A Letter to His Wife

Ladies, I recently wrote a story called What Every Man Wants…and posted it on a website, just sort of for fun, and because I think it is so long overdue. I’ve thought about it for years, I am so tired of male bashing, and I so like men. They are such good creatures if you’d only just realize it. This may come as a surprise to some of you women out there, but men are people too, they really are, there are good ones, and not so good ones, and a few who could use some serious remodeling, but all in all, they are just humans with real feelings and real hearts, and a lot of men have really generous spirits, they do, and they don’t deserve being treated like they often are. Really, I wrote it for some of the men in my life, guys I’ve worked with, some may be your husbands even, and guys I know. Good men, not bad men…hardworking, these guys so try, and we so mystify them, and ignore them and abuse them! They just want us to be happy and they just want to be happy too. This isn’t a sex manual or a how to manual it is really about caring about each other…the rest sort of falls into place when we do care and listen, so listen to this stuff, please? So I thought, what the hell, I’ll try my hand at writing this and see where it goes.

Well, in the first 24 hours it was on line, over 10,000 people read it, and some 350 men sent emails to me begging for advice and applauding my efforts and asking me to help more, and even saying, please, oh please let my wife read this! Oh thank you, if she would just realize I just want to be loved and to love her, and I’m sorry I forgot to take out the trash two months ago, I am. Some said, oh hey I’d give it to my wife, but she’ll get angry or she’ll twist it and turn it into something that’s my fault or she’ll be upset and think I’m dissatisfied with her and don’t love her, but I so wish she’d learn this, it’s so exactly right on! Women sent emails, even, saying you’re so right and I do forget and so many women don’t even realize this! Mostly they said thanks and please please do more.

See girls, guys don’t talk! They don’t! They go to work, they sit in front of the TV, they mow the yard, they grumble occasionally, but men literally don’t talk as much as we do, and they have men theories about stuff like women, things like “pick your battles” and don’t mess with PMS and giving in is easier than fighting and they sort of figure they have to put up with how squirrelly we are or we won’t put up with them! They have the muscles but we have the power to make their lives beautiful or not, and if we don’t do our part, they won’t do theirs, it’s as simple as that, they do not respond to negativity, no one does…and there’s a reason there are two, we do compliment each other, and we are meant to go through this life hand in hand.

Men won’t tell you this, actually, it’s almost beyond them to, and they’re scared of us, cause we scream and sob and rant and rave and accuse, which is a girl thing, and they really aren’t sure how to deal with it when we do that? Hey ever seen a bunch of guys shrieking and bawling, no! They don’t even know how, let alone why, so it’s totally unnerving to them when we do that stuff…and then they just sort of huddle in like turtles waiting for the enemy to go away. It’s a guy thing, guys aren’t allowed to whine per the guy handbook, page 37, chapter titled unmanly behavior, and so they don’t. They persevere, or in a worse case scenario, they get a mistress or cheat or some how try to cope with life in a marriage that doesn’t really seem to even need them or care what they need. Guys do that action thing, not words, and they like actions, they like Rambo and Fred Flintstone and they’d really rather you just showed them attention than sat and said, ok, so tell me your true inner feelings here…so hey? Just whip those clothes off and stand there when he comes in and say hi, he will catch on, trust me on this, and if he doesn’t? Well, you better start shopping for attorneys then, cause it’s too far gone.

I’ve read articles in every women’s magazine out there, from the louse reports to the how to tell what he is by the color of his socks, the commitaphobes and the labels that basically, are about every guy is a piece of junk and without a paycheck they’d be outlawed entirely, the can’t live with them and it’s illegal to shoot them articles, the ones about he done me wrong, and he done them all wrong, and the ones that just say all men are just naturally stinkers, and it’s just? It’s so wrong! It is, don’t learn about men from man haters, that’s like learning how to cook from a frat house! They aren’t going to tell you good things, they’re gonna try to get you to hate men like they do!

Well I think it’s about time some one let up on these guys, ladies, I work out there, it’s TOUGH, they put up with incredible pressures to bring home that check for you to spend? And all they ask is to be considered important in their own lives, not the most important, just be a serious consideration. Their wants, their egos, they deserve a little care and consideration, that’s all! They want to matter in your lives, just like we want to matter in theirs…so ladies first has always been the rule, so make them important in their own lives, in yours. What have you got to lose, or? Has he already left?

Men aren’t selfish, they really aren’t, what they are is quiet, introspective and unsure how to explain what they want any more than you are at times. And what they want is to be your man, your idol, your hero, and your friend. Sort of like that before you were married stuff, they want you to like them, and they want to be told they’re cool, and smart, when they are. They want you to be attracted to them, and oh, they all want to know you love them? They hate being yelled at and bitched at even if they do do something stupid, friends don’t nag each other? And what they’d like, if they hand you this, is to get closer to you, to fix the problems and to make your relationship stronger and more rewarding for you both, and I sort of ended up their spokesperson, cause I sort of speak their language. So will you please give him a chance and think about how he must feel when you sound off or ignore him or put him off, or tell him you’re too tired, or snarl at him or wound his pride, would you please?
Love is a gift we receive, and it’s a precious gift, and we need to both respect and care for it, because without it the world is a very colorless place. Love needs care and feeding, it needs sunlight and water, and good soil to grow and flourish in health, and all he is trying to say with this, is he isn’t flourishing and he wants to. You’d let the dog in if it scratched at the door wouldn’t you? Well treat the man in your life at least that well.

Well I wanted to get this on line, for the guys, I did…I got so many emails I couldn’t answer them all and most of them are answered in this, they are. I’ll write more, but if a man hands you this and this article, listen to what he’s trying to say, it’s not he’s complaining, it’s he asking, he’s saying help. Help us be better and happier, and help me stay with you. I want to, but I can’t be happy treated worse than the dog, I can’t…and I need you to listen and try and want to make this better. And I guess if it helps one of you, have a better relationship and a happier life, well, you’re welcome. Happy I could help.