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  • Awakenings Ch. 05

Awakenings Ch. 05

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This story is the fifth episode in a series entitled "Awakenings". If you have not read the previous four episodes of this series, I encourage you do so before beginning this chapter.

I remind you again that I write cuckold stories. While I try to make them loving cuckold stories, they do depict an alternative life style. If you're offended or upset by stories about sexual attitudes and behaviors that are different from your own, I strongly suggest that you find something else to read.

*****

The next morning I was up at 6:00. I was anxious to see if Ruth and Jeanne had responded to my email. Ruth and Jeanne were in the central time zone. I was in the Pacific zone. At home it was 8:00 AM. Ruth would just be getting to work.

The previous day I'd sent my email at 4:00 PM Pacific time. By then Ruth had probably already gone home for the day. This morning she would most likely tend to the firm's business before she'd read my email. She was a good employee. Jeanne was also dedicated to the law firm that employed her. She would certainly take care of her employer's business before she took the time to address her personal concerns.

Realizing that it was unlikely that I'd hear from Ruth before noon I took a shower, dressed and went out for breakfast. After breakfast I took a stroll through Lincoln Park.

By the time I got back to my motel room it was 12:30. I turned on my computer. There was an email from Ruth. Barely able to contain my excitement I opened it.

Michael

Jeanne called me few minutes ago. She just read your email. You made her very happy.

Michael she wants to talk to you. I think you should let her. This is a complicated situation. It's too complicated for emails, especially emails that I'm passing along to each of you. Right now you're trying to maintain some distance from Jeanne and I understand why, but if you talk to her this one time I believe that she'll respect your desire to be left alone and not badger you with additional telephone calls.

She's waiting to hear from me. If you refuse to talk to her she'll send me an email and I'll forward it to you. I hope you don't make her do that. I think you've both reached a point where you need to talk directly to each other.

Please let me know what you want to do.

Ruth

I sat back and considered Ruth's suggestion. I had to agree with her. Jeanne and I had reached a point where we needed to talk. Still, I was concerned. For my plan to work Jeanne and I had to maintain some distance. I missed her and I was quite certain that she missed me. It would be easy to slip into a routine of talking to each other every night.

And then it came to me. It was really quite simple. I typed an email to Ruth.

Ruth

You're right, Jeanne and I do need to talk. I've thought of a way we can do it and still preserve the distance I feel we need at this time. She can call my motel room phone.

When you talk to Jeanne suggest that she wait until she gets home to make the call. I suspect it will turn out to be a long call. She'll want to be comfortable and in a place where she won't be disturbed.

If Jeanne has plans after work today tell her that we can always talk tomorrow or any evening when she's free. If that does turn out to be the case, let me know so I won't be waiting for her call.

Please remind her that it doesn't matter how late she calls. It's two hours earlier here.

Once again thank you for acting as our intermediary.

Michael

I then added the name of the motel where I was staying, my room number and the motel's telephone number.

After sending the email I glanced at my wrist watch. It was just after 1:00. Needing to kill time, I went for another walk. It was 2:00 when I returned to my motel room. I immediately checked my email. There was a reply from Ruth. I anxiously opened it.

Michael

Thank you, when I read your email to Jeanne she actually screamed with delight. I hope she didn't disturb her bosses. Those attorneys she works for pay her very well, but they're an uptight bunch.

Jeanne will call you as soon as she gets home today. She thought it would be around 6:00. That would make it 4:00 on the west coast.

Michael, I believe you're doing the right thing. Try to listen to Jeanne and understand. I urged her to do the same thing.

Ruth

Now nervous with anticipation I stood up and began pacing around my motel room. It was going to happen. I was going to talk to Jeanne.

I had two hours to kill. The wait was going to be unbearable. I'd already taken two walks, I couldn't tolerate another one and I knew that a walk wouldn't be an adequate distraction. Reading and watching television wouldn't work either. I tried playing solitaire on my computer. I immediately lost interest in the game.

Finally, out of desperation I watched a Julia Ann movie on my computer. As I watched the movie I imagined that it was Jeanne and her latest date. While it did help pass the time it had an added benefit. I wanted Jeanne to know that I was trying hard to learn to accept and even enjoy her new lifestyle. Having a little sexual edge would help with that.

