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Author's Note: This story goes back and forth between Barbara's real life and her fantasy life. I blocked off the sections using solid lines (____). This story was inspired by, and is also dedicated to, all of the 40ish women who have e-mailed me over the years that have 18-19 year old sons. Like Barbara, they love their sons dearly, and would never want to jeopardise those relationships with sex. But just like Barbara, they've never been afraid to allow their mind's eye to stray regarding their strapping young sons from time to time.


Like most people, Barbara would say that change had always been a big part in her life. From growing up herself and then marrying young to her high school sweetheart, to having a baby. Although the three of them would be happy for twelve years before her husband passed away, those times seemed to flash by in an instant. Luckily, her husband had left Barbara with many prosperous investments and a substantial life insurance claim, enough that Barbara hadn't had to worry too much about finances. Nevertheless, the change from being a happy young wife to a widow trying to raise a teenage son all by herself had been a tremendous shock. Still, she had moved into the role of full-time mom quite smoothly, and before long her son Paul became not only the love of her life by her very reason for living as well.

Paul had changed much during these years too, and although the first few several years since his father had died seemed to fly by at a whirlwind pace for Barbara, she'd been able to savor watching him grow up these last few years. She'd watched with admiration as Paul had passed through life's many rights of passage, such as his first date, getting his driver's licence, and graduating from high school. In many ways, he was still a boy, in fact in many ways Paul would always be her boy, but the signs of him growing into a man were becoming more and more prevalent every day.

Paul's body had taken an unusually long time to catch up to the other boys his age, causing him a great deal of emotional stress, which of course as his mother Barbara felt as well, but in the last year his growth spurt had kicked in with a bang. In only one, short year, Paul had grown almost six inches. His shoulders and chest had broadened significantly too, and he'd probably gained at least 20 pounds of muscle. It was amazing for Barbara to think that her little boy, who had only begun shaving regularly last year, was now this towering young man with a handsome manly face and a sexy rear end. Yes, Barbara had noticed changes like that about Paul too, much to her dismay, and this is where her story takes its non-traditional turn.

At first, she thought it had been nothing more than concern of a mother doting over her child. Paul had been so self-conscious about his appearance, and that, coupled with his overall shy nature had made his high school years both painful and awkward. And Barbara felt his pain as well. Outside of a small group of friends, Paul didn't socialize much, and rarely dated. To a certain extent, Barbara didn't object to this too much, as it allowed Paul to focus on his schooling, and in so doing he had become a good student.

But as time went by, Barbara started to worry about how far behind Paul had fallen in terms of his social skills. She tried to get him to enrol in sports, but Paul was not big or strong enough to make any of those teams. She tried him to get involved in some of the academic clubs, but he showed little interest in that as well. What about girls? Paul was painfully shy, and although he had managed to get a few dates for special occasions like the prom, he almost never went out. After doing a bit of snooping - yes, Barbara snooped on occasion, but it was OK, she'd tell herself – she was his mother – she'd found some pornography on Paul's computer. Pretty basic stuff, she had noted, and not so much that Barbara worried that he might have some sort of addiction to it.

"Well, at least he is interested in girls, and he does have a sex drive," Barbara had told herself with relief. "He just needs to break out of his shell a bit to boost his confidence."

And so it was with great satisfaction that Barbara observed the physical changes in Paul that had taken place over this last year. Paul had told Barbara that he wanted to take a year off from school after graduation, to "re-charge his batteries," as he had put it. Barbara agreed on the condition that he use the opportunity to get out a bit more, meet people, telling him that "I won't have you here for a year so that you can spend every day alone in your room."

Paul had agreed to this condition, and to Barbara's surprise one of the first things he had done was to join a gym. The gym provided free counselling from a personal trainer, and with this help plus Paul's now rampant growth spurt he had literally become a different person physically. Gone was the spindly awkward boy to a suddenly very strapping young man. It hadn't done much yet to bolster Paul's shyness, but Barbara hoped that given a little more time this would change for Paul as well.

