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The Artist's Wife

12

When I was a junior in college I did an internship with a software company, and after I graduated in 2003 they offered me a job as a programmer. I pieced together my new life in Chicago over Craig's List: apartment, furniture, car, etc.

In my free time I'm a pretty versatile musician—I had been in some bands in college, but I never let myself get too committed out of fear that I'd neglect school. Now that school was done, I was ready to do it right. Piano is my best instrument, but I wanted to get into a serious rock band. So I advertised myself as a bassist (also on Craig's List) and got about a half dozen calls within the first week.

In all honesty, I'm really gifted when it comes to music. I know theory, can read music, and can jam in just about any style on multiple instruments, so it was never a question of who was going to pick me. I auditioned with four of the bands who had contacted me, and ended up joining one call Schwa. They hadn't played out yet, but they had about a set and a half of really great songs. They had been rehearsing together for about nine months when they lost their original bass player, who moved to New York to get married.

I had great musical chemistry with the guys in the band. The only thing that concerned me was that they had all been friends since grade school, including the prodigal bass player, and I didn't want to be the odd man out. I didn't want to spend hours listening to them reminisce about people I didn't know and shit they had done together that I hadn't been a part of. But it became clear pretty quickly that they wanted to avoid that too, so my solid musical relationship with them turned easily into solid friendships as well.

Brett was the drummer. He loved playing in crazy time signatures with a double bass pedal—he was a drum jock, in short, and a damn good one. He was also a digital illustrator for a gaming company, so we had computers in common off the bat.

Jake was the guitar player, and a librarian by day. He was one of those quiet dudes who had built a shelf from 2x4s across an entire wall of his apartment to house his collection of rare vinyl. He gravitated toward jazz, and toward virtuoso guitarists like Joe Satriani and Jeff Beck, but he was also perfectly happy playing the kind of alternative/hardcore mash rock we turned out.

Dave was the front man and rhythm guitarist. He had a personality that just drew you in. He was handsome, smart, funny, and lived off a trust fund, but he was such a cool guy that nobody hated him for his good fortune. His dad was the vice president of rape and pillage for some big Wall Street bank, so he was set for life. He had the time and money to pursue various esoteric hobbies, the main one being filmmaking. He was really into obscure, Eastern European shit, and had made some shorts of his own that had played at festivals in New York, Amsterdam, and Prague.

When it came down to it, Dave considered himself more of a filmmaker than a musician. He would bring me and Jake to see this completely incomprehensible art house stuff, and then could talk for an hour afterwards about the genius of this cut and that angle. I didn't get much of it, but again, people loved to listen to Dave talking about his passions. He could easily have been an actor or comedian, and was fantastic on stage. Schwa was a great musical unit with solid songs and good technical ability, but I have no doubt that a huge part of the modest success we would go on to enjoy was due to Dave's charm.

We were all single when I joined the band, and once we started generating some buzz none of us had any problem getting laid. Young men plus big city plus and rock and roll translated quickly into a lot of whoring around. We would have these conversations in which we would recount our prodigious exploits, which was of course a lot of fun.

But now, years later, I realize that what we were also doing was checking in with one another to make sure that none of us was thinking about getting serious with any particular girl and diverting attention away from what really mattered, which was the band. We were all having a great time, and like all great things when you're young, you fool yourself into thinking it will last forever.

About a year and a half after I joined Schwa, Dave met Anna. She was a couple years older than him. She had her MFA and was an instructor at the Art Institute school.

There was no mystery as to the attraction. Besides her considerable intellectual and artistic charms, she was also a knockout as far as I was concerned: reddish-brown wavy hair, big green eyes, full lips, and pale, almost translucent skin. I say "as far as I'm concerned" because she was also curvy—too curvy for Brett's taste. Brett was into tall blonde waifs—a "type" that has always baffled me. We would have those disrespectful conversations guys have about their buddies' girlfriends, and Brett always referred to Anna as chubby. I didn't consider her chubby. But whether she was or not was beside the point, because she was just sexy as hell.

