The Incident Ch. 02

I was startled out of my nap by the harsh ringing of the telephone. "Hello," I croaked, my voice feeling rusty.

"Alex, it's Reggie. Where have you been hiding? I haven't seen hide nor hair of you in days. Why not join me at Rick's this evening for dinner. Tell you what, laddie, you can pay. That should make you feel better," he chuckled.

I cleared my throat and laughed. "That sounds fine, Reg. By the way, what time is it. I must have fallen asleep reading."

"It's 3 p.m., Alex. I'll meet you there at 7. That gives you plenty of time. Don't be late," he cautioned and hung up.

I roused myself and went and looked into the mirror in the foyer. Shit. That's right, I looked like shit. I hadn't shaved in 3 days and I had forgotten if I had even showered. What the hell is wrong with me? It's not as if I had second thoughts about what I had done. It wasn't as if I was all that heart broken about the end of my marriage. It wasn't as if I was that devastated by Casey's betrayal. So why the hell was I moping about?

I thought that it could be just laziness. I hadn't had a real opportunity to be lazy in decades. College required study and part-time work. After graduation it was right into the work force. Marriage, kids, keeping up the facade of married life, all of that tended to keep one busy. I realized that this was the first time since I was a kid that I had no responsibilities, no place I had to be, no need to even look at my watch. I looked at my bare wrist - I didn't even wear one now. You know something, it's not at all difficult doing nothing.

"Well," commented Reg as I walked onto the patio at Rick's. "You look turned out. Are you seeing someone after we dine, Alex?" and he chuckled at his humor.

In fact I did look fairly decent. I had showered, shaved and even managed to get a haircut. I had dressed fittingly with a clean and pressed pair of khakis and black polo. I smiled at his jibe. "No date later for me, Reg. I'm all decked out just for you. It looks like you're my date, damn it."

Reggie smiled and we ordered drinks and dinner. The drinks were outstanding, the food a bit less so, but that wasn't a surprise. We chatted about nothing in particular. Reggie was in a nostalgic mood and he was able to keep the conversation going with tales of growing up in the southwest of England and the years he spent in Scotland. Dinner was soon over and we sat back, again pleased that we were the only ones on the patio. Well, it was the off season and most of the locals were home and the few tourists preferred the air conditioned interior of the place.

Reggie pulled out a slim panatella and offered one to me, nodding as I shook my head in refusal. He lit up, sipped a bit of his drink and turned to me. "Well, Alex. Now where were we in your narrative? I believe you ended by telling me about the conversation you had with your wife, when she invited you to return to the household, but with conditions, correct?"

I sat still for a moment, gazing at him. I was puzzled. Why was Reggie so interested in my life? Did he have ulterior motives? Nah, I truly believed Reg to be a decent guy, but I had to ask.

"What's going on, Reg. Why this interest in my past? I know that you're not the type to get vicarious pleasure from the misery of others. Come clean, Reg. I know that you must have a reason for this fascination."

Reggie smiled softly. "I knew that eventually you would ask that question, laddie. You're quite correct, I do have a reason. How about I give you just a broad outline and will fill you in on the details at a later date when the time presents itself. Will that do, Alex?"

I shrugged and nodded. Reg looked pensive for a moment and then continued. "You see, my boy, I had a similar event in my early years. Oh, I was much worse than you had been. To be brief, I was a bit of a womanizer, even after I had married my love. A few years into my marriage Margaret discovered that I was having an affair. It truly devastated her and we separated. Well, that separation shocked me to the core. It changed me. I didn't want to lose Margaret so I changed. I vowed to never again betray my marriage and finally convinced my love that I was sincere. That is my long story cut very short, but you can understand why I find your situation so interesting, especially since the outcome of your...ah, incident turned out so differently for you. There's more to my story, but I'll get to that later, okay?"

I nodded. I guess I understood Reg's motives a bit better now, but I still wasn't totally convinced. Well, I was not all that interested in the long version of his tale, so I accepted what he told me and told him of the years after I had moved back in. My tale was fairly mundane. Some events seemed to create more interest for Reggie, especially Casey's so called bedroom invitation and I noticed his raised eyebrows as I told him of my refusal. He again perked up when I mentioned the conversation I had with Sunny. The one where I had promised to call her and didn't get around to for quite awhile. I finally ran out of steam after telling Reg about my promotion and the busy years at my job.

