Punished at St Sade's

I went to boarding school at the Convent of St Sade where rigid discipline was very much at the centre of life. It was a "crammer" for 18 year olds who had failed their A levels. No-one knows more about punishment than nuns and correct behaviour was enforced by pain and humiliation. All of us girls came from the sort of home where our school hols were spent under the watchful eye of our parents and there was definitely no opportunity to meet boys during term time so I am fairly certain we were all virgins. I know I was. Of course I knew the mechanics of sex and where he put his horrible thing up inside you but the thought of a boy doing that to you horrified most of us and none of us had actually seen an example of the organ in question. We were told that when we became married we would do our duty in allowing our husbands to do what they needed to do to us.

Modesty was seen as very important so that when we undressed for bed in the dorm we would always pull on our nightdress before reaching up inside it to remove our knickers. When we changed for gym we would face the wall so there was no chance of anyone seeing our breasts or, heaven forbid, anything "down there". Of course facing the wall meant that one's curved girlish buttocks and the unspeakable dirty slot between them were facing the room but, as all the other girls were facing the wall, no-one should even see our bottoms. When we went to the showers we were wrapped in our towels until we were between the individual partition walls in the showers which came up to our neck.

If any girl did take an unhealthy interest in one's body it would be our duty to report her to the nuns. We were all encouraged to inform on our friends because if you saw your friend going wrong it was your duty to report her so that she could be punished and corrected otherwise you would be guilty of the same sin as her.

Despite all these controlling measures we were all normal healthy, growing girls with the attendant passions but when you could not resist doing – that is when you found your hand going where we could not even mention in bed – you had to make sure that you were under the covers in the dark and you made yourself keep silent and prayed that the bed did not creak. If one of the other girls heard you pleasuring yourself she might report you and then you would have to stand up in Assembly and tell the whole school what you had done. This would probably be followed by a very thorough caning with you stretched over the table and facing the school so that they did not see your bare bottom when you were bent over with your skirt raised and your knickers around your ankles. The staff sat on the platform in Assembly so all the staff, some of whom were MEN would see your bare behind and the vivid red stripes across the white flesh. Of course being seen red faced with your nose running and tears streaming down your cheeks as you kicked your feet and begged for mercy was so deeply humiliating that it added to the pain of the caning.

The Headmistress was Reverend Mother who was a very strict and severe nun who had been a nun since she was sixteen and she had definitely never been troubled by unnatural urges of the flesh. There were, as has been said above, some men on the staff; some were ordained priests and some were not. I guess crushes between girls and staff of either gender may have happened but the consequences of these becoming known do not bear thinking about.

So it was against this background that I made my big mistake. I had happened to find the word "Lesbian" in a dictionary. You will think me very immature for an eighteen year old but you have to remember the sheltered world in which we were all kept; our television and reading material were very strictly controlled and most of us hardly knew ANYTHING. Well at tea time I was giggling with my friends around our table and I said that I thought Sister Fortitude was probably a lesbian. How could I have been so stupid, stupid, stupid?

Of course one of them was bound to inform on me and the axe fell at breakfast the following morning. As I came into the refectory with the rest of my dorm Sister Patience bustled over to me and told me to have a drink of orange juice and then hurry to Reverend Mother's study. For a moment I froze in horror. I was being summoned to Reverend Mother's room and was not even being allowed breakfast; of course I had forgotten my casual remarks of the day before so I had no idea of the reason for my summons but I knew it could only be bad. The other girls said nothing as I gulped down a glass of juice and then practically ran out of the refectory fearful of keeping Mother waiting.

I stood in front of the ornately carved oak door trying to control my panting and making sure that my hair was not straggling over my face then I knocked and heard her commanding voice bid me enter. She was sitting behind her huge desk and she did not ask me to sit so I stood practically to attention but with my hands entwined just below my waist. Reverend Mother did not waste any time before coming to the point and she spoke about the sins of gossip and false witness and coarse language. Of course with every word she spoke I felt more and more wretched and she made me sound like the Whore of Babylon. Then she paused for a second before pronouncing sentence.

