Women's Studies Ch. 06

I felt myself becoming restless underneath the covers. It was late Wednesday morning, and I had my duvet pulled over my head to block out the god-awful light. Yesterday had seen the mass exodus of students and faculty for the Thanksgiving holiday, and I now had the entire dorm to myself. It wasn't just Evens Hall either, as far as I knew, I was the only hold out in the entire school. It was depressing to say the least.

I had been looking forward to going back home. Well, sort of. I had been anticipating seeing my sister Audrey again, for obvious reasons, but she had called earlier in the week, informing me that she wouldn't be making it back home. With the only reason for my return now gone, I decided to stay on campus in a solid attempt to avoid seeing my mother. That, and I wasn't ready to go back to being Alex, however temporary. If Audrey had been there it would have been worth it, but now that she was taking a pass, so was I.

I might have gone home if our mother wasn't such a bible thumping, perpetually angry, hate monger. She was one of those people you see holding signs and yelling at women entering planned parenthood, or boycotting gay rights activists and the funerals of fallen war heroes. I was pretty sure she believed that everyone except for her was going to hell for their sinful ways. I might have had to grow up with that shit, but now that I had a choice, I preferred to avoid it. That is, without incentive, of course.

Try as I might, I couldn't think of any appealing reason to get out of bed. With my friends gone for the holiday, all I wanted to do was stay in my bed, however my body was of a different mind. I'd been wide awake for over an hour now, fidgeting restlessly beneath my blankets, trying to either fall asleep or think of something to do.

One good thing that had come to mind during my restlessness was, being all alone, I didn't have to be as careful as I usually had to. Having the whole place to myself, I didn't have to wait until odd hours to take a shower, or for Abigail to leave the room for me to change for fear of her seeing me naked. I could probably even walk the halls naked if I wanted to. Not that I would. That would be taking it a bit too far. The thought was arousing though. Kennedy had turned me into something of an exhibitionist. She loved teasing me in public to get a rise out of me, and the risk of being caught not only fooling around, but having a penis, was dangerously exciting.

I couldn't help but think back to the time Kennedy took off with my underwear after sucking my cock in the back of one of my classes. I had to walk the whole way back to the dorm with my dick swinging beneath my dress. I was so turned on by the sensations, and feeling like a dirty little girl, I had to use my book bag to cover my painful erection.

I could feel my cock begin to swell beneath my covers, and lost in my thoughts, I began to stroke myself through my pajama pants. The soft fabric felt marvelous against my burgeoning shaft. I awkwardly slipped off my pants and underwear underneath the covers and continued to stroke myself.

My cock felt so warm against my fingers, and I could feel the blood pulsing through it with my excitement. My hips began to rock with my continued stroking, while soft moans escaped my lips. The heat beneath my covers began to rise and I could feel my impending climax. I bit my lip as I reveled in my naughty memories and began to stroke myself faster. With a loud moan I came into my wadded-up panties, feeling spurt after spurt rocket through my loins. It took some time for my breathing to even out after my release.

It was strange, the things you miss sometimes. It had been so long since I was able to masturbate first thing in the morning. A simple ritual I had followed, almost without fail, since puberty. Since I began my journey down this new road, it had come to an end, and it took some severe willpower to keep me from accidentally caving in to the pressure. It wasn't something I valued highly when I was able to do it at will, but now that my privacy was precarious, to say the least, it was a rare treat indeed.

I was in a much better mood after my game of five against one, and from the sounds my stomach was making, I was hungry too. Finally having a good reason to get out of bed, I wadded up my soiled panties, threw back my covers and jumped out of bed.

"Morning!" Abigail smiled from her bed.

Startled out of my mind, I tripped and hit the floor, scrambling for my blankets on my way down. Please God, No! I cried to myself as I rushed to cover my very exposed lower half. I prayed to whatever Gods would listen, but the damage was surely done. There was no way she missed my still deflating cock.

"I'm...You were...I didn't..." I tried. "You left last night!" I accused, finally forming a coherent sentence.

"My flight was canceled. I got back in late," she said, sitting up in her bed.

"You scared me... I thought I was all alone," I said, hoping beyond hope that she did indeed miss seeing Bob Saget and the Olsen twins hanging out downstairs.

