Fool's Gold Ch. 03

By the time we returned from Florida, I was at peace with my plans. I wanted to avoid giving the girls a false hope, so I planned on waiting a few weeks and then setting up a meeting with Annie. Then life intervened. The one thing that I never expected, occurred. It changed all of my plans.

I fell in love.

Her name was Jean and I met her on the job. My team had been assigned the job of designing a new corporate headquarters/factory for a client that was expanding into our region. Jean worked for the client. She was my counterpart on the project. She was the project manager overseeing the design process. She was friendly, articulate, opinionated... and the most gorgeous creature that I had ever seen. She could be tough when she needed to be, but I soon discovered her soft and tender side too. She was a study in delicious contrasts.

Jean made me believe in the concept of love at first sight. From the first day I saw her, I immediately felt comfortable with her. It was like I had known her for years. My hormones demanded that I get to know this lovely creature better. To my eternal amazement, it appeared that she returned my interest.

My fascination with Jean put my plans for Annie firmly on hold. My desires and focus were firmly on Jean as I moved on with my life. While I knew that I still loved Anne, and that I had to speak with her in order to obtain closure, I was willing to postpone this discussion until some future date. My interest in reconciliation was on the wane. Jean was the woman on my mind, as I went to bed each night.

In the beginning we stuck to business as we danced around each other in innumerable meetings, but the spark of attraction was always there. I was torn between professionalism and the need to get to know her better. I beat the excuse of working dinners and lunches to death, as I stepped as close to the line as I dared. To my delight, Jean not only bought my excuses, she came up with a few of her own. We thought we were being so discrete, but it wasn't long before everyone we worked with knew that something was happening between us.

In mid October Jeannie and I finally gave into reality as one of our faux work dinners turned passionate. She invited me to her apartment for a nightcap, and it didn't take long before our clothes were off and we were climbing that high mountain to mutual release.

The night was magical. It wasn't that she was that skilled a lover. Since my divorce, I had been with a number of women who had been more technically adept, but Jean put them all to shame. The magic came from our shared passion. For the first time since Annie, I connected emotionally as well as physically with a lover. This wasn't just sex. This was making love. The passion and emotion that I felt for Jean made even the most mundane acts seem special.

By the end of October we were inseparable and our relationship was common knowledge among our co-workers. I did get a few strange looks from Heather and from some of my other friends at the office, but I shrugged them off. I assumed that everyone was surprised at my unexpected boldness in pursuing a client. I laughed off the obligatory warnings from Joe about not letting personal relationships affect the job, and Jeannie and I continued on our merry way.

The concern about my job performance was not unreasonable. It was an offshoot of the divorce. The divorce and my resulting shift in priorities had affected my concentration on the job. As my focus had wavered the team's performance had suffered. Gradually, things had gotten back to an even keel, as I had adjusted to being single. However, now the team was concerned that we were in for more upheaval. As a result, Heather was demonstrating a lot more tension than usual about meeting deadlines and performance guidelines.

Fortunately, Jean and I worked so well together that the job was one of the smoothest projects that I ever worked on. I was inspired to do my best work, and Jean supported me and showed her gratitude and admiration for my efforts. By late November, the design phase was over, and Jean was officially no longer my client. With heady anticipation, I was looking forward to our future together.

I had come to the conclusion that Jean and I were perfect for one another. I was ready to start thinking about the next step. I called Laura and asked her out to lunch. I wanted my twin to be the first to know that I was thinking of giving Jeannie an engagement ring for Christmas. I might have been rushing things but I was infatuated. All I could think about was not letting her get away.

To say that Laura was shocked would be an understatement. "You're kidding me, right? How long have you known her? Less than three months?" She quizzed me.

"I know, I know." I replied. "But it doesn't feel like that at all. It's almost like I've known her forever. I know it's quick, but I don't want to risk losing her."

"Are you sure Bill?" Laura asked me dubiously. "I mean, has she met the girls yet? Have you talked to them? You haven't even let me meet her yet! Don't you think that you might be rushing things a little?"

