Uninvited Ch. 01

"It" slithered through my door.

It was heavy, I felt the floorboards sag and heard them creak as it shuffled into my residence carrying crates.

Rations, they were. What did snakes eat? Birds? Rodents?

Because that was what it looked like, a giant, vaguely man-shaped snake.

It was large, far taller than a man, and where its torso ended a long, winding tail trailed behind.

The war against XCOM was picking up, they had been attacking medical facilities outside the town, and we were all glad that ADVENT had deployed front-line troops to protect us, rather than the glorified riot cops seen in the cities. They didn't have the facilities to garrison them all, so some of them were temporarily moving into human residences until their housing could be constructed. It wouldn't take long, ADVENT were nothing if not efficient, at least that's how I reassured myself as the thing unloaded another crate from a transport and brought it inside.

A Viper had been assigned to my house.

I had seen them on TV, at the parades, but never in person.

They were imposing creatures, one had to wonder if they hailed from some distant star or if they were amalgamations of human and alien genetics, their humanoid features were unnerving, certainly not the most photogenic of the ADVENT managerie that we had come to accept as a part of our daily lives.

It seemed indifferent to me, going about it's business as if this were any barracks and not a private home, it did not return my gaze, or even acknowledge that I was there.

They hadn't told us what we would be getting, they delivered leaflets to us, not so much asking permission as informing us that those residences without young children or elderly people would be required to take in a trooper for a period of time. As a chronic bachelor, I had drawn one of the short straws.

As the Viper shuffled out of the house again I thanked my stars that it wasn't one of those Mutons I had seen wandering the area since the terrorist attacks. They didn't look to be the amicable types, I couldn't imagine having a conversation with one over breakfast.

I let my mind wander back to the crates, and what manner of food might be in them.

I heard the truck spool up and drive away, and the alien brought the last crate inside and set it by the door.

It stretched it's long, sinewy body and appraised the room.

It looked out of it's element, which might have solicited a chuckle from me were there not a 20-foot snake moster standing in my living room.

Then it's eyes met mine, like balls of amber burning into my brain.

I shivered and averted my eyes, trying my best not to look startled or repulsed. Surely aliens could be offended just as humans could?

It reached into a pouch on a belt that hung across it's hips, and then I realized that it had hips! On more thorough inspection it almost had an hourglass figure, the "snake" body beginning roughly where the knees might be on a human. Was it female? Was there such a thing as gender in its species?

From this pouch it produced a holo-tablet, almost comically small in it's long, dexterous fingers. It didn't escape my attention that they were tipped with wicked nails.

It burbled and hissed, and then the holo-tablet crackled to life.

"WHERE TO PROTECT FOOD"

I hesitated, then understood that the device was a translator.

It was asking where I wanted it to put the rations it had brought in from the truck.

"Um, do you understand me?"

It gurgled again and the device hissed.

"YES"

"You can move those rations into the pantry, it's through that door and to the left."

It waited a moment, then made a huffing noise.

"REPEAT EASIER"

"Oh sorry, take the crates that way, "I pointed towards the pantry, "and put them on the shelves."

It seemed to accept this, and began to move the crates of rations where I had indicated.

After a few minutes of this (the crates were large, too large for me to help it carry them) it returned to the living room, seemingly satisfied.

"WHERE TO SLEEP"

That was a good question, where did a 20 foot snake-man sleep in a human-sized house? I thought for a moment, then began to push the two couches and the glass coffee table from the middle of the room out to the walls, clearing a sizable area. It watched patiently as I pulled cushions from the couches and piled them in a rough circle.

I left to find spare pillows from the now obsolete guest bed and spread a few sheets and towels over the mess.

When I was finished I gestured, and the Viper moved forward to gingerly test it's new nest with a long finger.

It seemed pleased, I was surprised how much emotion that reptilian face could convey.

"A COMFORTABLE BED, BETTER THAN STATION"

I was taken aback by the uncharacteristically accurate translation and laughed.

It cocked it's head like a dog, and I said "Good."