Before the veil of privacy descended when they officially became boyfriend and girlfriend, the stories Dave would tell about fucking her would make my mouth water. Anna was adventurous. Once they were walking around downtown before a seminar she had to teach and she took him into the cathedral during the noon mass (they had both been raised Catholic) and gave him a handjob in one of the pews, with just her windbreaker covering it up. She would also buy him porn and watch it with him, just to make sure there wasn't anything she was missing in terms of state-of-the-art depravity. She was short, no more than 5'2", and had wide hips but great legs. But the piece de resistance was her big, gorgeous, natural tits. They tormented me.

Three months after Dave and Anna started dating, we all ended up at a party one night after a show. I was pretty drunk, standing in a corner reading a text from a girl named Michelle I had met at the bar. She had texted to ask for the address of the party. I was replying when Anna walked over and started teasing me about her. Michelle was dumb and hot: high leather boots, fishnet thigh-highs, skirt that barely covered her ass, the whole nine. In short, she was no candidate for girlfriend. I don't even remember exactly what Anna was saying, but at one point I had that mortifying realization that I was staring directly at her cleavage. It was August in Chicago, and she was wearing a short skirt, a tight blue tank top, and those high wedge sandals that still failed to make her look much taller. When I finally looked up into her eyes, she arched an eyebrow and gave me a playful little slap across the cheek. Guys on the street must have stared at Anna's cleavage a thousand times a day, but you don't want your buddy's girlfriend to think of you as a letch—or not purely as a letch anyway.

That night I fucked Michelle like a depraved Roman emperor, thinking the whole time about how I would rather be fucking Anna. I was a little bit in love with her, there was no use denying it. But she was Dave's girl and I harbored no illusions. I contented myself with fantasizing about her. Ninety-five percent of the time I jerked off, I thought about Anna. My top fantasy involved me lying down with my head in her lap, sucking her tits while she slowly jerked me off. I dreamed of how those beautiful tits would feel against my tongue and my cock. I found a couple of clips on porn sites where the chicks looked sort of like her and watched them over and over. It looks kind of obsessive now that I see it in black and white, but after a while my obsession it calmed down to nothing more than a typical case of unrequited lust.

Six months after they met, Dave and Anna went for a long weekend to Vegas and came back married. I remember the gasp of horror in our practice space the night Dave told us. Every rock band is haunted by the ghost of Yoko Ono, and Brett and Jake clearly thought that the death knell had sounded for Schwa. To me, it was just one more piece of proof that I would never have Anna, which was never really in doubt in the first place. So I sucked it up and was the first to congratulate Dave. Then Brett and Jake unconvincingly followed my lead. Dave just laughed at all of us and promised it wasn't going to change anything with the band.

And strangely enough he was right. The three of us kept waiting for the other shoe to drop, but it never did. Practice went on as usual, shows were booked more and more frequently, and our first CD was recorded, mixed, and mastered according to schedule, which is something that almost never happens regardless of the marital status of the band members. Really the only thing that changed was that we were no longer treated to stories of Dave's sexual exploits, which had been by far the most entertaining. They each had their own lives, and neither tried to rein in the other. It was just one more thing for me to be secretly jealous of.

About a year after they had been married, we booked a big show at the Metro to coincide with Dave's 25th birthday. It was a Saturday, and the morning of the show I had gone into work for a couple of hours to finish up some code. Around 11 my phone rang.

"Hello doll," Anna said, which is what she had called me ever since she had caught me staring at her chest. It was kind of cool and kind of heart-wrenching at the same time. Of the three of us in the band who were not Dave, I was closest to her. We probably could have become real friends had it not been for the fact that I tried to keep some distance. The closer we got, the greater the chance I would fuck something up either intentionally or unintentionally.

"What's up baby?"

"I got Dave that vintage tube amp and cabinet you suggested for his birthday."

"That's awesome. He's going to love it. You're the best wife ever"

"Of course I am. And I want him to use it tonight at the show. Can you and the guys come by at 6 tonight and pick it up in the van? It's hidden in the garage, and that's the only time I can get him out of the condo for long enough."

Getting Brett and Jake together in the van three hours before we had to load in was going to be a serious challenge, and I told her so.

"Come on, it's for Dave!" she said. "I know you can work it out with him, darling."

So of course, I did.