I hemmed and hawed a little bit. It wasn't that I had been holding out on anyone else meeting Jean, it was just that we had only been dating for a little over a month and I wanted her for myself. Taking her to meet the family would have meant less time to spend just with her, and I was being selfish.

"Don't worry," I replied defensively. "I'm planning on talking to the girls soon. It's not like they don't know what is going on. They know I've been going out with her, and that it's serious. I just want to pick the right time to introduce her and let them get to know her. I'm sure they are going to love her."

Laura snorted at my naïve assurances, and said, "Don't count on it, buddy. She's the 'bad guy' who is disrupting all their plans to get you back together with Annie. You are going to have to talk hard and fast to get them to see her as anything other than a monster."

At my look of consternation, Laura smiled in sympathy. She stared off into the distance as she put her mind to work on a solution.

"You're still coming over for Thanksgiving, aren't you?" She asked.

I nodded tentatively in reply. This was my year to get the girls on Christmas. Annie was taking the girls to her parents for Thanksgiving and months ago Laura had invited me over for the day.

"Well then, why don't you see if Jean can come over too? Let's give her a chance to meet some of your family. Besides, I want to meet this mystery woman who stole your heart so quickly."

I was relieved to get the invitation. Jeannie didn't have any family in the area and I had been loathe to leave her alone for the holiday. But I wanted to spend time with Laura as well. The best plan that I had been able to devise was to leave Laura's early to spend at least part of the day with Jean. This invitation cured my dilemma. This would be a great chance to introduce Jean to two of the most important women in my life: Laura and my 'other mother' Aunt Cindy.

Thanksgiving at Laura's tended to be a large all day affair. Ray's family and my Aunt and Uncle were going to be there, as well as assorted cousins. We would congregate in the morning to watch the Macy's parade on television, and spend the afternoon eating and playing games with the kids.

Secretly, I viewed the gathering as a dress rehearsal for taking Jean to visit my parents. I wanted; no I needed Laura to accept her into my life just like I needed my parents to accept her. If Jeannie could make a good showing here, it would be that much easier when I took her home to meet my folks and later when I introduced her to the girls. Jean was a little nervous at meeting the family, but she didn't recognize the full significance of the event. We had shared a few tentative plans for a future together, but she had no idea just how serious I had gotten about her.

When we got to Laura's, my twin took one look at Jean and a big smile crossed her face. She flashed me a smirk and whisked Jeannie off for a round of introductions. I didn't think too much of it and went off to make my own 'hellos'. I kept a vague eye on Jean and Laura and was pleased to see that she seemed to be accepted, and was fitting in easily.

It was about a half hour later that I got my first clue that thing were not as copasetic as I would have wished. I had left Jean talking to my Aunt Cindy and Uncle Bill. In reality, I had fled in embarrassment as they started to trot out some of those 'childhood stories' that I wished they would forget. I went off to find Laura to get an early weather report on Jean.

As I walked into the kitchen, Laura looked up and waived me over. I could see her eyes dancing with mischief as I approached.

"Where in the hell did you find her?" She said as she laughed. "Now I understand why you said you felt like you've known her forever. You should, you were married to her for fifteen years!"

As I gaped at her comment, Laura saw my puzzlement and smacked her forehead in disbelief.

"Don't tell me you didn't see it? She looks enough like Anne that they could pass for sisters. Hell, she even acts like Anne. I've had to catch myself a half dozen times from calling her Annie. I've heard of guys wanting to marry a girl 'just like their mother', but 'just like their ex-wife'?"

I stammered out a denial. There might have been some slight resemblance to Anne, but surely Laura was exaggerating. She had to be. There was no way I could have missed something like that. Laura just laughed at me and told me to check it out for myself.

Once Laura put the bug in my ear, I had to see if it were true. By the end of the day, I had to accept that there was at least a kernel of truth in her observation. I started to look for similarities. Jeannie and Annie did have similar builds and facial features. But what was uncanny, were the unconscious mannerisms and behavioral traits.