The Viper was very intelligent, I don't know why but I assumed from it's appearance that it would be somehow bestial, but as it preened and fluffed the pillows I had laid out for it, I felt a very human connection forming between us.

Over the next several days the Viper would leave the house before I awoke, and be back late in the evening, she seemed to have no leisure time, and spent what little time was available to her between patrols preparing strange gelatinous pellets from the ration crates.

I wanted to smell or taste one while she was away but I was afraid she might notice and take offense.

I had taken to referring to the Viper as "she", as I was increasingly convinced that her graceful mannerisms and preening behaviour were indicative of a female, throw-pillow jokes aside.

My suspicions were confirmed one day.

I had returned from my job at a nearby ADVENT factory that produced autonomous robots for the war effort earlier in the day, and had been idly watching TV, when the Viper shuffled into the house.

The day had been unusually warm, a stifling 80 degrees with high humidity.

I was lounging wearing nothing but shorts, trying to sweat it out with a cold soda, and had not expected her to be back for several more hours.

I was taken aback, she was normally very punctual, infact I had not seen her deviate from her schedule once in the 4 days she had lived here with me.

I scrambled to find some pants, then wondered if aliens had any sense of modesty to begin with and thought better of it.

She never announced herself when she came home, I would normally hear her dump her gear by the door then either prepare some gelatin pellets or go directly to bed in her nest. She seemed to use the holo-tablet translator only when requesting something of me.

I respected her space and did not pry, partly out of respect (she was a soldier after all) and partly through a mild anxiety such as one gets around large animals.

The room I was in faced the living room and had a view of her nest through the doorway, I had dragged one of the couches in here and set up a TV monitor against the wall, and I could see her as she dropped her massive weapon by the coat rack and slithered over to her bed.

I watched her, curious, wondering what the texture of that winding body might feel like, was it dry and smooth like a snake, or slimy and rough?

Her undulations drew my eyes to her wide hips and the belt that hung off them, where exotic gadgets dangled from hooks.

Then she removed the heavy metal chestpiece she always wore, reaching behind her hooded head and releasing a catch from the layer of reflective black armor that ran down her spine.

Two massive, firm breasts fell out of the plate, bouncing gently as she discarded the armor near her nest.

My eyes widened and I gaped as she turned slightly, giving me a side-on view as she stretched, seemingly relieved to be free of the restrictive gear.

They were like basketballs, they would have been comical on a human, but on her massive, exaggerated frame and wide shoulders they hung beautifully, heavy and inviting.

Damn straight the Viper was a woman, maybe her species had ten genders and reproduced asexually, I didn't know, but that was the largest pair of tits I had ever laid eyes on.

I felt a heat rising in my groin, and with a start, realized that if she turned around to face the pantry she would see me here, almost nude with a growing erection. Would she even understand what that meant? I couldn't take the chance. I got out the couch gingerly, trying not to make any noise, but her head flicked around as if my very attempt at stealth had alerted her to a threat.

She bristled, her hood flaring, I prepared for death, and then she relaxed, cocking her head in that curious manner that implied a query.

Cursing myself, I waved my hand in greeting from my hunched position, by this point she was facing me from beyond the door and her mammoth breasts were hanging in full view.

I couldn't help myself, if God himself had come down from heaven to strike me down in punishment I would still have looked.

My eyes darted down momentarily, long enough for her to notice, and what wouldn't she notice? Who knew what 6th and 7th and 8th sense she might possess. Her amber orbs strayed to my groin, did she know? Was she psychic? Did she have X-ray vision? Or did she possess the sense common to many species of Earth snake that would allow her to sense the heat from the blood pooling in my genitals? Was I just a human-shaped heatmap of arousal to her eyes?

I decided to simply play dumb, and half crouched half walked into my bedroom to retrieve more clothing. When I was dressed I went to the bathroom sink and splashed cold water on my face, examining my burning cheeks in the mirror.

What the fuck had I just seen?

Why did that alien thing have a rack that would make Pamela Anderson blush? Surely reptiles didn't nurse their young? I knew that some species of snake gave birth to live young but reptiles did not...lactate!

