Sister Golden Hair Delight Ch. 33

Chapter 33

It thrilled me to touch him there

Mid-afternoon, Wednesday, October 17th

Malibu

Alessa....

It had been ten weeks since I watched my Jimmy slip away and forever enter the world of memories. Whatever future we had promised one another was dead and buried along with him. I was amazed how I seemed to be repeating my mother's life.

I sat behind my desk nervously tapping my long fingernails on the polished mahogany surface. 'Click... click... click...' went my fingers. I wondered how long it would take before the scratches would have to be polished out.

I glanced at my wristwatch. It was three minutes later than the last time.

'Where is he? He knows I don't like waiting.'

The day, mercifully short for once, was winding down and my last appointment had been sent to Kevin Sales and two division directors to finalize supply contracts for the new satellite program.

By my count, I was three months pregnant and like many women, I could pinpoint the exact moment it happened. I would have Jimmy's baby but I was bothered how like my mother I had become and how much different I had become.

I had nightmares. I'm walking out on the stage with Maury and pointing to different me, saying they're the father and then they're not and they jump up and down and run out. It happened at least twice a week and I always woke up sweating and moaning and waking Maria. God bless her, she would move over and hold me until we both fell asleep again.

I carefully folded my hands across my stomach and felt the small bulge holding his child. While Maria constantly told me I was as beautiful as the first night we had spent together, I was no fool and could feel myself growing larger each moment with the baby.

Already my tailored skirts and blouses had been replaced twice with larger sizes and I dreaded the day I would have to wear 'official' maternity clothes. It wasn't so much the idea of being pregnant that bothered me as the poor fashions available and I refused to throw good money away on something that I would only wear for a few months.

Outside my tinted windows, the afternoon sun hung lower on the hazy horizon but my watch told me it was only three o'clock. Time was dragging.

'Click... click... click...' went my fingers.

I checked my watch again... only four minutes later. 'Where the fuck was he? Goddamned men... all the fucking same.' Whatever joyful attitude I had when I first came down to Malibu had been crushed by the events that followed.

I hated waiting and reached for my bowl of Oreos before I remembered they were all gone, taken away by my OB-GYN. Damn!

I started to cry. What was happening to me? Not so much the physical changes with the baby, but just the way I was reacting to things. I've never been so frustrated in my life.

Jimmy's death was... damn, I still hadn't come to terms with it. 'Closure,' they tried to call it. Can you truly have closure with a loved one dying? Or, do you try and sequester it into a special place in your heart and try to stay alive as best you can?

There was a friendly knock on the doorway and I looked up. Philip had finally arrived again to accompany me for the second daily walk around the property.

'It's about fucking time...' I thought and then realized he was on time. 'Well, screw it!'

Sometimes I felt like a dog that had to be taken out several times a day.

'A dog! That's an idea if it's a boy!'

As expected, he was carrying the small cooler with my afternoon snacks and water. Katherine Mayes, my on-staff OBGYN, made me swear I would snack during the day on what she demanded I eat. It was much healthier for both the baby and me to spread the extra calories out.

"Good afternoon, Miss Alessa." He walked over to me, his body so close to mine. I inhaled sharply, my heart beating faster as he drew near. I thought I could smell his masculinity. Surrounded by women the entire day and Michael at night, Philip was the only overtly available man in my life that it was driving me wild.

What the hell was I thinking? Jimmy's only been gone for ten weeks and I'm thinking about another man? What was I, some kind of whore? ...a slut? ...willing to jump at the first handsome man that... did I just say he was handsome? Oh, God, I needed to get some help from somebody.

Philip....

"Philip, please get me a peach or something from the 'fridge.' I'm feeling a little dizzy. Where were you, Philip? I was... oh, Jesus, I'm sorry. I don't know what's wrong with me."

"It's all right, Miss Alessa," I replied. "Remember, the doctor said that mood swings were normal. I'm sorry I was late but there was a problem with security I had to take care of before we could go outside."

"A problem?"

