Law of the Heart: Consequential...Ch. 03

Law of the Heart: Consequential Damages Chapter 03

"Tell me the rest." I sighed.

Jill looked at me sadly and went on. "I started to get dressed for the party. The sarong and top that I wanted to wear is really a beach cover-up, so I put on the bikini that Juan had bought me. That is when I saw how small it was. I didn't want to wear it and went to find something else to wear, but Sally stopped me. She told me that the whole outfit was really sexy and that you would get really turned on seeing me in it. I still wasn't sure, but she kept trying to persuade me. She was telling me that the bikini would be covered up anyway.

"I finally realized I had to wear it. I didn't really have anything else appropriate to wear to the party. Since Juan tossed my blue top in the water, this bikini was the only suit that would fit under the top I was wearing.

"After I got ready, Sally left to go down to the party. She told me she wanted to get down there first so she could look for you. So, I hooked up with Steve and Meredith and went down with them."

"I saw you when you came down for the party. I took a shower at the marina and had a chance to think. I had calmed down and was pretty sure that what I had seen on the boat was innocent." I told Jill. "You looked so beautiful standing there. I was about to go over and surprise you, but Juan got there first. It broke my heart when you let him kiss you and take your arm. All of the doubts that I had been feeling that afternoon came back."

Jill took a deep breath at this revelation and continued with her story. "I'm not sure how much more you want me to tell. For the next couple of hours, I just talked to Steve, Meredith, Juan and Sally. I could see you lurking around the edges of the party and I couldn't understand why you didn't let anyone know you were there. Damn it, I wanted you with me so I could talk to you.

"I probably had too much to drink and eat. Juan was paying a lot of attention to me, but I wasn't trying to lead him on. I couldn't do what Sally wanted me to do. I just decided to try to have a good time. By the time the dancing started, I was pretty pissed at you. I just couldn't understand your behavior."

"The reason I didn't come over was Juan." I told her. "When I watched the two of you together, I got a strange feeling. I'm a pretty good judge of body language. I got the impression that I was watching a couple. You might not have been leading him on, but you weren't rejecting him either. You certainly seemed to like the attention he was giving you.

"It was obvious to me that he thought you were interested. Every time I looked he was with you. He kept on touching you in these casual ways that shouted out that he was with you. You didn't stop him or pull away. He kept on getting your drinks. It bothered me to see how much attention he was paying to you. He had a possessory attitude like he was warning off anybody else from getting too close to you."

Jill paled a little bit at this comment. I'm not sure she was being totally honest with herself when it came to Juan Mendoza. She may not have been interested in what he was selling, but she had paid attention to the sales pitch.

"You're right about one thing." She responded wistfully. "I did have a good time and was enjoying the attention that he was giving me. It felt like how you used to pay attention to me at parties before Jake Jr. was born." She looked at me pointedly. "I couldn't help but compare it to the way you have been treating me at parties lately. Maybe if you had treated me this way more, we wouldn't be having this conversation."

I let her dig pass with without comment. I wanted to stay focused on her behavior, and on Sally. "While I was watching you, I overheard a conversation between Steve and Meredith about you." I told her. "They were sure that Juan was making a run at you and were worried about it. Jill, it was obvious to anyone who looked at the two of you that he was trying to get in your pants. And Sally wanted you to encourage him? Jill you are a married lady. Forget about me for a minute, didn't you think about how it looked to other people when you spent so much time with Juan?"

Jill bit her lip when I made this accusation. It was obvious that she had fixated on me and hadn't considered anyone or anything else. One of her biggest faults is that she gets fixated on an idea to the exclusion of everything else. She always laughs at me for getting over analytical, but she has the opposite tendency. She goes off half-cocked without thinking about the possible consequences of her actions.

One thing that made Jill and me such a good couple was the fact that we compensated for each other's weaknesses. I added the note of caution to leaven Jill's impulsive behavior. She added the drive that got me to act and not just analyze. Together, we could accomplish anything. But the more I learned about what had happened, the more I was beginning to realize that this time; our weaknesses had worked against each other to create a horrid mess.

