Lovable, Beautiful Ch. 03

"Your first kill should be done slowly. Otherwise things can get pretty messy." I explained to Kristin a few days later as we walked through the park, watching for the right targets to suit us both.

Kristin had only ever had my blood and the blood I had bought from Jackson but it was enough to get her addicted to the only thing besides water and alcohol she'd ever drink again. The addiction would only worsen once she'd tasted fresh, warm human blood.

"Her. I want her." Kristin eyed a lone young woman who looked way too ticked for her own good. She was fumbling to herself about something. The woman was gorgeous and a perfect first kill. It wouldn't take much to get her alone with Kristin.

"She'll come to you. Just sit on that bench and watch her. Lure her in to you. I'll be watching." I said, walking away.

I did as I said and watched from behind a tree in the wooded part of the park. Kristin sat on the bench I'd told her to and waited for the angry woman to come nearer to her. The lady, like most targets, would see Kristin as a problem solver.

"Hi." the woman said, pushing her auburn hair away from her neck. All victims did that when speaking to a Vampire. It seems like it'd be the other way around, but it's not.

I think it has something to do with the fact that we're beautiful. I don't know, maybe that's just me.

Kristin smiled sensually at the woman. I tried to ignore the feeling it gave me and continued to watch my creation. "Hello," she said, her voice all but luring me over to her as well.

"I.. I just dumped my boyfriend and I-I'm sorry, I don't know who you are. I just.. Ugh." the woman was slowly inching towards Kristin, shaking her head.

I looked around, making sure we were the only ones in the park. Since it was two o'clock in the morning most people had gone home. The people still in the park were either drug dealers, homeless people or unsuspecting future victims of rapists or Vampires. We were the only people in this particular part of the park so Kristin could drain the woman now and get away with it.

"It's okay. Here, sit by me." Kristin patted the space to her right. She was far better at this than I had been the first time I'd ever gone target hunting. I'd lured in an older gentleman, a business man coming home late from the other woman's house. He was married and didn't want to lose his wife, so I told him I'd make sure she never found out.

He was found dead the next day and his secret stayed a secret. I had drained him dry too quickly, getting blood all over myself and him. The authorities were baffled because he had no wound anywhere on him but his blood was on his skin and his shirt. The case is still unsolved.

"I'm Viola." the woman said after she was seated next to her future killer. Her voice was low, slightly confused, just like all other targets when they talked to Vampires.

"I'm Kristin. Tell me," she was so calm and collected, "Why did you break up with him?"

Viola actually leaned in to Kristin like a friend does when speaking to a confidant. How did Kristin have this woman talking to her like she'd known her for years on her first time? "He doesn't love me. I'm just tired of saying it and not hearing it, you know?" Viola nodded nervously.

Kristin nodded in sad agreement; she understood all too well. "Well, Viola, let me tell you a secret, okay?"

"'Kay." Viola agreed, quietly.

Kristin stared at her feet the whole walk home and didn't say a word until we were back at my apartment. I knew it was because of how easily she'd killed that woman in the park. She felt bad.

"I can't believe this is what I've become." she shook her head in denial.

We walked inside and I closed and locked the door behind myself. I slipped off my jacket and hung it on the hook beside the door. I helped Kristin out of hers and hung it up beside mine. It was October and even Vampires get cold.

"I took her life away from her." Kristin said, "She only needed some-one to talk to. Someone to listen to her for five minutes. I killed her." Tears began to well up in her eyes.

"Don't cry." I said, touching her shoulder. I didn't like it when she felt bad enough to weep about something. I had noticed that in the last three days I had cared a little more about her each day and even tried to make sure I was nice to her. That was more than I'd ever done for anyone else before.

Kristin stepped forward and I pulled her to me in a tight embrace. I held the back of her head in one hand while rubbing her back softly with the other. She wrapped her arms around me and cried into my shoulder. I tried to comfort her but wasn't sure what else to say besides "Shh."

"You don't have to do that again. I'll just keep Jackson bringing in blood from people who willingly donate it to our kind. It'll be okay." I said, hoping maybe that would help.