"Yes... it's been taken care of. Nothing to worry your pretty little head about but if you want a full report I can have one on your desk in the next half-hour."

"No, Philip. I'm a firm believer in letting people do what they do best. If I didn't trust your judgment... well, you know." She was looking at me strangely; it seemed she was breathing faster for some reason.

I walked behind her desk and opened the small refrigerator. Pulling out the fruit, I put it on a plate stacked next the printer and brought it over to her desk and cut it into small pieces.

"Remember what the doctor said, Miss Lane... your hormones are causing your blood pressure to change because of the baby and your blood sugar is probably a little low right now. Here, let me help you."

I don't know why but I picked up a piece of fruit and held it to her so incredible lips.

Alessa....

I remembered the night that Jimmy had done that with me. I suddenly wished I didn't think about that and I started to tear up.

"Did I do something wrong, Miss Alessa?" Philip nervously asked.

"Oh, no, it's just me being a little silly, that's all. Please give me another piece."

This time, when he approached me I playfully opened my lips and when his fingers were close enough, sucked them in, running my tongue all over. I was becoming an unmerciful tease... to my shame, I was becoming a cock-teaser. Oh, God.

Philip....

To say I was amazed at her behavior was a total understatement but thought it had to do with her pregnancy. I hadn't much experience with pregnant women before, just a sister-in-law; there wasn't much chance of that while I was in the Marines and now this...

I had talked with her doctor enough to know what to watch for.

One of the things I couldn't help but notice over the last few weeks was the size of her breasts. Although I wasn't quite sure, I felt that she had definitely become a good 36 C cup and it was making me insane, I wanted to touch her so badly I would become erect just thinking about it.

Doctor Mayes had definitely told me that her breasts were going to be sore for a time. She insisted that I be careful and make sure that nothing caused her any pain. What did she think we were doing? As much as I was dying to touch her, to kiss her, to make her mine... I tried to remain... 'damned horny is what I am...' I thought to myself. 'Jesus, what I wouldn't give to lick those tits right now.'

I was feeling like a husband without any of privileges.

Alessa....

Somehow, I was constantly thinking about him next to me, kissing, licking, biting my nipples. My breasts had finally stopped being sore all the time but my nipples maintained a constant state of hardness, much to my embarrassment. My bras had all been replaced by some very comfortable sports bras but I still looked like a woman in heat.

'God, how I must look to him... how I must look to everyone... they've become so heavy... and I had wished for bigger breasts... what was I thinking?'

"Are you feeling all right, Miss Alessa? We can cut short our walk if you'd like?"

'Oh, God, that's the last thing I want to do.' "No, Philip, that's OK, I'll be fine in a few minutes. I need to go to the bathroom first."

He extended his hand and helped me up. I could feel him following me with his eyes as I walked into my office bathroom

I opened another box of liners. I had been leaking quite a bit. The doctor told me it was completely normal and to be expected but it still felt embarrassing. I realized the hormones were doing it and it was to help fight infections. Just the same, I was constantly uncomfortable doing business with wet underwear and had to visit the bathroom several times each day.

"I brought your windbreaker. It's finally starting to get chilly outside."

"I'm pregnant, Philip, not sick," I protested while allowing him to help me put on the jacket. While everyone had a protective mood toward me, Philip was especially considerate... 'no... protective,' I thought, 'almost possessive of me, just as Jimmy had been.' Why was I always putting Philip and Jimmy in the same sentence? Were they becoming one and the same in my heart?

I was very aware of his arm sheltering my shoulders as we went walking but said nothing even though sometimes his hand seemed to wander down and caress my right breast and sometimes I would 'stumble' so that he could hold me tightly to him.

I sometimes felt like a flirt, sometimes like a slut, dreaming of him at night, playing a dangerous game that I stupidly never thought might cause us both a lifetime of regret.

Once in a while it was obvious to me that he was fully erect and trying unsuccessfully to hide it and once had let my hand 'accidently' rest there for a moment as he was zipping up my jacket.