This is where things began to go awry for Barbara. She couldn't explain it. How, why, could this happen to her? At first she felt so guilty, but as time wore on the pain of trying to stifle her attraction towards Paul became even worse than the pain of her guilt. The fact was, Barbara was changing too. She hadn't had any time for men since her husband had passed, but for the first time in those six years she felt the indisputable urges of being drawn to one now.

"But, of all people, Paul?" she had asked herself with incredulity. Never in a million years could Barbara believe this was possible. She felt cursed; any woman who could look at her own son and feel anything sexually towards him must be, she reasoned. Barbara had tried to summon upon all her instincts as a mother, instincts that had served her so well over the years, to ward off the depraved temptation that had crept into her soul, but to no avail. In some ways, this new fascination with Paul felt just as strong, and at times, just as natural, as the instincts that had guided Barbara all these years. Nevertheless, she fought them as long as she could, until it became apparent that they were here to stay. And that's when Barbara decided that, for the sake of her own sanity, she would have to make a few changes of her own.

The change Barbara made was that, although she vowed that she and Paul would never have anything more than a normal mother-son relationship, she would nonetheless permit her mind, on occasion, to take them in different directions. Which directions? Even Barbara wasn't completely sure, as she knew that even in her mind she should explore these emotions carefully. But how does one control a tidal wave of emotion?

"What I need is a faucet," Barbara thought, amused. And then, in Barbara's mind, she saw one, clear as can be, and her mind took her back to something an actual event from the week before.

"Come on, Mom, I'm in a hurry," Paul said excitedly. Barbara had been in front of her bathroom sink, washing her hands.

"Okay, okay," she relented with a chuckle, "Big date tonight, handsome?"

"No, she cancelled," Paul replied, "I'm just going out to a movie with the boys." Paul had his bathrobe draped over his shoulder and had a bottle of shampoo in his hand, clearly intending to use the shower. The regular shower Paul used - for all intents and purposes it was his - was out of order, and so for the last two days he'd been using the private one in Barbara's bedroom.

"All yours," Barbara smiled, leaving the room. She went downstairs to watch some TV.

"Oh damn," Barbara said about ten minutes later, remembering that she had washed all the bath towels today and had yet to put them back in place. Retrieving one of the large, fluffy towels, she went upstairs and laid it outside the bathroom door.

"Paul!" Barbara tried to exclaim above the loud, pounding water of the shower.

"Yeah Mom, what it is?" Paul replied.

"I'm leaving a towel outside the door," Barbara said, "there aren't any in there." And that was it. Or was it? Barbara replayed the day in her mind's eye, and this time things had happened quite differently.

_________________

"Oh damn," Barbara said about ten minutes later, remembering that she had washed all the bath towels today and had yet to put them back in place. Retrieving one of the large, fluffy towels, she went upstairs and laid it outside the bathroom door.

"Paul!" Barbara tried to exclaim above the loud, pounding water of the shower. But there was no reply. "Paul!" Barbara repeated, assuming that he could not hear her. Barbara rapped slightly on the door, but there was no reply from Paul. To her surprise, however, the door had been ajar, opening a few inches when she had knocked.

"Oh, thank God," Barbara thought. Paul had his back to her as he showered, apparently oblivious to her presence. Unlike the shower Paul normally used, Barbara's was a cubical made for two of full-length glass. Glass that remained shockingly transparent, even when steamed up. Installing this type of shower had been the doing of Barbara's late husband, evidently to spice up their love life.

Barbara instantly recoiled, fearing Paul would see her, but he did not turn around, as he appeared to be busy washing his hair. Feeling a bit more relaxed now, Barbara couldn't resist the urge to lean forward and peek into the room. She could feel her heart pounding in her chest. Some of it was from the fear of being caught, but mostly it came from the sight before her.

This shower had not been designed for the modest, and so Barbara had a clear view of Paul from head to toe. Paul's exercise routine had made him much bigger and stronger, but he was remarkably fit too. Barbara sat there on the floor, just taking in the sight of Paul's chiselled shoulders and back. They were hard and firm, and flared out in a perfect V that converged upon his narrow but muscular waistline. And below that was the firmest, roundest ass Barbara had ever seen. Even though Barbara knew it was wrong, she couldn't help herself from staring. Son or not, she couldn't remember the last time the sight of a naked male had excited her this much. Just then Paul leaned down to wash his legs, pushing his athletic butt and thighs hard up against the glass.