"You are to be sent to do penance in the annex."

My mouth fell open and I thought I was going to faint. She might as well have punched me in the stomach. The annex was a self contained part of the school building down in the East Wing. It was reached down a cold gothic stone passage and through a huge arched oak door which was always kept locked. The domain of fear was presided over by Father Worthy and Sister Penitence who was a grim faced and terrifying nun. Father Worthy was a huge man with a red face. If he so much as looked at you he made you want to back away, his eyes seemed to bore right into you stripping away all your clothes and he gave the impression that he could see right into your mind and was disgusted at what he saw. Some girls had gone to the annex and never been seen, or even spoken of, again. Mostly girls did return from their penance but none of them would ever say a word about what happened there. Some girls had been sentenced to spend every weekend in the annex and on Friday evening before going to knock on the terrible door they would be really quiet and withdrawn.

My shocked and befuddled mind was dimly aware that Mother was still speaking and I forced myself to try to take in what she was saying. It seemed that before being taken to the annex I was to be made an example to the rest of the school and, in Reverend Mother's warped, sadistic mind, the punishment would fit the crime.

".......and so, as you have tried to undermine Sister Fortitude's dignity by your slander you, in turn, will find what it means to lose your dignity. You will now remove your clothing."

My arms, of their own volition, went across my chest in defence and my mouth fell open in horror. Surely she could not mean that I was to undress right here in front of her in the middle of her study. She raised her voice in command.

"If you continue to disobey me I will have Father Worthy undress you on the platform in Assembly."

Driven by the fear of having that man touch me I stripped off my red cardigan and placed it on a chair then I pulled off my tie and it joined the cardigan. Anxious to obey the command of the woman who was silently watching my every move my fingers fumbled open the buttons on my white blouse and put the garment on the chair. I now felt very exposed with lots of bare white skin showing and my neat little breasts only protected by the white regulation school issue bra.

Stealing a glance at the woman who was looking at me with utter contempt on her face I knew I had to further expose myself. Miserably I reached behind, which pushed my breasts out, to unfasten the grey skirt and let it fall. Now I was just in white kneesocks and my white bra together with my regulation white cotton knicks. I had to stoop to pick up my skirt and place it on the chair and, as I did so, I was very aware of showing my cleavage to the hawklike pedagogue behind the big oak desk.

Although her instruction to undress had been clear I could not imagine she meant me to uncover any more of my body so I stood facing her with my fingers woven together in front of the slight, puffy swell between my legs. No-one had seen me so unprotected except the school doctor who made annual inspections and I even hated exposing my body to the doctor as keeping covered up had been so ingrained into every girl in the school.

Her voice was level and terrifying as she spoke.

"You have not finished doing what you were told to do girl and my patience with your disobedience is beginning to wear very thin."

I knew that the command carried within it a threat of more punishment and as my self- respect drained away I hunched up my body and reached behind to my bra clasp. As I pulled the straps from my shoulders the garment came away and I felt the cold air on my boobs. I was aware of a very uncomfortable tingling in my tender nipples as I placed the warm bra on the chair and then made my hands go to the sides of my knickers and push downwards.

My face was burning as I exposed my little furry triangle to the woman's eyes and I was aware that the embarrassing hair did nothing to cover the fleshy lips between my thighs. I also shed my shoes and socks.

Reverend Mother stood and came around to my side of the desk.

"Have you not learned to fold your clothes child?"

"Yes Reverend Mother, sorry Reverend Mother."

I bent to fold each garment aware of my breasts hanging free. To my intense alarm my nipples had swollen and I had a terrible urge to caress them to ease the discomfort but I knew I could not do that. There was also a tightness between my legs which was increasing.

When there was a neat pile of folded laundry on the chair Reverend Mother ordered me to fold my arms behind my back and hold my elbows in my hands. As soon as I had adopted the humiliating position she strode to the door and opened it.

"Come with me."

This was too much. I fell to my knees on the carpet.

