Category: Humor & Satire Stories

A Few Good Pointy Nipples

by GratefulFred©

"All rise."

"You may call your first witness."

"I call Jacqueline Jessup your honor"

As Jacqueline Jessup walks into the courtroom all eyes stare at her enormous cleavage sticking out like some new found religion. Several court appointed janitors mop up the drool off the floor as she walks in the courtroom. As she heads to the witness stand, several scientists in the audience are wondering how god has made the perfect female form even more perfect. They conclude that evolution is a good thing.

Ross addresses the witness. "Jacqueline Jessup, do you solemnly swear that the testimony you will give in this courtroom will be the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth so help you God?"

Jacqueline Jessup winks, which is as good an answer as one could expect.

"Would you state your name, occupation for the record please?"

"My name is Jacqueline Jessup, nude model with a 44 DDD size breast and I should add a professional escort."

"Thank you, madam, would you have a seat, please?"

Kaffee approaches Jessup.

"On the night of June the 20th you were providing sexual services to the marines down at GITMO. Is that correct?"


"And during the evening you had one encounter with a Private Santiago. Is that also correct?"

"I had sex with many of the men down in Cuba. I do not keep tabs on whom and whom I had sex with that evening."

"But you must have heard that during the evening a soldier had been blinded?"

"I only learned about that recently upon receiving a summons."

"Is it true that you have pointy nipples?"

Jessup smiles and Ross jumps in.

"Objection. I'd like to know just what defense counsel is implying?"

"That I am implying that at present Jacqueline Jessup's nipples are protruding."


"Thank you your honor. Jacqueline, do you think your nipples may have pierced into Private Santiago's eyes causing his blindness?"

Jessup smiles.

"Is this funny?"

"No. It's tragic."

"Well what do you think caused Private Santiago's blindness?"

Jessup pauses for a second lifts one of her breasts to her mouth and licks her nipple. She smiles first than responds.

"I haven't the foggiest on what caused Private Santiago's blindness. Perhaps he ran into some Eskimo fur trapper that shoved some yellow snow in his eyes. Perhaps he was hit by a radioactive canister across the eyes and developed a radar sense. The truth is I cannot speak for Private Santiago and his recent bout of blindness but I can assure you that he didn't get blind as a result of these beautiful tits of mine. Now are these really the questions I was called here to answer? Nipple texture?"

Kaffee pauses.

Jessup stands to leave. As she does so her dress falls off revealing her nude body. Jessup pretends not to notice.

"I have not dismissed you."

Jessup puts her hands to her sides, turns and walks back. The judge has to quiet the courtroom. Kaffee attempts to regain his composure as he is looking at a fully nude Jessup.

"So would you like to talk about my sexual exploits?"


Ross jumps in.

"Objection your honor. Kaffee's repeated attempts to conceal Jessup's sexual adventures from the jury are an attempt to hold back several erections."


"Jacqueline, are you familiar with the term Lacticspermadoses?"


"Let me explain. Let's say there is this guy sticking his cock down your throat and you swallow him whole. After many hours he refuses to pull his cock out and perhaps finishes another few times in your mouth and your body now deprived of food starts to convert the sperm protein into energy.

"I wasn't aware that those things go down in GITMO."

"Oh we believe they do. I will get to Airmen O'Malley and Perez in a second. First, what do you know of a Code Red?"

"OBJECTION! It is clear that Kaffee is trying to apply smear tactics to bashing a high priced prostitute with fancy military terms. Next he'll be asking us to go to war with hot beautiful girls. We request a mistrial."

"Watch yourself counselor"

Kaffee approaches the bench.

"I would like to submit in evidence a flight that left for Andrews' at 0600 but never arrived"

"I don't understand. You want to submit evidence of a flight that never happened?"

"No your honor. We believe the flight was scheduled to take off but didn't because Airmen O'Malley and Airmen Perez just happen to have had their eyes blinded that very evening."

Kaffee looks at Jessup who has a calm look about her.

"It turns out that Private Santiago, Airmen O'Malley and Airmen Perez all had sex with you that evening and went blind attempting to lick your breasts. Isn't that right Jacqueline?"


"Counselor I must remind you that you are questioning a professional sexual expert and a hot body babe."

"Judge, I think I am entitled to an answer."

"You want an answer?"

"I want the truth"

"You can't handle the truth. (Pause) Do you know what it's like to be discriminated against because of breast size? Men only want to have sex with me. They treat me like I am not even human, like some goddess they want to fuck over and over again. They don't want to talk with me just fuck. Yeah, I may be a professional prostitute, with an incredible body, but since men treat me the way they do, I have grown not to trust them. And though Santiago's blindness, while tragic, probably allowed me to fuck more that evening. I made my money and to hell with all the men on this planet."

"Did you order the Code Red?"


"Wrong question. Are you a mutant?"

Silence crosses the courtroom, as everyone save Kaffee and Jessup are stunned.

2 adamantium sharp steel spikes stick out some 6 inches out of Jessup's nipples.

Suddenly without warning, Jessup crashes through a nearby window into the arms of the Juggernaut waiting 30 feet bellow.

She whispers something up to Kaffee as he gazes out the window. It is to late to stop her and the brotherhood of evil mutants as they speed away on a sheet of metal controlled by Magneto. Kaffee thinks he hears these words as Jessup escapes.


Written by: GratefulFred

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Story Tags: trial, nudity

Category: Humor & Satire Stories