Lynn and Leif Forevermore Ch. 24

***

Lynne was numb after Leif left. Numb and dumbfounded. She never expected him to really leave like that. She hadn't meant to down play the seriousness in their relationship at all. She would never have done this if any other person had asked. But it was her parents, for crying out loud, and they couldn't even bear the thought of her swearing.

They were really wrapped up in the religion. Mainly because when her parents were young, their marriage was saved by the young couple who knocked on their door. Her father had been an alcoholic, and he gave up drinking. He stopped slapping her mother around. He cleaned his life up, and went on to have his own taxi's and then a fleet of taxi's. And because of the clean living the religion emphasized, the Millers attributed all their success to this religious movement. They quickly molded and patterned themselves after the church leaders. Rose high up in the ranks of the church And they now believed that a happy life could not exist outside of the church. Furthermore, they also believed that Lynne needed to marry in that church or she'd be mistreated.

They didn't mean to be foolish and misguided. They were pretty clueless to the fact that there were evils inside, and outside of the church. They were both clueless and caught up in appearances.

Leif wasn't a part of that church, but he was the kindest and gentlest man Lynne knew. He only shouted and got really mad when his patience was really tried, like this evening. And he never would put his hands on her. Not in a way she didn't want him to. He wouldn't hurt a fly.

But Leif didn't really understand what excommunication meant. There had been no clear way to explain it to him, but if they believed she was in a serious relationship, having sex with Leif, they'd tell the church elders. When they told the church elders, her parents would be instructed to stop communicating with her. And that was it. It would be as though she was dead to them. Literally.

Last year, Lynne knew that the life of the church was no longer for her. But that didn't stop her from wanting to communicate with her parents. So even though moving out meant she didn't have to pretend as much as she did at home, faking like she didn't swear, or drink, or smoke pot, or wasn't having lousy sex with Martin (while they were still dating when she lived at home)- Lynne still wasn't wiling to throw the fact that she'd disregarded their principles in her face, once she moved out the house.

Leif didn't understand that, because he had a perfect little life with parents who sounded like the hippie equivalent of the Brady Bunch. On the other hand, Lynne's parents had told her in no uncertain terms when she still lived at home, that they wouldn't have a slut for a daughter. And those were the exact words that they'd used.

And now, she'd lost them both. Her parents, and Leif. And she'd never felt so alone before. She went back to the bedroom, smelled the sheets were they'd lain just this morning. He'd pulled down her panties and ate her to ecstasy. Didn't care that she didn't have a shower, said he liked the flavor and smell when she was a little bit ripe before her shower.

That man loved her. The way she loved him and his sexy blue eyes and the way his arms were so big and strong, even though he was slender, and felt like he could shield her from any care and concern around her. How could he leave her like this? She smelled her own pussy, and his aftershave, and his dreadlock grooming products on her sheets.

She buried her face in the sheets and the tears flowed until she felt sick, and fell into an unsatisfying sleep.

***

Leif was not sleeping at all. He missed the physical presence of Lynne. But he was still furious at her. How could she say that they were not serious? Granted he hadn't let her know that he was thinking about ring shopping, but women didn't need to know everything...when a man was thinking about something like that. Besides, he wanted to save money so that he'd had enough to buy her a decent ring that didn't look like a speck. Right now specks were all he could afford. Now he saw that he was crazy for asking a woman to marry him, two months into knowing her. He thought he'd learned almost everything about Lynne, but when her crazy assed family reared their heads, she ran scurrying away for safety like a little cockroach when the lights were turned on!

He hated dishonesty! That was the one and only thing that turned him off. He'd never led any woman he'd slept with, except for Lynne to believe that he wanted something serious. That was because he was really serious about Lynne. And, it was just his luck that the woman he wanted to be serious with more than anyone else in the world did not feel the same seriousness for him.

She could say all she wanted to that it was just some lie she told her religious fanatic parents, and it might be, but he still did not like being discarded as so much gum on her shoe because it was not convenient to own up to him, because she was afraid of the ramifications of her parents church. It was not even Lynne's church anymore.