The movie featured Julia Ann and a man in his mid to late twenties. They were playing on a couch in a living room. As I watched Julia Ann suck her costars cock I imagined sitting in our den watching a baseball game while Jeanne was in the living room with her date sucking his cock. I had to admit that the image excited me.

At five minutes to four I turned off the movie. I didn't want to be distracted while I talked with Jeanne. After shutting my computer down I sat next to the telephone and waited.

Four o'clock arrived. In the central time zone it was six o'clock. The telephone didn't ring. I continued to wait. The time dragged by.

Fifteen minutes later Jeanne still hadn't called. I assumed that she'd been delayed by traffic. I continued to wait.

At 6:30 I stood up and started pacing the room. I kept telling myself that Jeanne had most likely been delayed by traffic or her job. Occasionally at the end of a workday one of the attorneys would need to have several documents prepared. When that happened Jeanne had to stay until everything was finished. Still the icy fingers of doubt and fear began to insinuate their way into my thoughts. Was it possible that Jeanne's latest date had called at the last minute and invited her to stop for an after work cocktail?

As I was considering the likelihood of that occurrence the telephone rang. It was 6:40. My fears and doubts vanished. Grinning, I answered the telephone.

"Hello."

"Michael?"

"Jeanne?"

"Yes, it's me."

"It's me too."

Jeanne giggled. "I guess we've figured out that it's us."

I laughed. "Yeah, we'll be stars at the old peoples home."

There was a moment of silence and then Jeanne said, "I hope we'll be there together."

"I do too Jeanne."

"Do you Michael? Even after all the stupid things I've done."

"Yes Jeanne, I do. I'm glad you called."

"Thank you for allowing me to call. I'm sorry I'm late. Carl Boyer needed a contract typed. It had to be done today."

"I thought that was probably what happened. Don't worry, I understand."

"Thank you."

"Would you like to talk?"

"Yes, very much."

There was a brief pause and then Jeanne said. "Michael, I'm so sorry about the way I handled all of this. I really was stupid."

"Jeanne during the course of our marriage we've both made mistakes."

"That's true, but you've never made a mistake of the magnitude of the one I just made."

"While I'll concede that it's been done and there's nothing we can do about it. I'm choosing to forget that it happened and try to move on."

"Are you coming home?"

"No Jeanne, I'm not."

"Why not? In your email it sounded like you were actually encouraging me to continue dating. You said that it was okay for me to entertain men in our house. You offered to give me money to turn Tricia's room into a play room."

"Yes that was exactly what I said and I am trying to accept what you're doing. I'm even trying to get to a point where I enjoy what you're doing, but I'm not there yet. I need more time."

"I see." The disappointment in Jeanne's voice was evident.

"Jeanne, I'm going to ask you to do something for me."

"Yes, of course; anything, anything at all."

"If we're eventually going to be able to work this out we have to be totally honest with each other. Can you do that?'

"Of course I can."

"You can't hold anything back."

"Michael, where are you going with this?" Suddenly there was a tone of wariness in Jeanne's voice.

"Promise me Jeanne."

"Why Michael? What are you going to ask me?"

"Anything and everything."

"Why? I thought you forgave me."

"I did. Now I'm trying to figure out a way for both of us to be happy."

"We can be happy Michael. I'll stop dating. I've gotten it out of my system. I don't need to do it anymore. As soon as you come home I'll show you how much I love you."

"It's not that easy Jeanne. When you started this you opened a box. Whether it's a Pandora's box filled with pain and recrimination or a gift box filled with joy and excitement remains to be seen. What I do know is now that you've opened the box we have to confront it."

"No Michael, it will be just like it used to be only better. I've learned to love sex. I promise I'll make you the happiest man in the world."

"I wish it was that easy, I really do; but it's not. Now it's a matter of trust. Every time you're late coming home from work, every time you go out with the girls, every time I have to go out of town for business I'll worry that you're meeting a man for sex."

"No Michael, you can trust me."

"Can I? Haven't you reveled in the freedom you've had during the past three months? You've dated a number of men and enjoyed them all. Won't that be hard to give up?"

"Michael, I..."

