Category: Humor & Satire Stories

A Fat Fuck Named Sue

by enfantterrible©

Two men are sitting in a booth in the East side of the Bronx . . .

"Jesus fucking Christ Denny so help me God what a fucking thing to open your eyes up too. Yea, so these here eyes of mine open up out of their blind and drunken stupor and there stands the biggest fucking bitch you ever seen. Christ, she was like the back end of a Caddie. She was huge. She was massive. She would've taken up the whole sidewalk when she walked down the street. And on top of this I was naked. I had been stripped naked. 'Who the fuck?' I said aloud, and then she said, 'Sue'."

"Yea . . ."

"Yea. . ."

"Jesus."

"Jesus."

"Fuck."

"That's right Denny, fuck. And so I'm laying on some bed somewhere, on top of some fucking motel bed and I'm stinking like a drunken fucking bum and there's this mountain of flesh standing there before me and eclipsing every fucking thing in the room. I can't see a fucking thing but this planet of fat, this boulder of a body. Jesus Denny, you should've seen her. I ain't never seen that many fucking fat rolls on one person before, and there are a lot of fat fucks in this fair city."

"Yea, yo' right."

"Yea Denny, I'm right . . . And this fucking bitch that lured me there, who probably even dragged me there whilst I was out of my mind and unconscious has got lace on. She has this black fucking lace on man. And this fucking lace is stretched over her skin, and she's got flesh poring out of it. Yea, pouring out of this fucking lace. The lace cannot contain it Denny. It cannot hold back this sea of skin. And it's trying Denny, it's trying as hard as it can to hold back this fat flesh and I am praying to God. I am praying to God Almighty up there that this piece of abused fucking lace can hold back this bitch's flesh. But it looks as if its gonna burst. It looks like its gonna break out of that lace and fucking drown me. And I'm sweating Denny, I'm pouring sweat. It's rolling off my body. It's pouring down my face. And I'm looking at this very large object and for the first time in my life Denny, so help me God, I feel fear. Yes, fear . . ."

"That don't sound too good.

"You fucking straight it don't sound too good."

"So what yo' do?"

"What I do? What the fuck did I do?"

"Yea, what the fuck yo' do?"

"Well, I tell you what the hell I do Denny, I will tell you what the hell I do Denny. I try to get the fuck out of there is what I try to do. But by the time that thought has entertained my head she is half an inch off the fucking floor and flying towards me like a fucking torpedo. Mother of Mary I let out some inhumane scream Denny. I fucking scream Denny like a frightened fucking animal. But by the time two notes have left my throat she has crashed down on top of me."

"Oh God."

"Jesus Denny, Jesus fucking Christ Denny, I thought I was gonna die. I thought that was it. I thought I was finished cause I cannot breathe Denny, I cannot breathe at all. The breath had been knocked the fuck out of me and I cannot breathe with this fucking elephant on top of me who is squirming and giggling and telling me to 'Suck on Momma' . . . 'Suck on Momma' Denny, 'Suck on Momma', she kept repeating and repeating . . . What kind of a fucked up bitch starts saying that Denny? What kind of a sick fucking bitch starts saying 'Suck on Momma'.."

"I dunno."

"Me neither Denny, me neither."

"Momma?"

"That's right, Momma."

"Then what happened?"

"Well, I'm trapped, I'm completely trapped and at the mercy of this sick and twisted bitch feeling like she is gonna burst. And I cannot see anything Denny. Everything has plunged into darkness. Here and there I see skin, this fat skin and this fucking lace. And I can feel the lace and all this flesh pressing down on me and I hear her heart pounding in my face. Her bosoms are too big. They have me trapped Denny. I am caught between these two huge tits the size of beach balls. I start to panic. I start to think that this is where I'm gonna die. That this is the end of my life. Killed between to beach ball bosoms. Crushed underneath a human elephant wrapped in lace. I can't hear anything, I cannot hear anything but this muted muttering of 'Momma', this muted mantra of 'Suck on Momma'. And I start screaming again Denny. I don't want to die like this. I start thinking that I have too much to do and repent for and I want to live. I want to quit the drink and live Denny. I see death Denny, I see death draped in a black lace that barely covers it and I want to quit the drink. It is a moment of clarity Denny. I feel that if I get out from under this fucking hill with legs than I will start with a clean slate Denny, I will start a clean slate. Yes sir."

"Oh my."

"And so I start screaming and kicking and thrashing about. I start pulling and tugging. And I fight. I fight with every ounce of strength I have left. And finally I find a nipple. I find a nipple the size of a beer glass. And I am wrestling with it. I have it in a hold. I am wrestling with a fucking nipple the size of a beer glass. I'm pulling at it and yanking it and, at last, I bring it up closer and closer and then I have it, I have it near my mouth. It's near my mouth Denny. At last, it's near my mouth after fighting with it for Christ knows how long I then sink my teeth into it so fucking hard. I sink my teeth into it as hard as I fucking can and the very moment I relax my jaw there is nothing on me anymore. I have freed myself Denny. I feel like a feather. Light as a feather and it is heavenly. It is so fucking heavenly. A surreal moment it is, as if time had slowed down because I looked up and see this fat fuck named Sue in midair. She is in midair holding the nipple I sunk my teeth into with her face contorted by what looks like immense pain. And at that split second Denny everything was beautiful. This fat fuck named Sue was in the air rotating like a planet in orbit. And if it wasn't for fear shouting at me Denny, shouting at me to get the fuck out of there then I would have stayed there and wept at that beautiful moment."

"Jesus."

"Yea Denny, Jesus."

They both fall silent for five minutes . . .

"So how do yo' feel now?"

"I feel a little shaky Denny, you know, a little shaky."

"What time is it?"

"It is, it is, nine thirty in the AM."

"Yo' wanna get a drink?"

"Yea, I could do with a drink right now, but just the one."

"Ok, just the one."

"Yea, just the one . . ."

© 2006

Written by: enfantterrible

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Story Tags: humor, surreal, absurd, weird, strange

Category: Humor & Satire Stories