"I could see that," she smiled, her eyes flicking towards my waist and then toward my wadded-up panties on the floor in front of me. "Anything you want to tell me about?"

"What do you mean?" I asked blushing. She couldn't know. No way could she have seen and not be flipping out right now.

"Are you really going to make me say it?" Abigail asked, giggling. "Your penis!"

I was frozen. I wanted to hide, or cry, or any one of a hundred other things, but I was naked with only my black down-comforter for cover. The silence stretched out before Abigail got to her feet and walked over to me. I closed my eyes, anticipating a slap, or shouting, or something. I felt something brush against my shoulder causing me to flinch, but when I opened my eyes, I saw that Abigail was now sitting next to me on the floor, pulling one leg under her. Her expression was soft and kind as she brushed her dark hair behind her ear.

"Do you hate me?" I asked.

"No Sweety, I don't hate you," she said. "I just wish you would've wanted to tell me sooner. I've been waiting for a while now."

"You've been waiting?" I asked, confused.

"Yeah," she sighed. "I've known for a while," she confessed.

"How?" I sputtered.

"Well, at first I thought you were just shy, never changing when I was in the room, or how you always shower really early in the mornings, but what really did it was seeing your penis a little over a month ago when you were getting ready for our night out at the Blacklist."

I remembered the night well. It was the night that Kennedy had first seduced Abigail. It was also the only time I had ever risked getting dressed when Abigail was around. She had stepped out of the room for a moment, and I quickly went to put some clothes on. She had come back in while I stood there in a bra, and a raging hard on that I had thought was hidden by my closet door.

"You've known for over a month?" I asked, disbelieving. "Why aren't you mad at me? Why didn't you say anything?"

"I'm not mad because it doesn't matter. I'm a little disappointed that you didn't want to tell me on your own, but I understand why you would be reluctant," she said kindly. "And I didn't say anything because you're my friend and I didn't want to upset you. You clearly wanted to keep it a secret, and I was fine with that."

"But you're not worried about sharing a room with me?" I asked awkwardly. "I've seen you naked."

"Yes, you have," she said, smiling. "To be honest, this last month has been kind of fun for me. And I am sorry about that Bat Girl costume," she said, laughing. "I was still a little sore about you and Kennedy leaving me out of the loop...again...and I kind of wanted to make you squirm a little bit. It was worth it though; you were so hot!"

"Oh my god! I can't believe you!" I said, before realizing that it was a little like the whore calling the stripper a slut.

"Well you were hot!" Abigail laughed giving me a playful shove.

I could feel the corners of my mouth perking up remembering that night. I had looked amazing. Still a little dazed from this bomb shell, I felt at a loss for words, and a silence fell between us.

"What now?" I asked.

"Breakfast," Abigail said, getting to her feet. "I don't know about you, but I'm starving. I didn't eat at all last night."

Abigail quickly threw on some clothes, and graciously gave me the room so I could have some privacy. Sure, she had already seen everything there was to see, but I was still processing, and after watching her dress, I was grateful that I didn't have to walk around in front of her with a hardon.

*** *** ***

Danny's Fish and Chips was just opening as we pulled up in Abigail's car. We huddled together in a corner booth near the back, and as we waited for our food, the place slowly filled up. As okay as Abigail seemed to be with all of this, she still had a lot of questions, and the way she fired them off, one on top of another, showed how much she had been waiting to ask.

"...and that's how all this happened," I said, finishing my recital of events that led up to me attending an all-girl college.

"So, you're saying this all happened by accident?" she asked.

"I didn't mean for any of this," I said quickly. "but it's who I am now. I am Lexi," I said firmly. I didn't want her to think this was all just an act for me. Well it was, and it wasn't. I might not genetically be a girl, but for better or worse, I was Lexi.

"I just can't believe you've only been doing this for a few months," Abigail said. "If I never saw your junk, I would have never known."

"Can I ask you something?" I asked.

"Sure. Anything," she assured me.

"How are you not weirded out by this? One of my biggest fears has been that you would find out and think I was some perv," I confided. "We've shared the same room. I've seen you naked on numerous occasions. And it's not like you don't know that I like girls."

