Lady Ironside Ch. 03

The chronological order of my stories is now listed in WifeWatchman's biography.

Feedback and constructive criticism is very much appreciated, and I encourage feedback for ideas.

This story contains graphic scenes, language and actions that might be extremely offensive to some people. These scenes, words and actions are used only for the literary purposes of this story. The author does not condone murder, racial language, violence, rape or violence against women, and any depictions of any of these in this story should not be construed as acceptance of the above.

Part 10 - The Lady Ironside Solution

We all looked at Tanya as she announced the killer's name. Then, for some strange reason, everyone looked over at me.

"Why?" I asked simply.

"Motive, means, and opportunity." said Tanya. "If you all look at the evidence at the crime scene, there was liquor and some snacks... chocolates and peanuts. Melissa could not eat the peanuts, so of course she'd go for the chocolates. Kind of like a 'loss leader', guiding her to those snacks."

"Ah, and at the crime scene, you said you could smell the ground peanuts in those chocolates." I said, nodding my head in understanding.

"Yes sir." Tanya said. "So that had to be done intentionally, grinding up the peanuts, putting them in the chocolates, then also having peanuts there, so that Melissa would go for the chocolates instead."

"And we'd be sitting here, thinking Melissa ate the peanuts themselves." said Cindy.

"Yes." said Tanya. "And moving to Part 2 of my thesis. I think the killer, who did all that, also brought in the bad epi-pen with the curare inside it. Maybe even switched it out with Melissa's prescription one, and either Melissa or the killer used that bad epi-pen and injected the curare into Melissa's leg."

"Ahhh, and that means there's a process of elimination." said Jack Muscone. "Only a couple of people would really be able to switch those epi-pens: Tina Sasskind, and Melissa's husband, Arnold Cash."

"True." said Tanya. "But we can go further from there... Melissa probably kept a gun in her purse, especially when meeting strange men in hotels. Now Melissa very likely would never keep this purse where Arnold could get at it. The Commander gave me a clue in that direction the other day. So she probably kept her purse in her car while she was at home, and the car was locked and Arnold didn't know the code on the door keypad. And the parole officer could not search Melissa's car without a warrant."

"There's some serious litigation on that working through the Courts." I said. "But for the most part, a parole officer isn't going to bother with Melissa's stuff... and like you said, Melissa would not want Arnold having access to a gun."

"True, sir." said Tanya. "So that all but eliminates Arnold. And something else that I think eliminates him: I seriously doubt he'd throw Melissa's phone away anywhere near his business... but that's where the phone was found. But someone else could've thrown it there while en route to the City... to catch a plane at City Airport. Tina, Paul, and Jerry all went to the City, but then we're back to the epi-pen and the chocolates again."

"And on top of that... when I once again ask who could make those chocolates in the first place?" Tanya summed up. "Melissa could, but she wouldn't do that to herself. So that leaves one suspect. And therefore, my assertion is Tina Sasskind is the murderer of Melissa Darby Cash."

I have no idea why, but everyone was looking at me again. So I said "Someone has earned her blue crowbar yet again. And Mr. Director, the sooner you hire this woman as an FBI Consultant, the better off the FBI, and our Nation, will be."

"If I had doubts before," said the DepDirector, "I sure don't have them now. I'll be contacting you soon, Lt. Perlman. Very soon."

I could feel everyone's happiness in the room... and none less than Tanya, who, for all her efforts to hide her cherubic smile, could not keep her eyes from sparkling...

Meanwhile, I got up and went to a phone mounted on the wall, and called the Duty Desk. "Have Sergeant Rudistan procure an arrest warrant for Tina Sasskind, then go and pick her up. Full booking, then put her in I-1."

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

"I wish we had something else, something more solid." said Paulina Patterson in the anteroom as we watched Tina being interrogated. "What we have now is circumstantial, at best."

"Tanya gave us the answer, we now have the means to get an easy solution." I said. "Kroger and the other grocery stores keep better records on food purchases than Citizens would be comfortable with if they knew the truth. Turns out Tina bought all the ingredients to make those chocolates, including the peanuts. She was smart enough to have the peanuts out as a snack on their own, but she still bought them."

