Laylah Yearning Pt. 03: End

5. Between the Stars:

If her stories and the previous reverend mother are anything to go by, those who witness and/or converse with the lilitu lose their minds. If so then does that mean I have lost mine too? Certainly my body is changing, but what of my mind, that part of one's brain that makes me, well, me?

I paused as I was making my way back to the convent. I seriously considered not going back.

Not because of the lilitu as such. It had been a week now. My body no longer ached from my excursions and I seemed to require very little sleep. What little slumber I did have had me back in her realm, being fucked by monsters while the enthroned harlot in the lunar ray watched me with maddening indifference.

No, it was because my progression to becoming Ardat-Lili had advanced to the point where life in the cloister was nigh unbearable now. The thought of going back there, having to cover myself with that habit and prattle that nonsense in that musty old building made me want to scream, if only to lessen the mundanity of it. Whatever made me think that I would find solace in such a dull life? No, the brothel is my temple, the bed my altar. I belong in the streets now, the alleys, those places where the forsaken and depraved lurk to indulge in their true natures. Those places where such creatures can unleash themselves upon me.

My clients, or 'devotees' as the lilitu calls them, fuck me like animals now. My presence has changed in such a way that they are drawn to me, as if hearing a siren's call, and the sight of me seems to inspire them to acts they would not usually dare to try on others. Every vile act sends shivers of pleasure through me, leaving me wanting more, demanding more. My legs open to all, I turn none away and none now dare to reject me, for I despise that more than anything. None should deny me their lust.

When did I start thinking that way? Perhaps my mind really is gone.

I sighed, sat down and looked up at the night sky. In my nakedness, I should have been freezing in the Autumn air but I was on fire, wanting only to return back to the city. My loins ached to be used so much and so often it took all my will to control myself. All that kept me going now was the thought of the lilitu, the thought of at last being able to touch her. I smiled as I tried to look past the stars, recalling what the lilitu had told me the night before.

******

"Why do you keep bringing that lantern?"

I strode in with my latest offering for her. Now that men were drawn to me and more eager in their efforts I had little trouble fulfilling the lilitu's appetites. I paused and was careful as ever not to look too closely at the bars. I held up my lantern to better see her and frowned, thinking the question too stupid to answer.

The lilitu smiled that smile that set my heart racing and caught the vial I now used to collect the seed. "Put it out." She demanded in that musical voice of hers.

"There is no other source of light here. Perhaps you have no need of it but I will be stumbling all over the place without it, I'll likely injure myself trying to head back out."

Of course, she just laughed, "Time to give you more proof that you are not like these mortals. Tell me, have you ever heard in song, or prose a description of the beauty of the stars, the moon, the sunrise or the sunset?"

Still holding the lantern defiantly I answered, "Naturally."

"So tell me, what do you feel when you have witnessed any of these? Are you awed by the beauty of such things? Are you filled with longing and wonder as you watch the sun rise and fall? Do you feel part of something great when you see the stars?"

I blinked. When I was a child my father had taken me to a field where he would walk his dogs. There we sat one day and watched the sun settle behind the horizon and the first silver pinpricks appear in the sky above. My father commented how lovely that scene was. I could only look at him in confusion, because I felt... "Nothing. Those things never stirred anything in me. I can never understand what others see in it, nor why I do not."

"Indeed! Oh Laylah you are perfect." the lilitu sidled toward me then retreated when she realised how close to the bars she was, "Since the mortals of this realm first crawled from the ocean they have been drawn to light, they have worshipped light, like moths they have always flown to the light and as a result their wings are burned.

"But for beings of the Evernight like you and me Laylah, we are not fooled by such things. The reality is that the sun, moon and every star is as fragile as those mortals, doomed to death sooner or later. The true answers are in the darkness surrounding them, in the shadows. An Ardat-Lili's eyes have no need of light, so put out that silly lamp."

I looked at her longingly, then at the lamp. I brought no matches so there would be no relighting it. I shrugged and blew it out. I was plunged into darkness, yet saw everything more clearly than before.

