Yes, I'll Spank You

Yes, if you really want it, I’ll spank you!
Prepare to take a broadside
Or get smacked on the waterline
By my stern-chaser.
I’ll haul down your colours, lassie,
And board you!
Lay aft there – all hands on deck –
See how I handle mutineers!
I’ll tickle your transom
With the tarry end of a painter,
I’ll be stern with your stern.
I’ll turn you beam-on!
I’ll spank you.

Or put let me put it another way –
A’ll skelp your bare erse wi’ ma braw Scots haund!
I’ll give your sit-upon a seeing-to
Until it can no longer be sat-upon.
Bend over, tighten that denim,
Present that tasty little bum to me
Like two hard-boiled eggs in a wet hanky!
I’ll toast your hot cross buns.
I’ll spank you.

Later for soothing away the pink.
Later for stroking.
Later for kissing away the tears of pleasure.
Later for love-making.
For now, I’ll spank you.
And if you are good,
If you are very, very good –
You can spank me too!