The Sally factor had definitely contributed to the mess. Whenever Sally got Jill involved in one of her hair brained schemes, Jill was the one who ended up with the thorns while good old Sally got the rose. If I compensated for Jill's weaknesses, Sally enhanced them. Every bad trait that Jill had, Sally had in spades. When Sally and Jill together on a scheme, their behavior could only be described as shared ignorance.

What's worse, Sally was an instigator. Sally always encouraged Jill's tendency to jump headfirst into their schemes. Sally usually jumped too, but always made sure that Jill went first. She might have been Jill's best friend, but I never understood why Jill let her cause so much trouble. I could never prove that Sally got Jill into trouble on purpose, but I had to wonder.

I noticed that Jill was staring at me. I had gotten lost in my thoughts about Jill and Sally and our discussion had slowed to a halt. I forced my thoughts back onto the subject at hand.

"Did you say that Sally was supposed to be watching me tonight?" I asked with a frown. When Jill nodded, I went on. "That doesn't fit. If she did look for me, I didn't notice it. I was watching you and the people around you all night. Sally was near you for a lot of the night. When she wasn't with you, she was watching you, particularly when you were with Juan. She spent as much time observing you tonight as I did."

Jill looked thoughtful as she mulled over this observation. I think that she was going to have a lot of questions for Sally next time they talked.

I was dreading hearing about the rest of the evening. I took a drink of my wine to gather my thoughts. I knew that hearing Jill tell me about the dancing and the hot tub would be painful, but I needed to hear her explanation. "I need to hear it all. Tell me about the dancing."

"What do you want to know?" Jill replied in a tired voice. "As I told you, by the time the music started, I was pretty angry at you. I couldn't understand why you were still lurking around and not joining the party. I hadn't been able to see you well enough to see your face so I didn't know how you were responding. Sally didn't tell me anything either. I only knew that you still hadn't come over to see me. It also didn't help that the dancing brought back memories of your behavior at parties over the past few years.

"At first, the dancing was like we do at any party. I danced with Steve and Juan a couple of times. I know you like to dance so I was hoping you might come out and join the party when you saw I was in the mood to dance. When you didn't come out, I got even angrier at you so I decided to try one of Sally's ideas and turn up the heat a little to see if I could get a reaction from you.

"That's why I let Juan teach me how to Salsa. That is such a sexy dance that I thought you might take some type of action. So, I allowed myself to get lost in the music and get into the dance. I was hoping that if I got wild enough, you might come out to stop me.

"After that, you know how competitive Juan and Hector are. When Hector saw that some of the crowd was watching Juan, he had to up the ante to get the attention back. Then, Juan wanted to top him. At first I was just dancing with Juan. We were dancing close, but I wouldn't allow him to touch me like Hector was touching Maria.

"Hector and Maria were really getting suggestive with their dancing and were feeling each other up pretty good. Juan kept trying to do the same with me, but I wouldn't let him. That is why I put my hands on his shoulders, to keep him from going too far. All I would let him do is run his hands up and down my sides. Then Hector started to strip Maria and I got worried that Juan was going to try that too.

"That's when I saw you walk into the circle of people surrounding us. At first, I thought that finally, you were going to say something or let me know you were there. But all you did was stand at the back of the circle and watch us. A bunch of times I looked right at you, but you never gave any indication that you noticed. I couldn't even tell what you were thinking. You just had this intent look on your face staring at us. I didn't know whether you were enjoying what you were seeing or hating it. I was watching you hoping to see some type of reaction. If I had known that you were upset at how I was dancing, I would have stopped immediately.

"As you just stood there, the only thought that I had was that I needed to get some type of reaction from you. That was why I let Juan untie the sarong and control me with it. I kept watching you but you still didn't react. I was trying to keep him away, but I couldn't do it. When he pulled our hips together, I figured that would get some sort of reaction, but you still just stood there."

