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  • Carry That Weight: Beast Of Burden

Carry That Weight: Beast Of Burden

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Author's Note: Okay this is a long one but it's a tribute piece to Harddaysknight's "Carry That Weight." My sincere thanks to HDK for giving me his permission to offer my continuation to his story.

Warning: This is a tribute piece so if you don't like HDK stories, you'll probably hate this one! As a tribute story I try to stay consistent with the author's style and perceived storyline. In other words, if the original story ended leaning towards reconciliation, then you can expect a reconciliation story. So be warned, if attempted reconciliation stories ain't your thing... skip this one!

Also as a tribute piece I try to keep the characters as close as possible to the original, even those aspects I don't like. I try to add as little additional backstory as possible, especially not little story altering bombs such as past affairs, past abuses, alien abductions etc. Unfortunately I felt several things needed to happen in order to make this ending believable, so I had to add more than I'd originally intended. Because of that, this story turned out to be about five times longer than the original (yeah, very unlike HDK!).

I did break it into chapters, for those who don't have the time to read it all in one sitting. Chapter 1 (about 12k words), Chapter 2 (9.5k), Chapter 3 (8k), Chapter 4 (1k).

Also, need to thank blackrandl1958 for her editing. Yeah there's some grammar errors in this story, they're my fault so don't blame the lady. Apparently, I'm an ass and don't like to change my ways. LOL! (my words not hers) A special shout out to findingmyvoice, Mostera1 and outofshadows for their story input. Between this quartet they made this story much, much better!

BTW I know it's a 'duh' statement but... you need to read HDK's story first!

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I saw the determination on Ashley's face. How long could she hold out? How long could I? I had loved her without reservation. Had she killed it, or could she save that love? I sincerely hoped she could, but the burden was on her now, and sadly, I had my doubts. At least I wouldn't be spending life in prison, or swallowing the barrel of a 12 gauge, as I extracted my pound of flesh.

I had learned long ago that hurting or disappointing those I love was more painful in the long run than an old fashion ass whipping. Jeff and Ashley would both find that out, or so I hoped.

Carry That Weight--Harddaysknight

Chapter 1 - Intervention

I guess Shakespeare got it right. "The gods look down, and at this unnatural scene they laugh."

After almost a year, I could still hear their laughter.

That's how long it'd been since the infamous Memorial Day Connor family reunion. It'd been ten long months of dealing with the aftermath of being hailed as a hero, having my seventeen year marriage gutted, and trying to adjust to day-to-day living with the aftermath.

Now, I was driving up to the Connor estate again. This time, it was for a small weekend gathering that had been organized by Agnes Winters, my wife's cousin. I'd initially declined the invitation until Agnes told me "the shit's about to hit the fan, Tom, so we all need a face-to-face." I was irritated at her frankness but I knew she was right... things couldn't go on the way they had for very much longer.

When I caught my wife in bed with my best friend I'd decided to let them bear the weight of their guilt and the burden of trying to save our relationships. It was obvious they were failing. Most noticeably, my wife was starting to give up.

No, they weren't continuing their short affair, at least not to my knowledge. Initially, they avoided each other, but as the birth of Thomas Jeffrey, TJ, neared, I knew Jeff contacted Ashley. They talked a few months afterwards, as well, until something happened. For the last several months, it seemed like Ashley was avoiding Jeff all together. Their relationship was now ice cold, and Ashley's and my marriage was on its deathbed.

Where Jeff and I had once been inseparable, now, he could barely stand to be around me for more than a couple hours. I guess the guilt was overwhelming.

The changes in our relationships hadn't gone unnoticed. My teenage children, Arlene and Jeffrey, my mother-in-law, Andrea, along with Amber and Amy, could all see things were falling apart and they'd been asking questions. I'd deflected most of them so that I don't think anyone suspected what was actually wrong. Well, anyone except for Amber.

It didn't take her long to suspect whatever was wrong involved Jeff and Ashley. It was evident very early that she was also too afraid to verify her suspicions. After the birth of TJ, she became deeply depressed, and now their marriage was as strained as mine.

My own marriage was still on life support. Ashley had been trying to make up for sleeping with my best friend. She'd been fighting a losing battle since that was impossible. Even though she tried to maintain her, "hey look I'm a martyr" façade, I could sense she was starting to give out.

