The Black Hat

I stop at the same restaurant for breakfast four or five days a week and for lunch maybe twice. There are a lot of regulars that frequent the place and I don't know half of them even though I've seen most of them off and on for the last fifteen years. It was a case of 'you know who they are but you don't know them.' You see them often enough to nod at them and say "Good morning" but it rarely goes any farther than that.

You see them often enough to observe their character traits and idiosyncrasies and some of them can be pretty entertaining to watch. There is the cop who comes in and sits in the same booth every day. If he comes in and some one else is sitting in that particular booth he will sit at the counter even if there are other booths and tables empty and drink coffee and read the morning paper until "his" booth becomes available and then he will move to it and order his breakfast. I've seen him sit at the counter for almost an hour waiting for that booth.

Then there is the guy who comes in and drinks coffee while watching for some one who is reading a newspaper to get up, pay their bill and go leaving their paper behind then he is up like a shot to get that paper. He will not order his breakfast until he has someone else's newspaper to read while he eats.

A guy named Al has come in every morning for the last nine years and he orders the same thing every morning (at least he does on the mornings I'm there). He orders two pancakes and a side of bacon. When the pancakes come he lifts off the top one and smothers the bottom one with catsup and Tabasco sauce and then puts the top one down and covers it with jelly instead of syrup. Every day for nine years!

There is a man named Toby who owns two apartment buildings and who comes in every morning and goes from booth to booth and table to table sitting down and saying "Hi" to everyone while waiting for someone to offer to buy him a cup of coffee.

There is a woman named Alice who works at city hall and who comes in once or twice a week wearing low cut blouses, high heels, short skirts and no underpants. She always sits at a table where she can be seen by a good half of the people in the restaurant and then she sits down and spreads her legs wide so everyone can see what she has. Guys who think it is a 'come on' and who have approached her get hot coffee thrown in their laps. Jerry Anderson, who also works at city hall says that when Alice gets to work she changes into long dresses or slacks. I guess she must get off on teasing a whole room full of guys.

There are dozens more, but the one who changed my life was Jeff Standish. Jeff never did anything to call attention to himself unless you want to call wearing a hat an attention getter. Then again, I guess that it was. It did get my attention.

Jeff always wore a hat and it was always the same hat. A black, wide brimmed Stetson - what some call a 'cowboy hat.' Tank top and cutoffs and the black hat. Jeans and a tee shirt and the black hat. Suit and a tie and the black hat. Jeff rode a racing bike and he wore those dumb looking skin tight Speedo things that bike riders wear and he came into the restaurant one day wearing them and the black hat. You get the picture? If you saw Jeff you saw the black hat. It got to the point where you automatically checked out Jeff when he came in to see if that was the day he came in hatless, wearing a baseball cap or some other style of head gear.

Whatever -- this whole ramble is only to point out why I was always checking out Jeff.

+++++++++++++++++++++

It was a Wednesday and I walked into the restaurant and saw Jeff sitting in a booth towards the back. No change, still the black hat. He was talking to some one I couldn't see since whoever it was was sitting lower down than the back of the booth. I saw John and Mike sitting at the large round table against the back wall so I joined them. When I sat down I was facing the front door and I was able to see who was sitting with Jeff. A super-fine, very hot looking blonde!

As I sat there drinking coffee and talking to John and Mike while waiting for Tiffany to bring me my steak and eggs I kept glancing over at Jeff's booth. No -- not true -- I was looking over at the blonde. You ever see some one, know that you know them from somewhere, but just can't quite pin down from where? That's what I was getting from the blonde. She was vaguely familiar. I knew, just knew I'd seen her somewhere and try as I might I could not remember where or when. And that was very disquieting because there was no way on God's Green Earth that I should have ever forgotten something that smoking hot!

John and Mike left and shortly after Jeff and the blonde got up to leave and I got a good look at the total package. Five two and maybe a hundred and five pounds. Nice tits and a fantastic ass. Long blonde hair down to the middle of her back; all in all one hot looking babe. I finished my breakfast, had one more cup of coffee and then I headed off to work.