I had to admit it, Laura was right. Jean was a dead ringer for Annie. She punctuated comments with the gestures that I had seen Annie use a thousand times before. She gave the same slow smile and wink across the room as she caught my eye. She charmed the children by giving them the same grave attention I had seen Annie use with great success.

The more I thought about it, the more confused I got. I started going over the past few months to see exactly what it was that attracted Jean to me. And the more I thought the more I realized that the things that I found most attractive were the ways that she resembled Anne. Every trait that I admired in her was one I had loved about Annie. By the end of the day, I had begun to wonder if I loved Jeannie for herself or because of the ways that she reminded me of Anne.

It didn't take Jean long to figure out that something was going on. Her first clue might have been the elderly Aunt of Ray's who called her Anne or the way that people she had never met came up to her and talk as if they knew her. By the time my cousin Grace came up to her and gave her a hug telling her how happy she was that we had reconciled, Jean had had enough and was beginning to shoot daggers at me.

If you have never had to explain to your girlfriend why everyone is mistaking her for someone else, feel fortunate. How do you explain to the woman you love, that everyone in your family thinks that she looks and acts just like your ex-wife? How can you get her to believe that you never noticed the similarities? If you could figure out a way to do that in a way without ending up in a huge fight, then you are a better man than I.

The only thing that saved our relationship over the next few weeks was the fact that Jean had fallen in love with me too. After she calmed down and got over her crying jag, she agreed to talk to me, so we could figure out what to do. She wanted to know all about Annie and my life with her.

It wasn't easy. There were times when Jean got angry and accused me of using her in some sick attempt to replace my divorced wife. Other times she would dissolve into tears, wondering whether I ever truly loved her and not some twisted fantasy. It didn't help matters that I was having the same doubts. But in the end, the issue was simple: was I attracted to Jeannie because she reminded me of Annie, or was it the common traits that they shared that attracted me to both of them?

I wish I could say that I was able to totally convince Jeannie that I loved her because of who she was. She wanted to believe me, but her doubts lingered. She was torn between her love, and her questions about my motivation for the relationship.

I was frantic to make Jean believe that she was the one I wanted. In an effort to convince her I confessed my ideas about giving her a ring for Christmas. I changed my plans, I proposed to her right away. I was ready to take her out and let her choose whatever ring she wanted. I hoped that this would convince her that I was serious about the relationship. But, Jeannie firmly told me no.

She told me that she could not marry me until she was sure that I wanted her, not some clone of my first wife. It wasn't a total disaster, however. She was touched by my offer and did offer a compromise solution. She suggested we slow things down and take all the time we needed, to get to know each other better.

I accepted her compromise with a lot of trepidation. I knew that she needed the time and space to make up her mind, but I was concerned over the forced time apart. I was afraid that someone could steal her away from me, while she was confused about her feelings.

But, I knew that the compromise was better than the alternative of losing her right away, so I vowed to make the best of it by learning all I could about who the real Jean was. I wanted to know where she was different from Annie, not just the similarities.

What scared me the most, however, was that down deep I suspected that Jean's fears may have been justified. Jean was probably right. I remained in love with Annie, but I was afraid to reconcile with her because of the fear that she would hurt the girls and me again.

With Jean, I got the best of both worlds; a woman who reminded me of Annie and what we'd had together, but without the fear. I had lingering doubts that subconsciously, Jeannie was Annie without the baggage. Unless I could resolve my own feelings, there was no way Jeannie and I could successfully make a go of our relationship.

My relationship with Jean limped on until the spring. We had a lot of good times together, but our love and feelings for each other never quite reached the halcyon levels of our first month together. While we loved each other, there was a tinge of sadness that we couldn't shake. As we spent more time together and I consciously tried to see her as her own person, our relationship matured and we discovered areas of conflict.

Jean had a jealous streak and a temper that was far worse than anything that Annie had ever exhibited. She abhorred my tendency to get lost in my work as a substitute for dealing with a problem. And we struggled to find a happy medium when it came to the girls.