It'd been a few months after that infamous Memorial Day before Ashley tried to re-establish any physical relationship with me. Not surprisingly, I didn't have any problems getting it up with her. Even in her forties, she's still a beautiful and sexy woman. No, the physical part of our married life wasn't the issue; the problem was it was just sex.

I remembered Ashley's reaction the first time she tried her marathon make-up sex ploy. Ploy? Yes, I realized she was trying to bridge the ever widening emotional gap that was forming between us. She'd gone all out to try and assure me I was still everything she'd ever desired in bed. She'd given me her medical clearance earlier and had arranged for the kids to stay with friends. Her disappointment was noticeable when I still pulled out a box of condoms.

That night she tried to kill me with sex by pushing my middle-aged body past its limit. She gave me access to every one of her orifices, something she rarely did since she hated anal. I guess I'm an asshole since I willingly took it.

It was afterwards, when we were both lying there in the afterglow, exhausted, sweat still pouring off us and gasping for air when reality set in. She whispered her undying love for me and I froze. I looked into her eyes then silently rolled over. I heard her muffled sobs as I fell asleep.

Even though we'd resumed having sex again, I was using her. I tried not to abuse her. I made sure she physically enjoyed our couplings, but emotionally I'd put up a wall. I was making sure I didn't invest too much into our marriage. I'd been badly hurt once, and it wasn't going to happen again.

I knew by emotionally shutting down I was protecting myself, but killed any chance my marriage had of recovering. What's worse, I guess, is I'm also slowly killing the man I once was; but the alternatives seem worse... much worse.

As we approached the old renovated inn, I felt like we were returning to the scene of a crime.

I noticed I wasn't the only one. Ashley had barely said a dozen words the past twenty minutes. Even Andrea and Arlene were eerily silent as they traveled with us. I was thankful Jeffery had stayed home this weekend because of a school sporting event. He was spending the weekend with a friend and teammate. I had the feeling he'd be the luckiest one of us.

When we arrived we were met by Amy, but Jeff and Amber were nowhere to be seen. Amy told us they'd left her baby brother back home with her grandmother, but she and her parents had arrived yesterday, as did Bill and Agnes. She gave everyone a huge welcome hug, but her smile implied something was bothering her. When she hugged me, I noticed she clung especially tight.

"Sweetheart, what's wrong?" I asked softly.

Her eyes filled with tears.

"Mom and Dad are fighting again. This time, it's really, really bad."

I gave her another hug.

I looked over at Ashley and saw her struggling to watch Amy's obvious pain. She averted her eyes and wouldn't look at me. I knew the guilt was still eating at her, even though she tried to hide it.

Amy showed us to our rooms, and I noticed they were in the opposite end of the inn from last year. It was a nice touch by Agnes to remove as many reminders from our last visit as possible. Agnes and Bill stopped by the room to welcome us as we were unpacking.

Agnus and Bill were interesting. They tended to frequently represent the Connor family at social events, and even officially worked with the Connor Foundation, the family philanthropic entity.

Agnes was a few years older than me and was very attractive, not in Ashley or Amber's league, but still very attractive. Bill was several years older than all the rest of us, and resembled an older brother who hovered around the group. He was an accomplished attorney and his soft spoken, laid-back demeanor seemed to balance his wife's blunt aggressive one. Overall, they seemed like a perfect match.

Agnes said lunch would consist of us making our own sandwiches in the kitchen. We'd then be meeting in the inn's huge game room after lunch. Apparently, Amber was going to join Andrea, Arlene, and Amy for a short hike around the surrounding estate grounds. That would give us time to begin our talks without interruptions.

As we unpacked, Ashley stopped several times. I knew she wanted to say something but she was struggling to find the words. It was a sad dance we'd done for the last ten months. I wouldn't let her try to explain or justify what she'd done and she didn't know how to deal with that.

Why was I being such a hard ass by living in denial? Simple really, it was survival. I knew if she tried to discuss what happened then I'd be forced to respond. I didn't see our marriage surviving that. Besides, there wasn't anything she could say that would take away the pain or heal the marriage. Her explanation would've only brought our marriage to its end and that was something I still wasn't ready to face.

