Touch Me Ch. 01

Blue. That's how every looks right now. How everything feels. I suppose it's not fair of me. I suppose I should be a bit more supportive, but it's hard to. Tears sting my cheeks and I wrap my hand around my coffee mug, pressing my fingers into the scalding ceramic. I bite my lower lip to keep it from trembling. I'm a mess.

She rushes into the kitchen, her work shirt half buttoned. Her world seems like chaos to my sluggish wave hello. My eyes follow her with the hope of my heart and my mind scolds me harshly. A tooth brush dangles from her mouth, papers materialize into her hands. She's going to be late for a business meeting, no doubt my fault since we were up all night arguing.

≈≈≈≈≈≈≈

"Don't take it so personally, Zoey." She said to me, pulling on her pajama pants.

"I understand the concept. I really do, but what is it that you expect me to do for this length of time that you are doing your "soul searching?"

"We can still hang out and do things that couple's do."

"Right, everything but sex." I threw the covers off of me, needing to move.

"How can you be so selfish?" She took a step back and turned away from me.

"Selfish? Really? You want an entire year of celibacy. Because you want to soul search. You're not giving up meat or drinking or time with friends or anything else that normal people give up for soul searching. Alex. You're giving up intimacy with me."

A spark of triumph lit up inside me as she considered my comment. When she didn't say anything, I felt my stomach turn to stone and drop to my feet.

"Alex." I said desperately.

"Zoey." She responded calmly, her resolve built back up. "I wanted you to understand, but apparently you won't."

"No I do. I do understand." I frantically waded around in a pool of rationality searching for some ideal to grasp onto. "Just. What do you expect me to do. What should I do for an entire year. While we lay next to each other at night. How do I diffuse passionate moments. How do I not act on my desire. I am always going to want you." My mouth remained open but words stopped pouring out. The sentences, the things I wanted to say were still there, but they just stopped becoming audible.

"You could masturbate."

I felt nauseous. "What?"

"You could-"

"No. I heard you." Slowly I sank to the edge of the bed. "Really? We've been together for three years. In that time I haven't touched myself, except for during sex. I've saved all of me for you. I can't do that."

"Yes you can. And maybe this will be good for you."

"How is this good for either of us. It won't be the same. I know you need to soul search. I know we will still be together. Can't you..."

"I want a year." She spoke, answering my silent question.

"Is it something I did? Am I bad in bed now, has it gotten stale?"

"No, Zoey. We are not all sex you know. It has nothing to do with you. I've made up my mind. I really want your support but I can't force it out of you. I truly think this will be good for us."

"Will you still at least kiss me?"

"Yes." She crossed the room and placed her hands on my cheeks. Her lips pressed firm against mine. I felt like a computer booting up, slowly all of me started to come alive. I knew she felt the sparks too. 'So it starts tonight.'

≈≈≈≈≈≈≈

My mind decides I no longer am allowed to focus on last night. "Hey babe." My words come out as a question.

"Hey hon," she answers, she hugs me to her.

"You smell good," I say pushing my face into her shoulder, "did you shower?" Water drips from her hair onto her shirt I already know the answer.

"Yes." She responds in a isn't-that-obvious tone.

"How come you didn't take me with you."

"You were sleeping. I didn't want to wake you." My eyes narrow and she adds, "I also didn't want to tempt you."

"See! See, this is what I mean! You're already pulling away."

She removes herself from my lap. "No. Eventually we might be able to shower together again, but right now I want to make my intentions clear."

I withdraw into my coffee and let her finish getting ready for work. She gives me a quick kiss on the cheek before she leaves. I try hard not to resent it.

It's a Saturday, and work shouldn't even be a thing, but she had to go into the office to check in on a couple projects. That left me with several hours before I had to get ready for a dinner event with her.

'It's just sex.' I continuously repeat internally as I make my way back to the bedroom. 'There are other ways that we can be intimate and show love. "An entire year!" I breathe out, standing before the mirror.

I remove my robe and observe my naked body. My fingers run over the soft skin that smoothes over lightly toned abs. My eyes take in slender arms, curved hips, long shapely thighs and calves. I turn to the side and gaze at my breasts, perky but still too large to fit into most of the lingerie at adult stores. Lastly, I trail my fingers over the dip in the small of my back and continue along the curve of my ass.

