When I said, Yes

***This is the first story I've posted since the death of my best friend, my confidante, and my brother. It, and all my future stories, will be dedicated to my loving brother, who left us all too soon. May he be free from his pain and in a better place. I love you, ~B...with all my heart and soul. XO ~L***

*****

Life can be tricky. It may take a person a while before they realize how much truth is in that statement. It's funny how life never seems to go quite the way you expect it to.

I thought I had my life carefully planned. I was what was referred to as a good girl. I attended an Ivy League University, graduated with honors, and by all accounts, was doing rather well. My first job was with a major magazine, working as a freelance writer. It had it's perks. I made good money, set my own hours, and made some great friendships along the way. Most people would have said I had a good life and things had fallen in track with my plans.

That would have all been true until recently but things change in a moments notice. Sometimes, you have less than a minute to make a choice and sometimes, a single choice can change the course of events beyond your wildest imagination.

My imagination can definitely be described as a bit wild. For example, I had a rather creative dream that, over time, developed into what I would label a fantasy. I actually looked up the meaning of fantasy to be sure it fit the situation. The definition included the following: imagining things that are impossible or improbable. In general, that would mean, it's simply not going to happen. At least one would think that's what it implied. However, I shared my rather creative dream with Brian, one of my best friends and my lover.

Who knew sharing an intimate moment and a few fanciful subconscious thoughts would change my life in so many interesting ways. Umm, not me, that's for sure. And no one in their right mind, or at least no one who knew me, would have ever thought that I would find myself in a situation like the one I found myself in shortly after talking with Brian.

How rare is it for someone to actually end up in their own personal fantasy? I'm thinking that's a rare situation. Right? Not in a million years! But, here I am, waking up between two of the most sexy, beautiful men I have ever known in my entire life; all thirty-five years of it, very soon to be thirty-six.

Even in my wildest dreams, and like I said, I have had some wild dreams, I couldn't come up with this scenario. My god, what a difference a year makes. What an absolutely, positively, lovely difference a year makes!

To think, this time last year I was preparing to be alone and making all sorts of decisions that would change my life. I never realized they would bring me to where I am today. Now, I wouldn't have it any other way.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

I was turning thirty-five. To say the least, would be to admit that I wasn't totally happy with where I was in my life and or how I saw things progressing in the near future. I wasn't the type of woman who ever pictured herself with the two point four children, a three bedroom, two bath home and a white picket fence.

Let me say, that there is nothing wrong with that picture. It just wasn't my picture. In my entire life, I don't ever remember having one of those little girl dreams where the wedding dress, flowers, cake, and all that stuff, including Prince Charming were in my future. It never happened that way for me. That wasn't my dream.

Even as a young girl, I pictured myself as the school principal, the business owner, or the best selling author. I always wanted to be the leader. I was never the one who followed someone else's directions or rules, at least not without a debate as to why. Even then, I didn't follow them well. Believe me when I say, it has gotten me in trouble more than a few times. It still does on occasion. Only now I enjoy being in trouble! At least most of the time.

Like I was saying, I was the one who was always in charge. The one the other kids listened to. It didn't change too much as I grew up. I still liked things my way. I gave my own directions. I made my own rules. That explains why I chose to become a freelance writer when the opportunity arose. The key word being "free," not having to follow rules. Well, that's not totally true, there are a few rules. Just much less than in the nine-to-five types of careers.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

There I was, thirty-five and no longer sure I was on the right path. So what should a girl to do? The only thing I could do. The one thing I've always done when things didn't feel right or I wasn't happy. I'd make changes! Rethink what I want, define my goal, make my action plan, and go forth and conquer! The only problem was I wasn't sure what I wanted to conquer.

In order to figure it all out, I decided to have a night out with some of my closest friends. Luckily for me, four of them, four of the people who know me best, had invited me out for dinner to celebrate my birthday. I would get to celebrate and tap their brains about my dilemma. It was a win-win situation.