"Please Reverend Mother don't make me go out into the corridor. I can't go out there like this. Please."

She moved like lightning towards me and I never saw the slaps coming. Her hand caught me across the left cheek and then zipped back onto the right making my face sting, my ears ring and my eyes water. The anger in her voice was terrifying.

"Get up right now and come with me!"

It was impossible to withstand the force of her command. I stood, placed my arms behind me and walked out of the door into the corridor with her. Girls were trooping into Assembly and, of course, they all gawped at my naked body. Some gasped and others giggled with their hands over their mouth. The air was full of whispering. In utter misery I walked beside Reverend Mother into the hall and up the steps onto the platform where she positioned me at the side of the stage facing my peers.

I was looking at my toes and trying to make the tensions in my nipples and down there go away as Reverend Mother opened the Assembly and then she began to speak about me. Every word was like a whiplash as she told the whole school what a disgusting creature I was and how I needed correction for my own good and to discourage any girl who might be in danger of becoming like me. Towards the end of the discourse when I was having to work really hard at not sobbing out loud she put her hand into the pocket of her habit and took out a large white bar of school soap. She advanced upon me telling the school about the penalty for filthy speech and she ordered me to open my mouth.

Of course I obeyed and she thrust the soap into my mouth and commanded me to bite down. A ripple of laughter ran around the hall and then Assembly continued with songs, prayers and notices as I stood naked, exposed and totally humiliated. But she was not done with me yet as I discovered at the end of Assembly.

"Because Tara has chosen to use her tongue for such filthy purposes she will be denied the gift of speech for the rest of the day and she will spend the day in humiliation in the hope that she learns not to repeat her offences."

The whole school knew the traditional way of denying speech and, sure enough, the cast iron scold bridle was brought from the back of the platform. It was made of black strips of metal and looked rather like a domed bird cage. The thick band around the base hinged open and when it was swung shut the thick, iron tongue welded to the inside was forced between the lips of the unfortunate wearer. Rev Mother removed the soap from my mouth leaving evil tasting foam filling my mouth and then the dome went over my head and the cold iron invaded my mouth and the device was padlocked shut with the lock hanging from the front of the base band. Because of the domed structure going up over my head like a helmet I was forced to look at the world through the bars as my mouth was held wide open by the iron between my teeth.

I was made to stand naked and bridled as the whole school filed out past me and then Reverend Mother told me to go to join my classmates. I was to follow my normal school timetable but, of course, I would not be taking part in any discussions in class or even during breaks.

The first lesson was French with Sister Patience and, of course, I arrived last and had to slip into my place as the lesson began. Someone had placed my book bag beside my chair. The wooden chair was cold and it stuck to the skin of my buttocks. Whenever I tried to move I made a rude sound as my skin came free of the wood and made my classmates giggle. I cannot describe how it felt to be sitting there with my naked nipples pointing at Sister Patience at the front of the class but the thought was beginning to fill my mind that the next lesson was Maths with Mr Turner. I was certain that I would die of embarrassment.

Well, eventually the lesson ended with all the girls around me putting up their hands and answering questions while I sat mute with all that humiliating ironwork locked on my head. Now I knew that I would have to stand up and walk out of the room showing once again my dark secret hair and my most private place down there. My heart was pounding as I stood up and, of course, my bum had stuck to the chair so it came free with a loud noise and a tearing sensation which made me squeal into my iron gag.

Two girls behind me giggled.

"She's got a red bum as if she's been spanked."

"Well she should be spanked for running around with nothing on like that. She's lewd."

Of course I could not answer them. My heart was still pounding as I made my way to the maths room where I would meet Mr Turner the youngish Maths master. How could I possibly bear him looking at my naked body? And to make it worse I was damp between my legs and my nipples were standing out like two tiny red cucumbers. As I went into his room I held my book bag in front of me which made walking awkward and I hurried to sit down.

"Tara's in my place Sir."

"Tara, you know where your seat is. Move so Jenny can sit down."