For the most part I work hard to look nice for Alex. I was used to laying naked in bed and when she'd walk in, she'd see me and run her hands over my body. I'd remove her clothes, kiss her softly, tell her I wanted her and she'd lay me back and we would spend an entire afternoon ravishing each other.

Now she expected me to touch myself.

At the foot of our bed lay a chest. We'd spent the years accumulating different toys and such. What did all of this mean now. Just a box full of vibrators and strap ons? I lift a piece we bought a couple weeks ago. Velvety, intriguing, but once on moves like a power tool. I put it back with a sigh. The majority of lubes we have are flavored. Several massage candles are left unburned. Handcuffs, blindfolds, things for tickling, things for pinching. We were going to search each other's bodies for the things that made our soul.

Various magazines and books tucked away in the corners of the box peek up at me. We looked at those together too. Disappointed and slightly turned on, I shut the box. I grab my comb off the nightstand on my side of the bed and drag it through my tangle of strawberry blonde hair. I try really hard not to think of her, and of the things that we've done together. But they keep popping up. Images of Alex naked, a vibrator between her legs, her back arched, my head buried in her chest, begging her to come. Or the time we were at a baseball game way up in the nosebleeds, and she fingered me. I came loudly just as our team scored a home run.

My hand rests above my inner thigh. My breath is heavy and fast. I'm so conflicted, and so wet. Alex's suggestion echoes in my head and I fight the urge to comply. My body's already decided for me though. I'm too turned on. I inch myself up further on the bed and part my thighs. My clit throbs, but I'm hesitant to just rub one off. I prop myself up on one elbow and slide two fingers over my lips. I've grown so wet that it's begun to coat the outside of me.

After exploring my lower half, rubbing my inner thighs, tugging at my lips, tracing the opening of my womanhood, I slip my finger over my clit. My whole body shakes. I savor the feeling as each stroke shoots fire through my being. Every nerve is alert. I try to relax my muscles against the building tension. I lay back against the pillows and continue sliding my finger over my clit. Slowly I bring my other hand up to play with my breasts, squeezing hard and flicking at my nipples. My heavy breathing gives way to moaning and I work myself harder.

My hips roll and my legs start to tremble. Firm, steady strokes feel wonderfully sharp as I start to orgasm. I come hard, spasming. It feels so good and I lay there letting myself drift down.

I shower, dress, and sprawl myself out on the bed with my laptop in front of me. I check the usual: emails, social sites, news. Lastly I check job listings. Three months ago the surveying company I worked for went under, so now I'm looking for anything with a steady paycheck.

I scroll through various job listings, rejecting and considering different positions. I scan through the bullets of necessary skills and qualifications. 'Waitressing. I could do that.' Still I hit next button and continue to look around.

Just as I'm about to give up, the page refreshes and twelve new job listings appear. Five down from the top the words "new lesbian sex shop" catch my eye. Apprehensive, but giddy, I click the link. A little giggle escapes. I feel bad for the minuscule amount of consideration I'm giving to this opening.

[Violet Lace is a new adult store, specifically catering to the lesbian community. We are looking hire several part time staff. Our basic skills require that you have: exceptional customer service; able to work register, the ability to lift thirty-five pounds, reliable transportation. Other preferred skills and needs may develop throughout employment. Overtime may be required. Pay is 12/hr. If interested please print application from our site, attach a resume, and call to set up an interview appointment.]

I grab my cell phone, debating whether or not to make the call. A job is a job right? Several other job postings flash through my mind, bartending, bookkeeping, waitressing again. All of those much more innocent. Much more forgiving. Alex would never approve of this. It's not like she didn't enjoy occasionally hitting up a well reviewed sex shop for things to add to the bedroom, but me working in one might be pushing it. Especially after last night.

The phone rings in my hand, causing me to jump. I check the caller id, and any desire to screen disappears. "Hey Rach!"

"Hi Zo!" The bubbly voice on the other end replies.

"What's up?" I ask, pushing my laptop away and turning onto my back.

"Not much, was just wondering if you were still up for the bar tonight?"

"Oh!" I say smacking my hand to my forehead. "I totally forgot. I'm doing some dinner-thing with Alex. I can't make it."

"Oh." Her voice, still bubbly, was noticeably disappointed. "Well, would you be up for an outing right now?"

My eyes flicker over to the clock on the nightstand. "What did you have in mind?"