"Oh my God," Barbara said aloud, her heart now beating hard against her chest, "this is what he's become." No doubt Paul had what it took, at least physically, to be a great lover.

"But what about..." Barbara said. Yes, she knew it was wrong, but after seeing what she had seen today, Barbara couldn't hold back her curiosity any longer. She was determined not leave her hiding place until she saw his cock, even if it meant risking getting caught.

"Oh my God," Barbara said again, her voice shuddering with desire. Paul had been washing his muscular arms and had turned around to face her. As handsome as Paul looked from the front, with his broad chest and glistening arms, Barbara's eyes could not leave the spot below his trim, sexy waist. Even flaccid, Barbara had never seen anything like this. Paul may have grown six inches in height in the last year and had developed an impressive physique, but evidently there had been another miraculous growth in him as well.

At that moment all Barbara could think about was what it must look like when it hard. Could it get that much bigger than it was now? Barbara couldn't even imagine what that would look like. And then it happened. The movement was done casually on Paul's part, but to Barbara it was as shocking as if an earthquake had suddenly erupted. Paul grasped his penis in his hand.

"Maybe he's just washing himself," Barbara said, her eyes wide in astonishment. One pump of his fist. Then two. Then three. No, Barbara knew for certain what was going on now. Paul had his eyes closed, with his right profile facing her, and in his right hand was methodically pumping away at his cock. The sight was so erotic to Barbara that she had to do something about it. Up until now, she'd managed to keep her hands to herself, but the sight of Paul masturbating was too much for her, and she eagerly found herself joining in. Barbara lay on the floor, furiously rubbing her clit as she watched Paul stroking his now full erection. As she had anticipated, Paul's hard cock was huge, bigger than anything she'd ever seen before.

"My son has a big cock," Barbara said to herself incredulously. It wasn't even that Barbara was that caught up in a man's size, it was the words themselves that affected her. Could there be a more taboo sentence for a mother in the English language? No, this had to be one of the most forbidden things any woman could say. Barbara repeated the words again and again as she continued getting herself off, turning them over in her mind, and each time she said it, the more it excited her. Not even a minute passed before she was coming.

Barbara lay on the ground, recuperating from her orgasm, but still watching Paul. His hand was practically a blur as he continued pounding away at his rampant erection. Finally, with a groan loud enough for even Barbara to hear, Paul was coming. Barbara shuddered, as one watched one of the jets of his sperm spray the glass of the shower and begin slowly drip to the ground. And then another did the same, as did a third.

Barbara sneaked away and went back downstairs. Much as she tried to settle herself down, for the rest of the day her mind could only think about the most exciting images she had ever witnessed.

_______________

A few days later something happened when Barbara was making dinner for herself and Paul. She could overhear Paul in another room, talking on the phone with one of his friends. Barbara was not the type to eavesdrop but when she heard Paul say the name "Hanna" she couldn't help but listen in a bit more.

"It was nothing, I don't know why you keep asking about it," Paul said. "I don't know... sometime. It's not like I'm in any big hurry."

"Oh no," Barbara thought, "not this again." The year before, Paul had been working a summer job in a restaurant and one of the girls that worked there was named Hanna. She was older than Paul, about twenty-three, and while not especially beautiful she was cute in her own way. Barbara had spoken to the girl a couple of times when she came to pick up Paul after work, and she seemed nice enough, even quite friendly. Evidently Hanna had been flirting with Paul for most of the summer and, according to Paul, one day they had had sex. The problem was, this was a lie. Why was Paul saying these things to his closest friends, then? Barbara knew. It was because they had all lost their virginity and had been teasing Paul about him still being a virgin.

