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Clarence and Millie - Alternate Version

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This is an alternate version of Clarence and Mille by hilarynhugo©. Many comments seemed to think it needed one and I agree. But be forewarned, this version does not have "scorched earth" ending to it. No revenge is extracted, nobody dies and the main character does not undergo some remarkable transformation. His formative years are over. Also there is no sex. That being said the ending should be more palatable to many.

Attempts to contact the authors met with negative results so I hope they are happy with what I wrote.

***********

We sat at the table, her holding my hand me bawling like a baby. "Clarence stop it now. I mean it. It is not the end of the world. I told you because I love you. I do not want to lose you. I do not want you finding out the wrong way about; well, about the things I am doing with Marcus," she said. I'm sure she thought her tone was supportive, but she was killing me.

"Millie, you're my wife. Is what you really want a divorce? I mean after all of these years, Millie, twenty-one years!" I said, my eyes swelling and dripping all but blood.

"Clarence, no. I do not want a divorce, and especially not after all of these years. You're my husband, not him. I love you; I use him. That's all there is to it. I need to get you to see that," she said.

"But why! Why are we even having this conversation. I need you. I take care of you don't I? I make good love to you don't I? Why are you doing this to me!" I said.

"To begin with it was all born of your fantasies; the ones you've been assaulting me with for these last many years, Clarence," she was smiling now. "It took me a while, Clarence, but I have finally come to believe that you may have had some good points and some very hot fantasies. And well, they've kinda become my reality, if that's the way to phrase it," she said. "And yes, you have taken care of me, provided for me. And yes, you do make—well, adequate love to me. I have to be honest about that, Clarence; it's what all of this is about. Really, a big part of it anyway."

"Huh? What are you saying?" I said.

"You know very well what I'm talking about, Clarence, your fantasies. You watching me with a black lover. Me dominating you. You serving me and my lover—oh all of it, Clarence; you know very well what I'm talking about. You're memory can't be that selective," she said. I looked down; I couldn't meet her eyes.

"My love making isn't doing it for you, huh?" I paused and looked away, well hell, I was embarrassed. "Well, what is, is, I suppose." I changed the subject.

"But, Millie, those were just my fantasies, not things I could really do, live with. I need you on my side, by my side, with me all of the time; not just when you have time for me," I said.

"Clarence, don't be too hard on yourself. Your lovemaking is not that bad. It's just not, well, as exciting as it once was is all. You don't have to worry about that, not at all. If you are willing, this will be very nice for you; I'll see to that. Nobody will be more important to me than you. You really have nothing to worry about," she said.

I was so hurt and shaken by her words that I couldn't breathe. I felt faint. Slowly, I began to feel—numb, puffy. I slid out my seat and lay down on the floor. I had fainted.

I woke up, it had to be some minutes later, with Millie holding me in her arms and rocking me back and forth. Jesus what a wimp ass I was! I took a deep breath and struggled to get up; she helped me.

"You all right, baby?" she said. She knelt beside my chair as I settled back into it. "I can see this has been a very big shock to you. I didn't mean to cause you so much stress. I really didn't. I just wanted to let you know how things are and that you will be right there with me the whole time. And safe! I wanted you to feel safe. But, it looks like I caused you more than a little stress and worry instead. Not my intention, Clarence. Honest to God, not my intention."

I looked down at her kneeling there. I finally knew what I had to do. At least what I thought that I had to do. "Let me get my breath back, Mil. I'll be all right. I guess the stress did get to me. I know what I have to do now," I said.

"Yes, dear, just let me do the leading for a while. It'll be best," she said. She was assuming that I was going to accept her plans; she was wrong. I might be a pussy, but I was not that big a pussy!

"No, Mil, I will be leaving in a little while. I will set the wheels of divorce in motion as soon as I can. I cannot accept second class citizenship in this marriage. I cannot accept being your wimpy little cuckold. I cannot accept just getting the occasional mercy fuck to keep me in line.

"But..." I ignored her attempt to interrupt and kept on.