"I don't know, milkshakes or smoothies, gossip of course. The usual." I picture her sitting in her computer chair at home, feet tucked underneath her, spinning as she plays with a strand of hair.

"Sounds good. Meet you in thirty?"

"Yeah." I can hear the smile in her voice.

I slurp down a strawberry-banana smoothie and watch as she finishes a text. "So how is Daniel, anyways?" Daniel is her boyfriend of almost seven years. High school sweethearts kind of thing.

Her green eyes sweep over me. "He's good. How's Alex."

"She's good," I say with a sigh.

"Hah! That means things are most absolutely not good! What's up?"

I blow another puff of air out, running my fingers through my hair. "She's decided she wants to take a year of celibacy."

"Oh no!" Rachel's eyes widen before she giggles. "That't not good. Especially for you!"

I glare playfully at her, "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing. Just that you're Ms has-a-high-sex-drive. That's all."

I smile and drain another straw-full of smoothie. "I suppose. Still, this really sucks. I'm not sure what this means for us."

"I don't know. You guys aren't breaking up right?"

"No. No. Not that I know of. I mean she still wants to be a couple, but she doesn't want to have sex anymore."

"I see. Well then I see nothing to worry about, other than your suffering libido. Has she made any plans or shown any concern for you with that?"

I lean forward, speaking in a hurried whisper, "she said I could masturbate!" I back away, waiting for her to be shocked and just as disappointed.

"No, really?" She says unamused.

"Rach! Can you be on my side here?"

"I am." She defends. "Just. You know, on behalf of the rest of the world I say: Welcome to the club!"

"The rest of the world!" I throw her comment back at her.

"Yes. I'm sure that when you were single you used to touch yourself; and considering you two aren't discussing, or practicing, an open relationship for the time being in order to take care of your needs, you'll have to adapt and touch yourself like a normal human being."

"Normal? You are aware that years ago, and by some people today, it's considered wrong and completely immoral?"

"Yes. So say the people who are pioneering failed relationships. If you ask me, claiming that it's wrong to touch yourself is just making excuses geared towards justifying being unfaithful." She brushes a strand of reddish brown hair from her face and retreats into her smoothie, giving me time to formulate a response.

Words escape me and I stare blankly at her. It's strange how she can be completely on my side, yet defending Alex's right to this celibacy bull-crap. All I want is a little recognition on how difficult this is going to be for me.

After a while Rachel sighs. I smile at her and rack my brain for something to talk about. "I've been looking into different jobs." I say, finally.

"Oh?" She perks back up.

"Yeah." I play with the straw. "Yeah. I think I found something I'm interested in."

"That's great! What is it?"

"Well, there's this store. It's a lesbian run store."

"Wow that's so awesome? Where is it?"

"Not too far from the apartment. I could walk but I'll probably drive."

"That's nice. What kind of store? Clothing?"

I fight hard to keep from turning red. "Um. It's an adult store."

It takes her a moment, but soon her face blossoms with the realization. My face is as red as the strawberries in my smoothie. "Oh! No way! You're gonna work in a sex shop?" I can hear the excitement in her voice, but it does little to soothe my nerves.

"Y-yeah. I'm thinking about applying there."

"You should. That would be awesome. I'm totally getting discounts!"

"I don't know yet. And what do you mean, discounts? It's a lesbian sex shop."

She smirks, "puh-leaze! I can find as many uses for a strap on or vibrator as you."

"True. I just. I don't know. I don't feel like I'm adventurous enough to work in one."

She snorts with laughter. "You? Not adventurous enough to work in one? I've seen your toy box. I know you. You'd be perfect in one."

"Gee thanks." I say flatly.

"Hey, what do you want from me? You want to be cool enough to work in one? Or you want to be weird?"

"I don't know. I-I just need something. I want to work there," I say truthfully. "But I don't think Alex will let me."

"I'm sure Alex will be fine with it."

I retrace our conversation. "Hey, wait a minute. I'm plenty cool enough to work in one."

She smiles at me. "So do it then. Send in your application. This could be really good for you. You get to be surrounded by interesting things and people. It will help take your mind off of Alex while she takes care of herself."

'It could also make it so much worse.'

"Surrounded by sex. Aren't I just asking for trouble at that point?"

"I don't think so. I think you will be fine."

"Probably. I think I'm going to apply."

"Do it. You really should give this a shot."