Barbara was surprised that Paul was still keeping up this charade, but she supposed that the lie had become so deep for Paul that he was too ashamed to come clean about it now. Besides, Hanna had moved out of town shortly afterwards, so the lie had been very easy for Paul to keep. No one knew of his deception, except Barbara of course. How was she so certain? Well, for one thing Paul had been very specific about which day it had supposedly happened on, and Barbara knew for a fact that Paul had stayed home that day. In fact, the two of them had spent the entire day doing yard work and other chores around the house. But most importantly, Barbara knew Paul's story was a lie because she knew her son. She knew when he was lying, and this was most definitely one of those occasions.

Barbara felt terrible that Paul felt it necessary, even after a year, to carry on with this ruse. On more than one occasion she had vowed to confront him on it, but she hadn't been sure how to proceed. Even with all the changes she'd seen in Paul over the last year, he still seemed to be very shy when it came to girls. How would he react if Barbara told him that she knew he'd been telling a lie about Hanna and that she knew he was a virgin? Barbara had often tried in the past to think of a resolution to this predicament, often getting frustrated as she couldn't think of anything.

Later that night, Barbara got ready for bed. She sat in front of her mirror, brushing her chestnut colored hair. For whatever reason, she was feeling especially horny today. After finishing with her hair, Barbara decided to wear something sexy to bed tonight, choosing a white-lace negligee that left little to the imagination. The outfit always drove her late husband crazy, leading to more than a few nights of wild, passionate lovemaking.

Barbara undressed, taking a moment to admire her nude form in the mirror. Six years since her husband died and she hadn't gained a pound. She then slipped the nighty on, relishing again at how seemed to enhance every contour of her body, and then got under the covers of her bed. Barbara reached for the small, white vibrator she kept in her nightstand and began with some gentle strokes across her excited flesh. She let her mind drift off; often in times like these she just let it wander until it found something to enhance the sensations of what her vibrator did for her physically. To her surprise her mind's eye quickly latched on to what she had been mulling over earlier – Paul's deception. And although Barbara had never known how to act on the problem in the real world, in Barbara's fantasy world the solution came to her all to quickly.

___________

"Paul, we need to talk," Barbara said solemnly.

"What about?" Paul replied cautiously.

"It's about these lies you're telling... about what happened with Hanna," Barbara said, almost losing her temper. "It's got to stop."

Paul sat on the couch silently, thinking. For a moment Barbara expected him to deny the accusation, but then he dropped his head to his chest and sighed.

"Mom, you have no idea how hard it is," Paul said dejectedly, "I don't want to lie, but all the other guys... I would never hear the end of it if they found out the truth. Hell, after all this lying they might ditch me altogether if they found out. There's nothing I can do but keep going at this point."

"And what about Hanna?" Barbara huffed. "I assume you never got her permission to say these things about her."

"I doubt she would care that much," Paul replied, "she wasn't exactly the innocent type, if you catch my drift. I guess that's part of the reason why I still feel shy around girls."

"What do you mean?" Barbara asked.

"I mean, Hanna got around a lot," Paul said, "and things seemed to be going great between us, so great that I even made a move on her..."

"And she turned you down," Barbara concluded.

"Yup," Paul answered, getting even more depressed. Barbara sat on the couch next to Paul and began to soothingly rub one of his broad shoulders with her hand.

"Oh, come now dear," Barbara said. "I can't believe such a handsome, sexy young man like you would let that bother him for long. You just need to get some of that confidence back that you had with Hanna."

"Sexy?" Paul chuckled uneasily, "you've never called me that before."

Barbara leaned in and gave Paul a soft but undeniably sensuous kiss on the cheek before replying, "That's because I'm your mother. There are a lot of things I haven't told you because I'm your mother."

She gave him a second kiss, this time lower on his neck and added, "There's a lot of things I haven't been able to do either, because you're my son." Barbara's ministrations were having the desired effect, as Paul was definitely getting aroused.

"You mean like what you're doing now?" Paul asked, his breathing becoming more labored.

"No, I mean more like this," Barbara replied. She turned her head slightly, pressing her hot lips hard against his. They mashed their excited mouths together for several kisses, and then to Barbara's pleasant surprise she felt Paul's lips part, trying to gain access to her with his tongue. Instinctively, Barbara allowed him to proceed, opening her mouth to receive him. His technique was much better than Barbara had anticipated, as Paul's tongue played seductively with Barbara's.

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