Feminist Atheist In Saudi Arabia

My birth name is Bethany Parker, but I recently changed it to Anisah Amal to Anwar reflect a change in my identity. I am an English-born Caucasian woman and a former atheist and former feminist who converted to Islam. It shocked a lot of my friends and family members, especially since for many years I raged against the very idea of organized religion. Now I know the error of my ways. And I thank Allah for sending my husband Muhammad Anwar on my way. Presently, I'm washing the dishes in our house in the suburbs of Riyadh, in the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia. My husband is coming home soon, and I want him to come home to a nice clean house and a home cooked meal.

If somebody told me three years ago that I would walk away from the cause of feminism and atheism to embrace Islam, a religion which has always seemed gender-biased and oppressive to me, I would have laughed. I was born in the City of Berkshire, in England, and educated at Oxford University. My parents, Paul and Amelia Parker, were strict Anglicans and I embraced atheism early on because I didn't agree with the teachings of the Christian church. I didn't agree with the Teachings of Islam either. I felt that Islam oppressed women and as a feminist, I staunchly opposed it. I used to be one of those British folks you'd see on television, standing outside mosques with British flags and urging the Arabs and Somalis to go back to their Muslim countries. I've always felt that Great Britain's culture was endangered by the presence of so many Arabs and Somalis, the two largest groups among the Muslims. Islam teaches male domination and female submission. As a feminist, that really irked me.

I graduated from Oxford University, and began working at the World Bank. It's where I met Muhammad Anwar, a tall, dark and handsome man. The son of a Saudi sheikh and a Somali immigrant, Muhammad was born in the City of Riyadh, Saudi Arabia, and raised in North London in England. He was quite striking, too. Six feet two inches tall, with light brown skin, curly Black hair and hazel eyes. I didn't know there were Black people in the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia. Muhammad told me a lot of things about his homeland. He told me about the many African migrant workers who settled there. Sometimes, Saudi men took Black female Muslims from African nations as their wives. A few times, African male Muslims living in Saudi Arabia took Saudi women as their wives. Muhammad was quite articulate and intelligent. I once thought all Muslim males were brutish and barbaric. This young man was handsome, educated and well-mannered. Also, he was very polite and friendly. Muhammad Anwar studied at Harvard University in the City of Boston, Massachusetts. He earned his bachelor's degree in business there and returned to my alma mater, Oxford University, for his Master's degree. This absolutely magnificent young man would change my mind about a lot of things.

I found myself attracted to him, but I guess you could say I was in denial about it. I have only been with white men and white women. Although I considered myself bisexual I never even entertained the idea of having a sexual relationship with a person who wasn't Caucasian. Muhammad was biracial, and somewhat resembled the current President of the United States of America. I often criticized Obama for his sympathy for Muslims and the secrecy surrounding his family life and upbringing. And yet I found myself falling for a young man who looked like a younger version of him. If that's not irony, I honestly don't know what is! Never one to deny my passions, I actually made a play for Muhammad. I came onto him kind of strongly...and he turned me down. He was dating a Jamaican chick named Monique at the time and he actually turned me down. As a six-foot-tall, blonde-haired and blue-eyed Caucasian female with model good looks living in England, rejection from men wasn't something I had ever experienced. Seriously. It kind of made my head spin.

From that moment on, I guess you could say I became kind of obsessed with Muhammad, the one man I couldn't have. There is something about Muslim men, something which I denied for a long time. They're so very sure of themselves because of the male-dominated societies they sprang from. Confident in a way most Western men can never be, having been raised in feminist and egalitarian societies. And Muhammad hailed from the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia, the great heartland of Islam itself. A forbidden place where male authority reigned supreme and unchallenged, and where women are supposed to 'know their place'. That's just the way the most conservative place in the Arab world seemed to me. And yet I was fascinated by it and began learning a bit more about what life must be life for citizens and residents of Saudi Arabia.

My fascination only grew after my discoveries on what is considered by Muslims worldwide as the Heartland of Islam. I slowly wormed my way back into Muhammad's good graces, and when he split with his Jamaican girlfriend Monique, I was there for him. He'd grown really jaded about women and relationships after she cheated on him. Yeah, he caught her in bed with a red-haired white guy named Peter. I'm not one hundred percent sure about what happened but Muhammad allegedly knocked out Peter, and smacked Monique a couple of times. It was a big brouhaha in proper London society, and the cops showed up but in the end, all charges were dropped against Muhammad. As I knew they would be. He's the son of a wealthy Saudi businessman. The Powers That Be here in Great Britain consider people like Muhammad to be untouchable. Not only are they politically correct because of their religion and culture, but they have more money than the Pope.

Slowly but surely, Muhammad and I became friends again. He taught me about Islam, the side of it they never discuss on the evening news. And I fell in love with this charming young man, his religion and his culture. Muhammad told me about how fed up he was getting with western society. Especially after the 2011 London Riots. When he announced his desire to return to Saudi Arabia and leave England behind forever, I was shocked. I grew increasingly desperate, until I finally told him how I felt. I told him I had fallen in love with him. When I told him this, Muhammad seemed really surprised. Without hesitation, I threw myself in his arms and kissed him. Muhammad hesitated, then kissed me back. I held his beautiful brown face in my hands, and told him I wanted to be with him always.

What followed was a life-changing sequence of events. My conversion from Atheism and Feminism to Islam. For now the year we live in Saudi Arabia, and I often miss my old homeland of England. I love my husband. And I'm the proud mother of little Ibrahim, our son who will do us proud someday. I had a lot of changes to make. In Saudi Arabia, as per Sharia Law, I have to wear the Abaya and a hijab at all times. I also cannot leave the house without a male chaperone, or drive. It's a small sacrifice for me to make to be with the man I love. Muhammad has changed a lot since we moved to Saudi Arabia. He's grown more authoritarian, but I'm hoping it's just a phase. He's only like that when I disobey him. The other day when I talked back, he kind of smacked me but honestly, I don't mind. It's my own fault for not ironing his suit properly. I can be so damn clumsy sometimes.

When I talk to my relatives on the phone, they often say they are worried about me. I tell them that everything is fine. They are asking when I'm going to visit them in dear old England again and I always tell them in a little while. Besides, I couldn't leave Saudi Arabia even if I wanted to because by law, my husband holds my passport. I know some of you might find this difficult to believe but I like my new life here, and I'm thankful for everything Muhammad has done for me. I am genuinely happy. Saudi Arabia is a veritable paradise for women. Here we can always be ourselves. Muhammad has showed me the way. He has changed me for the better. I must go now. My husband is calling for me to bring him dinner. Peace be unto you, my brothers and sisters.