A Woman's Journal (Month 01-02)

I am a middle-aged married woman and mother of two.

My husband has very strict ideas as to how a wife and mother should dress and act leaving me feeling repressed and insecure.

Although I find myself adhering to his ideals, I long for the freedom to be myself.

I am your typical Irish lass with extremely thick dark brown hair that I wear short as I have a distinctive streak of gray like a skunk tail in the front. I think that it makes me look a little like a rock star, although my husband keeps telling me to dye it. One of my many little rebellious responses to his edicts.

I have deep brown eyes partially framed by thick eyebrows; another identifying feature of an Irish woman.

I am of medium height and have kept myself in good shape as I wear a size 4 and weigh around 110 lbs. For my height my legs are long and shapely and reach all of the way to the ground. :-)

I love to wear high heels as they make me look taller as well as display my round booty, although a wife and mother are not supposed to look sexy.

Another Irish trait is my white and sun freckled skin, which never tans, but likes to turn red when exposed to the sun.

I have always had a strong desire to be sexy and to be seen by others as sexy.

It seems that the same style of dress that attracted my husband to me is now considered inappropriate for a wife and mother. I used to love to show off and attract the attention of others, but for too many years I might as well have been a follower of Islam.

I have always had very active fantasies of what might be considered kinky situations that for all practical purposes have gone completely and utterly unfulfilled.

My husband travels a lot for a living, which leaves me alone with our children for long stretches of time. I am a bit sad to admit that I enjoy the time away from him.

The economy has hit us hard like many people and we have found that we can no longer make it on one income. Thankfully our children are old enough to spend time on their own, so it was an easy decision for us that I should go back to work.

What I never expected was to find myself in a work environment that allowed my fantasies to come true.

The changes in my life have been so dramatic that I decided to keep a journal of the events.

A Business Woman's Journal

April 2010

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

S&M BANK has a reputation for being very prestigious, somewhat old-fashioned, and it is very difficult to get a job with them due to their stringent interview process.

They only accept banking clients that can demonstrate $25 million or more in liquid assets.

As a result they are very particular about who they hire to interact with their clients as customer liaisons.

The rumor was that this firm hired mostly women who fit a certain profile along with height and weight requirements, which today is essentially illegal.

It seems that they got away with it due to a pay scale that was 30% better than any one else in the industry, a very lucrative severance package should you be let go, along with an iron clad confidentiality agreement.

These women were meticulously profiled and trained after which they were assigned specific clients that fit their personality. They were essentially on call 24/7 for these assigned clients.

I always noticed the women who worked there when I would have lunch in the area as they all wore similar outfits, i.e. crisp white or light blue cotton tailored blouses along with black, navy blue, or dark gray pencil skirts with matching 4 1/2 inch heels.

They always looked so professional and I dreamed for months of becoming one of them.

I also sensed an understated sexuality in their demeanor and attitude, and found myself craving the attention that they garnered for themselves.

I overheard a discussion between two of the woman from S&M that they were looking for more trainees and today I submitted my resume.

I am sure that if times were not so difficult for us financially right now, my husband would have never allowed me to apply, since he feels that the type of women that work at S&M are too provocative.

It is very likely that I could have found work at some other firm, but this was my chance to change my dull existence.

Thursday, April 29, 2010

I was called in to interview today.

I met with a Ms. Spencer, who is the office manager. She was dressed similar to the other woman in the company, but in a full gray pin striped suit as opposed to a blouse and skirt.

She is about 5'7", very well groomed, in very good shape for a woman in her 50's, which she displays by wearing well-fitted clothes. She has dark brown hair much like my own with brown eyes that seem to be able to see into your thoughts.

Although she is quite good looking, she carries a permanent scowl on her face, which detracts from her looks. It is almost as if she is constantly displeased.

The interview was a bit unusual as she spent more time asking me about my personal habits and style as opposed to my work experience.

It seemed that she was more interested in how I looked and what kind of personality I had than my employment history and experience.