"Yes, I had and have fantasies, Millie, but I never had any intention of living them out, any more than I have of donning a superman cape and trying to fly. I just could not and cannot accept the humiliation of being your cuckold, Millie.I'm a man, Mil, I need to be treated like one by my wife," I said.

"Divorce! What are you talking about, Clarence Milford! I told you I don't want a divorce. I told you everything will be fine for us. And a man? Who isn't treating you like a man? When did I ever say anything about a mercy fuck? What are you talking about? I never said anything about limiting you or belittling you or mercy fucks. Our love life will be enhanced by what I am proposing, not made less. I promised you that, I am promising you that," she said.

"Millie, I don't see it that way. I am sick at heart, and afraid of the future: a future without you because I have and do need you; it's going to be bad for me for a while. But, I cannot accept your ultimatum, Millie. You didn't even let me have a say in any of this; you just let me know it was going to be whether I liked it or not."

"You started fucking him without discussing with me. How long have you been doing that? Have you only decided to have this discussion and present me with your ultimatum because you were afraid of being caught? Whose idea was this anyway yours or your fuck buddy's? I share my fantasies with you because I thought I could trust you but now I find you take a lover and discuss them with him."

She just stood there staring at me so I continued. Her anger was apparent

"Well, I love you, Millie, more than anything, but I don't like what you have done and I don't like your proposals, especially being left out altogether in the decision to do these things. More than anything else I do not like ultimatums" I said.

I was beginning to get my sense of balance back. I had just about decided to chance trying to stand and head upstairs to our bedroom and begin packing when the phone rang. Millie rose to answer it staring daggers at me as she did.

"Oh, hi Denise. Yes, your dad is here. Just a moment." She handed me the phone.

"Yes, baby...Yes...okay?...why do you ask?...What!...you and your mother...I have to go...I mean you and your mother...I really do have to go." I hung up on her, on my owndaughter. I looked at my wife with what had to be horror painting my features.

"You talked to our daughter about this? You told her about my fantasies? You asked her opinion..." I ran out of words. My anger was almost beyond telling.

"Clarence, it's not like you think. I just had to make sure that I wasn't being selfish—crazy. Denise is a Psyche major and well—I thought..."

"You're crazy, Millie. You definitely are totally and completely nuts! She's, was, my baby. I'll never be able to face her again. Good-damn-bye," I said.

I now really did have the strength to pack and leave. In less than an hour I had not only lost my marriage, I had lost my entire family—forever. I could neveragain face Denise knowing that she knew—about my fantasies. That she had agreed it would be okay to cuckold me if I was okay with it. Why would she think that? Apparently my daughter now had as low opinion of me as a man as my wife did. It was all just too horrible to contemplate.

Millie had chased me up stairs and had had a tantrum about me leaving and my apparent plans to abandon both her and our daughter. I packed like a man possessed. I felt strange, bad, but also strange. All I knew was that I had to get out of there and fast. I was about to lose it. I did lose it; I burst into tears. I hauled my stuff out and stumbled and fell as I made for the front door. My humiliation was total. Millie just stared at me as I lay there crying. I dragged myself to my feet and made decidedly slower progress toward the door.I guess I could see how she had come to have so little respect for me. I was hardly acting like a man now.

The interesting thing was that in her attempts to get me to not go, and to rethink my relationship with both her and our daughter; she never once said anything about being willing to give up her plans to cuckold me. This last hit me just as I was about to go out the door.

I turned as I hefted the suitcases. She was still standing there, for the moment speechless, just staring in disbelief at me. "You know, Millie, in all of your yelling in these final minutes of our marriage, you never once indicated a willingness to give up the idea of cuckolding me."

She raised her hand as if to get me to listen, but changed her mind and just looked down. It was my last memory of her. It would be years before we met again.

******

The day after our confrontation.I had gone to see my lawyer. I signed a power of attorney for Millie so she could sell the house and do what she wanted withbour accounts. We each had our own separate credit cards and they were always paid up, so I had mine to live on until I could get relocated. Apart from the house, I gave her the eight or nine thousand in the savings, the two thousand in the checking account, and nothing else. I left instruction with our lawyer to the effect that if she tried to get my retirement to deny her everything else and make her work for it.