I went on: "Tina also had availability to epi-pen injectors that belonged to her husband's football team... and the serial number of the murder weapon was part of that team's batch of injectors. Then we're going to have a connection between Tina and Claisson, and back to his South American connections. He was an accomplice to the murder, and if he's ever arrested in the United States again, he gets to see me about that."

"Motive, though." Paulina said. "We need motive!"

"You're about to get it." I said. "Watch."

Inside the anteroom, Tina Sasskind and her attorney were trying to intimidate the woman in the wheelchair opposite them, and also the platinum blonde next to her. Probably the worst choices one could make in women to intimidate, I noted with some glee.

"That's all a nice story." said the lawyer. "But it won't hold up for one minute in Court. You have nothing to connect that epi-pen to my client. You have given no motive explaining why my client would want to kill her best friend."

"Oh, that's coming." said Tanya. "You see, I may be a State-level agent, but I've already asked the FBI to assist in this investigation, and---"

"The FBI doesn't handle local murder cases." the lawyer interrupted.

Cindy was getting ticked. "Do not interrupt either one of us again." she said, the authority in her voice enough to freeze blood. "And the FBI definitely becomes involved in crimes that cross State lines. You were saying, Lieutenant?"

"Yes, I was." said Tanya. "The FBI is going to be working with the NFL to investigate if any of Coach Russ Sasskind's team's epi-pen injectors is missing. If so, Coach Sasskind will be arrested as a conspirator in the murder of Melissa Cash."

"My husband had nothing to do with this!" screamed Tina. Her lawyer tried hard to get her to be quiet, but she was having none of it. "My husband is innocent! They're making idle threats to intimidate me, and him!"

"Oh, there's no intimidation." said Tanya Perlman. "Just the truth of what is going to happen. If we match that epi-pen injector to your husband's team's stock of them, he'll be fired at the very least. No questions asked. And the FBI will just be getting started. They'll want to know his connection to Paul Claisson... beyond the fact he and Paul were both having sex with you, Mrs. Sasskind... and if and when they find that connection to Claisson, your husband will be doing serious jail time, along with you."

"This is over." said the lawyer, getting up. "I'm taking my client out of here----"

"Sit your ass down." said Cindy Ross menacingly. "Your client is under arrest and being charged with murder in the first degree. Now you stay and represent her, or get out and get ready to be disbarred for dereliction of your duty to your client."

Wow, I thought, I'd never threatened a lawyer that hard! The Green Crowbar was playing for keeps today!

"Okay, what can I do to prove my husband is innocent in all this?" said Mrs. Sasskind.

"Tina! Be quiet!" said the lawyer. To Tanya and Cindy he said "That was not an admission to anything!"

"Yes it was." said Tina, then turned to Tanya. "Offer me a deal, one that includes my husband's safety."

I whispered to Paulina "I believe that is your cue, Ms. District Attorney." I watched Paulina's lovely ass and legs as she opened the door and went into the Interrogation Room...

Part 11 - The Iron Crowbar Solution

"This is Bettina Wurtzburg, KXTC Channel Two News!" blared the lovely MILF redhead on Tuesday, September 6th, at 7:00am sharp. "Channel Two News has learned that Tina Sasskind has confessed to the murder of Melissa Darby Cash last Friday night at the Hyatt Hotel. Chief Sean Moynahan and Commander Donald Troy issued a statement giving credit for solving this case to former TCPD Lieutenant Tanya Perlman, who is now the Director of the local State Crime Lab. FBI Special Agent in Charge Jack Muscone also issued a statement praising Lt. Perlman's work. And now let's go to Sports with Nick Eastwood. Nick!"

"Thank you, Bettina!" said Nick, with University Memorial Stadium behind him. I realized he was on the road to The Cabin in order to have that shot. I then heard him name the Wildcat running back that had been injured the weekend before. "... will not be returning this year, as his knee, injured by an intentionally dirty shot from a State Tech player, will require extensive surgery and rehabilitation. The Conference is coming down hard on State Tech, citing a total lack of control by the Tech coaching staff. State Tech is claiming bias, that they are being singled out, and said they will explore all options in fighting the possible probation and loss of scholarships the Conference and the NCAA are considering."

"Nick," said Bettina, "I've heard that State Tech is considering leaving the Conference over these issues. Do you think that is possible?"

