An Immortal Man's Tale

The world sucks. It really does. Of course, most people already figured that one out. My name is Bartleby Conroy, and I was once one of those Chosen Ones whose duty is to make things better. Saving lives and fighting for justice was once my sworn duty. Then, at some point, I realized what I really was fighting for. It was my wake-up call. So I stopped giving a fuck. I didn't feel appreciated by those I helped anyway.

It all began when I was called upon to look after Matthew Baxter, a tall and good-looking, short-haired and brown-skinned man in his early forties who also happened to be the Governor of Vermont. The first African-American person to hold that office. Many had high hopes for him. He was such a good-looking and charismatic guy. His wife Eileen Jackson Baxter was something else. A tall, beautiful black woman in her late thirties. She was a former collegiate and Olympic athlete ( she won the gold medal in women's wrestling ) and supermodel who became a spokesperson for women's health issues and a role model for young women nationwide. Oh, and she also holds an MBA from Boston College. They had two sons, Jeremiah and Jordan. In the eyes of many, they seemed like the perfect family.

Governor Matthew Baxter was a powerful man. Like many powerful men, he had legions upon legions of enemies. Someone threatened to assassinate his family. The FBI organized a special taskforce made up of the best men and women federal law enforcement had in order to protect him. And I was brought along for the ride. My friend Lisa Bronson is an FBI agent I've known for a long time. You see, I once saved her and her father, Boston police officer Jack Bronson from a hitman sent by the Irish Mob. That was thirty years ago. These days, Lisa has a wonderful husband, along with two daughters and two sons. Me? I'm the same guy the powers that be call whenever something goes wrong and someone needs helping.

You see, my friends, I have a hard time dying. Side effect of being an immortal. I've been alive since 1389 B.C. I was born in the region of Dawome in Africa. I was the son of a city leader, and grew up to be a five-foot-ten, somewhat heavyset yet ruggedly handsome black man with dark brown skin, amber eyes and long, curly black hair. I now understand myself to be a mutant. One of those genetic wonders who roam the world. Mankind has been evolving lately. People are developing extraordinary powers far stranger than anything you might see on television shows like X-Men, Smallville or Heroes. Me? I simply stopped aging after I reached the age of thirty three. I am no stronger or faster than would be an ordinary man my own age and size. However, I also don't get sick. And I have yet to see the weapon which can do me harm. I cannot be poisoned, stabbed, shot, electrocuted or crushed. Whatever prevents me from aging or getting sick also prevents me from getting hurt in any way. I think I'm effectively invulnerable. Is that cool or what?

Throughout my life, I've been many things. A merchant. A soldier. A doctor. A philosopher. An outlaw. A slave. A hunter. A herdsman. You name it, I've done it. Above all else, I've loved life. And there have been women and men whom I have loved. Yes, I am bisexual. Once, it was taboo where I come from but why hide it in this day and age? I haven't always been a hero. I was just content to live my life and continue my endless search for meaning. I remembered a time when genetic mutants were extremely rare. Nowadays, they're pretty common, though everyday humanity still doesn't believe they exist. Mutants hide who and what they are, and for good reason. The world is hostile to those who are different. Trust me, I know this better than anyone. I've seen genocide more times than I can count.

Anyhow, the early twenty-first century found me living in Westford, Vermont, making a living as the athletic director of Samson College, a small private school. I've always had an appreciation for sportsmen and sportswomen. So I did my best with what I found at the school. When I came along in 1999, Samson College only had four thousand students. And they suffered from a severe gender imbalance. Sixty eight percent of the student body was female. Sounds good if you're having a party but not so much if you're a student of the male persuasion. The varsity sports teams also reflected that. Samson College originally sponsored Women's Softball, Basketball, Cross Country, Lacrosse, Rugby, Cycling, Volleyball, Swimming, Tennis, Ice Hockey, Golf and Equestrian along with Men's Baseball, Basketball, Cross Country, Rugby, Golf and Ice Hockey. All competing in the NCAA Division Three.

I spent the next ten years turning the school around. In 2005, I convinced the school president, Dr. Louisa Baker, to add varsity football to the athletic department. She agreed. Samson College began fielding varsity Football in 2006. This seriously boosted male enrollment. Three years later, the school now has reached balance in its student body. Fifty percent of the students are male, which I think is a good thing. We added new sports for the male student-athletes, on top of those they already had, including Men's Volleyball, Wrestling, Cycling, Tennis and Lacrosse. What can I say? I like to make things better for decent people wherever I go. All was well in my little kingdom, until FBI agent Lisa Bronson came knocking on my door. Apparently, she wanted me to help protect an old college friend of hers. Governor Baxter. The first black man to become Governor of the great state of Vermont. How could I say no?

