A Big Joke on Us

Hey, you! Yes, you! Sit down for a moment and keep me company. Why? Well, because I want to tell you about how "free speech" as we call it is completely fuckin' flawed!

Calm the fuck down, please! You can put down your guns and lawsuits for a moment so as to hear me out first. I was a little hasty... free speech isn't flawed but rather those sad little monkeys who are gifted/cursed with it. How's that, you bellow? It's not pretty but sit down here and slide a little closer while I whisper sweet bullshit in your ear.

We don't have the freedom to say what we want. No, I don't mean all the warm shit faced fucking fuzzy blight upon the land that the sadists among us call "political correctness" but something far more ugly. How ugly? Try picturing Dick Cheney having sex with his clone. With the lights on. And... Hey! Quit vomiting on my fucking shoes, they cost me twenty bucks!

If you done playing show and fucking tell all over the damn (or is it now blessed?) floor, I'll get serious. Done? Good. Dammit, breathe through your fucking nose puke breath! Where's those fucking Mentos punks when I need them?

Now, seriously fun is fun but discussing free speech never is anymore. Why? Because we're our own worst fucking nightmares when it comes to utilizing the 1st Amendment. Anytime someone other than ourselves openly uses free speech, it spins us up into that state of mind Buddha calls a pure atomic fuck ton of pissed off! Why? Because we all know deep down that we don't have idea one about what to do with it for ourselves.

How's that, you whimper? Easy, we censor ourselves in ways that would make the FCC cream their dirty little cotton panties. Don't believe me? Alright, tell me about how many times you've wanted to stand in a chair and scream like a fucking lunatic about something that is so fucked up beyond belief, you swear that Ashton Kutcher must be hiding some where nearby laughing at your pain? You've choked down that "HURRY THE FUCK UP, YOU MORON" countless times in a grocery store. You keep that little demon in your mind chained up since he keeps asking to slit your neighbor's throat every time you hear them turn on their Ear Melter 9000 Radio at 3 A-fucking-M in the morning! You grin like an idiot instead of screaming at your spouse "NO, I'M NOT EATING ANYMORE FUCKING LOW CARB ANYTHING, SO NOW BRING ME GREASY HOT FRENCH FRIES SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE WHIP CREAME" when they decided to bring home the latest diet fad that Hollywood is shilling.

We choke down our true feelings and then sit around complaining about how there is no honesty in the world anymore. Why should there be? If we were honest with ourselves then we would be honest with each other. We tell lies for what ever reason; we don't want to hurt feelings, ruin someone's reputation, or feel rejected because whoever doesn't fucking agree. We have these confused and conflicting brainwashed rules in our head (courtesy of each other) that spout all of this bullshit about what we should and should not do for this and that.

There's an old joke out there about the wife who asks her husband for a comment regarding the outfit she's wearing and gets a rather less than favorable crude response. The joke has been around forever but both men and women keep repeating it because we all secretly wish upon a star more than Geppetto about that kind of TRULY FREE AND OPEN COMMUNICATION. Free of guilt and free of worry. Speech is about communication, plain and fucking simple. So "free speech" should be about the ability to freely communicate whatever, whenever, whyever, to whoever, with whatever. That is it.

The 1st Amendment should have contained a clause about honesty somewhere. If so, then we wouldn't be sitting here arguing over the damn thing and there would be no running off to the Supreme Court to cry all over their robes like kids who just got rolled by Nelson Muntz.

This is why we get all fucked fired up over the 1st Amendment. Every time we hear about someone trying to fuck with it for what ever reason, it serves to remind us of how fatally fucking flawed we are as human beings.

Sad, huh? Thought so. Now why don't you run off and let me finish enjoying what's left of my buzz.