red dress that I got you for one of the cross dressing scenes you played in? You can wear it for real tonight, and I'll be your escort...in black of course, lesbians obvious to all. What do you think?"

Jackie's face was cloaked with unexpected astonishment and her eyes filled up with tears. She leaped into Johanna's arms and hugged her fiercely. "You really mean it? You'll take me out?"

Johanna felt a warmth from her that made her heart leap, at the same time she fought back fear of her own. She pushed her away, smiled, and said, "Yes. For real. Then we can go to my favorite club, the Orchid Room. It's an alternative club which favors gays and lesbians, just a friendly safe place where anything goes."

Jackie's face suddenly got dark. "Wait," she said, "I've never passed as a woman. I want to go out desperately, but...oh my God, I'll be a woman out there!"

"Ha, don't worry, I'll be there for you, at least most of the time. And I have some other ideas that'll tie in to your humiliation fetishes. We'll see if we can have fun while we love each other and I humiliate you at the same time."

"What?"

"You like humiliation. Admit it. You'll be wearing a very special anal device which should bring you to your knees occasionally, very humiliating."

"No, not that. You said "while we love each other", didn't you?" Jackie said hopefully.

Johanna turned away sheepishly and said, "Yes, well, I, uh, let's just see...I mean let's just have fun. That's what I meant." Her face turned beet red. She wasn't accustomed to being short on words.

She loves me, Jackie thought to herself. That hard tough dominatrix loves me!

Johanna recovered and added, "I'll do your makeup tonight. Night time makeup is different than daytime, much more glamorous. And you can wear the fancy leather corset too, the one that will show off your figure better, once I tighten it properly. We'll go for twenty-four inches tonight. And I want you in very high heels too, four to five inches, depending on what goes with your dress. In the mean time you can finish the housework this afternoon and then I'll let you out of your corset to have an enema and a shower before we get dressed to go. Shave really carefully. If you're a good slave tonight, I might make love to you myself once everyone else is done with you."

"Everyone else?"

"The alternative club, remember?"

"Oh, I see. Yes ma'am." There was always something that she had to do as a slave to fulfill Johanna's fantasies. Tonight would be no different.

Despite that, Jackie took a liberty and kissed Johanna passionately on the lips, pushing harder when she tried to turn away, until her lips opened and her eyes closed in a long rotating sloppy, and knee-shaking affair comprised of lust, longing and a hint of needing.

They parted awkwardly and stared at each other for a few moments. This was something new, something neither of them had experienced before, and it became the benchmark for everything else in their lives from that point forward. But they didn't tell each other. For now, the excitement of the potential and mystery of love was enough.

Jackie was going out. Jackie was coming out. The housework that needed to be done, the vacuuming, dusting and ironing, was taken care of efficiently and quickly, with almost a dance in her step despite the five inch heels that had been locked onto her feet, as always on cleaning day.

At 3:00, after Johanna unlocked her corset and shoes, Jackie went to her room to do the intimate parts of her preparation for going out on the town. She removed the stainless steel anal plug which was now a permanent feature of her slavery, as it always kept her male vagina stretched and ready for whatever Johanna had in mind. After a full enema, she showered, taking care to shave her legs and underarms. She used to shave her chest and arms as well, but that hair had stopped growing due to the advanced stage of hormone therapy and some cleanup electrolysis. Standing under the beating shower, she let it come down hard on her breasts and marvelled at how it felt on her skin, how the nipples swelled when she touched and pinched them. Peeking downward through the cleavage of her breasts, her penis, smaller now, stood aroused and erect.

Exiting the shower, she dried herself, lubricated the anal plug, and re-inserted it. She smiled as she remembered the first time she had been told to insert the plug, how it hurt and took forever. Now it slipped in with ease and found its resting place against her prostate where the perpetual erotic massage always began, creating the sexual tension that didn't allow her to think of anything but sex, ever.

As she was drying her shoulder length hair, Johanna entered the bathroom wearing a bath robe and carrying a small plastic bag and a beautiful pink leather corset. She was smiling and her face was red. She hoped Jackie didn't notice her sexual flush as she took the new anal plug out of the bag.

"I see you have the stainless steel one in. Take it out and put this one in. It's called a Secret Genius."

The device was about seven inches long, two inches wide, and made of what appeared to be silicone. There was a flexible sleeve that went over top of an egg shaped interior, and the sleeve had a flared base which would prevent it from being pulled into the body once the sphincter had closed over the narrow part of the base.

As Jackie applied some lubricant to it, she asked, "What makes this so special?"

She didn't really answer. "See how it feels. Put it in."