I have always sympathized with the struggle of people seeking a better life in an often unjust world. I don't think anyone should be denied equal rights whether they're male or female, black or white, straight or gay. I knew the likes of Martin Luther King, Malcolm X, Gandhi and Rosa Parks, and Susan B. Anthony as well. Most of them felt the same way I did about the betterment of humanity and I was their ardent supporter, though the history books seldom mention me. Not their fault, really. I change my name often and I move around every decade or so. Lisa Bronson had me at hello, folks. I was a big fan of the Governor, a poor young man who grew up in the town of Montpelier, struggling to make ends meet. The son of a schoolteacher and a policeman. He played high school football and won himself a scholarship to Boston College in Massachusetts. That's where he met his future wife. He attended Boston College Law School, graduated top of his class then returned to Vermont, where he became a defender of impoverished minorities. Only four years ago he was a mere State Representative. Then he ran for Governor on the Democratic ticket against Judy Patterson, a wealthy white female Republican, and won by a landslide. What can I say? His story touched my heart.

So I agreed to become his devoted protector. If only I knew what kind of people he and his wife truly were. My friends, there are many things that go bump in the night. Not only is everyday humanity producing genetic wonders everyday but there are highly intelligent and nearly immortal, nonhuman species roaming your world. Vampires. Werewolves. Demons. Fallen Angels. Monsters. Ghouls. Mermen. Mermaids. Shape-shifters. They're everywhere. Doctors. Lawyers. Carpenters. Soldiers. Firefighters. Cops. Thugs. Politicians. Priests. You name it, they are it. Most of these beings and creatures follow a strict code and mean humanity no harm. Some of them are bad apples and there are those entities who exist specifically to deal with them. However, the most disturbing creature I've ever encountered is the sociopath. That man or woman who's got no conscience whatsoever. They're more evil than the devil. Trust me on that one. In my entire life, I've never seen anything scarier.

Governor Matthew Baxter's lovely wife Eileen wasn't just a gorgeous ex-professional athlete and celebrity. She wasn't just a devoted wife and mother. She was also a sociopath. One of those human beings out there who got no conscience whatsoever. I knew it the first time we met. She hid it well but I know the signs. I know a sociopath when I see him or her. Eileen was the mastermind behind her husband's successful political campaigns. He was the smooth talker and she was the enforcer. She did the dirty work. The woman destroyed countless lives and careers on her way to the top. Blackmail, extortion and even murder, there was nothing she wouldn't do. No low to which she wouldn't stoop. Folks, the woman was evil!

Fortunately, she didn't know that I could sense her kind. She had several of her fellow sociopaths serving her. Her husband Matthew was a handsome, dull yet cruel man whose lust for power was only rivaled by his lust for the flesh. He had both male and female lovers. His wife knew and didn't seem to care. Hell, sometimes she participated in his trysts with other women and men. However, she was always in control. When someone got too close to him, she made them disappear. The person who was threatening to kill the Governor was hired by someone who worked for someone else, and that someone else was hired by a minion of the Governor's wife. Yeah, it's that twisted. How did I expose this woman's machinations? It wasn't easy. I went on the hunt.

I used every contact I had, both human and otherwise, and was able to capture the would-be assassin before she managed to strike. Yes, she. What most people don't realize is that female assassins are frighteningly common these days and lethally efficient. They can rival the best male assassin with little effort. The men and women of law enforcement simply aren't thinking of a cute college chick type when they're looking for a ruthless assassin. And that's exactly who our assassin was. Vermont University cheerleader Stacy Wellington was a killer. And not just with her flips. When the Governor came to give a speech at her school, she was ready for him. Luckily, I caught her in time. Unfortunately, she was killed by another assassin as I handed her to the police. Everyone was shocked. Except for the Governor's wife. She didn't believe in loose ends. She wanted to have her husband killed so she could play the role of the grieving widow and take his place. Well, I had foiled her plans. For now.

When I told this to the Governor, he wasn't the least bit surprised. You see, he was expecting some kind of retaliation from his wife because of a past misdeed. he had an affair with Jayson Medford, a tall and good-looking black male athlete and model fancied by young women worldwide. This secretly bisexual hunk was one of the Governor's wife's most prized male lovers, and when he ended the relationship abruptly, the young man took his own life. Apparently, he'd fallen in love with the Governor, who couldn't care less about his feelings. How tragic. The Governor's wife had been fond of the and she found this unforgivable. So she decided to have her husband whacked. This revelation was shocking, to say the least. What kind of people was I dealing with? Monsters, apparently! I decided to take my leave of them, and explained to FBI agent Lisa Bronson my reasons for doing so. You see, I had grown disgusted with the world of politics and the inevitable treachery, deceit, betrayal and manipulation which filled the hearts of all men and women working this field. I returned to Samson College as a national hero. I didn't feel like one. Not one little bit. You see, I realize now that some things will never change. It doesn't matter what kind of person I'm dealing with, whether they're male or female, black or white, straight or gay. All human beings are genetically designed to be murderous, manipulative, treacherous and deceitful. Destruction is programmed in human DNA. So it was in Africa when I was a mortal. So it is everywhere today. If I live until the end of humanity, I won't see any difference. Change is impossible. The humans are what they are. And I am what I am.