Its Eyes Are for the Stars Ch. 03

This wasn't her. No, she wasn't the most confident or strongest person, but she had never needed to depend on another person to keep her life in order. She had survived the death of her parents on her own, and she would survive this.

It had gotten to be too much for her, though She had tried being strong, hoping that her mate would just snap out of it. He had held her last night and she held in tears the entire night. It had been so forced, his body refusing to mold into hers the way she was used to.

He had only held her because they had fought and she had threatened to do just what she was doing in this moment. As she looked around the room for her other black ballet flat, she thought back to their argument. She had raised her voice, something she never did, and his responses had been flat, passionless, but the hurt they left behind was as real as if he had yelled at her.

"You're sad. I understand. I've lost people that were my world before, Alex! I've been orphaned twice and never once did I push away the people close to me."

"That's because you never had anyone close to you, Santana."

His words had cut deep and felt like a sharp slap to her shocked face.

"I'm here for you! I'm yours! Only yours! And you're just throwing it away. You're not even trying. She was your sister but I," she paused and pointed to herself, " am your soul mate!" she had screamed, her words finally cracking the mask of indifference he wore for her. She found herself with her back pressed against the wall, him mere centimeters from her face with his fangs barred.

"You don't know how I feel, Santana. Never claim to know how I feel! You feel like you're the victim in this, as if you warrant no blame, but her blood is on your hands, just like your father's."

The feeling those words induced had been all she could take, she was done. She had quietly told him that she was leaving then, the words tearing apart her insides. Her heart ached, her soul shattered, and her wolf cried.

She didn't bother packing a bag. She had everything she needed in the apartment she still paid rent for. In that moment, she was glad that she hadn't listened to Alex about ending her lease. She looked around their shared bedroom and simply shrugged her shoulders as she mentally closed off her side of their bond. She had faith that he'd get it together, but she couldn't bear to wait around until he did. Her soul couldn't take his rejection much longer.

Dropping her car keys into her purse and yanking up her backpack, she headed out of the apartment, nearly colliding with Ash, one of Alex's older brothers. He corrected her balance swiftly with a hand on her shoulder and smiled down at her. Though she felt like there was a long storm brewing within her, she couldn't help but smile back at the man.

"Going somewhere, doll face?" the accusations were so intense within his gaze. She frowned, and opened her mouth to respond with a lie but closed it and stared at him imploringly. "I understand. He can't keep this up much longer. The fact that it's lasted this long is pretty strange. His soul won't allow him to deny you much longer."

She nodded and grinned. "I'll text you my address. We'll have a wine and movie night," was all she said as she walked away with a smile. After five years, she had a family again. She wasn't going to give them up.

The drive went by quickly with little traffic. She laughed a little to herself as she thought about living so close to Alex for years and never knowing.

Her apartment seemed so musty and dust ridden as she opened her door, and it aggravated her heightened senses. She moved quickly through the apartment, opening windows to let in fresh air and turning on the ceiling fans. She hadn't been back to her apartment in what felt like years, but it had only been a few months. She sat on the couch and took a deep breath. It was nice to be away from the suffocating feeling Alex's lack of love gave her, and she finally felt as if she could breathe again.

A knock on the door startled her from her thoughts and she turned, looking at the door as if it had offended her in some way. For a brief moment, her heart raced as she thought it might be Alex, but that thought quickly faded. She would have sensed him.

She stood slowly and moved towards the door. She never had visitors before. When she looked through the peephole, she saw a woman standing there, her features hidden by a curtain of thick, light brown hair. She didn't recognize her.

"Who is it?" she called out, her hand on the door knob. There was no fear in the situation; she had little reason to be afraid, but cautiousness was always needed when living in a city like Washington DC.

"Adhira. I'm your new neighbor. I've never noticed anyone to be home before, so I figured I'd say hello," the mystery woman replied, a slight accent accompanying her words.

Strange, Santana thought to herself as she unlocked the door and peered out at the woman. The woman lifted her head, stunning Santana with her eyes. One was deep blue, while the other was a hunter green. Heterochromia Iridium, she thought to herself with a satisfied smirk for remembering the science term. They were set in a café au lait-colored face, surrounded by light brown hair that cascaded to the girl's waist. Her nose was pert and slightly pointy, while her mouth was sinfully pouty. Santana had never seen someone who looked like this woman.

The clearing of a throat alerted Santana to her rudeness. Having the good graces to blush, Santana extended her hand to the stranger, who took it without hesitation. "Hi Adhira, I'm Santana. " The two women smiled at each other. Something about the girl instantly put Santana at ease.

"I apologize for my randomness. It's just that when I signed the lease for the place, I was told that there were tons of students who lived here and there was a friendly, social atmosphere blah, blah, blah, and when I move in a month ago, I quickly realized that there's mostly families and boring 20-something techno zombies living here. Needless to say, this is has been much more boring than the zombie apocalypse I've been preparing myself for." Her quirkiness made Santana laugh. "So, when I saw you, I may have gotten a little too excited." It was Adhira who blushed now.

"No worries. I get it," Santana replied, smiling at the girl. "I should apologize too, for staring at you. You're just very pretty," Santana said with a smile, admiring her new neighbor once more.

"I'm pretty? Girl, have you seen yourself? If my excitement at seeing a young person with a backpack hadn't been so high, intimidation would have won out, for sure."

Santana laughed a little before stepping back from the door. "You wanna come in?" she asked. She knew that being alone too long would cause her to ache for her mate, and wasn't above using her new neighbor as a distraction. Plus, the short time spent in the girl's presence had made the very solemn Santana feel slightly better.