The word 'cockteaser' floated again just beneath the surface of my mind and strangely thrilled me to touch him there, 'accidently' running my fingers against his dick down to its head and back up again. I could feel him twitch beneath my hand and had looked him straight in the eye smiling as I did it. He neither tried to stop me nor did I volunteer to, either.

What WAS I thinking? I never occurred to me what it might have been doing to him, I thought, naively enough, that it was all in good fun and just taking the 'edge' off my need for a man's touch.

I had been a virgin until that night with Jimmy in San Francisco and I missed the sensation of a strong man touching me, kissing me, entering me, bringing me a Fourth of July each time.

I had only the two weeks with Jimmy before he was gone... and yet, they were almost a lifetime by themselves.

I had liked Philip ever since moving from San Francisco and still considered him as a potential lover and possible husband since Jimmy died. It was a strange reaction, I believed, possibly inbred over millennia for a woman to seek a new guardian when her mate died or became too old or feeble to provide. The hunt for the 'alpha male' is the strong prerogative of 'alpha females' as I now considered myself, at least outside the bedroom. I kept the idea to myself... 'at least,' I thought, 'for the moment.'

My love for Jimmy was locked deep in my memory and at that time I had no desire to confuse my feelings for him with another man, although I admitted to myself, I enjoyed touching Philip and watching him react.

'I'll bet he goes crazy when I touch him there... I've seen how he acts around me. God, I was such a cockteasing slut, I can't believe it.' From what I had been able to read, pregnant women become very sexually aroused toward the middle trimester and I was just entering that time.

We walked down the hallway toward the elevators. I saw how the other women, especially Mary, looked at us as we passed by.

'What were they thinking? I needed my exercise, the doctor said so.' The truth was, even I didn't believe that anymore. I could have just walked around the building with one of the nurses.

Now... I was in a comfortable relationship with Maria and could not see myself living with anyone else. The companionship and passion she brought to me were different from what I had lost but was still obsessive on its own merits.

It was such a strange twist of fate how my life was turning out.

With everything else that had happened no one in the Malibu installation was going to let anything else happen to me now, either out of genuine compassion or the knowledge that the corporation was now wholly dependent on my small-handpicked team of women.

Philip accompanied me outside and two others, both heavily armed, immediately joined us. They drove an electric cart should they have to rush me back into the building.

They did their best to maintain security without turning the installation into a prison for the people living there.

In a few months, it would not be possible for me to take the steep trail up into the hills to Jimmy's gravesite memorial. Maria and I had decided to keep Jimmy on the land he had worked so hard for near the people he had so generously helped.

The weather would change and I would be unable to make the journey up the muddy hillside. 'Where we would go then was still open to question but,' I thought, 'would probably be in the long boring, very public corridors of the building.'

I walked along the steep path, easily leaning into Philip's side, resting my head against him. The distance I so easily ran just two months earlier was now taking much longer and I stopped several times to rest. The doctor told me my fatigue was due more to my emotional state and workload that anything else.

Whether the two other men noticed the change in my behavior toward Philip or not, I'm sure they knew enough to keep the knowledge to themselves.

Whatever I did was accepted by everyone at the Malibu headquarters and the only one I seemed to almost acknowledge publically as my equal was Maria.

Whenever I left the sanctity of our apartment, I was the dominant force behind the corporation and even Maria respected and followed my wishes. Only Kevin knew that when Maria and I were alone our roles reversed. Maria somehow became the dominant personality and for some reason my submissive behavior suited what I thought was my more feminine side. What would she think about my attraction to Philip? I didn't see the situation with Michael getting better anytime soon.

It seemed like the ying and the yang of our lives kept flipping and changing directions.

We wanted to have a portrait of Jimmy hanging on the apartment wall. After looking for days we found just the right photograph: he was sitting on the beach looking at the water with a far-away look in his eyes and a smile on his lips. It must have been taken during one of the summer beach picnics several years earlier.

We refused to even consider one of him in full-dress uniform; it would have been too painful and a constant reminder of his unnecessary death. I think we both would have accepted his death during that last fateful mission if it had been worth dying for but the crash was senseless.