I knew how she was feeling. All of us Vampires go through it. The transition period where we realize that we're basically serial killers that can't be caught. Most of us, or at least the normal ones, aren't too happy about it. Most of us, at least the average ones, get used to it.

"I'd rather do that, then." she mumbled, still holding onto me.

Kristin needed someone to love her. She needed for someone to be there for her through the good and the bad. Right now, she needed me to hold her until she felt like she wasn't going to fall apart anymore. I knew I didn't love her, but I could at least pretend to if it made her feel better. If I was lucky maybe someday what I felt for her would be stronger than just caring about how she felt. I wanted to be able to tell her someday that I did love her, but that day wouldn't be today. If something were to cause the two of us to be separated, I knew I'd be okay without her. If I were in love with her, I wouldn't be able to go on if she were gone.

Walking over to the couch, I sat down and pulled her into my lap, where she continued to mourn. Her tears seeped into my shirt as she cried for what seemed like hours. I hadn't cried after I'd killed that man. All I had done to deal with killing someone was to forget about it. I forgot about all of my victims as soon as I'd killed them, usually. I made a point to look in their eyes as little as possible while luring them in so it'd be easier. As for all the people I slept with before killing them? They were harder to forget, but I did my best. The only victim I'd ever cried over was the one in my arms and I still couldn't figure out why she had had that affect on me; I'd only just met her.

There is a belief among my kind that the person who is turned into a Vampire automatically gains romantic feelings for their sire or mistress, but I don't agree with that. The only feelings I had for Justin were sexual ones, no emotional strings attached. He was the one who gained feelings for me, but I didn't want to be with him because I knew I'd sleep with other people and he'd get angry with me. I knew better than to piss him off too terribly because as I've said before, you're sire is the one of the only things that can kill you.

"Amanda?" Kristin whispered.

"Mm-hm?" I hoped she felt better.

"What was it that made you tell me?" she asked.

I thought for a little while before coming up with the answer. "The fire in your eyes. It's different than anyone else's. They're so alive and-and, I don't know. It's like when I looked into them the first time they- you saw straight into my soul. Everyone else.. They just looked." I couldn't believe I had just said something that deep. I never said things like that.

Kristin had sat up and was now doing what she'd done that first day. Her eyes were looking past all the bad things I tried to use to cover up any piece of something good. She was searching the deepest parts of my soul, trying to find what it was that I was afraid of. I blinked and looked away from her, terrified for some reason.

"Amanda." Kristin's voice was soft but stern.

I wouldn't look at her.

"Please look at me." she asked.

I shook my head, only to have Kristin take my face in her hands and turn it towards her. I looked up, down, anywhere but her eyes. For some reason that I couldn't name, I really was afraid of her. Afraid of what she might see in me.

"Please?" she sounded like it really mattered to her that I do this. So I did it, unable to knowingly disappoint her.

Again, she searched my soul. I didn't understand why this was so important to her or why it scared me like it did. Kristin seemed like she'd never look away, give me a break. Time to breathe. "When was the last time you cried?"

I blinked, confused as to why she would ask something like that. I frowned, not wanting to answer her. I did anyway, "When I was drinking your blood. You were dying."

"Before then?" I hadn't realized it when Kristin had taken a hold of my hand, but now I had and I didn't pull my hand away. It was sort of a nice feeling.

"When my ribs got broken." I mumbled, knowing she had meant for emotional reasons.

"Okay, what about the last time you cried because you just needed to?" Kristin asked, rubbing her thumb over my hand.

I turned away from her. "I don't remember."

Kristin stood up and pulled on my hand, wanting me to get up as well. I stood, not understanding what for. I looked back into her eyes warily. I had no idea what she wanted from me.

Kristin lead me into the bedroom and closed the door behind her. At first I thought she wanted to have sex with me, but she just laid down on the bed and pulled me down beside her. I did reach out and touch her but she took hold of my hand and didn't let it go. "Just lay here with me, okay?"

I thought of unattractive things so that I could do what she wanted me to but I had thought that's what we were coming in here for and so it was extremely difficult. My entire body tingled with anticipation and want for her. I took in deep breaths to try and keep myself from failing at this simple task. Surely I could get through the third day in a row without sex. I had gone two, before. Three wouldn't kill me.