We met at one of our favorite bar-restaurants. Rembrandt's was an old converted dime store that was one of our places to relax and enjoy ourselves. It was comfortable, the wait staff and bartenders knew us, and most of the regulars were really great people who enjoyed a good time.

We had our usual table in the corner between two walls of windows that faced center city. We were close to the Art Museum, so you could see the cityscape all lit up and it looked spectacular against the night sky. We ordered drinks and started talking. Everyone was wishing me happy birthday and Jen, our favorite waitress, came out with a birthday cake. Someone, who really must not have liked me, actually placed thirty-five candles on it and lit each one.

My friends and the entire population of the bar started to sing Happy Birthday. It can be an emotional moment when so many people are happy for you. The serenade ended and I blew out my candles. Things slowly quieted down and we sat down for dinner.

"I thought we would get through the formalities before we eat." Diane said, as she laughed at me for counting the candles. "So, I asked Jen to bring out the cake first so we could sing Happy Birthday."

Diane was my best friend and sat to my right like a wing-man guarding my six. She was the person who knew me best. We had known each other since our first year at college. We'd both attended the University of Pennsylvania. She was a nursing major and I was English Lit. We met at a freshmen meet and greet and have been best friends ever since. She knows me better than anyone.

During our sophomore year we became roommates and in our junior year we moved off-campus to an apartment in the city. That's how we'd found Rembrandts'. Our first apartment was right across from the Art Museum and Rembrandts' was in walking distance. We ate more dinners and drank more wine there, than we did in our own apartment.

The place was our sanctuary. It was where we let our hair down and had the freedom to say whatever was on our minds. It was our home away from home, our safe place. Anything said at Rembrandts' stayed there.

I really only shared my most personal thoughts with two people, Diane and Brian. My two closest tribe members, my support system. They both knew all there was to know about me. Surprisingly, they both loved me despite that fact.

Brian knew I'd been feeling a little off, but knew it was more than that. Diane knew I'd been feeling a bit lost. She was up-to-date on everything I had been debating over those weeks before everything in my life changed. During dinner, she reached over and squeezed my hand. When I gave her a "what's up" look, she gave me a reassuring smile and a wink. With that she addressed our friends.

"Ok. Everyone, I need your undivided attention. Although we are here to celebrate Olivia's birthday, we have another agenda item." I was staring at her, not sure where she was going with this, but trusting her enough to let her go with it. She continued, "My girl," a term of endearment she uses frequently with me, "has a dilemma and needs our help. So, no shitting around, I want you all to listen to her and bring forth your best ideas and suggestions. No jokes! This is serious and she wants our input."

Silence swept over our group. She broke the tension by ending with, "...and you know my girl never asks for anyone else's opinion. So this is some serious shit." Everyone at the table broke into laughter knowing just how true her words were.

"Go ahead Liv. I think we have their attention." Giving my hand another little squeeze, she pulled me up from my chair. That's Di, the one you can count on when you expect it and more importantly, when you don't expect it. And that's one of the reasons Di is my best friend. I can count on her at all times. We have no secrets. She has my back and I have hers. I'm closer to Di than I am my own sister.

Everyone was looking at me as I resumed the conversation. "Well guys, don't look so worried. No one is dying." There was a little nervous laughter, but they still appeared a little worried. I smiled and looked at them.

"You know that you are very special to me. You each have a very important role in my life. I love and respect you very much."

Teary eyed, I continued to speak to a completely silent group. This was a rare event, even for our little gathering. Silence was foreign to us. Rarer was the fact that I had tears in my eyes and they were slowly streaming down my cheeks. I never cried in front of people.

"I want, no, I need to tell you that I love you. I want you to know how much you mean to me."

I looked at some of the people I loved the most in this world. They were all focused on me. Brian was directly to my left. I could tell he was concerned about me because he started adjusting his watch band on his wrist. One of the nervous habits he had whenever we talked about a problem or something that was important to him. I'm one of those things. I'm important to him. Our friendship was more than a simple friendship, it was very special.