Was she even a reptile? Was she a snake? No, of course not, she was an alien from an alien planet who just happened to look like one, with it's own evolution and it's own animal groups.

I realized I had been pondering in the bathroom for too long, so I braced myself and returned to my couch, trying to act nonchalant.

The damn Viper was lying on her nest, facing my direction. She looked like she was on the goddamn Titanic posing for a nude drawing, her left arm resting across her hip and her breasts...

I didn't dare to look a second time, but those meaty globes taunted me as I strained to divert my attention to a newscast.

My face burned, it was involuntarily, but there was no way an alien could know what that implied. I felt those yellow eyes studying me as I watched the Speaker talk about some ADVENT bullshit happening in the city.

After a few minutes I dared to take another glance, she was in the same position, those evil breasts pressing together with enough cleavage to suffocate a wildebeest.

She was idly tapping on the holo-tablet with her long fingers, I had never seen her use it for anything other than translation. Whatever she was reading was in the ADVENT alphabet, and it was reversed from my perspective, I had no chance of reading it, even if I knew ADVENT.

Why was she back so early?

Was it the crippling heat that had made her disrobe so casually in my living room?

I knew that these questions would never be answered for I was too afraid to ask them, and so for a half hour I contented myself with watching TV.

Every so often I would sense her eyes scanning me, and my cheeks would begin to redden again, then she would resume tapping and reading.

Was she doing research?

Had she Googled "human inflamed genitals" and was she reading about my shame and perversion? I shifted unhappily.

Eventually she rose from her nest, she looked almost sticky. She shuffled towards me, rolling those wide hips as her gait demanded, my eyes caught a glimpse of her swinging breasts before my attention was firmly fixated on a rerun of Family Feud.

"RELIEF HEAT"

I started, the remote slipping from my hand and clattering loudly on the wood floor.

"I'm sorry, what?"

She crossed her long arms over her breasts and hissed at me again, standing expectantly.

"HOT NOT COMFORT"

Was she telling me it was too hot? My house was not one of the new climate-controlled ADVENT dwellings in the population centers, it was an old Midwestern farm house owned by my family.

Besides a cold shower there was no way to relieve the muggy heat that permeated the building.

I told her this, and she cocked her head in the way she always did when she thought I was being confusing or stupid.

"DEMONSTRATE"

Oh no, I couldn't handle this. Would she even fit in the tub? Would the ceramic break under her weight and impale her?

She seemed determined that the heat was my own fault and that I was expected to provide a solution. She wasn't a dog, if I took her outside into the yard and hosed her down she might be offended.

Begrudgingly, I got off the couch and led her to the bathroom.

She could barely fit through the doors in my house on the best of days, there was no way we would both squeeze into my small bathroom.

To my surprise she seemed to understand intuitively that the tub must hold the water, and coiled into it expectantly.

It was downright comical, maybe 60% of her body was in the tub coiled up like a slinkii, while her tapering tail trailed almost out of the door into the hall and her distracting torso stood erect like a cobra poised to strike.

She watched me, waiting.

To turn the knob on the shower I would have to reach past her, almost pressing my face into her ample chest which was at head height despite her relaxed position.

I said a silent prayer begging her not to simply remove my head if I touched them, and reached past her.

My cheek brushed one of her breasts and I had to balance myself with a hand on her coiled midsection as I leaned over.

She was impossibly soft. My hand pressed into a layer of what felt like puppy fat, and under it taught, almost liquid muscle. This animal was POWERFUL, her tail must be almost entirely made of muscle. Her scales were smooth and almost imperceptibly small, as I had suspected, and yet the texture reminded me of human skin. She was not cold-blooded, she was warm, and a layer of slick sweat coated her.

As my cheek brushed her breast she flinched, and once again I braced for a speedy death, but none came.

She smelled earthy, but not in an unpleasant way. There was something familiar and almost enticing about her scent, it brought up a memory of a past girlfriend, which I quickly banished to the back of my mind.

She had not brought her tablet, probably assuming it would get wet, and so when I asked her what temperature she wanted, she just cocked her head.