Since she didn't think they were serious, he would show her what a casual relationship felt like. Oh yes, he would. Lynne would learn, one way or another, he'd been treating her with the care, and concern, and love that you would treat a wife with, even though she wasn't even his wife yet. He'd given her honorary wife status. All to be tossed away without so much of a thought because she was scared of her parents.

He missed her, but in some ways, he was glad that he'd told her the shit was over. Because she needed to grow up. Maybe some time apart would mature her.

But lying in the bed right now, he couldn't even sleep. He missed the feeling of her soft hair resting in his chest. The sound of her breathing. Even the sound of her laughter when he teased her, by putting his cold feet on her own feet right before they went to sleep. Then she'd get him with her cold little hands. Wrestling her in the bed playfully. Pinning her down and having his way with her and his loving lips. Feeling her learn the fine art of dick sucking while she slurped him to ecstasy.

It was dark. And no one would know. And so he wept. Silently. Hot, salty, silent tears.

***

Lynne awoke as soon as the first shards of light appeared through her mini blinds. She hadn't slept well, but she could still smell him on those sheets. Him, and their sweet sexual foreplay. She ached. She couldn't help that she missed him.

She texted him.

I'm sorry.

His reply. I'm sorry that it didn't work out too.

Shit. She almost hurled the phone. She wouldn't give up that easily. She loved this man, and wanted him to see, that was just a crazy mistake and turn of events, where she bent the truth a little to protect the innocent. No need for him to see this as anything different than when she pretended she didn't drink, or smoke, or when she hid her involvement in singing in the nightclubs when she was in high school, and college.

But, she was also determined not to lose that man. It wasn't over between them. He was just speaking out of anger, and she needed to smooth it over with him. She got busy in the kitchen, working on those blueberry muffins that he loved so much.

***

Leif hadn't expected a knock on his door in the middle of the afternoon. But, when he peeped through the keyhole, he saw her standing there. She looked cute as hell, wearing a little peasant skirt, and a black, furry looking cashmere sweater. Her hair was silky and flat ironed and she wore this pink lip-gloss that made her full lips look even sexier. And those exotically shaped doe eyes. Damn. This would be harder than he thought.

He started not to answer the door. She had such an effect on him that he thought when he saw her, and heard her little voice, she'd be climbing in his arms soon and he'd be forgiving her before he so much as gave her the opportunity to appreciate how bad she'd hurt his feelings.

So he tried with all his courage to muster up some meanness. He had to look away from the keyhole, because she looked as sweet, innocent, and fuckable as ever. But she was also a clueless moron when it came to his feelings. She was immature, childish, just learning about love, and had no idea that it was not just a feeling she could display when it was convenient.

"What the hell do you want?" he asked opening the door.

After he said it, he immediately wanted to take it back. Shit, she looked crushed. He hated to be mean on the one hand, but on the other hand, he wanted to hurt her by being callous with her feelings, the same way he felt she was callous to his heart. Not serious? Then what the hell was she doing at his doorstep, wanting to make up so quickly?

"Look Leif, I'm sorry. I brought you some muffins. I thought we could have breakfast together and talk," said Lynne.

"You look a little hot to just be wanting to come over and have breakfast. Real hot. But you know what, breakfast, baking a man muffins, coming over early in the morning, that sounds like something that a woman does for a man when she's serious," said Leif, eyeing the picnic basket.

And he snatched the basket from her surprised fingers.

"Oh Leif, there you go again, I mean, are you ever going to forgive me for that, I mean, I told you I didn't mean it," said Lynne.

"Oh, I think you did, because you're scared of what Mommy and Daddy think. It's a hell of a lot more important than what your man thinks. I'm going to show you what a not serious man does with a damn muffin," said Leif.

He snatched open the basket. The muffin's did smell very tasty but he wanted to teach her a lesson.

He took one of the muffins from the basket. He stuffed it in his mouth as far as he could, then bit the top off.

With his cheeks pushed out, he chewed the muffin. He had to concentrate hard to chew it, swallow it, and not choke. And it was delicious. But what he relished in doing was dropping the half eaten, spit laden muffin right back next to the other pristine eleven muffins.