"Is it really that bad?" Kristin blinked at me.

"Yes." I said, afraid that if I said more than that I'd lose control.

Thankfully, Kristin left the subject alone and just squeezed my hand. That was the only part of her body she'd allow me to touch. I thought about just forgetting about what she wanted from

me and rolling over on top of her and doing what I wanted to do. It would be much easier and much more enjoyable than just lying there.

"Ouch." Kristin pulled her hand out of mine. "You're trying pretty hard aren't you?"

At first I was lost, but then I figured out that I had hurt her hand from gripping it so tightly. "Oh-I'm sorry."

"It's okay." she murmured, flexing her hand. "If I kissed you just to kiss you would that make it worse?"

The question had an obvious answer, "Yeah."

"That's what I thought."

"Then why'd you ask?" I was lost.

Kristin smiled, but it didn't reach her eyes. "Just to be sure. Because I want to, but not if it'll only make things worse."

I tried to make her laugh, "If you handcuffed me to the bed you could."

It worked and she giggled, "Do you have any?"

Within five minutes I was cuffed to the headboard and couldn't move my hands. Just to be safe, Kristin had tied my feet down as well. I was already horny and this didn't make things any better for me, but it was what Kristin wanted and for some reason, I wanted her to be happy. I stared up at the ceiling, wondering what kind of torture I was about to go through just to make this girl feel better.

"I promise it won't kill you." Kristin said as she lye down beside me, pushing a long strand of black hair out of my face.

I gulped and nodded. "I know."

"Did you also know that you're insanely gorgeous?" Kristin asked, her eyes looking my face over keenly.

If I said yes I'd sound conceited but if I said no I'd be lying. I just didn't answer her question and asked my own. "Did you know that if I wasn't handcuffed to the bed right now I'd attack you?"

"Yeah." Kristin smiled and nodded.

I pulled against the cuffs, trying to sit up so I could touch her. I felt like an animal being chained down so it wouldn't hurt anyone. But I didn't want to hurt her- I wanted to do the exact opposite. I sighed in frustration and let myself fall back.

"Don't break the bed, okay?" Kristin said, knowing I could if I wasn't careful. She touched my face with her fingertips and looked into my eyes for a moment before leaning in and pressing her warm lips to mine.

I closed my eyes and kissed her back heatedly. A few seconds later Kristin pulled away and frowned at me. "Not like that."

All I could do was look at her, unable to come up with a sentence that made sense. I was pulling against the cuffs again and even though it hurt I couldn't seem to stop. Kristin looked like she felt sorry for me and that made me feel bad about myself. I wished I could just let her do this with no problems. Finally, I was able to lay back down.

"Like this.." Kristin kissed me again and this time I was able to more or less go with the flow. It was the same kiss that had caught my attention before because it was too intimate. The difference this time was that it didn't bother me as badly. I still didn't feel like I disserved it, but I wanted it. I wanted her to want me- all of me.

The kiss lasted a very long time and when she pulled away it was me who tried to keep it going by nudging her for more. She kissed me again, her hands cradling my face. I tried again to reach for her but not so that I could fondle her. I wanted to hold her like she was holding me. I gave up on it but not on kissing her.

When Kristin pulled away I didn't try to make her kiss me again. She sat up and looked down at me, her eyes kind. "Thank you for letting me do that." she smiled.

"Do it again." I said, hoping she wouldn't think it was for sexual reasons. For the first time in my life, I wanted someone to just kiss me. I liked how it made me feel whenever she kissed me like that.

"Why?" she looked cautious.

"Because I want you to." I grinned.

"Are you sure you wouldn't rather I did this.." Kristin slipped her hand under my top and trailed her fingers lightly over my skin. I shivered and closed my eyes.

"That works, too." I said as her hand unbuttoned and unzipped my jeans before it slipped between my thighs and began to massage me. I hadn't expected this at all but I wasn't going to complain about it.

Kristin kissed me gently as her fingers pushed inside me. I wished I could touch her but I couldn't. Kristin bit my bottom lip hard enough to draw blood and I gasped in both pleasure and pain. She sucked on the wound she had made but I could still feel blood running down my chin. I arched my back as I neared my climax.