However, I wasn't blind; I realized the writing was on the wall. Ashley has becoming more and more depressed and wasn't able to hide her frustration and sadness.

"Tom?" she said softly.

I stopped and turned towards her. She was still beautiful even though she looked exhausted. Ashley, along with most Connor women, was genetically blessed with the deadly combination of a beautiful face and body. No doubt, there were women who were prettier, or had better legs, or more breath-taking breasts, or even traffic-stopping asses, but it was the combination of all parts which set the Connor women apart. It was the sum of the parts, as it's said, that propelled Connor women into an elite class. Add to this the Connor money and influence, and it was understandable why many people tended to be jealous of them.

Even at forty-three, Ashley certainly encompassed the Connor female mold. Her designer top did nothing but enhance her barely c-cup breasts as they sat proudly on her lithe muscular frame. Her jeans were like a second skin that gently caressed her well defined legs and covered her cute little ass. Her luscious thick hair capped her statuesque body with its shoulder-length, golden curls framing her usually beautiful face.

Now, something was missing. Her once normally radiant smile had been gone for quite a while, and her bright blue eyes looked dimmer. The laugh lines around her eyes were now more evident, and the worry lines on her forehead were seemingly deeper. She also looked like she was wrestling with what her next step should be. That was something new in our marriage. Before this year from hell, Ashley had always been so sure of herself and what direction her life was headed. Now, she seemed confused and frustrated.

She'd always prided herself on being in control of her situation, as much as it allowed. One of her strengths was that she could analyze a problem logically and unemotionally, and come up with a plan to bring the situation to its best possible conclusion. Unfortunately, she'd met her match with the current state of our marriage.

I stood there conflicted by my own feelings, or lack of them. I can't say I felt pity for her since it had been her and Jeff's actions that had ruined our lives. I knew I still loved her, but it was different now. I'd tried so hard to bury my feelings over the past year that I was now having problems feeling anything. Love, joy, anger and despair, I kept them all locked deep inside.

"I wanted to ..." she mumbled. "I just wanted to tell you ... I'm sorry for this weekend. I wanted you to know... before we all meet ..."

I knew there was more to what she was saying, but after the long drive I didn't pursue it. I was certain it would all come out soon anyway.

"I know Ashley," I replied

"I still love you," she whispered.

I silently stared at her. Other than when we were in public and putting on a show in front of others, I hadn't uttered those words to her since that weekend.

"Let's just get this meeting over with," I sighed.

My wife quietly nodded.

After a particularly quiet lunch, we found ourselves in the massive game room. There were animal heads mounted on the walls and multiple paintings, mostly of outdoors activities, all around the huge room. There was a large stone firepit in the center of the room. Someone had started a fire in it.

There were multiple chairs and couches surrounding the firepit. I took a seat in a well-worn recliner, while Ashley sat next to Agnes and Bill on one of the couches. Jeff hovered several feet away from everyone and attended the fire from the other side of the pit.

I hadn't seen him in several weeks, and was surprised at his appearance. His eyes were sunken indicating he was getting little or no sleep. They were bright red as if he'd been crying. I could tell by his body language he was upset. He looked at me briefly before turning his attention back to the fire.

"Now that we're finally all here," Agnes stated breaking the tension. "We've got some things to talk about. Sorry for the short notice, but some things are about to change and we need to talk about them.

"Simply put, the shit that happened here last Memorial Day is starting to come out. Too many people are asking the hard questions. Also, we're no longer the only ones who know about Ashley and Jeff's night together."

"What?" I said unable to hide my surprise.

"She told Amber yesterday," Jeff snorted and glared at Agnes.

"Oh, god no!" Ashley gasped.

"Needless to say," Jeff said, "Amber isn't taking it well."

I saw Agnes look at Jeff with both pity and disgust.

"It wasn't me who started this," she snapped at him. "And I didn't go to Amber, she came to me. She's been coming to me more and more these last few months, asking questions.

"Ashley, I stood by you when you first confronted Tom in the hospital. I did that because I love you. But I also love Amber, and even though I haven't been totally candid, I haven't lied to her.