I am still curious about her question to me, "Do you always obey your superiors or do you question authority?"

I assured her that I always obey, as it has always been very difficult for me to directly stand up for myself.

I was raised to never question authority regardless of my own feelings about what I was told to do.

That sense of sexuality that I noted when around the employees of S&M was quite prominent during my time in the Bank as well as during my interview.

It was like foreplay as Ms. Spencer delved into my suppressed feelings with her very personal questions pushing the limits of my comfort zone while I tried to answer her.

I find the feeling to be a bit uncomfortable, as I have never been allowed to be a very sexual person, although I do have very active fantasies, and this sexual sensation caused a vibration throughout my entire body.

It is almost seductive to the point that I must have this job.

I had a particularly intense orgasm tonight while masturbating. I know that it is the energy from my interview today at S&M.

May 2010

Friday, April 30, 2010

I received a call from Ms. Spencer letting me know that I got the job and that I start first thing Monday morning.

My husband is not very happy, however I am absolutely ecstatic.

That same energy that resulted in my intense orgasm the other night ran through my body when I was told the news.

Sunday, May 2, 2010

I start my new job tomorrow and have two new blouses and skirts that fit the style of the women that I have seen who work at S&M.

I am in between sizes right now, so my skirts are a little tight and clearly show my panty line and suspender welts. Another little rebellion for me has been my desire to wear stockings instead of pantyhose.

Hopefully this won't be an issue i.e. at least until I lose a little weight.

I am glad that my husband was out of town, so I could feel free to purchase the type of outfits that I have always wanted to wear.

Monday, May 3, 2010

I have begun my new job at S&M and could not be happier. My entire first day was spent in employee orientation with Ms. Spencer, who focused on a very strict dress code i.e. the aforementioned blouses, skirts and heels, but also a requirement to wear stockings as opposed to pantyhose. "How perfect," I thought to myself.

She also recommended that we wear white, beige, or black lingerie, although it was not a requirement for employment.

Isn't it a bit unusual for a company to recommend a female's undergarments?

Hopefully my recent purchase of colored and patterned panties doesn't cause any problems, although why would anyone know what color panties I have on?

We are required to be at our desks (No cubicles) precisely at 7:45, at which time Ms. Spencer walks among us and checks us for proper attire. It is almost what I would imagine a military "muster" to be like.

She seems to be able to tell at a quick glance whether we are dressed appropriately or not.

Our desks are arranged in two rows along the far wall of the first floor of the bank, which has a three-story ceiling.

The ceiling is beautifully painted to look like the sky with clouds and I find it very difficult to not sit in my chair and just stare at it.

Ms. Spencer has an office along the other wall, and Mr. Von Elder's (The big boss) office is on the top floor of the building.

The entire building is located on the highest point of the downtown area and subsequently looks out over most of the city.

Our orientation taught us the S&M way to answer the phone, respond to emails, as well as how to talk to our assigned clients.

Our skirts must be just above the knee to allow us movement, but not to cause any distractions in the office.

We are to conduct ourselves as professional women always.

We do occasionally "earn" casual days when we are allowed to wear less businesslike attire. It is a decision of Mr. Von Elder's when these days occur. I guess that they are always on a Friday and rarely when clients are expected in the office.

S&M is not a typical bank with tellers and walk in customers. Our clients are all received by appointment and treated as well respected dignitaries.

We were taught that our primary responsibility is to satisfy their needs and desires.

Don't ask questions and just do as you are told.

I should fit in quite well considering.

I was required to sign a ten-page document regarding proper conduct and performance standards, which included our dress code. It also referred to disciplinary techniques that I had to sign a waiver for. And lastly it included a confidentiality statement that essentially told me to never discuss the firm outside of the office to anybody.

I wonder if keeping a Journal falls into this category?

My husband found all of this odd, but I reminded him that we needed the extra paycheck. (And I really want this job.)

I probably should have read the entire agreement, but everyone here seems to adhere to the rules without any objections.