******

I admired that void between the stars awhile, thrilled in the knowledge that there were things that dwelt there which hungered for me, that yearned to do wonderful and debased things to me. I thought I could sense those entities out there an eternity away, doing these things to Ardat-Lili like me. How I yearn to be amongst my sisters! To share in the delights! It set me alight again and made me aware of the hunger that had been problematic for me the past week or so.

It had now reached a point when I became all too aware of my craving.

Since first meeting the lilitu it had always vaguely been there, but I had put it down to the mad lust that dwelled in me. But as I sat down for our meals with the other sisters I noticed my appetite for food was growing less and less, to the point where I began to feel somewhat disgusted by it. It now seemed absurd to be eating the carcass of animals and plants that had been grown from mud. I feel ill just thinking about putting such dross into me. To avoid suspicion I forced some of it down and pretended I was unwell.

I hungered for semen.

It is a strange and dangerous hunger. It did not set my stomach growling and it was not only my mouth that watered at the thought of it. I craved it all over me. I wanted it over my tongue and running down my throat, I wanted it dripping down my breasts, flooding my vulva and rectum until it leaked down my legs. I wanted to drown in semen, to take men unendingly and have them surrender their loads unto me. It was a craving that only grew the more I ignored it, and threatened to drive me mad (or at least madder) if I did not satisfy that need soon.

Fortunately there came a night when the changes in me became more apparent, as did the effect my changing presence had on others.

6. Hieros Gamos:

"They say that the ghost of the previous reverend mother is haunting these gardens." Sister Naomi whispered to me as we worked the flowerbed together. She 'accidentally' brushed my sleeve as she did so. This did not surprise me. My aura had grown and begun to affect the sisters of the cloister now. I could sense their loins moistening when they saw or neared me. Some like Sister Muriel would glare at me with a mixture of suspicion, longing and fear before walking away swiftly. Others like sister Naomi would find reasons to be closer to me, even if they do not fully know why. The scent of their growing arousal for me nearly had my Ardat-Lili instincts take over fully. I was well aware I would not be able to control myself forever, I would either have to strike pre-emptively or deal with the consequences when I lose control unwillingly. Hence I drew closer to Sister Naomi.

Besides, she has something I require.

"Is that so?" I replied, not believing it. Even if it were true what can an incorporeal spirit do? I never really understood the fear of ghosts.

"Yes, they say she appears when she was young though. Apparently she wanders across this garden to the wall covered with ivy over there." She then drew closer to me and whispered huskily, "Apparently she is not in a habit but completely nude! Don't say any of this near Sister Muriel though, or you'll be turning rosaries."

I mentally cursed. That was no ghost but me! I was certain no one was around, how had people seen me? Containing my panic, I realised my time was running out sooner than I thought. I was going to be caught in the near future unless I hurried. Just how much more semen does that damned lilitu need? How much longer must I continue to become a full Ardat-Lili? My frustration triggered my urges, I wanted to tear the wretched habit from my body. I wanted to tear the habit from Naomi also and fuck her on the flowerbed we had so carefully arranged. I wanted everyone around to watch in horror and admiration as I did things to her their sterile fantasies never conjured. I pictured her panting, gasping and screaming in pleasure as I did so and felt my thighs slicken at the thought.

"Sister Luci, are you alright?" she placed a hand on mine which only made it harder.

I wanted to shout 'call me Laylah!' at her and begin the depravity. Worse, with my enhanced senses I could tell her body was responding unwittingly. If I acted on it now her legs would open to me gladly. I forced myself to cough and pulled my hand from her, "Yes, sorry, I was miles away. Excuse me, I need to get some water."

As I fled I recalled the lilitu's lesson in sovereignty. I had put it off, not having the daring or confidence to do it. But tonight I will have to go through with it, take the plunge and hope that spells the completion of my transformation.

******

"What more must I do?" I shouted at the lilitu, I had brought her no semen. In my thirst I had taken it all for myself. Yet it had not lessened my craving or arousal at all. No matter how much I drank or how often I orgasmed I only wanted more. It occurred to me that mortals simply could not satiate me anymore, it was time to go to my true realm.

Except the lilitu claimed I was not ready.

