Wanda is Watching

Some idiot once said, "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade." Well, life has been giving me shit lately and I'm finding out that making shit sandwiches just doesn't cut it.

First, I lost my job. Another company bought out the company I work for and 150 of us were downsized. I found another job, but at half the pay and no benefits. Next, an uninsured drunk ran a red light and broadsided my car. Yeah, I've got insurance, but I've also got a thousand-dollar deductible.

The washing machine broke down and the repairman told me it couldn't be fixed. It only cost me $75 for him to come to my home and tell me that. I went over to Sears to get a new one and was told my card was at its limit.

The transmission in my wife's car is acting up. I checked the dipstick and the fluid smells burnt. I give it a week until the pump goes out or the converter comes apart. God knows what I'll do then.

If all that ain't enough my wife of twelve years has decided that she needs to lose weight. After trying several diets to no effect she found some diet pills that seem to work for her. She has an exercise bike in the living room and she practically lives on the goddamn thing. You ever try to watch football with the whir whir of one of them things going on in the background? Wanda is losing weight, but the side effects of those pills are that she has lost all interest in sex. Like I said life is giving me nothing but shit.

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I'm not used to going without sex. Me and Wanda been going at it like rabbits for our whole marriage. Four, sometimes five, times a week. The honeymoon never ended for us so I been taking this no sex thing pretty hard. Not that Wanda has cut me off, she hasn't. She never says no, but she has no interest, she just lays there. Once or twice was enough of that for me. I love the stupid cunt and it doesn't seem right to just 'use' her to get myself off.

I've been a bear to live with. I'm irritable all the time, kicking the dog, throwing things at the cat, slamming doors. Ok ok I know I'm an asshole, but what do you expect from a guy who gets laid five times a week for twelve years and overnight goes to not getting any? It's a good thing we don't have any kids. God knows what I'd do to them.

Let me clear the decks on this while I'm at it. Wanda isn't fat. She is what I would call voluptuous. She's got an ass that stops traffic every time she walks down a street; long black hair that hangs down to her waist; and her tits - her tits are to die for. Why she is wasting her time taking them pills, riding that exercycle, doing all those exercises is beyond me because I like her just the way she is. Hell, not only me, but half the guys I know have told me they'll take her if I ever decide to get rid of her.

Despite my earlier "stupid cunt" remark, Wanda isn't stupid. She knows that she is the cause of my bad moods and she's determined to do what she can (short of giving up those damn pills) to try and calm me down. She waits on me hand and foot; cooks all my favorite meals; encourages me to go out with my buddies and bowl, play cards and that kind of stuff. She has even, so help me God, hinted that I should go out and get myself laid. Hey, I admitted I'm an asshole, but I'm not that big an asshole. I believe in all that "till death do us part; cleave only unto; for better or worse" crap. What can I say? I'm just funny that way.

Wanda finally got tired of my shit and decided to do something about it. Thursday is my bowling night. I'm in the early league and we usually finish by seven. I have a few beers with the guys and I'm usually home by nine. When I got home the house was dark - dark and quiet. Not a normal state in my house.

"Wanda? Wanda? Wanda, are you here?"

"I'm in the bedroom" she hollered back. I put my bowling bag in the hall closet and headed for the bedroom. "Don't turn on the light," said Wanda, "I want it dark in here."

"Jeez babe" I said, "Those pills making you flaky too?"

"No Joey, I just don't want the lights on. Take off your clothes and get into bed. I'm going to suck your cock."

"All right!" I thought. I was out of my clothes in Olympic record time and crawled on the bed. Wanda pushed me over onto my back and warm lips caressed my cock. Damn, did it feel good. After a bit I pushed her away and moved around so we could 'sixty-nine'. Things were starting to look up in Joey's world. After a couple of minutes I noticed that something wasn't right. I can usually get Wanda off by eating her pussy and I wasn't getting much response from her. "Stupid fucking pills" I thought. After a couple more minutes I pulled away, turned around, and sent 'Mr. Happy' to look for the 'Tunnel of Bliss'.

Soon I was pumping away and Wanda was energetically responding. I knew I was gonna cum pretty quick because it had been a long time since my last one and I could feel it building. "I'm gonna cum babe, I'm gonna cum."

"No! No! Don't cum Joey. I'm almost there. Stay with me!"

I stopped in mid stroke. That was not Wanda. I pulled away and reached over to turn on the bedside lamp. The light came on and the two women froze like a couple of deer caught in the headlights, Wanda kneeling beside the bed and Sarah lying on the bed with her legs spread.

"Would someone care to tell me what's going on?"

"I talked her into it," said Wanda. "I had to get you laid before you had a nervous breakdown."

Some background here. During our last year of high school Sarah and I had been an 'item'. Everyone, including us knew that we would get married soon after graduation. We spent our senior year fucking on any flat surface we could find, but on Graduation Night four of us guys got bombed, found a car with the keys in it and took it for a joy ride. The judge said, "Clean record, first offense, tell you what I'm going to do. Join the Army or go to jail." Eleven months later I'm sitting in an outpost on the 38th Parallel reading a letter that starts, "Dear Joey, I'm sorry that...yadda, yadda, yadda." I came home at the end of two years to find a divorced Sarah with one kid and everyone, including both our families, expecting us to pick up where we left off. It didn't work out that way. I met her best friend Wanda and I was a goner.

Anyway - back to the bedroom! "You asked your best friend to fuck your husband?" Wanda nodded yes. "And you agreed to this?" I said looking at Sarah.

"I'm here with my legs open aren't I?"

Leave it to me to ask a dumb question. Back to Wanda - "And you don't care?" Again Wanda nodded. "What about 'remain faithful', till death do us part and all that marriage vow stuff?"

"Joey - you're not being unfaithful to me if you are doing it with my permission."

I had to think about that one. "So. Let me get this straight. I can fuck Sarah all that she's willing to let me and it alright with you?" Wanda nodded yes.

"And I've also talked about it with Connie and she will help out as long as we don't let anyone find out."

Connie too? Now I have not strayed from the path during our marriage, but if anyone could have made me stray it would have been Connie. "You are absolutely 100% sure about this?" Wanda said yes. I looked at Sarah.

"You absolutely sure about this?"

"Will you stop with the stupid questions already and get back up here? You left me hanging." I thought for a moment and then said, "Ok, but only on one condition."

"What?" asked Wanda.

"You always have to be here."

"Deal" said Wanda and gave me her hand to shake. Then she got up and left the room. She was back in less than a minute with her exercise bike. She set it up in the corner and then got on and started to ride her bike. I watched her for a few seconds and then I got on the bed and started to ride Sarah.

Is life great or what?