I Deserved This

You don't know what I'm thinking. If I didn't have this ball gag on, I'd spit on you. Piece of shit. I'm so fucking angry! Cunt! How could you do this to me? Force me into cuffs, shove a gag in my mouth, slap me across the face like I'm absolutely nothing. How can you degrade me like this?! I'm your girlfriend! Or at least I was. I don't know what we are now. I know I deserve all this.

I messed up. I cheated. I know. I was drunk, and we were in a fight. She didn't mean anything. That's absolutely no excuse, but she didn't. She was a stupid fuck on a stupid night. I don't know how many more times I can say sorry. But I've never seen such anger in your eyes. You looked so hurt for a moment, and then you switched off. You left. I didn't recognize you anymore. The woman I loved disappeared as soon as I bowed my head and muttered out a stammering "yes" when you finally asked if I'd done it. I felt sick to my stomach.

I felt another hard slap. Fuck, it was starting to smart. I looked up at you, begging and pleading for you to stop. What in the hell were you doing?? What were we doing? Here I am on your bed, the place we spent so many nights drunk on each other's love, chained and gagged. The leather cuffs were fastened too tight and were digging into my ankles. Where did you get them? Why haven't I seen them before? It didn't matter.

I watched as you walked over to your dresser and took out one of your ties. It was the one I bought you for your birthday. You tied it around my eyes and grabbed my neck. You pressed hard. I could feel my heart pumping faster from the lack of oxygen. "You deserve this you little slut." The words hurt more than the slap that came after. You let go of my neck and I could still feel where your hands had been. I was beyond scared. I've never seen this side of you. I started to go through possible ways this would play out. None of them ended well for me, so I just took it. Everything you had to give. I opened myself up. I deserved this, so I took it. For you.

I felt you get on the bed, and then you came closer to me and growled in my ear. "I'm going to make you pay, cunt." You bit my ear and slapped my tits. I could feel my skin sear. I wanted to scream but the gag muffled it. You laughed and moved your legs around my thighs so you were straddling me. I lay flat on your bed and waited for what you were going to do next. You knelt down and licked the gag and I could feel your hot breath on my lips. I wanted so desperately to kiss those lips. To somehow alleviate the horrible thing I had done. I knew that wasn't possible. I felt a tear fall onto my cheek. You were crying. Oh fucking hell, you were crying. I made you cry. I swore I'd never hurt you and then I go and tear your heart. I want you to hurt me more. I hate the pain but I deserve it. You deserve to be angry.

I feel your stomach clench and hear you really start to sob. You are straddling my thighs, resting on my cunt, and you are crying. I want to die. You yell at me. "How the fuck could you do this to me?! You were my everything, and you fucked it all up, you little bitch." It stung. You took out the ball gag from my mouth and threw it on the floor. I felt my jaw relax. Then you reached for the tie around my eyes and took that off too. I could see the pain in your eyes now. It was back. The anger had faded and now they were filled with sorrow and despair. "Stay still. You're mine tonight. Just stay still and let me have one last night before I throw you out." Your words catapulted me into numbness. I nodded and stared at your dark blue eyes. They felt vacant. The connection that we both felt for so long was gone.

You got off of my stomach and moved down between my legs. You kissed up the insides of my thighs and just when I thought you were going to lick my cunt, you pulled your arm up and slapped it instead. You slapped my cunt and I didn't feel anything but buzzing. I stared at you with a blank look on my face and you didn't say anything. You pulled your arm up again, and this time, expecting it, I shut my eyes, but you didn't slap my cunt this time. You slapped my thighs. Ow. I felt that more. I yelped and you dove between my legs again and licked me. You licked my cunt and stuck a finger inside. You started fucking me while licking my clit. But it didn't feel the same. Everything felt so sensitive after the slaps that I almost wanted you to stop.

You kept going, inserting another finger. You pulled me in with your fingers and kept licking my clit. I could feel myself building. You knew how to work me all too well. You put another finger inside me and that sent me over the edge. I came and yelled. I don't even know what I yelled, but it was loud. Loud enough for you to shove one of the fingers you were fucking me with into my mouth. I tasted myself. Salty and sweet at the same time. You kept your finger there, and didn't stop licking me. I wanted to push you off but my hands and legs were cuffed. Enough! It didn't feel good anymore! Everything was too sensitive. I needed a break, but you didn't care. You kept going. I started to shake beneath you and buck my hips up. You still didn't stop. You took your finger out of my mouth and shoved it inside my cunt. I screamed and came again. But you still wouldn't let up. You kept this going until I came six times. When you were done, both of us were out of breath and you shoved the three fingers you used into my mouth. You looked me dead in the eye and said "Lick them clean, slut!" I did as I was told.

You got off the bed and wiped your mouth on your hand. You unhooked the cuffs from the chain and then unlatched the cuffs themselves. You freed my hands, then my ankles. You were being so tender. It was heartbreaking. You leaned in to kiss me but stopped an inch short of my lips. I could tell you were forcing it. You didn't want to kiss me. You were done with me.

I got up from the bed feeling limp and dull. I picked up all my clothes from the floor and went into the bathroom to put them on. Suddenly I felt out of place. Naked. Fragile. When I walked out of your bathroom, you had gone into the kitchen and I was in your bedroom alone. It wasn't our bedroom anymore. I took my purse and passed you in the kitchen, looking one last time at the person I loved and hurt so terribly. The person I had broken, and it was completely my fault. A tear rushed down my cheek and I said goodbye. You glanced up at me and then turned away.

I opened the door, and I knew I wouldn't be seeing you ever again.