As for my daughter's college, I had long ago settled that matter by putting away money monthly since the day she was born to pay for it. She would have what amounted to a free ride for her entire four years at State.

I quit my job at Maclin Industries, a shipping company where I was a dispatcher. I headed for the left coast. I had to hope I could get a job fast. I didn't want to have to live long on my Visa card. I got lucky.

I began work at the first place I applied to on the same day I applied. Curtis Shipping needed a dispatcher with experience and they needed he, she, or it immediately; their current man had a medical emergency and would be retiring in two more days. I painted myself on his shoulder and absorbed everything I could as fast as I could. Needless to say my learning curve at the new company was ninety degrees to the plane. But, the fact is the job was virtually the same one I had had in Ohio.

My daily routine was always the same. Get up in the morning, eat, go to work, come home, eat, go to bed and then repeat the sequence the next day.

Weekends were nothing special either, although I did hang out at a local bar on Saturday afternoons. It wasn't as crowded as the night time, and the regulars all had about the same story that I did: failed marriage or business, sometimes both, bland life since.

I suppose the ideal situation to come out of this would be that I took a hard look at myself, joined a dojo and became a black belt in some obscure but deadly martial arts; getting into shape so I was able to bench press 3 times my body weight while winning the lottery an having a former penthouse pet/porn star fall in love with me. Unfortunately I was stuck in the real world.

Yes, I did the whole self-evaluation bit and instead making major changes I came to terms with who I am. Wimp? Perhaps but a wimp would have stayed and consented to what my ex-wife wanted. Maybe running off was taking an easy way out but not the easiest way. That would have been staying and living with it.

At the same time I was no hard ass and I was not going become one. I had not been in a physical altercation since grade school and it was a little late in life to change that. Heck, I had never even fired a gun in my life.

I did join a fitness center and managed to take a few pounds off. I did not become an Adonis or anything. As somebody once said a man's got to know his limitations and one of mine was my looks and no amount of weight lifting was going to help me there. My main motivation was if I kept my weight down I got a break on my health insurance premium.

As far as a social life goes I did not have one. I was afraid of being hurt again. Did I mention I might be a wimp? Well even wimps have a self preservation instinct. Outside of the occasional company function and Saturdays at the bar I spent my time alone. I found the loneliness less painful than the heartache.

Sex? Well masturbation helps take the edge off. Internet porn will never tell you that you are not good enough and your hand will not leave you for another guy.

Every once in a while I would get really plastered and cry myself to sleep; usually on my daughter's birthday or my wedding anniversary that sort of thing. I figure a man is entitled to get drunk a couple of times a year although the crying part is up for debate I guess.

The money side of things improved. What most people, mostly young people, don't seem to realize is that most employers are simply happy to employees who show up for work on time everyday; that they are actually productive is such an added bonus. That old saying the 80% of the work is done by 20% of the people has more than a little truth behind it. I worked hard, what else did I have really? Coworkers would jokingly tell me that I needed to get a life. I would respond with "I had a life once; it is overrated." I even put in extra hours rewriting procedures helping get the company its ISO certification.

My work was recognized and after some time I was making what I did at my old job. Funny thing is that I had more disposable income. Being single will do that for you.

Was my life great? No but it was tolerable if not survivable and considering possible alternatives that is not too bad. Of course that could not last.

It was a Friday evening when the boss called me in for a talk.

"How yuh doin', Clarence," said Mr. Curtis.

"Good, sir, thanks," I said.

"Clarence, you've been doing a good job, but we have a subsidiary in Ohio that has had some organizational problems. Part of it is dispatching efficiently. Can't seem to find anyone to handle it back there, at least no one who will stay with it. Anyway I know you're from Ohio. How would you like to go back, recruit somebody to handle the job and teach 'em the ropes?" he said.

"Sir, I don't know..." I started to say.

"You would be getting a nice bonus for your efforts Clarence. I know you can use it. Word is you are saving to buy a home," he said.

"Well, sir, that's true enough. But, I don't know if I am up to the job," I begged.