"No Jeanne, you don't have to tell me the answers. These questions are for you. Think about it, can I really trust you? That Saturday I caught you with Derek Fischer in our bed you told me that you weren't planning to have sex with him. You made the mistake of letting him kiss you and you melted."

Jeanne sighed.

I pressed. "Can you honestly promise me that it won't occur again? It might happen like this. You'll go out with the other secretaries in your building for a drink after work. You enjoy doing that. One of your old dates will be in the bar. It will be an accident. Neither of you knew the other one would be there. You liked him. You'll talk. You'll have an extra drink. You'll dance a couple of dances. After you're finished dancing you won't return to the table of secretaries, you'll go to a table of your own. After all he was a friend. You'll want to talk."

Jeanne didn't attempt to refute what I was saying, she just listened.

"He'll lead you to a secluded booth in a dark corner of the bar. When you sit down you'll sit on the same side of the booth. You'll cuddle up to him. You'll feel guilty, but he's a big man. His arms are so comfortable. You'll talk. You'll flirt. It will feel good to flirt again. He'll kiss you. You'll kiss him back. While you're kissing him he'll cup your breast. You'll know that you should stop him, but you won't want to stop him. Instead you'll let your hand brush across his erect penis."

"Please Micheal, don't."

"Jeanne I'm not trying to hurt you. I'm trying to explain." I paused. After a moment I asked; "Can you promise me that a situation like that will never occur?"

Jeanne whispered, "You know I can't"

"So every time you go out without me I'll have to worry."

"Michael what are we going to do? I love you. I want to be with you."

"I want to be with you too Jeanne."

"But you can't trust me."

"Trust is only an issue if I'm asking you to do things you can't do."

"I don't understand."

"Maybe we can find a way for us to be together that allows you to continue dating other men."

"Michael you're confusing me. In your email you suggested that you were maybe willing to accept my dating, but then you started talking about trust...Michael I'm so sorry I started all of this."

"I'm not."

"Michael, be serious."

"I mean it, I'm not sorry this happened. In fact I think it had to happen. You were ready for it to happen. You needed it to happen. Yes, I do wish you had included me in the process that led you to this, but you didn't and now that's history."

"I really am sorry about that."

"Don't worry, I understand. It was something that happened gradually for you."

"It was. It started when the girls began telling me about they're dates when they were in college."

"They were sexually active."

"Very."

"And you envied them."

"Not at first. At first I was shocked. I tried to talk to them, but my attempts to talk quickly degenerated into lectures. I spouted the same puritanical nonsense that had been drilled into me when I was a young girl. The lectures quickly turned into arguments. Gradually the arguments turned into debates and I started to lose the debates. Eventually we just talked and then the girls started to teach me."

"Why didn't you tell me about this?"

"The girls asked me not to."

"Why? I'm their father."

"That's exactly why. It's difficult for girls to talk about sex with their father."

"If you'd told me we might have been able to go through this together. We might not be where we are now. It's not good for a husband and wife to keep secrets from each other.

"I know."

"It's okay." I paused for a moment and then I said; "We keep getting sucked into talking about the past. We can't change the past. All we can do is try to influence what happens in the future."

"I need you to forgive me."

"You're already forgiven."

"You've forgiven me for being stupid, but you haven't forgiven me for being a prude."

"I don't understand."

"Michael for twenty-seven years I was a cold fish in bed. The few times I gave you a blow job I did it so grudgingly that it couldn't have been very much fun for you. I didn't enjoy sex. It had nothing to do with you. I've learned that you've always been a wonderful, caring lover. I was just too inhibited to enjoy what you were trying to do."

Jeanne paused. After a moment she said, "And now I'm eagerly doing things for men I barely know that I refused to do for you. You're the man I love. Michael I feel awful about that. And now you're gone so I can't even try to make it up to you."

"It's okay, I think I understand."

"You do?"

"Yes, a woman gave me a pretty good explanation about why that happens."

"A woman? Do I know her?"

"No I met her in a bar the night before that ill fated Saturday."

"You met her in a bar? Did you sleep with..." Jeanne stopped herself in mid sentence. "Listen to me. Isn't that the height of hypocrisy."

"It's okay, we're both getting used to a new life style and no I didn't sleep with her. Her name is Jennifer Rawlins. Would you like to hear what she told me?"

