Accidental Discovery

Looking back I guess I was very sexually reserved as a young person. But by 18 I was beginning to feel more relaxed about have sexual desires and fantasies.

I didn't start masturbating until I was 19 but it soon became a very regular thing. I would often think about touching myself during the day and I thought I was terribly sexually liberated because I knew I was going to act on it that night.

I thought people would be astonished to know that I touched myself sexually. I now know that I was doing nothing out of the ordinary, but at the time I thought I was a real wild one.

I was still living at home and I would masturbate most nights, usually in bed before going to sleep. At the time I thought what I was doing was about as outrageous as sexual behaviour got.

Then, as now, I prefer to have my knees up and legs spread wide when masturbating, partly because of the easy access to my clitoris and vagina but also because of the heightened sense of brazen sexuality of being naked and having your legs wide open.

But although alone in my room I was never quite 100% sure that I wouldn't be interrupted by a family member so I'd usually masturbate on my back with my legs slightly apart and my pajamas still on.

Usually by the time I would climax I'd have one hand working my clitoris fairly quickly while using the other to work one or two fingers in and out of my vagina.

On one occasion which I remember very vividly it was fairly late and everyone else was long in bed. On a whim I deliberately took my pajama pants completely off in a mood of heightened freedom before even getting under the sheets.

At this point the light was still on and it felt great to stand there with my bottom and pubic hair exposed. I took the time to enjoy my nakedness and carefully fold the pajama pants and placed them in the dresser drawer.

Instead of just flicking back the sheets and getting in I leant across the bed with my legs slightly apart and pushed out my bottom before drawing back the covers. I had this sense of exposing my labia, my nakedness to the world even though the only thing behind me was the wall.

I found it so arousing that I looked around the room for things to pick up. I bent over keeping my legs straight and apart to pick up this and that. Each time I bent over I felt a sexual focus between my legs rising.

I imagined I was being watched and stood in front of the mirror. I had planned to leave my pajama top on because if someone came in while I was under the sheets they wouldn't see my naked bottom half but would be able to see my naked torso.

But I was caught in the moment and watched myself in the mirror as I unbuttoned the top and let it fall to the ground, exposing my breasts. Seeing myself naked like this, fondling my breasts, nipples erect was surprisingly sexual. It was like I had leap into a new realm of sexual deviancy.

It was not like being naked after getting out of the shower or something. There I was standing fully exposed looking at my breasts and pubic mound and seeing my naked self in a purely sexual way.

I was thinking of men looking at me like this, seeing and being aroused by my naked body. "Come on and fuck me," I whispered quietly to men in general.

Saying the words 'fuck me' was liberating. There I was, supposed to be wholesome and innocent but touching breasts and wanting to be fucked. The idea immediately shifted my focus to my vulva. I wanted to touch myself more intimately; I wanted my fingers inside me!

I turned off the light and got into bed. I had a much greater feeling of raw sexuality compared to my usual masturbation sessions when my hands were down my pajamas.

While often intense, masturbating with my pajamas on gave a sense of discretion, privacy and reservation.

There was something immensely erotic about being naked for the sole purpose of wanton sexual gratification. Once I got into bed I was surprised how physically sexy it felt to have my naked bottom and hard nipples against the cool sheets. I spread my legs wider than usual but still flat on the bed.

I started by fondling of breasts and nipples then down to my labia and clitoris. My sexual arousal came on much more quickly and insistently than ever before – I was already so wet! I soon found myself at the usual end game of right hand quickly rubbing my clitoris with two fingers of my left hand in my vagina.

I could feel the sexual energy rising, magnified by my nakedness and lusted after the orgasm I knew would come. I couldn't help but lift my left knee up to get my fingers further inside me as lust overtook my usual sense of refrain.

It felt great as another layer of restraint fell away and I was more deeply penetrated by my fingers. But I also felt exposed with that never quite complete sense of privacy that you have in the family home. Wondering if someone is going to barge in and see one leg up in the air.

But I couldn't let the sexual pleasure to subside so I rolled onto my right side so my knee could be hard up against my ribs without being up in the air. But while my right hand still had great access to my clitoris it was hard for my left to get at my vagina.

I didn't consciously think about it but I just arched my back and switched to fingering myself from behind which felt different and was further liberating as another layer of inhibition peeled away.

However, the shift in position had slightly slowed the rush toward orgasm and while I was still totally consumed by this sexual act I also felt like I could take my time to enjoy it.

I took the time to smear my whole genital are with the copious amount of fluid I had produced before reinserting my fingers. The sopping wetness was in itself highly erotic.

Soon both my hands were wet, my labia, my clitoris and really my whole genital area were slippery and wet and my vagina kept producing more. I took it as a confirmation from my body of the intensity of the pleasure I was feeling. I thought to myself, "Yes this is as good as I thought it was. Look how wet I am getting."

My breathing was shallow and quick and I started to quiver and my hips began to relexitively grind against my hands. I was completely unconscious of anything in the world except my body and the orgasm looming.

The wetness egged me on and as I continued to masturbate I would take my fingers out and rub it over myself. I hadn't masturbated from behind with anything like this intensity before, nor in such a state of lust. So the first time I touched my anus it wasn't intentional.

It sent a jolt of pleasure that took me completely by surprise. Academically I knew that some people engaged in anal sex but it never occurred to me that pleasure from this source would apply to me.

I quickly slid my fingers back into my vagina and went on fingering myself but the next time I took them out I was immediately drawn to my ass.

I thought I would just brush my fingers against my sphincter as I had done before – just give myself a little tickle to see if it actually felt good. But it felt great and I found my fingers lingering and probing.

As my finger probed at my sphincter I was suddenly struck by the thought that putting a finger in my ass would be the ultimate act of letting go and of complete and utter nakedness and exposure.

The earlier moment that I had taken off my pajamas came back to me. Just that spur of the moment decision to take my pants off gave me a sense of erotic taboo then which came back with redoubled intensity.

I wanted my finger in my ass and I decided to do it. The fingers working my clitoris stopped. My breathing stopped. I gently eased my finger in and every millimeter of penetration was pure pleasure.

Once my finger was in to the first knuckle I could feel the clamping tightness.

The physical feelings were intense but were magnified by my sense of outrageous, brazen willingness to do whatever felt good. I felt I had totally let go and utterly surrendered all inhibitions to my sexual desire.

I had never felt anything like it, I couldn't believe the level of sexual gratification it gave me. It was a near orgasmic level of pleasure and I wanted more, more, more.

Then I realised I was feeling this level of intensity when I wasn't even moving. With an uncontrolled jolt I arched my back pushed the finger further into my ass. I began to rub my clitoris in a frenzy and my whole body began to shudder.

I pumped the finger inside me with fast but tiny in and out motions. All I had was half a finger in my ass and although I was moving it quickly the distance it was going in and out was minimal. But I had never felt so much like I was being fucked in my life.

In seconds I felt an orgasm rise and then overwhelm me in long, slow, intense wave after wave of unashamed pure pleasure.

After a minute or two to get my bearings I slipped my finger out and had this abstract sense that I should feel guilty or dirty. Instead I had an unexpected and slightly nervous but also liberating giggle to myself.

I had just discovered a whole new world of pleasure in sex and my mind boggled at the future joys I would experience.

I had often thought with lustful excitement what it would be like to have a penis inside my vagina. I couldn't begin to fathom the ecstasy that being fucked in the ass would bring.