"Yeah. Now you see. That's what a casual man does to his muffins. And, that's what he does to his woman. He doesn't spend hour kissing and licking her between her legs. Remember that. Have a good morning," he added closing the door.

"Leif, you're being childish!" she shouted from behind the slammed door.

"You're one to talk. Remember it's not serious!" shouted Leif.

"Asshole," said Lynne.

He heard silence. Then twenty seconds later he heard something extremely hard hit his door, and then there was the sound of dock martin boots walking down a flight of stairs.

When he didn't hear the footsteps anymore, he opened the door.

Feisty little thing had thrown the entire basket of muffins at the door. Most of them had fallen in front of his apartment door and left a big mess.

But there were a few that were salvageable. Damn he'd missed her cooking this morning. He ate the two muffins that were still salvageable and guzzled them down with milk.

Then he dreamed of fucking her as he showered. Not raping her, not hurting her, he'd never do that, he just dreamed fucking her until she said, she was sorry, she'd behave if he just kept making her come. He felt a lurid sense of satisfaction seep down the drain, as he expelled his semen. He loved her so much he hadn't wanted to make love to her until she was ready. He'd loved her sweet little body so much. Oh how he wish he'd made love to that sweet little creature just once, before it was over.

***

After the muffin incident, Lynne really knew it was serious. He was mad at her. He'd acted like a stupid assed jerk with that muffin. She didn't even know he was capable of being such a douche bag. But she'd hurt him. She decided to give him a few days to cool his head.

After a few days had passed she texted him and asked him, if he would meet her for a picnic in the park, just to chat, because she missed him.

Sure, was his text reply.

And her heart felt light. And relieved. She'd been thinking of him day and night since their breakup. And she hadn't washed those sheets since he'd left a few days ago. They were starting to itch her, but she couldn't wash them. It was the only sign left that he'd been there, besides his extra things, which he still hadn't retrieved, and had left at her house, a few items of clothing and such. Every night, she cried and tried to masturbate, but it didn't satisfy her. The orgasms, the pleasure was empty, it wasn't soul quenching like the orgasms she had with Leif. It just made her lonely, and end up crying herself to sleep.

Now, she'd get a chance to tell him, how much she missed him. She'd packed a picnic basket full of tasty treats. Chicken salad on whole grained bread, a thermos of tomato soup, and his favorite sugar cookies, that reminded him of her complexion. She ached when she thought of the things he did to her. He loved her so much he licked her ass all the time. Didn't think anything of it. It felt so good and nasty, made her tingle everywhere between her legs. Or the way he rubbed her feet, and sucked her toes.

And she missed the little things. Helping him wash his dreads. Teaching him to site read music. Working with him on cleaning up the studio, and building up his self-confidence as he tracked himself. He'd actually sing with her loving support! She wondered if he'd stopped doing that.

He even turned around sometimes when he played to the audience. She wondered if he stopped that too. She hoped not. He was a beautiful man. Her man. She got sick at the thought of those girls fawning over him, and now she could no longer lay claim to him.

But at least this picnic would give her a chance to express her feelings. It was a bit cold to be having a picnic, but they always were up for doing crazy things as a couple, silly things in the freezing cold, then giggling and snuggling and he'd take her for hot chocolates. But, she guessed that they weren't a couple anymore. She could only hope the picnic would change his mind. She even brought a bottle of wine, hoping that the alcohol would add a little levity.

***

He couldn't show up to the picnic. He was all dressed and ready to go. But he knew that he was weak for that sweet little Lynne. If he sat on a picnic blanket with her, comfy, and cozy, it would just be a matter of time before she'd actually settled down and convinced him that he was making a big deal out of nothing, and he should just forgive her.

Like he forgave her shyness initially. Like he forgave her for blowing him off after she had her first orgasm with another person, because she was scared. He was sick of all the crybaby childish shit. He loved Lynne. He would have coddled and babied and pampered her for the rest of their days if she needed it, but that was before she told her parents that they weren't really serious.

The protection and the spoiling, that was for a serious woman. If she told her parents that they weren't serious, he would show her how men treated women they were not serious about. And so he kept her waiting. The first five minutes, when he pictured her there, looking like a sad little girl, were some of the toughest. He started to text her and tell her he'd be right there.