"Yes I do, Bettina." said Eastwood. "Ever since my injury after a State Tech dirty hit, all of the other Conference members have been unified in their condemnation of Tech, and they're holding Tech responsible for dirty play that their coaching staff seems to tolerate. It is believed that Tech leaving the Conference would be a relief to the rest of the Conference. They consider Tech to be an embarrassment to the Conference, and to have no redeeming value to the Conference. While expulsion is unlikely, they won't make any effort to keep Tech within the Conference if Tech wants to leave."

"Wow, big news there." said Bettina. "And in politics, rallies for Governor Jared were marred by so-called 'student groups' disrupting his speeches. Some of the Governor's supporters were injured by violent attacks upon them. SBI Director Lewis refused to condemn the attackers, and his Campaign issued a statement saying that it was Jared's supporters who were to blame because they did not disperse and therefore allowed themselves to be attacked."

"Oh my gosh, did they really say that?" burst out Joanne Warner in MCD.

"Yes." I said. "They really blamed the Jared supporters for standing up to their thugs. I might add that the local Police there did nothing to stop the thugs, either."

"What happens if those protestors try to start something here?" Theo asked. I looked at him, then around the room.

"This had better not get to the Press, and if it does, expect to be demoted to Patrol Officer." I said, then said loudly and with alacrity: "I have already ordered the SWAT Teams to begin training Officers in all Precincts in the use of tactics to hold the line against violent protestors. If the protests are peaceful, they can protest. But if they do what they did to the Jared supporters at those rallies, I will bring not only the Crowbar down on them, but the full might and power of this Police Force on them with absolutely no holding back. We will make arrests, the use of non-lethal and maybe even lethal force will be authorized, and we will make the Police Boxing Matches look like a picnic. I will not tolerate jack shit from lawless thugs in this County."

"And the Commander will have the full backing of his Police Chief and his Sheriff in that, as well." said Chief Moynahan, coming into the room and pouring himself some coffee. "And you Detectives will be getting specialized defense training, as well..."

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

The coffee klatch got pretty subdued after my verbal rampage, so I headed back to my office, feeling very tense inside. When I walked in the door, I was stunned to see a beautiful arrangement of flowers on my desk. Roses, carnations, and other flowers in a red, pink, and white display. The card only said "Thank you for taking care of us."

"Good morning, Commander." said Captain Cindy Ross as she came in. She had not been at the coffee klatch, and I did notice that she showed no surprise at the floral arrangement on my desk. The deduction was simple.

"Thank you for the flowers, Cindy," I said, "but what's the occasion?"

"It occurred to me last night." Cindy said. "The FBI Deputy Director was giving me a message when he was in your office yesterday, a message about your so-called modesty. And I realized that Tanya Perlman, while she is very good, did not see anything that you did not see. You let her solve the case, maybe even helped behind the scenes. Now I have word that she's going to be made an FBI Consultant, and will have fallback if the SBI tries to fuck with her."

Cindy came around behind my desk and stood next to me, and said "If it were Harold Bennett or Dick Ferrell, their egos would not allow them to step back and let someone else solve the case. But you, Don... you take care of your people, and you're man enough to let someone else have the spotlight. And if no one else realizes it, I do, and I appreciate and love you all the more for it."

"Awww." I said. "That's sweet of you." I hugged Cindy warmly and she hugged me back tightly.

"Get some coffee, have a seat." I said. She did so as I put the flowers on the bookshelf next to the matchstick Trojan Horse.

"So yes, just between us," I said as we sat down, "I let Tanya run with it so the FBI could see her abilities. She can't be a field agent, but she would be a hell of an asset for them in an analysis capacity. She could be their 'Oracle', as Barbara Gordon was after being paralyzed and unable to be Batgirl anymore. I also agree that Tanya is going to struggle to do an honest job, especially with Harold Bennett as Regional Director, and even more so if Jack Lewis wins the Governorship."

"God help us all if that happens." Cindy said. "The SBI is already so corrupt that they tried to kill Chief Griswold and tried to kill you. I can't imagine what it would be like if Lewis was Governor."

"This bulletproof girdle might get tested, that's for sure." I said, meaning it jokingly. Cindy did not take it that way, and her face showed it, so I said "So how did you figure out I was holding back on this case?"