"I like girls," Abigail said, taking a bite of a French fry from my plate. "Do you think it really makes a difference if it's a guy that thinks I'm hot checking me out, or some girl perving on me? To be honest, I've felt more uncomfortable from some of the looks the other girls give me in the showers, like it's the middle of July and I'm the last snow cone," she finished with a laugh.

"I never thought of it like that," I said.

"And to be honest, I peek a little too," Abigail smiled. "Every chance I could get, I would get an eyeful of Kennedy. Discreetly though," she assured me.

"She is beautiful, isn't she?" I mused.

"You've got that right," Abigail sighed. "You know, after I found out about you, it put the you-and-Kennedy thing into a whole new perspective. I bet you wish Kennedy had been your roommate. It would have made things a lot easier for you."

"Never," I said, reaching across the table to hold her hand. "I wouldn't trade our friendship for anything."

"Awe!" Abigail sighed, taking my hand.

The rest of the day seemed to pass quickly, and I felt as if I was on a cloud. Abigail knew the truth about me, and she didn't care. After breakfast we went out for a mani-pedi, and then for a movie at the Art House Theater, finishing the night off with ordering a pizza at our dorm. I once again felt blessed with the friends I had found. Times may have been changing for gender rights, but at the same time there were still people out there who were as close minded as ever. To be honest, I didn't even know how I would have reacted before my sister introduced me to Lexi.

Getting ready for bed was different. It was awkward and exhilarating all at the same time. Even though Abigail knew, and had already seen it, I still couldn't help but be nervous. I had built up my protective instincts to keep my secret, and they wouldn't be turned off so easily. Abigail on the other hand had no problem stripping off her clothes and walking around in her panties before putting on her PJ's. I did my best not to stare at her body and mind my own.

Finally, in my own pajamas, I slipped under my covers and told Abigail goodnight. I couldn't sleep though. I kept thinking about things. I apparently made a great girl, but a really shitty secret keeper. Good thing I didn't know the Potters. I had two jobs here, graduate, and keep anyone from finding out about my cock. Two people now knew about my secret, not counting my sister, and I couldn't help but worry about more people finding out. So far, the two other people that knew were okay with it, but if I kept slipping up, someone would find out that wouldn't be.

*** *** ***

It was just after noon on Thursday. Abigail and I were vegging out on the couch in the common area watching Americas Next Top Model, while trying to forget how depressing it was that neither of us had anywhere else better to be on Thanksgiving. Well at least I was wondering that, I wasn't so sure about Abigail.

"Do you think Carmen is going to win?" Abigail asked.

"No way! Did you see the last episode?" I asked. "Her underwater photo shoot was an unmitigated disaster. How could she not know she was allergic to chlorine?"

"That's not fair!" Abigail protested. "It wasn't her fault!"

"Her fault or not, that was bad," I said. "She came out looking like Shrek's uglier cousin. It'll be hard for her to recover from that."

I didn't think Abigail liked my assessment very much because she fell silent for a while. Top Model would normally never be on my list of shows to watch, but living with all of these other girls meant watching what the majority wanted. I thought of it like turning into a skid. A plus side was that you could learn a few things from it, as well as get a few good laughs.

My phone buzzed again in my lap, and after a quick glance, I swiped the message off the screen. That was one can of worms I wasn't ready to acknowledge. I felt like I had dug myself into a hole, and the only way out that I could see was avoidance. I was getting pretty good at avoidance. My phone buzzed again.

"Who is that?" Abigail asked, as I swiped the new message off the screen and turned off the vibrate setting. "Is it Danny?" she asked with a smile.

I wasn't exactly sure how it happened, but I really liked the guy. He was tall, strong, and handsome, and he was fun to be around. The more I thought about it though, it was a disaster waiting to happen.

"Yeah," I said, pretending to be engrossed in the commercial that had just come on, hoping Abigail would just let it pass.

"Why aren't you messaging him back?" she asked.

Well that failed, I thought.

"You two have been talking and messaging nonstop, what happened?" she implored through my silence.

"Nothing happened," I sighed, realizing she wasn't going to let it go.

"So why are you ignoring him?" she asked curiously. "Wait, how does that work? You know with your...you know. Does he know about that?"