Until his child was old enough to understand, all his medals, including the Medal of Honor, were in a locked drawer that we would never open.

While he never felt he deserved the one he was awarded for Kosovo, we knew he more than deserved one for that last mission which saved most of the West Coast.

As was my custom, each day I stopped at the memorial and knelt down to pray. Once it was obvious I was going to do this every day, Philip quickly had a park bench brought up and a cement pad constructed in such a way that it did not intrude on the sacred ground. On the cart were the cushions I would kneel on twice each day.

Maria had taught me how to say the rosary and the Catholic prayers for the dead. Ever since he was interred, I had set aside my Baptist background in deference to his beliefs and followed my new ritual, staying for a long time, sometimes as long as an hour or until the weather was too uncomfortable to stay.

Philip....

It should have been obvious to me that I was falling in love with her, breaking the most important rule: never get emotionally involved with those you are responsible for. I could not help it. From the first moment I saw her I was entranced by her beauty and kindness.

Since Jim had died, true to his wishes I had been with her constantly outside of her office and personal quarters. I was willing to go to hell for what I wanted to do with her.

Alessa....

Toward the late afternoon I began to miss my Maria and wished the day would just end. I wasn't sure whether it was the new and different flood of hormones flowing through my body or just the idea I had someone to love and care for me.

I had never considered myself a lesbian. I think I am bisexual and for some reason that didn't seem to bother me at all. How it never occurred to me before, I have no idea other than I was too busy to have a social life at all.

As much as Philip interested me, I vowed to be faithful to Maria as long as I could.

It was common knowledge among the military personnel that Maria was expecting some sort of reprisal from the Jihadists and wanted to be prepared.

She was still in the intelligence wing overseeing the aftermath of the Pacific event and probably would not be home until late. The United States was going to retaliate against the Chinese, the North Koreans and the Islamic militants. The only questions remaining were when, where and how hard. Maria had her own ideas toward that end and had already made contingency plans. She vowed a surprise for not only our enemies but the Pentagon as well.

Revenge may be best served cold as long as the passion remained hot and I was more than willing to throw the entire financial might of the Corporation behind whatever she wanted to do.

Although I now had the clearances to see what was happening I had only gone there one time to see what the facility looked like. We stayed true to our personal agreement regarding the separate aspects of the corporation and the only time I ever called her was that sad day he left us.

Returning to my office, Philip unfolded a small table and then opened the small refrigerator behind my desk taking out some cottage cheese, a banana and small bottle of water. Carefully arranging everything as he knew I liked it, he waited while I finished talking to Mary Tybal in the outer office.

"Thank you, Philip," I said as graciously as possible, knowing full well how I was affecting him and trying to walk a very dangerous tightrope between heaven and hell for both of us. And as much as I knew I should, I couldn't help wanting to have him hold me to him.

Philip....

I watched as she sat down on the sofa and started to eat the mid-afternoon snack. Knowing I would never have met her if not for the general, I had no wish to disrespect the man or his woman. Just the same, being in the same room delighted me. It was her name I whispered every night in the dark as I masturbated in my bed.

Every night, I pictured her breasts, touching their heaviness in my imagination, kissing their excited nipples that I could see every day when we went for our daily walks.

Every night, I pictured the crease between her legs, where my friend Jim had entered and left her with child, where I craved to put my face and extend my tongue between her lips and lap up her sweet nectar, pausing at her clit and tantalizing it with my affection.

Every night, I dreamed of the fine ass she has, the curve just a little more interesting, her cheeks straining against the tight clothes she still wears, how I longed to put myself deep within her ass, feeling the tightness, feeling the warmth, feeling the rush and wetness as my sperm would blast into her swimming to no avail for they had taken the wrong turn.

Every night I came hard dreaming of her beneath me, writhing, squirming, thrashing about in ecstasy as I pounded into her over and over saying her name, 'Alessa,' as it sounded like music to my heart.

Every night I wanted her so badly I could taste it as my hand rubbed faster and faster trying to bring me to some kind of release, a release never good enough, never good enough, never good enough...