Friday morning I was sitting in the restaurant when Jeff came in and my eyes automatically went to his head. I saw that nothing had changed; he still had on the black hat. He sat down at a table and about five minutes later the blonde came in and sat down with him. I wondered about that. Outside of the fact that I just knew that I knew her from somewhere I knew that Jeff was gay so what was the story behind the stone fox sitting with him. I sipped and kept looking at the blonde until it was time for me to head off to the salt mine.

It was Tuesday before I went back to the restaurant. As I parked I saw Jeff getting out of his pick up and I checked him out -- still wearing the black hat, Ten minutes after Christy put my breakfast down in front of me the blonde came in and joined Jeff. When Christy brought me my ticket I asked her if she knew who the blonde was.

"That's Candy, Jeff's sister."

"No way!"

"Way. Big change huh?"

"I'll say."

Suddenly I knew why the blonde had looked familiar and why I couldn't believe I couldn't remember a girl that drop dead gorgeous. The last time I had seen Candy had been about three years previous and she had been -- to put it bluntly -- fat! Imagine five two and two hundred and twenty-five plus pounds and you had the Candy I remembered. Oh well, mystery solved and I had one less thing bouncing around in my head and bugging me.

+++++++++++++

But it didn't end there. For some reason, known only to Christy and God, Christy started to tease me. I came in for breakfast one morning and Christy said:

"You just missed your girlfriend."

"Who?" I asked a little on the confused side since I didn't have a girl friend.

"Candy. She just left and she was looking good this morning."

Instead of shrugging and going to a table I said, "Damn! Of all the bad luck" and that got the ball rolling. From then on Christy would tease me about Candy.

"Your girlfriend was in this morning. You just missed her."

"Candy was in this morning with some guy. You might be losing her."

"Candy was in this morning. She was sitting alone in a booth and she looked sad. Too bad you weren't here. You could have sat with her and cheered her up."

One morning I had just finished my breakfast when Christy came up to me and told me to hurry up and pay my bill.

"Why?"

"Because we are full and Candy just got here and she needs a seat so come on, let's go."

I pointed at the empty seat across from me and said, "Bring her over. I'll share."

"Up Rob, come on, let's go. You know you need to get to work anyway."

Candy was watching the play-by-play from over by the register and when I got up and left I had to walk right by her. She smiled at me and said, "Thank you."

"No need to thank me. Christy threatened me. She told me if I didn't get up she would do bad things to my breakfast the next time I came in."

That was the first time I'd ever spoken to Candy. Up till then she was just another one of the regulars you saw and just nodded a hello to.

Maybe six months went by and when I'd come into the restaurant Christy would tell me that I had just missed Candy and I would scold her for not calling me at work so I could hurry on down. Or she would tell me that Candy had just left and that she was looking super fine that morning and I would accuse her of just saying that to tease me. Once she said:

"Candy is on the other side" -- (there was a wall between the two sides of the restaurant) -- "and she is alone. Could be your big chance."

I looked at my watch and said, "Damn the rotten luck. I'm running late and I need to get to work. Story of my life; another opportunity lost."

++++++++++++++++++

And then one morning I racked it up a notch. I saw Jeff come in (and yes -- still the black hat) with a wrapped present and a dozen roses in a vase. He handed the present to Christy and she took it somewhere in the back. It was common knowledge that Jeff was gay, but he never flaunted it in public so I discounted that he was meeting his lover for breakfast. I called Christy over and took a shot in the dark.

"Is today Candy's birthday?"

"Yep, and she should be here any moment now."

"I want you to do me a favor. After they eat and ask for the bill just tell Candy that it has been taken care off. Tell her that her secret admirer bought her breakfast. I'll settle up with you when I come in tomorrow. Just don't tell her who her secret admirer is, okay?"

"Oh yeah. I can do that. It will be a kick."