"You're not going to let a perp get away, no other considerations withstanding." Cindy said. "You had Tina Sasskind in an ankle monitor from Minute One, almost illegally so. You didn't seem nearly as concerned as I was about Mr. Cash's attitude towards his wife. So, what did you know, and when did you know it?"

I nodded. "Well, I will say that Tanya saw the bracelet thing at the scene better than I did, and she smelled the peanuts in the chocolates. And she was spot-on that only Tina and Melissa were responsible for the food in the room, and Melissa was dead. But I think I started eliminating Arnold Cash when I saw that he'd created an annuity for her as well as one for himself. That showed me that he loved his wife. It might be thin, but as more things came out, I was more and more convinced that he didn't want to harm his wife."

I added: "And add to it that he did not know that his wife was divorcing him. That was another key to the case. And as Tina showed in confessing to murder rather than letting her husband be accused of complicity in it, she loved her husband, even if she was stepping out on him and having sex parties with other men. I suspect she was fucking one of the trainers on the football team, and used that to gain access to an epi-pen injector."

"There was another thing I noticed." I said. "Arnold Cash is slender, but Coach Sasskind is gaining weight in a bad way. I surmised that the good cook, Tina, was making good meals for her husband, but Melissa, supposedly a good cook, was not going out of her way to feed her husband. That said 'trouble in paradise' to me with regard to the Cash household."

"So, Melissa was filing for divorce. I think Arnold would've contested it; he'd gone through hell to try to save the marriage. Maybe he had something on Melissa's cheating, maybe not, but Tina sure thought that if Melissa filed for divorce, then it was possible that her own participation in the sex parties would come out, and that it would damage her own marriage."

"You know," Cindy said, "seeing as you are happily married but the father of my sister's children, and your wife seems to be a 'hubby watcher', I try to keep an open mind on situations... but this one confounds me. Tina's husband had to have known she was cheating on him, but didn't seem worried about it... yet Tina thought Melissa getting a divorce would expose Tina's own affairs and that it might end her own marriage."

"I dunno." I said. "My thought there is that the publicity of the scandal might be enough to hurt Coach Sasskind with his team and with the NFL; he'd have almost no choice to divorce her. And I wouldn't be too stunned to learn that Coach would not have minded freeing himself with a divorce... so he could concentrate totally upon his ambitions within the NFL. He may have loved his wife, but she definitely loved him a lot more. In it's own way, it's very sad."

I continued: "Anyway, next in my thoughts was that Tina admitted that both she and Melissa carried guns in their purses. Melissa obviously secretly kept guns in case her husband went off on her again, as well as for protection during the sex parties."

"I also wonder what her reasons for wanting a divorce were. My guess is that Arnold having to keep himself caged up mentally was wearing him down. He was getting tougher and tougher on his people at work, and I suspect Melissa could see that he was an impending explosion inside, just waiting to happen. I would also guess that the sex wasn't good; if we dig much deeper, we're going to find that she was stepping out on Arnold a lot."

"I'll buy that for a dollar." said Cindy. "And a Canadian dollar at that. By the way, who cooks in your household? No one in your family is porky." I laughed loudly at that.

"Laura is an okay cook, and my mother is a very good cook." I said. "But I do most of the cooking on the weekends, especially big breakfasts. Carole 'helps'. What about you?"

"Molly was always the best cook amongst us." Cindy said. "My mom is pretty good, but believe it or not, my father, Dr. Eckhart, is an extraordinarily good cook; I think he could be a professional chef if he wanted to. He's taught me some good stuff in the kitchen. When Jenna was living with me, we mostly ate out; neither of us were any great shakes at cooking..."

Part 12 - Who's In Charge Here?

At 10:00am, Cindy and I were summoned into Chief Moynahan's office. After we sat down, he surprised us by taking off his badge and putting it on his desk.

"Put 'em on the desk, people." he said. "We're going to have a Come-to-Jesus meeting here, and it will be a free for all." Surprised, we put our badges on the desk.

"Okay." said the Chief. "I've made some observations of my own, and talked to several people, none of which are in this room now. I know that you, Ms. Ross, have been doing some of the Commander's work for him. This has been welcomed by him and by me as well, as he's been busy helping the FBI clean up the excrement left behind by that piece of dog shit Westboro, and he's also been recovering from that ordeal he went through after he was kidnapped."