***

Alex sat in his office chair, staring out the window. He had been on the phone, contacting an overseas boarding school when he'd felt it. The coldness that overtook him as his mate closed her bond. It was as if ice wrapped itself around his heart and continued to spread throughout his body, leaving everything in its wake cold and brittle. Is this what she had felt like each time he selfishly closed their connection?

It felt as if the ice had reached his lungs, and he suddenly couldn't breathe. He clenched his chest, each breath a struggle. How had she survived this over and over again? In that moment, he realized just how strong his beautiful mate was.

The pain and chill slowly crept from his body. He had abandoned his phone call as he sat back in his desk chair, gasping for precious air. She was gone. He knew that if he went back to their apartment, she'd no longer be there.

A part of him ached, but the stubborn, hurt part of him won out. Maybe her leaving was for the best. He'd stop breaking her heart over and over again. He'd stop being accosted by the guilt her lovely face brought on. Yes, this was for the best. At least for now.

No matter how dumb he was being now, he wasn't stupid enough to believe that he could break their bond. He was just broken right now, so broken. The bond he shared with his mate was being shaded by his guilt and sadness, and he refused to be anything but whole for her when she came back or when he went and got her; either was inevitable.

Time. He just needed time.

***

Zach rushed across the grassy courtyard, regulating his speed as not to draw attention. He was late for class, so late. His Anna had tempted him into a lengthy morning session which had left both of them well satisfied and exhausted. The two had fallen back asleep molded into and tangled with one another, both with contented expressions on their faces.

He couldn't help but smile to himself as he raced to his lecture. His backpack bumped against him with each step, hurling the ridiculously heavy textbook into his spine. Still, that wasn't enough to wipe the smile from his face, nor was the promise of a disapproving look from his econ professor.

His pumping arms managed to wave at a girl in one of his classes as he passed her. She stared at him appreciatively. It was obvious that she wanted him by the predatory way she watched him, but he only had eyes for one woman.

Thinking about her always caused a clash of conflicting feelings within him. There was love and affection warring with guilt and impending consequences. He was caught up in his feelings and thoughts now, no longer aware of his surroundings. Tunnel vision and auto pilot drove him to his destination while she and their situation clouded his usually sharp mind.

It was as if the impact was felt before his other senses kicked in. Pain followed by realization that he was no longer on grass but pavement and then the sound of a blaring horn reached his ears. It was all so out of order.

He stumbled, once, twice then hit the ground. It hurt but it was nothing that he couldn't handle, nothing a nap couldn't fix. He turned his head to the side, feeling the gravel scrape along his scalp. He saw it then, a little red Volkswagen Bug with a dented front bumper. A chuckle was his immediate response. That tiny car had probably sustained more damage than he had.

Going to sit up, he paused at the tiny hand on his shoulder. "Don't move. Help is on the way, I'm so sorry. You came out of nowhere..." He could tell by the low mumbling that she was still speaking but the wind had shifted a little and everything else no longer mattered. He couldn't help but inhale deeply. He stilled then, afraid to turn his head in the direction of that voice. It washed over him... the warmth. It was the sort of feeling one got in the beginning of spring, when the chill left the air and a coat was no longer required. It was hope and excitement, readiness for new life and new beginnings, and he didn't want it.

"No. No. No. No," repeated over and over in his head. Not now. He had someone. He had his Anna. He didn't want this. He didn't want this.

Without looking in her direction, he shook her hand off of his body. He didn't want her touch. But you need it, he heard in his head as his soul reveled in this turn of events.

So warm. He was so warm inside. Clenching his fist, his closed his eyes tight and gritted his teeth against the invasive feelings. Something within him clawed and fought at him, begging him to look to his right. Pleading with him to look into the eyes that he knew would be the color of whiskey.

"Sir?" the voice whispered on a sob breaking through the cloud of want, lust, and need that now surrounded him. "I'm so sorry. So, so sorry. Help is on the way." He didn't move, just concentrated on breathing through his mouth and keeping his eyes closed. He could fight this. He was strong enough to fight this.

He desperately wanted to flee but knew it wasn't an option. He had to keep up appearances for a little bit longer. He had to pretend to be a human who was just hit by a car.

Breathing through his mouth wasn't helping. It was like he could taste her. The flavor sticking to his tongue was like nothing he had ever sampled. She smelled like fresh air, a light breeze, and wet grass with a hint of something floral... something like dandelions... she tasted and smelled like spring.

The internal battle blazing through him caused a sweat to break out over his tanned skin. Physically, he moved to the left when everything inside of him fought to move closer to the sobbing stranger beside him. Her distress caused his resolve to crack a small fraction and he stilled his efforts to move away.

He hadn't even looked at her and already she affected him like no one ever had. Instinctively, he knew that rebelling against his need of this stranger was disastrous. Everything in him screamed that this was wrong, that he couldn't walk away from this. Look at her, his soul begged.

And then he thought of her, Anna, and how he was about to shatter her world once more. She was all that kept him from turning his head at this point and looking into the eyes of the one person who sang the same song he did.

Sirens broke through his reverie. Fuck! His mind screamed. He couldn't let them take him to the hospital, one x-ray, one blood test was all it'd take and they'd know he wasn't fully human.

A gasp escaped the girl as he stood abruptly. He knew he had frightened her, and that knowledge made him ache but he had to leave before the ambulance arrived. He took off, forgetting the lecture he had been late for.

The backpack bumping into his back with each move felt heavier and heavier as he moved. Each step became more and more difficult to make and his breathing was labored. Every cell in his body fought against him, longing to be back with the whiskey-eyed stranger, but he refused, only letting himself turn back and look when he was at a distance where she was nothing but indistinct features.

The knowledge that he couldn't fight the call for long pounded itself into his brain, the one part of him refusing to give in. He knew that. He knew he'd never escape fate but he needed time, just a little time to figure out how he was going to break his Anna's heart.

***