Heaven or Hell?

I died, and here I am.
I walk down marble-pillared avenues
On paving flags of gold.
I couch on clouds, and all around
Is singing, harpstruck joy, and bliss.
There is no night, but radiance abounds,
Each bejewelled corner is illuminated.
I feed upon ambrosia, I am immortal.
Bright angels are my company,
All smiles and Hallelujahs, gold-haloed,
Winged, rejoicing, blithe. Fields and birdsong,
Flowers and Hosannas, cries of “Glory!”
And throughout this endless Elysium
I search for darling you.

I cannot find you. In my youth
I must have struck my mother, lied,
Dismembered butterflies, spat.
I must have laid Commandments waste,
Committed sins, omitted duties,
Murdered, stolen, perjured myself, and coveted.
How many viruses – how much spam did I transmit?
Double-parking, road-rage, crimes against humanity,
Affray, genocide or maybe littering,
White-collar fraud, tax evasion, muggings –
If I think long enough, I will remember all.
For, as I cannot find you here,
In this never, never ending perfection,
I know I am in Hell.