"And throughout these years, you really had only a shell of a marriage, Alex? There was never any physical contact? None?" queried Reg.

"Yep, no physical contact. Oh, we related fairly well to each other. There wasn't a load of tension in the house. It was almost as if we were brother and sister...no, no, not quite that homey. It was as if we were acquaintances. That's really the appropriate term. We got along, but we were never intimate, physically or emotionally."

"Alex, I hope that this isn't, ...ah, indelicate, but how did you manage with normal, male sexual urges? From what I understand, you never again attempted an extramarital affair. How on earth did you manage."

I laughed, albeit a bit bitterly. "I ran, Reg. Almost everyday. I found that my so called sexual urges were strongest in the mornings, so I would rise early, go out and run. If the weather was good, I would run outside, if not, at the gym. Even when I was away on business, I always took my jogging stuff with me. You know, clothes, sneaks, etc. Running helped suppress those urges."

I looked at him steadily, thinking to shock him perhaps? "Then, of course, there is always Madam Thumb and her four sisters. That helped quite a bit also." I sat for a moment, thinking. "I guess...that is I suspect...oh, shit. What I'm trying to say is that it could be that the results of my little extra-marital foray may have kind of prevented me from pursuing that route, Reg. I'm not trying to be an amateur psychologist, but every time I thought of "looking around" I seemed to shut down. Perhaps the price I was paying for my adultery prevented me from trying it again? I don't know, but I did keep my pecker in my pants."

Reggie sat there, shaking his head sadly. "So for over 12 years you lived a lie of a marriage. How dreadful that must have been for both of you."

For both of us? Both of us??? Hmmm, interesting. I never really gave much thought to how Casey felt about the situation she had created. Oh, yes, I was at fault at first, but she had blown it totally out of proportion. I screwed up, but she had let it destroy us. Was it all that dreadful for her? Interesting. I thought about that for a few seconds. Nah, not so dreadful, I speculated. She probably luxuriated in her martyrdom, casting herself in the role of the betrayed victim.

Fuck it, I was getting a headache.

Reggie commiserated with me for a bit and then we moved on to other, less sensitive, topics. You know, like why we Americans loved violent sports like football. I had my reply ready. Like rugby is less violent? Yeah, sure.

********************

I got up the next morning and made sure that I showered and shaved. I put on a pair of swimming trunks, got a large beach towel out and prepared a thermos of lemonade. Yeah, yeah, lemonade. I took some sun block with me, despite the deep tan I had already developed. Better safe than sorry.

Less than 10 minutes later I was lying on a pristine, white sand beach, under the fronds of a queen palm, sipping lemonade. The sun was still low on the horizon, but it had already become hot. I had dark sunglasses on, a necessity considering the glare from the water and the shimmering sand. It was relatively early and there were few bathers, which suited me fine. I thought back to my evening with Reggie and smiled. He was a good sort and I was lucky to have found a friend. It made my exile easier to take.

WHOA...whoa. What exile? Where did that come from? Shit, no exile. This is what I had chosen. This was MY decision. This is what I had planned. This is where I wanted to be. Forget exile. No exile. This is my place in the sun. Shit, the sun is scrambling my brains. Gotta move further back in the shade. Shaking my head in disgust at myself, I did just that - I moved further back into the shade.

I was leaning back against the trunk of the palm, sipping my lemonade - okay, so it had a splash of vodka in it. Big deal, it was only a splash. I had gotten comfortable and my thoughts drifted back to my years as a regional manager. Jeez, I really enjoyed those years. I had fun, truly, I did. I enjoyed the people I dealt with, I was really successful and I was making a ton of money. Damn, I was making a ton of money doing something that I really loved. If my home life had been half as rewarding as my work, I would have thought I had died and gone to heaven.