When I looked down and caught him playing with his watch, he unexpectedly stood up, hugged me, and kissed my cheek. Leaning in, he whispered, "Whatever you need, I'm here for you. I hope you know that." I kissed him back, smiled and he sat back down.

Brian and I had dated for several months the previous year and had kept a friends with benefits relationship since then. We loved each other, we were just not in love with each other at the time. But we were pretty good together when it came to the bedroom, and a few other rooms we trialed. Yes, believe it or not, it was that unique relationship where a man and a woman could remain friends after dating and having sex with each other. Ok, so, we still had sex with each other. I never said it was perfect, or platonic, did I?

I gathered my thoughts again and continued talking after Brian's kiss. Every now and then, I felt his hand run up the back of my thigh and pat my bottom. It was his supportive touch. His way of reassuring me. It worked. I refocused my thoughts and continued.

"I've talked with each of you at one time or another about life circumstances and how the choices we make affect our lives. We've all had those deep discussions questioning who we are, who we're supposed to be, and are we doing what we're meant to be doing. The ones that usually start over a glass of wine and end sometime around two or three o'clock in the morning." I took a few seconds and looked at my closest friends, my support system, my family, before I continued.

"Recently, I realized that I am not happy with the way things are for me. It's as simple as that. So, I've decided to make some major changes. Originally, I thought I would ask you for your opinions and some ideas. That's what Diane was referring to." I peeked down first at Di and then over to Brian and I felt stronger.

"After feeling the love and support from each of you, I have all I need to finalize my decision. I've decided to give up my apartment and do some traveling. I can write from anywhere and I don't have any commitments that are keeping me here right now, so it's a good time for me.

"I was reading an article a few days ago and I read a quote from a young author. Some of you may be familiar with her writings. Her name is Marie Lu and she wrote the Legend series. What she said, made something inside me come alive and, to be cliche, it was like a lightening strike. Immediately, I knew I wanted to do something totally different from what I'm doing now.

"She said, 'Each day means a new twenty-four hours. Each day means everything's possible again. You live in the moment, you die in the moment, and you take it all one day at a time.' " As I looked around the table, everyone was nodding in agreement.

"I've always wanted to go across country and just stop wherever I wanted and spend some time exploring. I think this is the perfect time to do it. I've decided to 'live in the moment,' as they say. If I wait any longer, I'll start to think that I'm too old or find some other reason not to." I smiled before I continued, "While I'm traveling, I'm going to start that novel I always wanted to write."

I fondly gazed at the people who had come to mean so much to me and for a split second, I thought to myself, Can I do this? Can I leave them and basically start over? I realized I could. I thought to myself, Yes, I can and if I fail, they will take me back with open arms.

"So, that's my big birthday announcement. I'm leaving Philly in a few weeks and going exploring. If I'm lucky, I may find out some things about myself. Who knows, it may completely change my life! Of course, I might also be back here in a few months asking for a couch to sleep on."

They all laughed. I heard everything from "You know you will succeed at anything you do," to "Whatever you do or whatever you need we are all here for you."