Laura had been right about Sarah and Lacey. They absolutely hated Jean with a passion. They had never objected to any of my casual dates, and had even gotten to be friends with some of my friends, such as Sally. But Sarah and Lacey viewed Jean as a predator. While others saw Jean's resemblance with Annie as a weird coincidence or maybe as a perversity on my part, the girls saw it as a direct attempt to replace their mother.

Their animosity was heightened by Annie's reaction to Jean. After the highs and implicit promises coming out of the trip to Florida, the news of my first 'post divorce' serious girlfriend was a blow to Annie. She felt hurt and betrayed even though we had never actually attempted to reconcile. Our friendly chats and meetings turned chilly as she distanced herself from her disappointment.

When the girls finally met Jean and reported back to their mother, Annie was devastated. It was the similarities that bothered her, too. Her fears and insecurities were the corollary to Jean's. While Jean struggled to deal with the fear that she was merely a replacement for my lost wife, Annie had to deal with the despair caused by being replaced.

Instinctively Annie grasped the fear that I felt. Can you imagine how much it must have hurt her to discover that I didn't want her, yet I had chosen someone exactly like her? It was a severe blow to her self-worth and her not-so-secret desire that I would eventually return to her.

In the end, the difficulties between Jean and I became too much to overcome. Jean and I finally mutually agreed to go our separate ways. It was a tearful parting, based on a sad regret for what might have been. I honestly believed we still loved each other, but it wasn't enough to overcome the doubts that remained. Jean needed to find someone who she could call her own, not a man with the questions and baggage that I was carrying. And I needed someone who the girls could accept and adjust to.

So, as the summer began, I was once again a bachelor. My second serious relationship had gone down in flames. For a while I moped around again, trying to make sense of my life. My attitude was back to the same shell-shocked depression I had felt in the days following my breakup with Annie. I began to wonder if a long-term relationship was worth the pains and troubles that it would surely cause me.

In a few weak moments, I was tempted to run back to Annie. Thankfully, I forced myself not to do it. I refused to use my breakup as an excuse to reconcile with Annie. I knew in my soul that to get back together with Annie on the rebound from Jean would doom an attempted reconciliation before it began. I would be in danger of making the same mistake that Jean accused me of, except I would be using Annie to replace my need for Jean.

So, with a heavy heart, I sought and found solace elsewhere. I jumped back into the casual dating market with a vengeance. I needed some reassurance that I was still desirable so I went overboard on going out.

I wore myself to a frazzle as I wined and dined and bedded a bevy of beautiful ladies. There was only one firm rule in my dating rulebook. To be eligible, the woman could not remind me in any way, shape or form of Annie or Jeannie. I told myself that I had learned my lesson, but I don't think anyone was fooled, least of all me. I just didn't want to face the pain, again.

As the summer passed, I bounced from girl to girl like a wastrel. I even did the one thing that I have vowed never to do. One night after work, I had gone out for a drink with Heather and some of the people from the office and Amber came over. She was an acquaintance of Heather's from the health club. Amber was twenty-five and built like a lingerie model. I got Heather to introduce us and asked her to dance. I monopolized her attention for the rest of the night and got her number. Soon she was my new trophy girlfriend.

Amber taught me that my instincts were right all along. I was not cut out for a trophy girlfriend and running around with her showed me how foolish I could be. Amber was looking for a sugar daddy and was willing to sell her body to get one. With nothing in common, it was a shallow mockery of the closeness I had shared with Jean or for that matter with Annie. Even the energetic sex wasn't worth the vapid nature of our relationship.

It didn't take long for me to return to my senses and break off with Amber, much to the relief of all my friends and colleagues. In retrospect, however, I did owe her one debt of gratitude. The disaster with her was just what I needed to bring me back to my senses.

With more than a little trepidation, I decided it was time to take stock of my life. I had gotten back into the bad habit of reacting to problems, instead of trying to decide what the best was for me. As the fall began, I vowed that it was time to turn things around. It was time to take charge of my love life.