The office itself is almost in a time warp from the Fifties with our dress code and lack of cubicle walls, but I actually find it refreshing, as it seems to eliminate any cliquish type of behavior amongst us women.

I trained with a wonderful woman, Linda, whom I know will become a close friend of mine.

She is like an Amazon warrior to me. In heels she stands over 6' tall, has a very muscular shape for a woman but is well proportioned with an angular and beautiful face, long flowing auburn hair, and deep blue eyes.

Her body was made for our tight fitting skirts and blouses.

She seems so self-assured and confident. If only some of that would rub off on me.

Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday May 4-7, 2010

We are being trained on all aspects of the banking industry along with its various forms and applications.

We were given written tests after every training segment, which really adds to the stress of this job.

This Friday, 2 trainees were let go due to their poor test scores.

We were told that by the end of our probationary period, we should be quite competent as customer liaisons and be ready to work with clients.

They expect only 10% of us to make it through our probationary period.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Today Linda was called into Ms. Spencer's office for a dress code violation and when she returned 30 minutes later her eyes were red and she was out of breath. She passed me on the way to the ladies room brushing her hand across her bottom as if she had been spanked.

How ridiculous, right?

Linda and I are becoming very close friends, although she is always pushing me to loosen up.

She didn't reappear for another 20 minutes, but seemed to be composed and back to her normal self.

Friday, May 14, 2010.

We were given various personality tests today and two more trainees were let go.

Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, May 17-21, 2010

This week was like the one prior with more training and tests.

Our personality profiles came back and three more trainees were let go on Friday.

We are down to 3 trainees from the 10 that were originally hired.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

I can't believe that I was late to work today. I arrived just as Ms. Spencer was completing her morning inspection.

She just glared at me and about 10 minutes later I received an invitation on my ecalendar to meet with her promptly at 9:30.

I was horrified.

I am still on probation and was sure that I might be dismissed.

At 9:30 I went to her office and knocked on her closed door.

I heard her say, "Enter" in a most unpleasant voice.

She informed me that I had been late and that it was not acceptable behavior for any employee of the firm, particularly one who is still on probation.

I pleaded with her saying that I loved my job and that I would do anything to keep it.

She told me that she liked me and thus would offer an alternative disciplinary action to simply letting me go.

Shockingly she told me to take off my skirt. I asked her what she had said and she replied sternly, "You heard me the first time".

I very hesitantly reached to the side of my dark gray summer weight wool skirt and undid the clasp and zipper.

While she glared at me the entire time, I slipped my skirt down my legs and let it drop to the floor whereupon I stepped out of it.

I was now standing in front of her in just my light blue cotton blouse, which barely covered my black polka dot string bikini panties leaving my legs completely uncovered.

I was told to bend over, while Ms. Spencer put her hand on my lower back as if to steady herself.

I then sensed this pause as if everything had stopped, but in fact she was swinging her other hand and with a loud smack it landed on my sheer nylon covered bottom.

I winced in pain and shock just as the second smack hit my bottom.

I bit my lips to keep from screeching out in pain, as I didn't want my co-workers to know what was going on.

After each whack she gave me an almost imperceptible squeeze on my bottom.

I then was given one more smack and told that a proper lady does not wear polka dot panties particularly when they have a sheer back.

She must know my husband.

It stung terribly and felt so degrading as I rearranged my stockings.

Then Ms. Spencer made a comment on how well trimmed my pubic area was and that she approved.

What the f**k!

I pulled my skirt back up my legs and asked her if she was finished. She actually smiled telling me to return to work and make sure that I wasn't late again.

God, I masturbated again in the bathtub tonight recalling in detail the feel of her firm hand on my almost bare bottom.

What is going on with me?

Friday, May 28, 2010

Linda and I are the only two left from the original group of trainees.

We have one week to go, but are quite assured that we made it.

I can't tell you the sense of relief this gives me along with a strong feeling of anxiety. As if I am about to be pushed in directions that I never thought possible.

(to be continued)