My relationship with Casey hadn't really changed all that much. As had been mentioned, we were civil and relatively friendly. Ha, friendly. That's with a small, not a capital f. No intimacy, no physical or emotional contact. Did it bother me? Nah, this is how it was for some years now, I had gotten used to it. I had...really. You know, sometimes life deals you four aces in one hand, and shit in another. That's me - great job, and a marriage that sucked, figuratively speaking, of course.

The kids were now young adults, preparing for college. Damn, they grew up so fast. When did that happen? Anyway, Casey decided that she wanted to return to the work place. The kids really didn't need her around all of the time now and she was getting bored.

I was in my study when she knocked on the door. I told her to come in and she sat in the chair in front of my desk. She didn't say anything at first, just glanced around the room. It was almost as if she had never seen it before. I suddenly realized that may not have been too far from the truth. We had a cleaning service come in every week and they took care of the dusting, vacuuming, and the rest of what they do. Casey probably had no reason to come into my study.

"Alex," she began. "I need to do something. The children don't really need me around constantly and I feel useless. I'm thinking of getting a part-time job."

I blinked. That was a surprise. I shrugged. If she wanted to work, let her. It really didn't make any difference to me.

"What do you intend?" I asked. "Are you going to try your old place?

"No, no. I was thinking of real estate sales. It seems that the market is hot now and it could be a lot of fun. The community college is offering classes and I can get certified. The money could be significant too. I could contribute to the household expenses."

I just looked at her. Didn't she have any idea of what my income was? We had a ton of money in CDs, money market accounts, and stock and bond funds. I could have supported two households like ours with plenty left over. I didn't reply to that comment.

"Okay, Casey. If you want to work, then do so. Do what ever makes you happy," I replied and then turned to my computer and continued to work on my spreadsheet. I heard her get up and leave. I didn't look after her.

********************

Another year or so went by and I was now very comfortable with my position. I was not only comfortable, but extremely successful. I had increased sales by almost 12 percent which of course also increased the amount of my bonuses. I loved what I was doing and I was successful doing it. I also did not have to travel as extensively as before. The customer list had grown, and my sales force was keeping things humming. Every customer knew me and they knew that I was good at getting problems solved and glitches worked out, so now my travels consisted of just a few days here and there during the month.

Casey? Well, let's see. She did finish getting her real estate license and got a job rather quickly with a commercial real estate firm in center city. You have to remember, I had gotten to the point where I wasn't really all that interested in what she was doing. It seemed that she was making money. I thought that was amusing, she was actually putting money into our checking account on an irregular basis. She was "contributing to the household expenses." Jeez.

I was sitting at my desk, looking at my calendar when my secretary buzzed me. "Alex, there's a woman on the line who says that she's your sister-in-law. Her name is ..."

"Shit," I blurted out. "Oh, sorry, sorry about that, Connie. Pardon my language. Please, put her on." I had totally forgotten about my promise and hearing her name, in my office, brought back that promise.

"Sunny? Sunny, please forgive me. I'm an ass, I had totally forgotten that I was to call you to set up a meet."

I heard her laugh. "Alex, don't be silly. I had learned of your sudden promotion and I knew that you'd be really busy for awhile, so I didn't even want to bring that up." She hesitated for a bit and then said casually, "I just wonder if you have time now? We could meet for lunch, or coffee, or..." she left it hanging.

"Of course," I reassured her. "Tell you what. Can you get away today? I can free up my afternoon. Can you drive here? We can go and have a nice lunch and then return to my office where I can leave word that we're not to be disturbed. How is that?"

"I can do that, Alex. As long as you're sure that this won't be bothersome for you. I know how busy you are now," she said.

"Nope, no bother at all. I'll expect you around noon, ok?

True to her word, Sunny did show up at noon and we went down to my car and had a very pleasant lunch at a Thai restaurant not far from the office. Our conversation was pleasant and innocuous. Obviously Sunny wanted to keep it light. I obliged her.

Once back in my office, I left instructions that we were not to be disturbed and made Sunny comfortable in one of the two leather, easy chairs I had which were grouped around a small cocktail table. I took the other chair.

"Would you like some coffee, Sunny?" I asked.

She shook her head. It was obvious that she now was uneasy and a bit nervous. She shifted in her chair and looked around my office.