The great thing was I know that they meant it. These people had been part of my family for years and I knew that would not change. No matter where I went, they would always be home.

~~~~~~~~

After I kissed everyone good-bye and said good-night, I grabbed my bag and headed for the door with a box of birthday cake in hand. As I was leaving, I saw Brian leaning up against my car, waiting. Since we had been touching each other all night long, I wasn't surprised to see him there. We had started with the hug and kiss, then the hand holding through dinner, then him caressing my thigh through dessert, ending with my hand rubbing his cock during the after dinner drinks. Like I said, friends with benefits.

"Hey little girl, do you want some candy?" My eyes teared again at the thought of missing him. At the same time, I heard myself laugh because that's what I said to him the first time we met.

We were at a tavern on South Street and I saw him standing, leaning back against the bar. His pose was similar to this one, him leaning against my car. He was standing, all tall, dark and sexy. I could have just eaten him up. At the time, I thought, I just might do that a little later.

Anyway, I walked up to him at the bar that first night and got his attention. Then I peered into his eyes, smiled, and said in a deeply sexy voice, "Hey little boy, do you want some candy?" and I waited. He actually made me wait before he answered.

"Little girl, you don't know what you're asking. If I were to say yes, what kind of candy do you have for me?" He actually growled. "I'm well known for my sweet tooth."

Damn, he was sexy that night, and that was the start of our relationship.

I found him even sexier now. Maybe it was because he was more relaxed around me. It could have been because he knew me and I knew him. More likely it was because we had a bond that was different from any other friendship or bond either one of us had ever shared. Regardless of the reason, I adored him and I

was fairly sure, he adored me.

"No mister, I can't take any of your candy. I'm not supposed to talk to strange men," I said sweetly, playing it coy. Licking my lips, I teased him a little. Tilting my head to the side, I tossed my hair over my shoulder and in a quiet, innocent sounding voice, I asked, "Umm...What kind of candy do you have? I do like candy."

He pulled me close to his chest and smirked. Wrapping his arms around me, he kissed my mouth fully and hard. There was no warm up. We had taken care of that during dinner. His lips were warm, soft, and oh so delicious. I could still taste the birthday cake on them when I sucked the bottom one into my mouth. When his tongue entered my mouth and started to explore, I tasted the shot of Patron that we all did to finish the night. I didn't know if I was feeling the heat from his tongue or the heat from the tequila, but whatever it was, it was good. No, make that great. The warmth went from my tongue and down my throat as if I was doing another shot. It then rested in the lower part of me.

It was a deep kiss, penetrating not only my mouth, but my heart and soul. I gave the intensity and the heat right back. He knew I wanted him, he knew I loved him. I knew he felt the same way about me. In a more perfect world, we might have had the happily ever after, but it wasn't to be, at least not in the foreseeable future.

Ours was an easy relationship. The kind you can come back to after a while and pick up like it was yesterday. We enjoyed each other intellectually, emotionally, and physically. We were of similar minds, but the happily ever after stuff was never part of our picture. We both agreed to that from the start.

Brian made a deep sigh after our kiss. I refocused on what he was saying. "Oh, honey, I know you like candy," he more or less growled out. "I'm going to give you all the candy you can handle." He kissed the tip of my nose. "All you have to do is tell me what you want and I'll do my best to give it to you."

"Promise?" I said, as I licked my tongue over his bottom lip.

"I promise. But you have to promise to tell me exactly what you want. Otherwise, no candy, no anything." He winked. "Understand?"

"Yes," I sighed.

"It's your birthday and I plan on giving you everything you've ever told me you wanted," he teased.

"Everything?" I was curious at that little crooked smile of his. It only showed up when he had done something I wasn't going to be happy with or if he had something up his sleeve and was trying to convince me it was a good idea. This time, I wasn't sure which it was.

"Yes, everything," he said, "but you have to ask for it." His attitude was a little self assured.

"Ok. I promise I'll ask."

My head was spinning a little from a combination of emotions, alcohol, and lust. But more from the lust side of the equation. It wasn't a bad combination from where I was standing. The problem was, it wasn't the best combination to have when I was trying to figure out what he was up to.

"Good. Now, give me your keys, you've had more to drink than I have," he said, and he put his hand out for them.

I hadn't had that much to drink. He was being all masculine and guy-like. I remembered how much I liked it when he was like that. I handed him the keys and he opened the passenger door for me.

"You break it; you bought it," I said as I got in.

"Get that beautiful ass in the car so I can get you home and wish you a real happy birthday."

He gave my ass a playful smack, just hard enough to make me squeal. I waited until he was in before I asked about what he was up to. He was acting way too suspicious.

"Did you get me a present?" I asked in an innocent manner.

"Honey, I have more than one present for you. Don't worry about that." He was looking at me with those big brown puppy dog eyes and then all of a sudden, they looked more like the eyes of a wolf. They were all shiny and focused. Licking his lips like he was starving, he looked like he was hunting prey.