The next day Christy said, "When Jeff asked me for the ticket I told him that Candy's secret admirer had already taken care of things and had asked me to wish her a very Happy Birthday. Then Candy said, "A secret admirer? Who?" and she started looking around. I told her I promised not to say and pointed out that if she knew who it wouldn't be a secret. Then Jeff got up to use the bathroom and while he was gone Candy said, "Come on, tell me. I won't let him know that I know." I told her sorry, but I had promised. Then she said, "Don't do this to me Christy; I just have to know." I just shrugged and told her I had other customers I had to get to and I walked away. Until Jeff got back from the bathroom Candy looked at every guy in the place trying to figure out who paid for her breakfast."

I thought for a minute and then said, "Do me another favor. Every once in a while when she comes in tell her that she just missed her secret admirer and if she is here when I'm here let her know that her secret admirer is in the building. Just don't ever let her know that it is me."

"You are an evil person Rob."

"Oh no you don't. You are the one who started all of this with the "You just missed your girlfriend stuff."

For the next couple of months Christy did just what I asked her to do. I would come in and Christy would tell me that I just missed Candy and that she had told Candy that she had just missed me.

"You are driving that poor girl nuts Rob. She is even trying to bribe me."

Maybe a half dozen times I was in the restaurant when Candy was there and Christy would say something to her when she refilled Candy's coffee cup or set her breakfast down in front of her and Candy would start looking around the room. I always made sure that I wasn't looking her way when she did it.

++++++++++++++

Why, since I thought she was smoking hot and she wanted to know who I was, didn't I tell Christy to let Candy know who I was and then try and get something going with Candy? Because I was married and I was pretty sure that Mary Alice would take a dim view of my chasing after another skirt. Although I wondered why she would. Things had not been going all that great between us for quite a while. It seemed like everything that I did and every thing I said would tick Mary Alice off. It was so bad that I found myself volunteering for projects that would keep me at work late so I wouldn't have to go home. I even did some volunteer work for a couple of charities. Anything to keep from going home until late.

Our love life was non-existent. It had been over six months since our last time. I was actually considering paying for some sex. Dawn Marie, one of the girls I went to school with, lost her husband in Iraq and with three small children to take care of she was up against it. She supplemented her meager income with a little 'light hooking' on the side. She didn't take just anyone; she had to know you and trust you and I was pretty close to giving her a call.

But even though things weren't all that great between Mary Alice and myself I wasn't anywhere near ready for a divorce and that is where I would be headed if Mary Alice caught me chasing after Candy.

One morning I came into the restaurant and saw Candy sitting alone and on a whim I told Christy that I would cover Candy's tab and she could tell Candy that her secret admirer had taken care of it. I watched as Candy asked for her ticket and then I saw her rise up and scan the room twice before getting up and leaving. When Christy brought me Candy's ticket she asked:

"You are an evil man Rob. Are you ever going to let the poor girl know?"

"Of course not. If she found out I couldn't be a secret admirer any more now could I?"

++++++++++++++++++

Christy and I played the game for another month and then things changed and they changed radically. Two things happened in close succession. The first thing that happened was that I discovered why Mary Alice and I weren't getting along.

The company set me up to make an 'on site' visit to one of our customers. I was supposed to fly out on a Monday and return Thursday. Sunday I packed my bag and Monday morning I told Mary Alice I'd give her a call and let her know where I was staying when I got to St. Louis and checked into a hotel and then I headed off to work.

The plan was to leave for the airport at one, but at eleven Harry (my boss) called me into his office and told me that he wanted me to put off the trip for a day. Engineering thought that they had come up with a fix for one of the problems I was going to the site to inspect and Harry wanted me to have the fix when I went. I finished out the day at the office and then headed for home. I didn't bother to call Mary Alice since lately she hadn't seemed to much care about anything where I was concerned anyway.

I knew what was going on as soon as I walked into the house. I heard the long, drawn out wailing moan that Mary Alice makes when she is taking a hard one in the ass. That sound explained what had been going on and why Mary Alice had been so distant the last six months or so. The big surprise wasn't that Mary Alice was an unfaithful bitch -- although that was a surprise -- but that I didn't much care. Sixteen years together and for all practical purposes it was over. And I didn't care!

