Addams Family vs. ATM marriage

I have read men complain that, in long term marriages, their wives come to regard them as essentially "ATM machines" and co-parents rather than romantic and sexual partners. I have also read women complain similarly that their husbands have lost sexual interest in them.

It should be said at the outset that some people do not seem to mind when the marriage evolves into one that is essentially without passion. Some men and women may be content in a union chiefly devoted to keeping a common home and (perhaps) raising children.

However, many are not. A TV program that is appropriate to this Halloween time period and that showed a way to keep passion alive for a husband and wife who had been together for a good while and were raising kids together was The Addams Family.

In their marital relationships, Gomez (John Astin) and Morticia Addams (Carolyn Jones) were a stark contrast with that other Gothic sitcom couple of the time Herman (Fred Gwynne) and Lily Munster (Yvonne De Carlo). The latter were a married couple who had come to relate to each other on essentially a platonic basis. As a female (but non-feminist! She doesn't want to see a woman President even if it's not Hillary) friend of mine commented, "Like typical mens, Herman Munster was always getting himself into trouble and Lily was always having to get him out of it." As observed on The Unofficial Addams Family World Wide Web Site, The Munsters was "essentially a straight-forward 'Stupid Dad comedy.'"

As I wrote in a previous blog called The Munsters and The Addams Family: Happy Families Can Be Really Weird, "Gomez and Morticia had a relationship that was alive with passion. She had only to speak a few words of French and Gomez was enthusiastically kissing her hand and up her arm. The program did not, as far as I know, show them kissing mouth-to-mouth or even allude to sexual activity but sexual chemistry was definitely present albeit showcased in a way that was entirely appropriate for a family show. Moreover, this was not passion between star-crossed lovers but between a husband and wife who had been married for years and had two children together. A reviewer's observation on the movie might also be applicable to the TV show: The Addamses, like many other middle-aged couples, created their own private storyline and role-playing games to keep the romance in the relationship." One of Morticia's pet names for her husband was "querido," which is Spanish for "the man I desire." One of Gomez's pet names for his wife was "querida," which is Spanish for "the woman I desire."

Husbands who want to be more than ATM machines to their wives and wives who want to be more than the kids' mom to their husbands can follow the example of The Addams Family in doing their own role-playing.

Since this will appear on a men's website, I'll direct some of my comments specifically to you gentlemen. Everyone likes a change, so YOU be the change. Sex roles can be exaggerated for erotic effect and some women are aroused by an appearance of extreme masculinity so ask your wife if she would like you to act like George Patton as least for awhile. Or if it would be different than usual, you might try doing your best George Michael, again after ascertaining if she would enjoy seeing that. Sex roles can also be reversed for erotic effect and you can look up my blog "Strap-on Dildos vs. Teenage Pregnancy" for some ideas on this which would still apply when pregnancy is not an issue and the partners are not teens but adult husband and wife.

Indeed the permutations of role-playing are endless. The following are just a few suggestions and I'm sure my intelligent and creative readers will be able to come up with many of their own.

President and intern.

Prostitute and customer.

Cowboy and saloon girl (Fantasies are not politically correct and adult women of the Old West were, especially if young, called "girls.)

Doctor or nurse and patient.

Police officer and possible arrestee.

Prison guard and prisoner (hopefully this will be a CHANGE from your everyday marriage and one assumed temporarily for erotic purposes).

Teacher and student.

Nun and student.

Priest/Minister/Rabbi/Mullah and penitent.

God or Goddess and lucky mortal.

Master or Mistress and slave.

Employer and maid or butler.

Incestuous brother and sister or other relatives.

Koko the gorilla and a man on whom she has crush.

Koko the gorilla and a woman whose nipples the ape wants to see.

Lion and lion tamer.

Dog and dog trainer. This may not even be that big of a change for many couples. Phyllis Schlafly has described sex as a way for a wife to "motivate, inspire, encourage, teach, restrain 173 reward" her husband, all things a good trainer would do with a pooch. (If David R. Usher is reading this, I admire Phyllis Schlafly. I signed her petition against the American action in Kosovo and support her on many issues.) So guys, if you're playing the dog and you roll over and beg properly, you will probably anticipate an especially nice reward for your efforts.

Necrophile and corpse. As with prison guard and prisoner, this is hopefully not business as usual in a married relationship. It could also be varied with the theme that someone's lovemaking is so good it wakes the dead!

There can be problematic sexual fantasies. A friend who works as a professional dominatrix told me about a few fantasies she had enacted that were racially based. There were two main types. One was that of men of African descent who wanted her to pretend to be a slave owner or overseer. She whipped them and called them the N-word. The other was that of Jewish men who wanted her to pretend to be a Nazi concentration camp guard while they were inmates. She wrote numbers in pen on their arms and called them slur words for Jewish people. This same friend told me that some Caucasian men seek out black dominatrixes for a kind of reverse racial role-playing in which the white are "enslaved." These sorts of role-playing make me especially queasy because they could be viewed as making light of historical horrors in which so many people were hideously brutalized. However, the role-playing fantasies are not the horrors themselves. When the game ends everyone is all right. My friend said that the morning after one session in which she played a Nazi concentration camp guard, she answered her door to find that the grateful customer had had a large box of German chocolates delivered to her!

Some fantasies are intrinsically very difficult to pull off right. A rape fantasy is a good example of this. I talked to a lady who said a gentleman wanted her to pretend that he was raping her. He asked her to scream. Then he said, "Not that loud! Somebody could think I really am raping you!"