"He doesn't know, and that's why it won't work," I sighed. "He'll think I'm a freak," I said. "And what if he gets so upset when he finds out that he tells everyone? If the school finds out they'll kick me out for sure. I could probably even go to jail!" This whole thing was frustrating sometimes.

"I guess that could complicate things," Abigail said thoughtfully. "I never even thought about the possibility of jail."

"All because of my cock," I said. "Don't get me wrong, I love the guy, but he sure does get me into a lot of tight spots."

"I bet he does!" Abigail said, giggling incessantly from my words.

"I didn't mean it like that!" I laughed.

"Can I see it?" Abigail asked out of nowhere once our laughter faded.

"See what?" I asked, leaning forward to grab some popcorn from the bowl on the coffee table.

"You know, your penis," she said, causing me to slip off the edge of the couch and onto the floor.

"What?" I asked, thinking I couldn't have possibly heard her correctly.

"I've just never seen one before," she said, blushing and avoiding my eyes.

"You've seen it already," I blushed.

"Only for a second!" she protested.

"Haven't you seen porn?" I asked, getting back up onto the couch. This topic of conversation was a little uncomfortable, but at the same time I was finding it hard to stop from being aroused.

"Yes," she admitted, blushing even deeper. "But it's not the same thing."

She was right about that. I had fantasized about naked women for my entire teenage life and all the porn in the world couldn't prepare me for the real thing. Even if the porn was of the very same girl.

"So...can I?" Abigail asked shyly.

Out of all the scenarios that flashed through my mind, none of them seemed bad. I had nothing to be ashamed of in the cock department, and a voice deep inside my brain kept screaming that this was how pornos were made. As Abigail watched me with her expecting eyes, my cock began to swell painfully in my panties. More than ready to ease my pain, I stood up from the couch.

I nervously hooked my thumbs into the waist of my pajama pants and slowly pulled them down over my hips and ass, and let them go as they fell to the floor at my ankles. Now in just my black panties and tank top, I watched Abigail's rapt attention on that small piece of fabric shielding me from view.

I didn't know if it was an illusion or a trick of light, but as I inched my panties down, I could've sworn her eyes shone a little brighter, and her tongue peeked out to lightly wet her lips. The whole thing turned me on, and watching her watch me, reminded me of Kennedy. Like a coiled spring, once it was free, my cock sprung forward, and in seconds stood as tall and firm as ever, pointing straight at Abigail.

"Wow!" Abigail breathed, her mouth hanging open sexily. With her lips parted just so, I couldn't help but imagine slipping my cock between those soft luscious beauties. Her eyes flitted to mine for the briefest of moments as she lifted her hand to reach out and touch me.

BRRRRIIINNNG!

"Fuck!" we both shouted in unison, jumping at the sound. Out of reflex, I tried to cover myself as best as I could as I hit the floor.

"Oh that scared me to death!" Abigail laughed, picking up her phone.

"Scared you? You're not the one swinging in the wind!" I shot back, receiving laughter from Abigail.

"Hi Daddy," she said answering her phone. "Not much, just watching some TV with Lexi...Yeah, that's the one," she said, watching me as I got back up off the floor. The danger was gone, and whatever moment there was had passed. Even so, Abigail's eyes never left my cock as I pulled my panties back up, tucking my erection in the waist band as best I could. Her eyes still clung to the bulge I was sporting even after my pajama pants were covering me decently again.

"Really?" Abigail said to her phone excitedly. "Yeah, I'll ask her!"

"My dad wants to know if you want to go out to dinner with us tonight," Abigail directed towards me. "He promises that you will have a good time!"

"I don't want to impose," I said, trying to sit as comfortably as I could with my now massive erection.

"You're not imposing, he's inviting you," Abigail said kindly before covering her phone and adding. "Say yes! The food will be to die for."

"Okay, I'll come," I relented.

"She said yes," Abigail said into her phone. "Okay...Yes...I love you too. See you soon, Daddy!"

"We need to start getting ready," Abigail said, jumping up off the couch as she hung up. "He will be picking us up in about two hours."

Abigail was nearly skipping as she made her way to our room, and I followed behind her. Dinner with Mr. Lockwood? It felt surreal. The man owned an empire that could put small countries to shame. The man and his family were practically legends. I knew Abigail was part of that family, but for some reason I never saw her that way. Just thinking about it was making me nervous.