But I was curious though and so I quietly climbed the stairs and headed for the bedroom. Mary Alice was on her knees, head lying on her arms as she moaned and behind her, driving up the dirt road, was Herb Sampson. Herb was our next door neighbor. Neither one saw me as I stood there taking in the scene and after maybe half a minute I turned and left.

I checked into a motel for the night and then in the morning I went into the office to pick up what the engineers had for me. While at the office I got out the Yellow Pages and looked up Investigative Services. I called the first one on the list, which happened to be AAA Investigations, and after giving them some information and a credit card number I headed for St. Louis.

The fix the engineers had come up with worked and that made the visit a little easier for me. I had time in my hotel room to think about the situation I found myself in. I was still surprised that I hadn't been more upset at finding out about Mary Alice and Herb. I had known for months that there was something bad wrong with our relationship, but I was thinking that it might have been menopause or something like that that she would eventually get over. But it no longer mattered whether or not she got over it, because I wouldn't be getting over what she was doing with Herb. All I needed to do was figure out what I was going to do about it.

I spent Tuesday and Wednesday night wrestling with the problem and in the end I decided to do nothing. Oh I did make some decisions. One was that sex with Mary Alice was a thing of the past. And I decided that I wasn't going to waste money on a divorce. Why bother? Mary Alice cooked a decent meal, kept a clean house and I always had clean socks and underwear. We weren't having sex anyway so no loss there. For the last year she wasn't much more than a maid or house keeper anyway so why not keep it that way was my thinking. Eventually Mary Alice might decide to go for a divorce and against that possibility I would have AAA Investigations get as much dirt on Mary Alice as possible so she wouldn't be able to rape me too bad. The third decision I made was to pay a call on Dawn Marie when I got back home.

I flew home Thursday, dropped by the office and brought Harry up to date on my trip and then I headed for my office. I called Dawn Marie and asked her if she would like to have dinner with me that evening and she said she would love to. I told her I would pick her up at six and then I called Mary Alice on my cell phone and told her that there had been some complications and that I wasn't going to get home until Friday. As I hung up I could just imagine how fast she got in touch with Herb to let him know that they had one more night together.

Dawn and I had dinner at Antonio's and then I asked her if she would like to hit a club for a drink or two and a dance or three and her face lit up.

"Oh God Bobby, do you have any idea how long it has been since I've gone dancing? I'd love it."

Dawn Marie was a great looking girl and she would make some lucky guy a great wife if she could find one willing to take on a woman with three kids aged seven, five and three. Unfortunately there didn't seem to be many of those around. Of course he would also have to be open minded enough to overlook what she did to pay her bills.

Dawn Marie didn't start out a loose woman, but when Hal didn't make it back from Iraq she found herself in a bind for money. The insurance didn't last long and day care would eat up whatever she would make going back to work. Six months after Hal's death Charlie Profitt felt that she had been in mourning long enough and he had asked her out. She said that she wished she could go out, but she couldn't afford a baby sitter. Charlie told her that he would cover the sitter. During the date it came out just how bad off she was. It had been over a year since Dawn had made love and Charlie was able to score. Before he left he handed Dawn a hundred dollar bill and she said that she couldn't take it and Charlie had said:

"Oh yes you can. Think of what you can buy for your kids with it" and that was the start of it.

We spent three hours at The Pit and then I took her to a motel. I can't speak for Dawn, but I enjoyed the hell out of it. So much so that I asked her if we could make it a standing date to do the same thing every Thursday from then on and she said yes. I took her home and then went back to the motel and got a good night's sleep.

Friday afternoon I sat in the offices of AAA Investigations and listened as they described Mary Alice's activities while I was in St. Louis. Tuesday night Herb spent the night at my house. Mary Alice spent Wednesday night at Herb's and Thursday night Herb over-nighted at my place. I made arrangements to let some of AAA's people into the house to plant some surveillance equipment and then I went home to my "loving wife." When I got home Mary Alice acted like she hadn't even known I had been gone. The rest of the weekend was normal except that I made no attempt to try and talk Mary Alice into making love. Not that she would have anyway, but it was something that I usually did. I wondered if she even noticed that I didn't bother.