"Does that feel good?" Kristin asked as she moved her fingers inside of me. I panted in answer, gritting my teeth and struggling yet again to pull my hands free. Because I had two different pairs of handcuffs, each hand was individually cuffed to a different part of the headboard. I was right handed and therefore stronger on that side. I wasn't expecting myself to break the metal chain attaching me to one of the bed posts, but I did.

Kristin jumped when my hand touched her face, her movements stopping. I used my new found freedom to my advantage and sat up as much as I could, kissing Kristin until she remembered what she had been doing and continued. My hand and wrist hurt, but I paid little attention to the pain because the pleasure was better.

When I was done Kristin kissed my lips sweetly, making me want to do for her what she'd done for me. "You hurt yourself." she whispered, kissing me again.

"I'll be okay." I mumbled in-between breaths.

"You're bleeding from both of your wrists." Kristin sounded like this worried her a little bit.

"It'll stop soon enough.." I stated, looking at my right hand and wrist to find that all of the pulling and twisting against the metal had cut them up pretty badly. Before I could do it myself, Kristin took my hand from me and kissed away the blood and closed the wound.

"I gotta get the keys." she reached over to the bed side table and grabbed them. She unlocked and removed both sets of cuffs, and then untied my feet. I immediately sat up all the way and stretched, trying not to let my blood drip onto the bed.

Kristin took both of my hands in her own when I was done with my stretch and looked at the damage I'd caused. "All of that just so you could touch me?"

I nodded, "When I get that way I'll do almost anything."

"Including let someone break your ribs?" Kristin brought my left wrist up to her mouth this time, closing my lacerations with a quick swipe of her tongue. She picked up on things quickly.

"I didn't let him. He came into the room with a bat and when I tried to get away he slugged me with it." I explained.

"How many ribs did he break?"

"These three." I pulled my shirt up and leaned over so that she could see the ones I was pointing to.

Kristin touched the ribs the man had broken only two weeks earlier. "They're okay now?"

"They feel like they did before they got broken." I said, dropping my shirt back down. I zipped and buttoned my pants, trying to figure out what had made Kristin change her mind about having sex with me today. "So, what made you do that?"

"You gave me what I wanted, so I gave you what you wanted." I couldn't figure out if she sounded sad or not.

"You didn't have to." I told her. It was shocking to know that I could have made it through the day with just the kiss.

"But.. Isn't that what you wanted me to do?" she didn't understand.

"I'm always going to want that from you because that's just how I am. But what I really wanted you to do was just kiss me again because I realized I could deal with it. And that I like it when you kiss me like that." I didn't recognize myself and it was a good thing.

Kristin was smiling in a way that made the flames in her eyes seem brighter. "Do you think I could do that without restraining you first?"

"I think that if maybe you could tell me beforehand somehow I'd be more prepared and less likely to go nuts." I said, "But I don't care if I have to have a straitjacket as long as you still kiss me."

"Can I kiss you now?" she hadn't stopped smiling yet, which I took to be a good sign.

"If you want to." I barely managed to complete the short sentence before she was caressing my lips with her own. Amazingly enough, I had no sudden urge to strip her naked and do things to her. All I wanted was for her to do what she was doing until she didn't want to anymore. After that, well, I didn't know.

One way or another, we ended up very tangled in each other's embrace, making out. I had never made out with someone before that I didn't have sex with afterwards or during. This was new ground for me and I wanted to explore it. I knew I could kiss her without raping her, but would I be able to deal with all the touching and heavy breathing?

When I felt Kristin's hands caress my body, even over my clothes, I knew it wasn't going to work. "Kris.." I panted, gripping the comforter underneath me in my hands. She must not have heard me because she continued to touch and feel of me while kissing my neck.

Damn it.

I was losing control of myself and I knew that it wouldn't take much more at all to send me back into the state of mind I'd been in just moments ago. I pulled away from her kisses, "Kristin- I'm about to lose it." I said between panting breaths.

"Lose it." she said, kissing my throat. She allowed her newly formed fangs graze my flesh, nearly bringing blood.