"Nonsense, over these past few years, you've mastered the system inside and out. Dispatching is important to us; scheduling and turn-around is everything," he said. I threw up my hands and said okay.

I would be leaving on Friday on the four hour flight—to Columbus.

I was early for the departure. I wanted to make sure I got a window seat.

As the other passengers loaded, I was involved with reading my paperback novel when I felt rather than actually saw someone staring at me. I looked up.

"Hello, Clarence," said Millie. Now, I was the one staring. The cabin doors had just closed and I wasn't going anywhere. I noticed the seat next to mine, the aisle seat, was still vacant. I looked at it with what must have been horror. I was right to have been afraid.

"It's my seat," she said. I know my face fell.

"Don't worry, I bathed this morning," she said smiling. I did not return her good humor. She took her seat and strapped herself in.

"How?" I said.

"I've been thinking of moving out here, so I came to check out the area. I know a couple of people and they invited me to stay with them for a few days. The weather's better. And before you ask, no, I didn't know you lived here; and I didn't know you were on this plane. This seating arrangement is pure coincidence. The ticketing agent noticed the names were the same, and figured we were man and wife. You'd evidently checked in shortly before me. I didn't disabuse him of his conclusion. Anyway, he seated us together," she said.

"Maybe one of us can get another seat," I said. I began to look around for an attendant, but they were all busy getting ready for push back.

"What's the matter, Clarence, afraid I'll embarrass you?" she said.

"You've done it before," I said with feeling.

She nodded. "I guess I deserved that. If it matters, I am so sorry for what I did to you back then. You were right I was crazy to lay all that on you like that. Especially not to have talked to you about it instead of Denise," she said.

I couldn't help it; I had to ask. "How is she?" I said.

"She's good, I guess. I know for a fact that she'd like you to be the one walking her down the aisle next week," said Millie. That stopped me.

"She's getting married?" I said.

"She's twenty-four, Clarence, and she misses her daddy very much. You could at least have given her a chance to talk to you before you left," said Millie.

"I couldn't face her after—after—what she found out about me," I said. Why was I talking to this woman?

"That was my fault," said Millie. "She was just trying to be supportive. I had led her to believe that your fantasies were what it was all about, not mine. For the record she knows the truth now, and it damn near cost me my relationship with her to confess."

"Married? Who's the fiancé?" I said.

"A fellow college student, Gary Plant's hisname," she said.

"Is he aware of her views on fidelity and cuckolding?"

"That not fair to her. She was just trying to be supportive. There is no need to paint her with same brush you have chosen to paint me with."

My next question was hard to ask. "Who's giving her away?" I said. She eyed me closely.

"Do you care?" she said. I silently sneered at her insult and looked away.

"Never mind; it's not mine to know or ask, not anymore," I said. "Thanks to you."

"I'm sorry, Clarence. Of course you care; I can't seem to stop saying the wrong things when it comes to you. I'm sorry," she said.

"Yet you keep talking to me."

"Clarence, it is your right and your business regardless of what you believe. Again, I'm sorry I said that. It was thoughtless of me. Anyway, It's Marcus Canby," she said.

"The man you cuckolded me with," I said. Suddenly the bile began to rise in my throat. The pent up anger of years threatening to overwhelm me.

"He took care of me when you abandoned us," said Millie. I just stared at her the old wounds opened wide again after five years.

"He was taking care of you before I left wasn't he? Seems you only needed me around for my paycheck.

I saw the anger rise in her but she held back. "This is not about us; it is about you and your daughter. It could still be you if you would," said Millie."You could walk her down the aisle."

"No thanks," I said. "I've had enough humiliation at the hands of my wife, her boyfriend and my daughter to last me a lifetime. Anymore would not be good."

"She never humiliated you, Clarence. I did, and I've apologized. But, she never did. She didn't know the whole truth when you decided to cut country,"

"You were the one who made that necessary Millie. You destroyed me as a husband and as a father. You may not have thought much of me as a man to treat me as you did but I would have liked to have believed that my daughter held some respect for me. You couldn't even allow me that."

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