As she talked about what had happened, Jill started to relive some of the emotions she had been feeling. She glared at me with a defiant look. "By then, I was so fucking mad at you that I gave up. I started to let Juan do what he wanted. I could feel him grinding into me. I knew he was getting hard and. . "

Jill stopped for a moment and just looked at me. I could see a range of emotions flowing across her face. She remained defiant, but I could also see some guilt and fear. I think she was waiting for me to say something, but I just sat there with a sad look on my face. I couldn't blame this on Sally. Her behavior at this point was all Jill.

The pain in my eyes told her how I felt.

As Jill looked at me, her determination faltered. She knew how much hearing this would hurt me. I thought for an instant that she was going to stop as her eyes began to tear up, but then her face hardened into a look of determination. She had decided that I needed to hear this and she went on in a softer voice. "I could feel his erection pushing into me and I didn't want him to stop. I liked it, at that point in time it felt right.

"After that, I stopped thinking about you and thought only about dancing. It was almost hypnotic. The music, the rhythms and the beat just sucked me into a place where it was just the two of us. He is a great dancer and I found out that the Salsa is as much fun to dance as it is to watch. Some of those moves are so sexy that you can't help but getting turned on. I stopped watching you because at that point I really didn't care what you thought. You had your chance to stop me and you blew it."

As Jill talked, her voice got softer, but it also grew more intense. She knew that she had lost control and she wanted to justify why it happened. The only thing that I couldn't tell was whether she was trying to convince me. . . . Or herself.

"I got caught up in a rush of sensation that couldn't control." Jill looked up at me pleadingly. "I'm sorry, I know lost control. I'm can't believe it happened. I don't remember what I was thinking only that I needed to dance and that Juan's body felt good rubbing up against me. For a while, all I could think about was the sensations that I was feeling. They overwhelmed me.

"After a while, I was able to deal with the sensations better and I started thinking again. I looked around and noticed that the crowd of people watching us was a lot smaller and you had disappeared again. It took me a couple of minutes to find you again until I noticed you back in the shadows.

"Jake, by that point, I couldn't believe you hadn't stopped me. I was out of control and letting Juan do anything he wanted with my body. I might not have reciprocated, but I didn't try to stop him either. I was damn sure that if my actions were bothering you, you would have stepped forward. All you needed to do was step forward and pretend you had just got there. All I could think was that Sally was right. I thought that you wanted to see me with someone else.

I shook my head. "Jill, did you ever think about it from my point of view? As far as I knew, you thought I was in Boston. Did you ever think that I might be watching you to find out how you behaved when I wasn't around? You didn't think this through."

Jill grimaced and acknowledged my point. "You're right. I didn't think about how it would look to you. To be honest, I still wasn't in complete control. I was still caught up in the sensations of the Salsa and giving that most of my attention.

"But, I was also trying to think about you, and our marriage. I had to know for sure. I needed to know if you wanted me to fuck someone else. That is why I listened to Sally and the others and took off my shirt. I was still trying to get a reaction from you."

I was stung by her disclosure that she had pushed the envelope to get a reaction from me. I hadn't realized the emotions I had been feeling were not evident. As the night had gone on, I had internalized my feelings more and more. I had been in agony, but I had not let my emotions show.

I knew that I bore some of the burden for tonight's fiasco. She was right too. I could have stopped it at any time. But, when I was watching it I couldn't do it. That little voice of doubt kept niggling at me. 'What about next time. If you stop her tonight, how would she act some other night when I wasn't around?'

"Jill, we both got caught up in our preconceptions tonight. Without knowing it, we were trying to test each other. You got fixated on getting a reaction from me, and I got fixated on watching you to see if you would be faithful to me. We both made some horrible mistakes and it almost ended up in a disaster."

Jill acknowledged my comment with a nod. I was relieved that she accepted responsibility for her actions. This boded well for our being able to get past the events of this night.

"I'm glad you notice how Sally was acting while you were dancing." I told Jill. "It seemed to me that she was your biggest cheerleader. I couldn't believe that she was trying to get you to go wild like that. She seemed to get real excited at the dancing. It was like she was watching a stripper telling her to take it off."