"Right, but it's just an application. What if they don't hire me?"

"Oh my gosh, they will!" She says exasperatedly. "Come on, let's go."

"Where are we going?"

"Shopping." She says with a knowing look, and I can't help feeling like I've just gotten myself into something terrible.

She has me by the wrist and drags me through various levels of the mall until we are standing out front of a lingerie store. She pushes me in by the small of my back and at once several sales associates offer to measure my bust.

"No thanks," I say politely declining. I notice, almost enviously, that they don't offer to measure Rachel's smaller chest. "What are we here for?"

"For you."

"Kay, a little less cryptic Rach."

"A power bra. And a little something extra."

"What do you mean power bra?"

"You know. Sexy lingerie. That idea that you'll feel empowered if you're sporting something racy and lacy underneath." She holds my gaze as she picks up a black lace bra off of an end rack and pushes it into my arms. "Go try this on."

I turn on my heels and make my way to the dressing room. It's in the back of the store, and I try hard not to let my eyes wander, but there are so many cute items. I stop before a mannequin displaying a black and pink bra. It's soft and sexy. Alex would definitely want to tear this off of me. I grab my size and continue to the dressing room.

After several minutes of fidgeting with cloth and clasps I manage to get the lace one on. A knock on the door startles me. "Yes?"

"It's just me, hon. You doing ok in there?"

"Uh. Yeah I guess."

"Alright." A few moments pass in silence, so again it startles me when she speaks. "So here's where it gets adventurous."

A chill runs down my spine. "What do you mean, adventurous?"

"Start touching yourself!" She commands.

"What? In here? You're kidding, Rachel, I can't do that." I race to put my clothes on.

"Yes, you can. And I'm not letting you out of this dressing stall until you have an orgasm."

"No. That's not happening."

"Yes it is. If you don't want to be late for Alex's dinner thing."

I run a hand down my face. "So what, you're just going to stand there and listen."

"Uh-huh."

"Then hell no, I can't do that with you standing outside. Besides how will you know I actually had one?"

"Are you saying I need to come in there?"

"You better stay outside. Seriously though. You're my best friend. I can't do that kind of thing with you listening. It's weird."

"I'm helping you. It's what friends do."

"Apparently weird ones." I say somewhat annoyed.

"Zoey. Unzip your pants and start touching yourself now."

"Rach-"

"Now!"

"I'm not even turned on."

"You will be."

I roll my eyes and unzip my pants, pushing them down around my thighs. My shirt didn't make it back on, so in my opinion I look a little silly with my bra straps falling around my arms, my hands in my panties, and my jeans restricting my movements.

It takes a while of stroking and thinking of naughty things, but finally I start to become wet and my clit hardens against my fingertips. I've just let out a moan when the door of the next fitting room stall slams shut. I gasp, but keep going.

All of the traffic in and out of the back of the store makes me too self-conscious to keep going, but now I'm so turned on I'd be frustrated if I stopped. My fingers keep slipping over my wetness and I press my back hard into the cold wall. Something like Alex would do. Suddenly warmth radiates in this small space, and its like she's here. She bites the curve of my neck hard, then trails her tongue around the marks. Her hand slips over my breast and squeezes before flicking roughly at firm, pink nipples. I coat her hand with my juices as she slips a finger inside, then another. She feels so good.

"Fuck," I breath out as her fingers slide over my clit again, stroking fast. "Oh." I suck my bottom lip in, between my teeth. "Mm. Yes."

"Come on baby. I feel you getting close." She kisses me hard. "I want you to come."

I moan loudly. "Unh. Alex. Fuck me." She smirks into my shoulder and slams her fingers in again. "Alex."

"Come baby. I feel you getting tighter, I feel that sweet little clit throbbing against my palm. Come and I promise to eat your pussy until you scream tonight."

"OH, God, Alex. Yes. Please finger me harder." My knees give out and I can feel myself sinking to the ground. In a wonderful combination of hard and fast, my orgasm explodes and my chest heaves in and out as I try to catch my breath.

Slowly, the realization of where I am-and what I've just done-creeps back into my mind. I resist the urge to keep my eyes shut and huddle here for eternity. Several moments pass and I suppress the panic and redress myself. Intentional or not, the fitting area is silent. I softly unlock the door and crack it open. My eyes flicker around the small space outside the door before I peek my head out.