When I knocked on the door at six, I was ill-prepared for what greeted me. Anna was wearing a thin black cotton nightie, made of what looked like t-shirt material that hugged her figure perfectly. It was very simple and went down just below her knees, with spaghetti straps and none of that frilly bullshit that I hate. The only jewelry she had on were her wedding and engagement rings and a somewhat prominent cross necklace, which was kind of weird because she wasn't a practicing Catholic (as the pew handjob might have suggested). She wasn't wearing a bra, and I know that I failed miserably to honor my pledge to never gawk at her tits again.

"Just on time!" she said excitedly.

"Are you about to turn in?" I joked, following her into the apartment.

"No," she said casually, "but my rock star husband likes me in this, and it's his birthdayl. You like?" she smiled, spinning around like a model.

"I like," I said, giving up hope that my hard-on would go unnoticed.

She peered behind me with a worried look. "Where are the boys?"

"Down in the alley, trying to maneuver into a parking spot near the garage. Your alley sucks for loading gear, you know that?"

"Tell them to park and come up quick," she said. "You have your phone?"

"Yeah, I have it. What's the deal? Aren't we supposed to load the amp?"

"Slight change of plans. Go on, call them."

Brett bitched when I told him to find a legal parking spot and come up, especially since I couldn't tell him why. When I hung up I walked through the dining room on the way to the living room and saw a box with a big bow on it sitting on the table.

"What's that? Dave gets two big presents?" I said. Anna had gone down their long hallway and into the living room. When I walked in, she was standing back and looking at the couch like it was an installation she had to grade. "Uh-huh," she mumbled absently. She was so fucking hot. Her boobs hung exquisitely in the hammock of her nightie. They were the most perfect tits I had ever seen.

"Sit down on the couch a second, will you?" she said. "No, all the way to the left."

When I had sat where she wanted me to sit, she went over to the blinds and opened them a little wider to let in some more light.

"There," she said, "I think that's perfect."

"For what?"

The doorbell rang and she ran down the long hallway to answer it, her tits bouncing maddeningly away from me.

"What the fuck Anna?" I heard Brett say peevishly as she let him in.

"Just settle down and go join your bass player on the couch. Brett, you sit in the middle. Jake, you on the end." They must have just stood there looking at her, because I heard her say, "Guys, please? This is for Dave."

When they walked in Jake held out his hands in the universal gesture for "what the fuck, dude?" to which I just shrugged. They sat down as they had been ordered. When we were all comfortable, Brett said, "Some kind of surprise party or something? Should we smoke a bowl?"

Just then I heard a key in the lock.

"Hey baby," We heard Dave say, "they hadn't heard of the wine you wrote down. Are you sure—whoa! I love you in that! And that."

"I know you do," Anna said softly. There was the unmistakable sound of groping, which made my guts squirm a little. It went on for about twenty seconds before I heard them both giggling.

"And what's this?" Dave said, "Is this my big present?"

"That's part of it. Open it."

There was the sounding of tearing gift wrap. "Whoa! A Chinon with a mic... and a projector? Where the hell did you find this?"

"You like it?"

"Are you serious? It's amazing. Come over here."

"Not right now. You have to get the rest of your present. No, wait, bring that."

When she led him into the living room, Dave was carrying a vintage super 8 camera and looking confused.

"Dudes," he said, "what's up?" Then he looked at Anna. "So... You got me a band for my birthday?" he joked. "That's great, but I already have one."

It was the first time I had ever seen Anna look nervous. She was shaking a little, but she stood back and put her hands together like she was about to deliver a prepared speech—which she was.

"OK, start filming me," she said. Dave looked even more confused. "Baby, just do it." So Dave stood back, picked up the camera, and started filming.

"Being artists yourselves," she began, breathing shallowly while the camera whirred at her, "you all understand the value of improvisation, which is why I brought you here without explaining why."

Her voice caught a little, and she cleared her throat.

"I know we all agree that Dave is one of the greatest guys who ever walked the earth—I know he's greatest the husband—and that's why I decided to give him something truly special for his birthday. You all know about Dave's love of film. As an art connoisseur, I can tell you that he has an incredible eye for finding the transcendent in the mundane. But the camera didn't seem like enough of a present for such a talented artist, so I asked myself, Why not give him a challenge too? Can he also find the beautiful in the perverse?"