Jill smiled wanly. "She did get vocal, didn't she? I didn't mean for my tit to pop out. I'm not used to wearing a top that small. I'm glad it happened though. It brought me back to reality.

"At first, when I saw it had popped out, it didn't really bother me, I was going to stick it back in my top and continue dancing. But, that thought was so out of the ordinary for me that it brought me up cold. It made me realize that I was seriously out of control and needed to slow down or else. That is why I stopped dancing."

Jill stopped for a moment to finish her glass of wine and pour another glass. She looked over at me with a troubled look on her face. "Jake, I need to confess something. I told you earlier that I had no desire to have an affair and that I would never do anything to hurt you or our marriage. That's true, but tonight, I was tempted. For the first and only time in our marriage I thought about what it would be like to be with someone else.

"When I stopped dancing, I was so aroused that I couldn't stand it. I wanted to get laid in the worst way. I hate to say it, but the thought did cross my mind that if you weren't going to come in and give me what I needed, then I would let Juan give it to me. I did consider fucking Juan tonight."

I winced at this revelation. It told me that my fears were not as far fetched as she had suggested. "I thought you said that you weren't attracted to Juan." I accused. "You just told me that you wouldn't sleep with him if he paid you."

Jill hung her head as I threw her words back at her. "I'm not attracted to him. The only reason I considered fucking him was because I knew he was ready to give me what I wanted. It had nothing to do with him and everything to do with how I felt. I wasn't thinking straight and was reacting based on my emotions, not my brain. I've heard you talk about how some of your clients think with their dick, well right then, I was trying not to think with my pussy.

"Juan propositioned me when I stopped dancing. He wanted to take me right back to my hotel room and fuck me silly. But, I knew I had to slow down so I told him I needed a drink and pulled him over to the bar. If I had listened to my libido, I would have knocked him over and beat him to the floor. I knew I needed to cool off a little before I did something I would regret."

"At the bar, Juan was still trying to get me to go back to the room with him. I was beginning to come down some, but I was still ready to explode. My brain was screaming at me to slow down and think while my body was telling me to go for it. I knew I needed time to cool off and think about what I wanted. So when Sally and Tom said they were going to join Hector and Maria in the hot tub, I decided to go too." Jill gave a sardonic laugh. 'That's a switch isn't it, getting into a hot tub in Miami because you want to cool off?

"When I got to the hot tub, I was still in the mood for a hard fuck. But, I was beginning to regain control. I knew you were still out there somewhere, but I wasn't thinking about you. I was trying to decide what I wanted."

Jill stopped for a moment and rubbed her neck. "You know, it's ironic. I went to that party tonight thinking that I would force you into taking action. I had never even thought about having sex with someone else since we got married. The idea that you might want me to do it sickened me. And there I was in that hot tub trying to decide whether I wanted to let Juan take me to bed."

Jill glared at me. "If I had let Juan take me to bed tonight, it was going to be by my choice. It was going to be because I wanted it, not because I thought you wanted it. If I had cheated on you, it would have been with my eyes wide open and with full knowledge of what I was doing.

"When Juan started to give me that backrub it felt real nice. It relaxed me totally and gave me some time to think. When he started to caress me, I didn't try to stop him. I probably shouldn't have allowed him to do it, but he did keep his hands outside my top. I was still trying to decide whether that was really what I wanted.

"I knew that I had to decide soon because I could see that Hector was starting to get carried away with where he was putting his hands on Maria and I knew that Juan would be starting to try the same with me soon. I didn't want to get aroused again while I was trying to decide what to do and that pot that Hector pulled out didn't help matters any. I found myself remembering the times that Juan and I had made love when we in law school and thinking that maybe it wouldn't be that bad to sleep with him again.

Jill stopped talking and stared off into space for a moment. I could see that her face was flushed. The memories of the evening were vivid and she was recalling some of the emotions that she had felt. It was almost as if she could feel his hand slowly caressing her breasts under the water. All of a sudden she shook herself and realized what she was doing. She took a sip of her wine and finished her story.