"Very nice, Alex. You've really done well here, but that doesn't surprise me. I've always been impressed with your talent."

I smiled pleasantly and waited. She had something to say and she would say it in her own sweet time.

Sunny finally bit her lip and looked at me. "Alex, I want to tell you about a time when Casey and I were very young. It may help you understand the reasons for the mess your marriage has become, but please don't interrupt me. I had to steel myself to get to this point, the subject isn't pleasant."

I just nodded and smiled pleasantly.

"Casey was about 10 years old. She had come home from school early one day, I've forgotten the reason now - that's not important. Casey was always a rather quiet child, not raucous or loud. From what I could gather, she came home and went up the stairs to her room for something. She heard noises from our parents bedroom and discovered our father screwing a woman who was not our mother. Mom was at work and I guess that Dad felt that he would have the house to himself at that time."

Sunny was quiet for a long moment and I could see tears in her eyes. "From what I understood, Casey just stood there in the doorway, shocked, stunned, whatever. Dad saw her standing there. He donned a robe, I presume, and steered her into her room. She just stood in her room for hours, not moving. She was traumatized."

Sunny had been giving me this information quietly, with her eyes downcast. "Alex, Casey spent years in psychoanalysis. Don't forget, I was only a couple of years older, but even at that time I recognized how disturbed my sister was. My parents divorced and the assumed quilt of that split only made Casey's mental state worse. She was treated for almost six years before she became anywhere near normal psychologically.

"She was home tutored for years. I did whatever I could for her, but it seemed that she only lived in her own mind for so long. Oh, she wasn't violent or explosive - sometimes I wished that she would show some real emotion. She just tended to internalize her demons. Eventually though, she came around and enrolled in our local high school. She did well, seemed to get involved with the normal high school things, had friends and graduated with very good grades.

"Look, Alex. I'm just a social worker. Despite the courses in psychology I had taken for my degree, I'm not a shrink and I don't know the appropriate jargon that applies here. But, Alex, there is no doubt in my mind that when Casey discovered you with that woman, all of the old pain returned. Perhaps that's why she just couldn't treat this as an aberration, a drunken slip, an almost laughable faux pas. I think that what she saw was a re- enactment of the scene she witnessed so many years before."

Sunny was looking at me with a an intensity that was palpable. I sat there, trying to assimilate what I had just been told. I had gotten too much information, too much and too sudden. I just couldn't encompass it entirely. I didn't know what to think.

I almost didn't notice Sunny rising to her feet. I quickly rose with her and found that I really had nothing to say. I felt inundated, overwhelmed, I just didn't know what to say.

Sunny had a rather sad smile on her face. She patted me on the shoulder and murmured, "I know that this is a lot for you to chew on, Alex. I just thought that it was important that you know the reasons behind what has happened to your marriage. I...," she hesitated, shook her head slightly and then went to me, gave me a brief hug and then turned and left.

She left me standing there, looking at the door closing behind her. I don't know how long I stood there. My thoughts..., hah, thoughts, what a joke. I wasn't thinking, my emotions had taken control and if any thoughts were going through my head they were chaotic and unformed.

I suddenly turned and went to the window behind my desk. Without warning, I felt myself screaming silently, "SON OF A BITCH, FUCKIN', ROTTEN, ..." With an effort I regained control of myself. I was terribly conflicted. I was used to how things were between Casey and myself. I never gave any thought really as to the why of it all. I just figured that's the way she was and is. I never really tried to analyze the situation. I never tried to talk to her about it.

Wait...wait. I did, I did try to talk to her about it. She shot me down, oh boy, did she shoot me down. So firmly that I never again made the effort. I...never...made... another... effort.

Who could blame me? I never thought that she would be receptive. I just retreated...that's what she wanted, didn't she?

WHAT THE FUCK!!!! What the fuck am I doing. I'm going nuts. I'm standing here arguing with myself. The next thing I'll see is the men in white coats coming to take me away. I shook my head, trying to clear my mind. Too much...too much information. I'm not going to do anything right now. As Sunny said, I have a lot to chew on. Is any of this going to make a difference? You wanna know the truth - I didn't think so. Too much damage had been inflicted.