Feeling foolish I moved my seat once more giving his eyes another good look at my body. We did a practical exercise which involved measuring the room with yardsticks and tapes and Mr Turner made me move around the room helping with this so I had to hold one end of the tape. This involved crouching down with my boobs hanging down and reaching right up into the top corner of the room, so I was on tiptoe at full stretch and showing every detail of my body.

Laura, on the other end of the tape, took so long to write down the measurement that I had to stand like that for ages and I was so embarrassed that I fumbled and dropped the tape to a chorus of "Oh Tara" from the whole class. I bent down to retrieve the tape and returned to my horribly exposed position until Laura had done what she had to do then, when I was allowed to move, I stumbled over a wastebin and blundered into a desk causing it to move and bang into Susan who screamed in pain. Mr Turner happened to be holding a wooden yardstick at the time and he brought it down with all his strength across my naked buttock making me scream into my gag and cut my mouth in the process. Of course the whole class laughed.

He spoke to me angrily.

"Tara, if you cannot do anything constructive you had better spend the rest of the lesson standing on that chair at the back of the room."

Miserably I climbed onto the chair with my face to the wall and he told me to turn around so that I could still see the blackboard (and so that he could see the front of my body). So there I stood for the rest of the lesson balancing on the seat of the chair. Because I was at the back of the class they all had their backs to me although several girls could not help turning around to steal a peep at me. Mr Turner was facing me the whole time and enjoying an uninterrupted view of my boobs. I kept my hands clasped in front of my fuzzbush with my left hand over the top of the right one but I could not keep my right hand from pressing into my soft depths which made standing still quite an effort. I have to admit that I felt a certain degree of pride to see the definite bulge in the front of Mr Turner's trousers and to know that it showed he was being affected by me. This pride was tinged with a little fear as I was fairly sure that his filthy male mind was imagining doing unspeakable things to me.

After an absolute age the bell signalled the start of Break and the girls trooped out while I was made to stay in place until they had all gone. Then Mr T gave me permission to follow the others which meant that I had to walk the length of an empty classroom under his lustful eyes. As usual a lot of the girls went to the tuck shop at break but, of course, this was denied to me as a girl can neither eat nor drink with a lot of scrap iron locked into her mouth. I was hungry and thirsty and was a little worried about what was going to happen at lunchtime. Break was a very lonely time as I could not speak to my friends and none of them wanted to be with me for fear of incurring Reverend Mother's wrath for associating with such a sinner as myself.

The end of Break was a relief in the sense of ending my time alone just resting up against a wall watching all the other girls from afar but it also meant another ordeal. The whole time from Break to Lunch was a Gym lesson and Gym was taken by the very same Sister Fortitude whose sexual leanings I had slandered. Sister Fortitude was younger than most of the other nuns and she normally wore a navy tracksuit instead of a nun's habit although she did keep her head covered in a black scarf. I had been having dark thoughts about the young nun during break because I had realised for the first time that Sister Fortitude always supervised us in the changing room and showers. In my girlish naiveté I had always assumed that she did this to ensure we did not transgress the rules but now, for the first time, it had occurred to me to wonder why she spent so much time among naked and half naked schoolgirls. I was very nervous about how she would treat the girl who had spread gossip about her.

Everyone else in the class trooped into the changing rooms but Fortitude stood at the changing room door and ordered me to follow her into the gymnasium while the other girls changed. Of course I would spend the whole lesson in the same humiliating nudity as I had spent the rest of the morning.

There was a distinctly unpleasant tilt at the corner of Fortitude's mouth as she told me that I would spend the time waiting for the other girls to change by warming up. Then she began barking orders for me to do star jumps, running on the spot and sit ups. I was very aware of how my little boobs bounced and how much I showed of my most intimate parts as I did my enforced exercise with the padlock on the front of my bridle rattling. I was sure that Fortitude was really enjoying my discomfort. As I was bouncing about with my skin scarlet and running in perspiration girls began to drift in from changing and they just stood and watched while making little remarks among themselves.