But then, he decided against it. She needed to grow up. And he didn't know any other way to show her how.

***

The first five minutes, Lynne was not that surprised that Leif did not come strolling along, with perhaps some hot chocolate, or some other treat in his hand. After all, they were musicians, they had crazy schedules, and musicians were not exactly known for their punctuality. But it wasn't like Leif to be a whole half hour late.

She scanned her phone for a text message. When he was almost an hour late, she texted him, to ask where he was. His reply was that something came up, and he couldn't make it.

It wasn't like him to let her come to the park and waste all her time and not even show up. He never did that to her before. She felt like she'd been punched in the gut. She texted him back, that he could have at least let her know that his plans had changed, rather than for her to have to text him to find out that he wasn't coming.

His reply, was that courteous texts for changes of plans were reserved for serious girlfriends. Women who weren't serious shouldn't be surprised when a man doesn't text a change in plans.

He was turning into a jerk. And yet, even though she knew he wasn't coming, she sat in the park for another two hours. Until the rain started to come down. And, even after it started to rain that cold rain, she let it rain on her, because it soaked away some of her pain.

Before the food was completely ruined she texted Janelle, asking did she want some picnic food. She was right around the corner.

***

"I'm surprised you aren't with the Romeo Rasta," quipped Janelle when she opened the door.

Lynne couldn't help it. She looked crushed.

"What, what happened girl,"

Lynne was sobbing before she even opened the door.

"We're not together anymore!"

"Well why the hell not?"

"We had an awful dinner with my parents. They asked me was I serious about him. I think to try to see if I was fornicating with him or not. And I said no, we weren't that serious. I, I don't know what I was thinking. Leif took it kind of hard...but the whole dinner was just awful," said Lynne.

"Well why were you over there in the first place," said Janelle.

"Because he wanted to meet my parents. You know we were going to Cali to meet his family," said Lynne.

"I know. You messed up. What were you thinking, ya'll aren't serious? Anytime some white boy is taking some black woman home to meet his family your asses are serious about each other," said Janelle.

"I know. I know. I...I was scared. Scared of what they might think. And I'm afraid of being excommunicated. You know my church is strict," said Lynne.

"Ex-ma-who?" asked Janelle.

"You know I told you a little about how you can be punished for bad conduct? Well one of the punishments is that, no one, who is a member of that church can talk to you, until you have repented of your sins," said Lynne.

"What you mean...you mean like your own mother and father can't talk to you!" said Janelle.

"Yeah, like, like that. And now you see why...well I always used to just live a double life. It was easier that way. So telling mom and dad that shit, that didn't mean I wasn't serious about Leif. It meant I didn't want them to know, just like they don't know that I smoke weed, or drink, or swear," said Lynne.

"But, Leif is not some booze or a pack of cigarettes. You can't hide that fool under the bed. I think he just wanted to know your parents because you two are getting serious. Well like, what if you and Leif stopped sinning and get married. I mean, sinning in their eyes, does that change stuff? Can they talk to you again. You might have to keep him away until ya'll are married...I think that, well I think that boy would marry you if you told him what was going on," said Janelle.

"Marriage doesn't change it...well...somewhat. But you still have to repent. And go back to all the church revivals and shit. You have to be active in the church again for forgiveness. And I am not. And I don't want to be. It's...it's tough out there. That's for certain sins. Others get overlooked. And of course, it depends on who turns you in, if anyone knows what you are doing. My parents, and Martin's parents turned a blind eye to what we were doing. Because everyone loved us and we were good little church kids. Other people are not always so lucky. And I'm not lucky this time. Ain't that some hypocrisy," said Lynne.

"Damn. I had no idea. You...you had it pretty tough. But Leif doesn't know. I'm sure if you'll explain it to him, he'll understand. That boy loves you. Sometimes I can't even stand to see the two of you together. He looks almost afflicted with his love, and so do you. Just downright sick, the two of you together. So cutesy, you make everyone barf. Touchy feely, cuddly, cutsey wootsy. Just disgusting. Damn. Don't cry girl," said Janelle.