I turned the knob on the shower and cool water sprayed forth, slapping on her smooth skin and pooling in her coils where it couldn't drain away.

She crooned, a soft rumbling I had never heard her make before.

It occurred to me that she must have been wearing that metal plate all day in this heat, that was why she took it off so abruptly, and that this was not some elaborate seduction but merely an attempt to relieve herself of the heat and sweat.

She didn't notice my embarrassment, she couldn't, she was an alien animal, an intelligent animal, but she could no more read my emotions than I could read an alligator's.

My train of thought was suddenly shattered as her gaze met mine and those burning amber gems pierced through my soul, my face reddened as she motioned to the door.

Ah, she wanted me to leave...

After a moment I heard her bark from the bathroom, and I went back inside. She looked at me expectantly, and seeing I was empty-handed, mimed using her tablet.

So that was what she wanted? I returned to her pillow nest and recovered it, bringing it back into the bathroom and handing it to her.

She hissed and burbled, and again the synthetic voice spoke.

"COMFORT THANKS"

"No problem" I stammered.

Feeling braver I detached the showerhead and showed her how the intensity could be changed by turning a plastic cap and how it could be moved around.

After a few minutes I found myself rhythmically running the showerhead over her head and back as she writhed and preened.

I kept to her back, so as not to be exposed to her breasts too much, and yet the undulations of her oddly human hips brought to mind images of belly dancers and I became aroused regardless of my efforts. Maybe I should be the one taking a cold shower...

She reached across to the sink with her long arm and retrieved the tablet she had placed out of harm's way.

"HUMAN KNOW COMFORT, COMFORT NOT ADVENT"

It took me a moment to process what she was saying, did the ADVENT make them sleep on hard bunks and deprive them of showers? Surely that couldn't be the case, ADVENT had modernized our whole society bringing innumerable creature comforts and quality of life changes that made all of our lives easier and more relaxing, that was partly the reason the war had been so short and XCOM had so little support.

Then again the life of a soldier deployed in hostile territory could be harsh.

She turned abruptly, exposing herself to me, those monstrous breasts swaying with her movement. At this distance I could see that there was a separation between the deep brown skin on her back and tail, and the cream-colored, even finer scales on her neck, torso and underbelly. It must be even softer, even smoother...

My gaze hung on her torso, drinking in her voluptuous body like one might drink a cool beverage after a lengthy hike.

My eyes traced the curves down past where her long and elegant neck joined with her collarbone, the breasts now glistening wet, down past a navel and defined abdominal muscles to what almost looked like thick, meaty thighs joining together at the knee.

I was beyond modesty, at full mast, my face burning with shame, confusion and unbridled arousal.

She had to know, this was going beyond a joke.

She gestured to the showerhead, and watched me expectantly.

I finally accepted my cruel fate, and began to wash her front, running the cool water over her chest and down her "legs".

She crooned again, like a giant cat purring, and began to undulate again. She was almost dancing under the water, I closed my eyes for a moment in an attempt to shut out the torturous images, but she barked at me, annoyed that I was slacking off.

This continued for another half hour as she experimented with the heat and intensity, eventually settling for a warm cascade as she relaxed in the tub and I sat on the toilet seat beside her, nursing an aching arm, and aching loins.

She seemed to sleep for a while, resting her torso on one of her coils that she had brought up to the far end of the bathtub like a pillow. It gave me a chance to scrutinize her further, every subtle curve of her body screamed "woman" at me, even though this creature had evolved a thousand light years away in some unknown environment.

Or had it?

Unlike some of the other ADVENT critters it wore no re-breather, no environment suit, it seemed perfectly happy breathing Earth air and moving around in Earth gravity.

Everyone knew the ADVENT were masters of genetic engineering, they had been systematically curing human diseases and fixing genetic abnormalities since they arrived, was it remotely possible that this was not an alien, but some chimera of human and alien DNA?

Was I following this line of thought in an attempt to justify my own zoophilic impulses towards her?

She shifted, and woke, catching my gaze, and I looked intently at the black and white tile floor under my feet.

She fumbled sleepily for her tablet.

"GOOD COMFORT, DRY NOW"