I had gone through with my plan. After waking from that maddening nightmare again, the mysterious woman still regarding me coldly, I had walked naked to Naomi's quarters and woken her. Before she could voice her confusion I forced my tongue down her throat. That intimacy combined with my aura over-rode her caution, it felt so good to finally let my instincts take over and claim her. After doing the things I did I knew she would never be the same, she would crave such a night again and would harlot herself madly once I was gone. The thought strangely pleased me.

I then demanded the key to the gate from her, which was what I was truly after. When she asked why I told her the truth, told it like it was perfectly normal, which for an Ardat-Lili I suppose it is. As the lilitu had promised, Naomi found herself accepting this and giving me the key freely. I stepped out to find a handful of sisters in the hallway, woken by Naomi's screams. Seeing me they gasped as their vulvas demanded my attentions. I felt annoyance as I looked at them and pointed accusingly, "Take those wretched garments off." As one they complied, stripping naked for my pleasure. I could smell their arousal and had to hold back from launching myself at them. I held up Naomi's key and spoke with the same authority, "I am going to prostitute myself, in the meantime go in there and entertain Naomi, ensure she does not get a wink of sleep this night."

They flocked into Naomi's room and I shut the door. Although not as wonderful as when she was with me, I smiled to hear her gasps again as I strode from the building and made for the gate. There would be no more sneaking out for me. I had channelled my sovereignty and made them my thralls.

So I returned to the lilitu later, frustrated from the lack of release my devotees gave me but confident I was now ready to leave, only to be told otherwise. "I did all you said. The nuns here are besotted by me now. No matter how much cock I take or cum I drink, I am so unendingly aroused I want to scream, I need your mother's sons in me. I need them fucking me as an Ardat-Lili. I am ready, take me there."

"No."

"No?" I echoed, "How much more seed do you need? I am sorry I took all of tonight's for myself, I could not help it. But I can leave when I wish now. I'll get whatever amount you need at once. Is that it? How much will it take?"

"That's not it."

"Then what!" I screeched, and paused. The sound I had made then had sounded far from human, more like the lilitu. A memory came to me, and a vague sensation of guilt and doubt formed in my stomach.

"Ah." The lilitu breathed and sat cross-legged, "There is the reason you cannot yet fully convert my love. We shall have to tackle that if we are to succeed."

I shook my head, "I do not understand. But I suspect you are about to enlighten me." I seated myself also and thought the desire to run against the bars and try to force my way through them. How long must I wait before I can hold her?

The lilitu chuckled, how I love her smile! "Yes, I shall regale you of yet another I was sent to convert, one who had a similar problem to you."

******

Deep in the heart of Babylon, within a large temple choking with incense, I watched and revelled in the mixture of delights before me.

My beloved Shammuramat was doing something marvellous that thrilled me to the core. I knew she would be Ardat-Lili after this. I came to her when her husband the king had died, her whelp of a son not ready for the position. So she had taken the mantle of regnant and become one of the most successful and depraved rulers of Assyria. How far she had come, from spoilt noblewoman, to empress, to brazen whore.

I had travelled with her many times to watch men kill each other in the hundreds for the sake of her kingdom, once victorious we would languidly select some of those warriors to pleasure and feed from. Truly a devotee still full of battle-lust is a delight to thresh. At night we would descend from the palace to the brothels together to gorge ourselves on phalluses. She would clutch my hand as men set to on her, and I would watch her, mesmerised as she masterfully drained each one, using her body perfectly to inspire them. The bounce of her breasts, the slaps of her flesh, her chokes as she took a phallus down her throat, she was like a symphony all of her own. So beautiful, so like my mother.

I was relishing the music of her now. Upon the altar she lay, legs open, being threshed by a young man so thoroughly any mortal would not have survived.

The ritual they call the Hieros Gamos. The high priestess must play the role of goddess and lay with the king who plays the role of god. If done successfully it ensures a good harvest and their gods' favour. However, the high priestess was Shammuramat, and the one that needed to instil his status as king was her own son Adad-nirari.

It was not so taboo then as you mortals make it now. Back then it was a necessity to ensure their deities' favour. My beloved accepted it as, eventually, did her son. But this ritual was to be different. For Shammuramat was instead playing the role of Lillake rather than Ishtar, and was opening her legs to her son like a whore rather than a lover. The result was spectacular.