"Yes please."

I told Jeanne the details of my conversation with Jennifer Rawlins.

When I was finished Jeanne said, "That's a pretty good explanation. It clarifies something for me."

"What's that?"

"I'll tell you, but you have to promise you won't get mad."

"We have to be totally honest with each other Jeanne. That means that we also have to try to hear the truth without getting angry. I'll do my best."

"Okay, when I went out with Derek I was still too ashamed to reveal my new sexual desires to you, but with him it was easy. Until now I haven't been able to understand why. I didn't even really like Derek. He just happened to be in the right place at the right time."

"You're telling me that he was a convenient practice partner."

"That's exactly what he was."

"It's hard to free ourselves from the cultural restraints that were ingrained in us while we were growing up, isn't it."

"Yes Michael, it really is."

"Right now I'm struggling with that same demon."

"You are? How?"

"In our culture real men don't share their wives with other men."

Jeanne was silent. After a moment she said; "I'm sorry Michael. I never really thought about how this was affecting you. I assumed that your only problem was overcoming petty jealousy. There's a much bigger issue, isn't there."

"Yes Jeanne, there is."

"In it's own way it's every bit as inhibiting as the prudish restraints that are pounded into women as they grow up. How are you doing with it?"

"It's a struggle, but I'm working at it. I'm making some progress. We're having this conversation."

"Yes we are. You are making progress. I've always known that you're a very special man, but I'm just beginning to realize how special you really are."

There was more silence. Both of us realized that because this was a battle I was currently fighting, conversation about it would be tense and potentially volatile.

Artfully changing the subject Jeanne said; "Tell me more about the cocktail lounge where you met this Rawlins woman."

"Jeanne are you jealous?"

"Michael, I just..." Jeanne paused for a moment and then she said, "Yes, I suppose I am."

"As you mentioned earlier, that's a little hypocritical of you, isn't it."

"Yes Michael it is, but there's a difference for men and women."

"Go on."

"There aren't many men who would view me as marriage material."

"Why?"

"I'm too old for most younger men."

"What about all that MILF stuff?"

"Michael MILF means mothers I'd like to fuck, not mothers I'd like to marry."

"Okay, what about older men?"

"Older men, especially older men with money are looking for younger women."

"Trophy wives."

"That's right."

"I don't believe all older men are looking for trophy wives. There have to be some older men who are just looking for a good mate."

"There are; but those men aren't interested in me, at least not as a wife."

"Why?"

"Because I'm a slut."

"That's a harsh label."

"Thank you, but I don't agree. In fact I kind of like it. Define slut."

Understanding where Jeanne was going, I laughed and said; "It's a woman who freely enjoys sex with a variety of partners."

"Michael I'm sorry if this upsets you, but at this point in my life that's exactly what I want to be."

"That's the first time you've actually admitted that to me."

There was a moment of silence and then Jeanne said, "That may be the first time I've actually admitted it to myself. I've been trying to convince myself that this is just a brief adventure, but I know it's not. I'm sorry Michael, but I enjoy being a slut."

"I'm glad you're finally admitting it. Now we have to figure out a way for both of us to live with that reality. That's the heart of our problem."

"Yes it is. Michael, I'm so sorry. I wish..."

"Jeanne you don't need to apologize. It's your life. You get to decide what you want to do with it. I love you. If this is what you want then I'm going to encourage you to do it. When we're old I don't want you to feel like you missed something."

"But what about you Michael? This affects you too."

"Yes it does and I'll eventually have to make decisions about my own life. I do know that I would prefer to spend the rest of my life with you. Whether or not I can find a way to do that remains to be seen. Please believe me when I tell you that I intend to try very hard.

"Thank you Michael; please believe me, I want that every bit as much as you do."

"Okay, back to the question we were discussing. You're a slut, why does that make you less appealing as a wife?" As soon as I said it I understood.

Jeanne said, "Because..."

I said, "Excuse me, I don't mean to interrupt you; but I think I just got it."

"You've always been a bright man. Tell me what you're thinking."

"They're confronted by the same problem that's vexing me."

"That's right, they know I won't be faithful to them. They don't want to take on the baggage of a philandering wife."

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