Changes of Pace Ch. 02

Arthur left the dorm after walking in on me and Ryan. I cant blame him. It must have been a shock for the guy. I don't remember exactly what happened after he left. I remember getting dressed again and leaving the room. I left Ryan in the bathroom and expected he probably finished showering. He must have left as well, because he was gone when I got back to the room four hours later.

Arthur wasn't in the room as well. I went to the bathroom and took a proper shower. I got dressed and fell on my bed. My thoughts were running wild with me. I kept getting flashes Ryan naked in front of me. What happened? Why was I feeling like this? Ive never had these types of feelings before for a guy. I didn't even have any gay friends. Was it the fact that Melissa broke my heart? Was I reaching to something I didn't really understand? I laid for three hours on the bed and just looked at the ceiling. I could hear the wind blowing outside. It must have been past midnight I thought.

I woke up the next morning early, having weird dreams about what happened. I looked over and saw Arthur's bed still the way it was yesterday. Some books lying on it and Arthur is nowhere to be seen. It didn't look like he came home yesterday. I got up and started getting dressed. I did my morning routine and left. I went to the gym and did two hours of hard training. I went to the showers, got undressed and walked to the first open shower. Something caught my eye and I looked to my right. I saw Ryan coming in. He saw me, we made eye contact, and I could see him contemplating whether he should stay or go. He turned around and left.

One of my friends I know from the gym walked to the shower next to me and we started talking about sport and stuff. I kept glancing over expecting to see Ryan coming back. He never did.

I went back to the dorm room. Arthur was there. I immediately went ice cold as if someone just threw a ice water over me.

"Hi." I said while trying to avoid his eyes. I walked towards my bed and put my gym bag down.

"Listen.. Thomas.. I didn't mean to walk in yesterday." He was lying on his bed with another book in his hand. He put the book down and looked at me.

"Erm.. Yeah. Sorry. I don't know what or why it really happened. I guess I don't really know myself at the moment." I said while looking back at him.

I guess he figured I didn't want to talk about it, because he took his book and went back to reading. I fell on my bed and pulled out my phone. I was thinking of messaging my mother. Hoping to go home and visit them for the weekend.

I really just wanted to get out. Maybe staying at home for a few days would do me some good.

I must have fallen asleep. I woke up when I heard the bathroom door open. Arthur came out with just a towel on. I pretended to be still asleep, but for some reason I opened my eyes a little and saw Arthur dropping the towel to the floor. I could see he was getting more gym time then book time lately as his muscles were more noticeable. I moved my eyes down and looked at his dick. It was hanging low with a dark patch of hair on top. He was smooth everywhere except for his pubes. I realized what I was doing and quickly closed my eyes. Maybe a bit too hard.

I could hear him getting dressed and felt a shame build up in me for looking at one of my best mates for almost three years now. I heard him get on top of his bed and I expected he would start reading again. I opened my eyes a little and saw he was lying on his bed in his underwear. This was a first for him, as he always had full clothing on. I opened my eyes fully and pretended I just woke up.

"Had a good sleep?" He asked as he saw me getting up.

"Yeah. Was OK. I guess the workout at the gym was more taxing than I thought." I said while rubbing my eyes.

I looked out the window and could see the usual grey clouds that covered the sky. I got up from the bed and was about to go to the toilet, but stopped as there was a knock on the door. Arthur quickly closed one sheet over his body. I opened the door and could feel all the warmth of the room eave my body when I looked into the piercing green eyes of Ryan.

I must have looked shocked or something, as he carefully asked. "Hi... Is this a good time?"

"Er.. yeah...sorry... just woke up" I said while trying to sound vaguely still tired.

"Would it be OK if we can go for a walk?" He asked while quickly staring and seeing Arthur in the room.

"Sure. Give me ten minutes and I will meet you outside by the main door." He left and I quickly turned around to grab a jacket. I went to the bathroom and quickly peed. Arthur was watching me as I got back.

"Ill be back later." I said while actively trying to avoid his eyes.

"Sure" Was all he said.

I opened the door and walked the chill hall way to the stairs. Ryan was waiting for me when I got outside. He was wearing a black shirt and some white sweat pants. He was again not wearing any jacket and didn't look at all like he was cold.

"Hi, Sorry I took so long. I had to pee and put on shoes a swell." I said and found his piercing green eyes fixed on me.

It was like he could see into my soul with them. Yet they weren't cold or angry green eyes. It made me get butterflies in my stomach when I looked at him.

"Oh, don't worry about it." He said and started walking towards the benches out under the trees in the gardens.

Most of the trees here were ancient. Huge willow trees and they made the place seem extra eerie at night. In the summer there is nothing better than lying underneath them in the shade.

We reached the biggest of the trees and I could feel the cold wind blowing through, making the leaves move around. I again looked at him and wondered how he was not freezing.

"I really needed to talk to you." He said, but this time avoiding my eyes all together.

I was starting to get that weird feeling inside of me again. I wanted to touch him and feel his skin, but at the same time I didn't. I was being torn between who I was and who I am turning into.

"Well... things yesterday were all new to me and Arthur walking in didn't help the situation." I said while moving my eyes towards the ground and watching the leaves move across the grass. I looked at him and realized he looked hurt.

"Please don't get me wrong!" I quickly exclaimed.

"Its not you... I just... I just haven't done anything with a guy before.. And I have never had these feeling in my life. I don't know why it happened." I said while looking in his eyes. There was some sort of magic to the way he looked at me.

"These... feelings?" He slowly asked.

"Er yeah... I mean being attracted to a guy.." and again I moved my eyes away from him.

I was feeling torn. I looked up when I felt his hand touch my arm. He was warm.

"I didn't mean for anything to happen yesterday. I might have hit my head harder than I thought." He said and smiled.

I pulled my arm away from him gently and got up.

"Listen... You are a awesome guy... and I ... I.." I sat down again on the bench and pulled my hand thru my hair trying to find the words.

He seemed hurt when I turned to look at him.

"I didn't mean... I'm sorry..." He explained and pulled his arms in to his sides.

He got up, but I grabbed his arm and I could feel myself loosing control of my thoughts. I pulled him towards me and kissed him. It was the most amazing feeling in the world. I could feel every cell in my body stop moving. His eyes were wide open in disbelief. He closed his eyes and I could feel him kiss me back.

It felt like ten minutes went by. Ten of the best minutes in my life, but in reality it was probably twenty seconds. I pulled away and hold his hand.

"You really are an amazing guy Ryan, But I need to find myself. I need to figure out who and what I am." I pulled away and got up. Feeling the wind nip at my face as I do.

I started walking away, but stopped and looked back at him. He was looking away into the distance. I continued walking back to the dorm, thinking about what just happened.