Adad-niruri was threshing her like a mad beast. He had orgasmed several times but was still going, unable to stop himself. It must have been hours now. I could see the spark in him too, saw that he may become Irdu-Lili, the male equivalent. Upon witnessing the mad things he did, combined with my own and Shammurat's aura, the attending priests and priestess' lost their sanity. They screamed and clawed at themselves as their minds crumbled away, before setting upon each other in a poor imitation of the couple on the altar.

Magnificent as Adad-niruri was, my focus and ardour was mainly upon his mother. Ardat-Lili cannot have children after the change, but us lilitu never can at all. I could only watch in envy, wishing I could enjoy such things. All traces of guilt and doubt were erased in her as she had her holes ruined by the one she raised. I could feel the mixture of maternal love and depraved lust in her and felt my adoration grow further.

All too soon it ended, Adad-niruri fell to his knees, wanting to continue but no longer physically able. He had been brought to his utmost limit and may not even survive. I stepped over to Shammuramat, still on the altar with her legs open and ready. She panted and looked to me, "That was...wondrous."

I thrust my fingers into her until she orgasmed again, then licked the mixture of her juices and son's seed from my fingers. I groaned and felt my limbs tremble, "Magnificent, never have I tasted such from beyond my realm."

Shammuramat rose, "I am done with this world. Take me to your realm, I want such things done to me forever."

"Mother." A groan from the altar. We turned to regard Adad-niruri still on his knees, arms spread imploringly, phallus still erect and throbbing to be back in her. "Don't go."

She smiled, knelt and kissed him passionately. "I am not of your kind now, I do not belong here. Do what you will as king, sweet one, it means little to me now." With that she walked away. "Lilitu, take me home."

I agreed, then winked at Adad-niruri. I suspected he would be threshing her again in my realm soon enough. Ignoring the cries of the broken priestesses and priests, I followed Shammuramat, admiring her swaying hips and damp thighs as I did so.

******

As she finished her story I felt that sensation of guilt and doubt harden in to dread. "Are you saying my son will become-"

The lilitu held up her hands, "I do not know, it is unlikely, whilst more common than Ardat-Lili, Irdu-Lili are still rare amongst your kind. That was not what I was trying to convey." She lowered her hands and smiled again, "Like Shammuramat, you gave yourself to your own son as a whore, you revelled in it. Until you were discovered and forced to take shelter here. That is what brought you to this mundane convent, is it not?"

I shook, not wanting to hear it, "What I did was unforgivable-"

"It is inherently wrong." The lilitu agreed, "Which is what makes you one of us. Nothing can chain down your lust, not the flimsy rules and morals of what you call society, not even the very genetic coding of your body, which has since altered to prepare you for your true home. Accept what you are fully Laylah, delight in such things, then you will be fully converted. "

I stood and fled, not daring to listen to more. The lilitu's laughter echoed behind me, knowing the futility of my flight. Memories of what led me here flitted through my mind, filling me with both pleasure, and guilt for the pleasure I felt from it.

7. Beyond Human:

I ran and ran. I know not how long for. I had fled from the cloister into the nearby forest, I dared not stop for it meant confronting the emotions in me, the doubt that kept me mortal. Were I not at the threshold of my conversion, where my senses had been enhanced, I would have broken a limb running so carelessly amongst the foliage. As it was I flittered like a forest wight through the dense woodland until I could sprint no more.

Eventually I grew exhausted. I stumbled and fell to my knees. I was lost in the vast swathe of the Schwarzwald, my body demanding I seek devotees, uncaring of my inner turmoil. I curled into a foetal position amidst the dead leaves and willed myself to the oblivion of slumber.

I was in the nightmare realm again, that land of eternal night. Yes, here I could escape, take shelter in my lust. Desperately I called for those creatures, screamed at them to wreck me, to drive away these wretched feelings. Eagerly they came.

So did she.

Even in my state I was besotted by the woman who watched me, still as a statue again and seemingly uninterested. Shamelessly naked on her throne, bathed in ethereal light, I then understood what I was doing wrong. It seemed so obvious now I knew. How long had I been spreading my legs and submitting myself to their whims? How long had I been laying there taking their phalluses passively. Like a lamb feeding a pack of wolves.