Falling Apart

A lot of things have been going wrong
in my life. I don't know what to do.

I am living in America without legal papers. Always I must watch my back. I cannot work. I cannot vote. I am invisible. It's almost like I'm not really there.

I went through school and basically it was alright.
I made it to college. That's when I started having
trouble at home. My sister is sometimes violent
and has attacked me once. I got away. She is
dangerous and I don't trust her.

I don't know what to do.
I cannot fight her. Why ? Because cops
would think I'm the aggressor even though
I am only defending myself. The whole world
would think I'm the bad one. They don't
know that girls can be just as violent as
guys.

I live in a house where no one likes
me. I live with my uncle, aunt, cousins
and sister yet I am all alone. I am always
alone.

I have passions that no one understands.
I want to make a difference. I am a nice
guy and an intellectual. No one understands
me so I must hide who and what I truly
am. It's a matter of life and death.

What would my family say if they found out
the truth about me ? That I am bi-sexual.
One of those people who are attracted to
both men and women.

The black community is very homophobic.
My family is black and religious so they will
not tolerate it. Also, they don't like me very
much. I am usually quiet and keep to myself
but I am a decent human being. It's just that
I am different and cannot help it.

My college advisor just let me know that I
was placed on academic suspension. I was
shocked. All those problems at home and at
school have taken their toll.

I live in an emotionally draining, abusive household.
I have a secret lifestyle. I have never found anyone
decent enough to be in a relationship with. I am alone.
My father lives far away. My mother doesn't know how
to deal with my issues. My sister is simply a bad seed.

I feel lost in a tidal wave of despair. I do not
know what to do. What can I do ? I am alone.
Always have been. Lost. Yet somehow I must find
my way back and fight whatever life throws at me.

I have taken many hits. But the battle is not over yet. Nothing will take me down forever except the Grim Reaper. Simply know that I will survive.

The end.