With that, Anna walked over to their lounge chair and grabbed a pillow off the seat. She threw it on the floor in front of Jake and kneeled down on it quickly. Then she undid his belt and started unzipping his jeans.

All of our jaws dropped, including Dave's. He took his finger off the trigger and the camera whirred to a stop. Anna pulled a towel and a bottle of lubricant out from under the couch, but before she opened it, she turned toward Dave.

"Baby, I know what you fantasize about. Trust me—you're going to want to get this on film."

Words almost failed him.

"But you said no way, that it was fine as a fantasy, but..."

"I know I did. I had to in order to give you this moment. Now, we have lights and camera. The only thing missing is the action, right?"

Dave smiled a mile wide and ran to the kitchen. He dragged a chair back across the floor and put it right next to the couch and sat down. He put the camera up to his face, covered his eye with the lense, and said, "OK then. Action."

Anna finished unzipping Jake's jeans and reached inside the fly of his boxers. She pulled out his half-hard cock, then maneuvered to expose his balls. She squirted lube into her left hand and rubbed both hands together. Her tits wiggled a little as she did, and the cross dangled back in forth in her valley. With just two fingers she started rubbing Jake's nuts. For the first time I looked away from Anna at Jake. His eyes were closed and he had leaned his head back over the top of the couch. I was tempted to reach over Brett and slap him. You asshole, I thought, Anna has your nuts in her beautiful little hands, and you don't want to watch? To each his own, I figured.

As Jake's cock got harder, Anna worked her way up. She went from massaging his balls with the tips of her fingers, to holding his sack in her right hand while rubbing her left thumb up and down the bottom of his shaft. Her nervousness faded; she was obviously in her element now, even if it was with a brand new dick in her hands.

After a minute or two she uncupped his balls, put both her hands around Jake's cock, and just started pumping. It was like she had gone from the slow intro of a ballad into the raging attack, and Jake gasped, though he still didn't open his eyes.

Dave stood up and wedged himself between Anna and Brett's legs. I wasn't sure what he was doing at first, but then I realized he was getting a close up shot of Anna's ring finger.

"The golden wedding band," he said, "symbol of eternal fidelity, glistening with Ultraglide as my wife jerks off my friend Jake." He brought the shot up from Anna's hands and focused on her beautiful face.

She smiled and batted her eyelashes. "Happy birthday baby. I love you."

Dave stood back to get a wide shot, and Anna got back to work. She had been kneeling Japanese style, and now she got up on her knees. She cupped Jake's balls again in one hand and started pumping faster and faster with the other. When he started groaning, Anna said, "Jake. Jaa-key..."

Jake had put both hands behind his head and looked kind of like he was napping in the sun. His eyes opened as if he were waking from a deep sleep and he looked at her through half-closed lids. All of us but Jake laughed.

"Try to keep those hands where they are as long as you can, okay?" she said sweetly, as if she were actually asking him a favor. Jake nodded and closed his eyes again, and both of Anna's little white fists closed around his shaft and pumped steadily. A few seconds later, Jake groaned again and shot his load a foot straight up into the air. Four more spasms went airborne and splattered down on the front of his shirt, on his cock, and all over Anna's hands. She slowed down, but only for a couple of seconds. She turned toward Dave and shot him a devilish look.

He practically jumped back to the other side of her and grabbed one of Jake's hands.

"Brett, dude," he said, "grab his other wrist and hold it down. "

"Dave loves this," Anna said to me and Brett, smiling. "But what he's really always wanted was to watch me do it to another guy."

She proceeded to work the sensitive head of Jake's cock through the hole between her thumb and index finger—not too fast, but you could see she was holding him tight. Jake started bucking his hips and moaning, "Oh god, oh fuck, oh fuuuck!" The more he bucked and moaned, the more devilish became the grin on Anna's face. Dave wasn't missing a second of it on film, though it must have been hard to keep Jake restrained with one hand while keeping a steady shot of his wife torturing his best friend with the other.

12
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