"Two weeks ago, she asked me point blank if there was something between you and Jeff. I knew I'd need to tell her the truth or destroy our relationship. Losing my relationship with Amber isn't something I'm willing to do because somebody couldn't keep their dick in their pants or keep their legs crossed.

Agnes glared at both Ashley and Jeff, daring them to challenge her.

"I put Amber off until yesterday," she continued. "When I told her what happened that weekend. I didn't go into detail, I'll leave it for you and Jeff, but she knows most of what happened."

I thought about Amber and how this news would affect her. She had an eight month-old baby at home, was fighting her post-partem depression and now had to deal with the betrayal of her husband and cousin.

Dammit, she doesn't deserve this.

"Despite the obvious," I asked, trying to control my frustration, "is she doing okay?"

"No, I'm not," a shaky voice responded from behind me.

Amber entered the main room with Andrea only a step behind her. Amber had her shoulder-length raven hair pulled back into a ponytail and wore jeans and a t-shirt, but she was still Connor beautiful, even with her tear-stained face and red puffy eyes. Still, she looked shaky and carried herself like she was about to pass out from exhaustion.

Andrea, on the other hand, was a beauty in her own right, even in her sixties. She wore a very familiar stoic, poker-face, similar to the one my wife, her daughter, usually wore.

I looked over at Ashley and saw her defenses begin to crumble. She looked like a convict preparing to receive a death sentence. Fear was written in her eyes as she realized both her mother and cousin now knew the truth.

Amber walked straight over to her.

"Amber," my wife began calmly, trying to control her emotions. "I'm so very sor..."

Amber's slap echoed in the huge room.

"You fucking bitch!" Amber hissed. "I idolized you! I looked up to you! How could you do that to me? Dammit, I'm your cousin and your friend!

Amber glanced over at me and I saw her get even angrier.

"And how could you do that to Tom? My god, he loves you! How could you cheat on him with his best friend?"

As Ashley stood silently holding her face, Amber wiped her eyes and turned her attention towards me.

"Why didn't you tell me?" she whimpered.

Seeing her in pain, I felt an overwhelming desire to hold her. I was dangerously close to letting those emotions I'd buried for so long, begin to escape.

"I couldn't," I whispered, my voice betraying me. "I tried to spare you. I couldn't bear to be the one who brought you that pain."

She rushed into my arms and I held her as she wept. Several minutes later she regained her composure, turned, and glared at Ashley.

"I want to know what happened," she demanded. "I've heard some of it from Agnes and even a few pieces from my cheating husband. Now I want to hear it from you. I want my cousin and supposed friend to tell me what actually happened."

I watched any composure Ashley still had deflate right in front of us. She staggered to a chair and sat down, never taking her eyes off the floor.

"It wasn't supposed to go that far," Ashley said softly. "It started out just us flirting and teasing and then..."

"And then what?" Amber sneered.

"We'd been emailing each other, making preparations for the Memorial Day weekend," Ashley said mechanically. It was evident she was now reciting something she'd prepared earlier. "There was so much to do, and we were organizing the things needed to get done before everyone arrived.

"We've always flirted with each other. I know you and I have teased each other's husbands for years."

"But I never ..." Amber hissed.

"No!" Ashley said with a pained look on her face. "Of course not, and neither had I until that weekend. Oh, I'd fantasized about it before but until then it'd always been just an occasional fantasy. I'd never considered it might actually happen.

"I'm not sure who brought up the idea of hooking up together then. Whoever it was I'm sure it was only as a flirt. Unfortunately, I remember stating we'd never get away with it and Jeff reminded me you'd be arriving later the next day. I'm ashamed to confess it was then an innocent fun little fantasy started to become a very real possibility.

"I remember telling Jeff that even though you wouldn't be there, Tom would be. I told him I couldn't see Tom just sitting there and watching. I joked I was just as positive that Tom wouldn't be open to a threesome. When Jeff reminded me how Tom got very sleepy when he drank too much, I knew we were crossing a line and getting very close to planning an affair.

"Over the next few weeks, we didn't talk about it again other than some little teasing jabs at each other. It wasn't some big, elaborate plan. We'd talk about how it could actually happen, but never agreed to go through with it!"

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